My boyfriend used to be a player. What does this mean?

[helpha]

A few months ago I put up a question about the guy I'm with who was a complete player, always running away when he felt something for me, but after about three weeks he came around and said he liked me too much and he had to make me his girlfriend. I still haven't had sex with him to this day (five months later) and he's 21, which could be rough on him, especially if he was a player. Do you think his intentions are right? he's very sweet with me, panics when I get upset, and does everything to make me happy. But I remembered how he used to be a player so is that a bad thing?

[1337DirtAlliance]

The only real way you can tell if is you have sex together and if he stays or not. I used to be a slutty player myself and dread being asked how many girls I been with question and have been dumped over answering it. So no not all ex players are players for life.

But I do know if any girl tried some bullsh*t where she stopped having sex with me just because she wanted to throw some little immature fit. I'd dump her. Because at the end of the day. I gave up being able to f*** anyone I want and settled into being only with you. So you have to see it from that angel too. Not everyone is loyal or honest these days tho.

[helpha]

well I'm not some immature bitch about it. I'm a virgin and that's special to me so I want to wait until I am ready and I trust him 100%. Also, he is tight on cash and can't see me very often so I don't want to get attached after having sex and trustin him, only to not see him as often as I'd prefer. So its not that I don't WANT to, I really want to, but I know our relationship isn't at that level of trust yet.. basically haha... Just saying.

[1337DirtAlliance]

You seem really superficial with that comment. In the real world were you don't live with your parents you often don't get to see each other because of conflicting work schedules or work and school. So you are taking that for granted. But life is a lesson and you will need to learn the hard way to understand. Virgibity doesn't mean anything unless you stay a virgin till marriage. Then it's special. But even then I want to test drive my car before I buy it.

[AdamThomas]

I think his intentions are right if he's stayed with you for five months without sex. That he wais a player doesn't mean he'll cheat in a relationship. There's no way I'd stay in a sexless relationship like that, and to be honest I think you're being manipulative and unfair.

[helpha]

It isn't because I''m torturing him or I don't want to. I want to do it, but I am a virgin so I am not ready to have sex yet and I think he gets that. He also can't see me much right now cause he's tight on money so I don't wanna have sex with a guy and get attached and trust him in that way, just to not see him very often.

[AdamThomas]

Ah, okay well then I take back that last comment, my fault for jumping to conclusions. Sorry about that

[Maya2312]

But how do you know he’s not getting sex elsewhere?

[Anonymous]

Why do you think he was a player? That doesn't sound like player behavior to me, and I think girls often call guys players when they really aren't

[helpha]

Well he's had sex with 20-something girls before and when I first met him he was very sketchy about some things, especially letting me in. And every time he felt something for me, he bolted. He'd ask me to be his girlfriend then run, and this went on for a few weeks before he finally stopped running and devoted himself to me and said he wants to date me really bad. He wanted to date me from when we very first met, but he was always weird and afraid of how he felt about me.

[ArabianPwincess197]

He slept aroundddidn'tcare aabout the women he dated. Probably dumped them after he slept with them

Yeah seems he likes you

[Anonymous]

I think you still need to be careful. Five months isn't really that long considering that you don't get to see each other as often as other couples do. So it will take you longer to get to their 3 month mark since you don't get to see each other as often. If he stays with you for six to eight months when you two are seeing each other very regularly during that period then I would think he was in it for the feelings he has for you.

[Mwellentin]

Yes. Sorry to say it, I think he will end up cheating. That behavior is very indicative of a cheater.

[helpha]

What behavior are you talking about? I very often ask him about that and he always says no way, I don't like any other girls, I want only you.

[Mwellentin]

Haha I think I misread your post. Player might mean different things to you and I. He just sounds shy. Has he brought up the sex issue?

[helpha]

At the beginning it was a huge problem for him. We argued about it and he wanted to have sex really badly, which only pushed me away further. He said that was just because he didn't like me as much before, but now because he really cares about me, he doesn't want to let the sex thing get between us and he doesn't care how long he has to wait at all. And well I thought he was a player if he's used a lot of girls and f***ed lots of girls... so I'm afraid he will get bored and cheat or something.

[Mwellentin]

That's the behavior I was talking about...

I honestly wouldn't be surprised if he's cheated already. You seem like a sweet girl, find someone who gives you all the respect you deserve.

[helpha]

What behavior indicates cheating though?

[Mwellentin]

The fighting about sex. It's a conquest for him. Once he gets it, the dude is gone. This just seems volatile in general. I'd hate to see you get hurt.