Many people seem to be looking for a significant other, someone to fall in love with, because they feel like this alone would make their life magically perfect. It would get rid of any stresses, be they with work not going so well or struggling with mental issues such as depression/anxiety. That having been single for a long period of time, if not their whole life thus far, is the bane of their existence. As though being ‘forever alone’ is enough to render your life useless.
I honestly don’t believe that to be true at all. I once held the same opinion, though from the flip-side. Being in a relationship, but expecting that to be all I really needed. That it’d be easier for me to deal with anxiety from presentations I had to give, or stress during exam-time. Because I knew that I’d get to see my boyfriend the day after tomorrow or on certain days, therefore all would be well.
You know what?
It wasn’t. Being with him perhaps helped me relax while we spooned and whatnot. Gave me something to look forward to, but that’s about it. As soon as I got home, the stress would return nonetheless. I’d still have just as much work on my plate. The issues themselves wouldn’t resolve themselves. All having someone to call my own would really do would be to provide an ‘eye of the storm’, so to say. A little bit of time in which I could have some peace before kicking back into high gear.
I'm not saying that love isn’t a great thing that many are privileged enough to get to experience it. It is almost like a drug in more way than one.
Bringing feelings of relaxation and complete enjoyment. Can certainly be addicting when things are going well. But you know what else love shares in terms of being similar to a drug?
It’s effect isn’t overly long-lasting. It’s not something that will fix your life. Alone, it won’t grant you eternal happiness, nor will it get rid of all (*any) of your problems.
You can think of it as being kind of like a crutch. Helpful for some, like myself, to help them get by the harder times. A bit of a boost. But if you put all your weight or expectations on it, it’ll likely end with a crash and burn.
Nobody, including your boyfriend or girlfriend, is going to be able to bare the weight of not only their own, but also your stresses and problems.
I can’t tell you how many times I found myself stressed af about exams or upcoming presentations, looking forward to seeing my boyfriend the preceding weekend to relax and get some support. Turns out there were scheduling conflicts making us not able to see each other or, if we did, it’d be for not too long. Not as long as I’d come to expect. Resulting in myself being completely overwhelmed with the stresses I’d already had, plus anger at him for ‘not being there’.
CUE CRASH & BURN
What the fuck? Not being there? Boyfriends are not hired mental-health professionals. They’ve got concerns of their own to deal with and should not be by default held accountable if they can’t help you with your own.
Dealing with any issues is something that you’ll ultimately have to resolve for yourself. Find ways to relieve your anxiety or feelings of loneliness when you’re on your own. In my opinion, it’s important to always be self-sufficient, and only then would I ever want to be in a relationship with someone who will help me with any issues that may arise, not deal with them for me.
There's nothing wrong with being single either, be it just for now or in the long-run. Once you realize how thrilling it is to be able to do whatever you wish to, with no concern for whether or not someone will be 'okay' with it or not, that's a great feeling, too. Being able to set your own rules, always march to the beat of no one else's but your own drum.
It does irritate me to no end, though, when I hear people saying that they love being single. That they're a 'truly independent woman' who doesn't need a man.
People in relationships can both be fully independent as well. They don't need each other, but simply appreciate having the companionship of someone they love.
Long story short, finding love should not be your main concern.
Love is a great thing to have, sure. However, there are many other parts of living a happy life which through finding love, alone, will not be able to get you to. Figure out what you want for yourself in life. Find some hobbies that you enjoy, sharpen your skills. Set goals you hope to reach in your own life. Become fully self-sufficient and capable of happiness on your own, with your next boyfriend/girlfriend being there to help make you feel better, not to do or fix any shit for you.
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