Love Isn't Guaranteed Just Because You Want It

[BeeNee]

Most of us grew up with the notion that there was one day going to be some version of prince charming or the vision of a princess out there for us. You know, first comes love, then comes marriage, then comes the baby in the baby carriage...but life, and love, as we come to understand as adults, is much more complicated.

People are puzzles and it takes a certain someone to crack the code so that hopefully, we can be welcomed into the land of love. It takes work and effort on your part to keep trying and to keep the faith that someday you'll find a match, and someone you are compatible with. However, having said that, I think some people are under the impression that love is supposed to be guaranteed them simply because they want it. The think that somehow just by virtue of being who they are, they are supposed to have love find them because they exist. "See," they say, "look at everyone else, and how they have this or that relationship, or have slept with this many people, and then look at me!" Why, why, why not you?

How is it we know that life isn't fair and that there are no guarantees when it comes to other aspects of life, but we think love somehow doesn't fall into that same category of you win some, you lose some? In many ways finding love is like looking for a job. You put in a lot of applications, get a lot of rejections, but then you keep the faith that eventually one will stick. Same principals with love. You don't give up because things haven't worked out the way you planned or envisioned for yourself, you keep trying because you are looking around at those in relationships, and still wanting that for yourself. If you stop trying, stop making any efforts, it just gets that more difficult to find someone to spend your life with.

It may all sound like a bowl of cheese, but when something we want doesn't go our way, as with anything in life, we have two options: give up or keep trying, and I say, keep trying. Anything worth it in this life, is worth the work and perseverance it takes to get there.

[Bluemax]

"when something we want doesn't go our way, as with anything in life, we have two options: give up or keep trying, and I say, keep trying. "

Very well put! Very true.

I would add that if things don't work out continuously, then not only must you keep trying, but you must change something. Make a different strategy. Perhaps improve your appearance. Change your approach. Change the way or the ease at which you speak. Or other things. It varies from person to person.

[Adigelunar]

cool

[Anonymous]

What I don't understand with girls is what is the effort they are talking about on their part? People say YOU have to put in effort to find someone but in every relationship one of the people didn't do anything. They were just approached by someone else. That itself isn't effort that's just waiting around until someone asked to be with you. Only one person has to put in the effort but people make it sound like everyone has to when in reality only 50% of people in relationships put in the effort. Because only one person asks and one person gets asked.

[BeeNee]

If life were only so very black and white. Asking someone out is only one, in a long list of steps to being in a relationship. Both parties have to put in the effort to make what comes after that work. If only it were so simple that you get asked out and then love happens like that, boom! That's making it seem like men have absolutely no standards or qualifications for who they will date other than... is she breathing, and all that getting ready both parties do before a date or a night out, means nothing. In your world cat ladies would have a high success rate in the dating pool.

[Opinion Owner]

Yes people have to work at it after that point. I just feel though by comparison to the initial approach it's much easier. It's still hard but by comparison it's easy.

[BeeNee]

Unfortunately we live in an antiquated society where the general populous still feels like a man should make the first encounter, but I think, at least in the realm of online dating, it has kind of helped even up those odds because it takes the pressure off the first encounter between the two parties regardless of who is "on approach," because you're not face to face having to deal with a possible rejection. Saves time and money and intense effort for men, and gives women the freedom to select whom they find attractive, smart, funny, etc. without being labeled as too pushy or too forward.

[Opinion Owner]

That's true but online dating I feel has hurt more than it has helped. Most women report issues about getting too many messages from guys that it's hard to know who's genuine and who's not. And the flip side of this is that guys get no responses back from girls because any attempts they make get lost in a sea of other guys sending messages to that same girl.

And online dating has made people become less open to just talking to a new person IN person. They'll only meet people through friends or online nowadays. You can't just strike up a conversation with people anymore.

[BeeNee]

I beg to differ. Again, this is where effort comes in. Anyone I have ever dated has not been through an online source, and we usually started as friends, because I personally am not big on the internet stuff b/c it can be difficult to weed through all the messages and such, but that does work for some people, a lot of people in fact.

It's hard sometimes to think of yourself as the only one this type of stuff happens to... but there are just as many frustrated girls out there, as there are guys (See the many many GAG mytakes on the subject). We all have to keep trying, as I said, or give up. I don't see giving up as a viable option if a relationship is eventually what you want. So as with anything in life, you keep trying. Dating is difficult, but I think giving up is worse.

[Opinion Owner]

No I understand in person it's hard work for both. People everywhere get taken advantage of or some people just aren't given the time of day by anyone they show interest in.

And I agree with most of your take for the record. People always talk about how it'll happen for everyone eventually but honestly that's not true. There are many people out there that it just never happened once for them despite trying and they've reached senior citizen age.

[Library]

This is so true and I wish other people can understand this.

[CancerianMan81]

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