The Different Types Of Cheaters (A Parody)

Chief16

I've found on G@G, a great many of us, agree to disagree on a lot of things, from racism to religion, Trump to Hilary, Feminism and Egalitarianism and so on and so forth. But we all agree universally on one thing. The general hatred for cheaters. Its ok to cheat, said no one ever. So here's a MyTake dedicated to the different types of cheaters. Of course not all cheaters are equal, but cheating is cheating. I don't care what your reasons were, how unhappy you were, or how your dog died and no one consoled you. You can always call it off, at the very least. Also mind you, pardon my language, I'm slightly tipsy. Apologies if my French is a little crass, so gear up and let's do this.


The Different Types Of Cheaters. A Parody.


The First Time Cheaters
#TheVirginCheater


The Different Types Of Cheaters (A Parody)


The virgin cheater is pitiable. Almost Forgivable. Almost. But this is how it always begins, but there's hope for them yet, if they nip it in the bud. And develop a true insight in themselves, and use this guilt to grow as a person. And hold the next person they love very dear.


The Emotional Cheaters
#TheFeelingsHarlot


The Different Types Of Cheaters (A Parody)


Emotional cheating is often overlooked. It is so subtle sometimes that even the ones doing to do not know they're doing it. Also known as chaste infedility, a relationship is nothing without emotional intimacy. The smiles become fake, your feelings become fake, the sex becomes mechanical. And people think physical infidelity is the worst. Emotional infedility gives the relationship a slow and painful death. It also becomes very traumatic. One of the worst to go. An emotional cheater is definitely one worth avoiding. For the sake of your own mental health at least.


The Lords/Ladies Of Cheating
#TheCheatingRoyalty


The Different Types Of Cheaters (A Parody)


These pathetic, pathetic people cheat because of peer pressure or the widespread media misconception that attractive people/ filthy rich people/ celebs cheat because its the 'cool' thing to do. How very sad and stupid. They watch TV and the news of being the center of attention for all the wrong reasons fascinate them. They consider themselves the 'it' thing and feel completely justified to cheat because then being a Kardashian has always been someone's dream.


The Beaters
#TheSadoMasochisticCheats


The Different Types Of Cheaters (A Parody)


These sick people are amongst the scum of mankind. Mostly men along with the exceptions of a very few women, relish in domestic violence and humiliating their partners. They have no qualms about being public about infedility if only to hurt their partners. It gives them sadistic pleasure in hurting people. The very definition of a sociopath. Definitely need to be put in an Asylum.


The Drunk Cheaters
#DrunkAndFucked


The Different Types Of Cheaters (A Parody)


Ah, drunk sex, one of the most popular reasons people admit physical infidelity to. A Virgin Cheater can be A Drunk Cheater but not vice versa. It can happen more than once, its your fault of you don't pace yourself and consume excessive alcohol and end up in bed with a total stranger. And for the very last fucking time, there's no such thing as 'accidental' cheating which brings me to.


The 'Accidental' Cheaters
#BanaaanaBitchPlease


The Different Types Of Cheaters (A Parody)


Yeah, the figure is self explanatory. There is such a thing known as accidental cheating and accidental sex, said no one ever. Bitch please, its bad enough you cheated, denying responsibility only makes it worse. Grow a heart and own up. You're not deceiving anyone.


The Serial Cheaters
#TheSerialKillersOfRelationships


The Different Types Of Cheaters (A Parody)


Amongst the most dangerous kind of cheaters, even people out there. The Serial Cheater is somewhere in between a sociopath and a psychopath. A lack of empathy and knack for manipulation leads these bunch to the top of their game. Must be avoided at all costs.


The Cyber Cheater
#LustsForMoreThanPorn


The Different Types Of Cheaters (A Parody)


The Cyber Cheater is relatively recent. While porn has become somewhat tolerated in relationships, there is an increasing number of people who sext, dirty cam and ask for mutual stimulation via dirty talk chat rooms. Lord save them without the internet.


La Femme Fatale
#FemmeFatale


The Different Types Of Cheaters (A Parody)


Now. A female psychopath basically, one very well versed with sex games and domination. A master of manipulation. Need I say more. The male counterpart is The Homme Fatale.


The Dorian Grays
#DGray


The Different Types Of Cheaters (A Parody)


Fuck 50 shades. Seriously. Dorian Gray, absurdly wealthy, fabulously charismatic, and the ultimate sociopath. Yes. The ultimate one. Now, this is a little off topic but I needed some material for the ultimate downspiral of a Cheater. If you haven't read The Picture Of Dorian Gray. I'm sorry, 50 shades has made a motherfucking joke out of masculinity. Now, The Ultimate Cheater is not someone who gets caught, but to them the concept of love or relationships is utterly non existent. If anything, they indulge intense infatuations and then when they're bored with them, dispose those off at their own pleasure. Ultimately the story has a moral though, nothing lasts forever. A cheater never gets a happy ending. I'm sorry but I couldn't find a female counterpart for Dorian Gray. Its just unthinkable. A man can become so lewd and beyond saving. Phew, gives me the shudders.


Thank you for bearing with me and hope you enjoyed this myTake.

The Different Types Of Cheaters (A Parody)
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