In A Time Where People Settle For Anything Just To Say They Have Something...

[LouisvilleGirl826]

(Poking fun at myself since I'm a Virgo, lol)

I am weeks away from my 21st birthday, and I've never had a boyfriend. I've never dated, kissed or experienced anything relationship wise. I've liked literally all kinds of guys throughout my life, but they're always either uninterested or already in a relationship (or gay. Whoops.) Anyway, I was recently called "too picky" by one of my friends for saying I don't want to date someone younger than me (Being 20 I can only go so much younger anyway, even if I wanted to). I just feel like a lot of people in my age group are immature enough without me dating someone even younger than I am. And I don't feel like dealing with that when college and life in general is hard enough.

At the end of the day, contrary to what my friends are doing and what they try to push me into, I absolutely refuse to settle for just anyone, just for the sake of being able to say I have a boyfriend. That's not worth it to me. I even think it's pathetic and pointless because that wastes his time and mine. So if that means I stay single while the rest of my peers are in relationships (with guys that mooch off them, cheat on their gf's w/ them, take condoms off in the middle of sex, etc.) then so be it.

Now of course I'm not saying everyone's settling. Coming from someone whose had a lot of misfortune in the romance area, if you've found someone you're really happy with and you love and they love you back, and everything's good, then I'm happy for you. You're a lucky one. But I do believe there are a lot of people out there whose self-esteem is literally reliant on whether they're with someone or not. They just have to be with someone, not matter what it takes or even what drama it causes (ironically like the friend who called me "too picky" but I digress), like they're totally incapable of being alone. I don't want to be that way.

Would I like a boyfriend? Yes. I want to be held and have someone to cuddle and kiss and all that mushy stuff :3

But I don't want one so bad that I'll just go for somebody I know I have no business being with. Instead I'll stay single and focus on me and my education and bring myself up to standard of the kind of guy I'd like to be with, and not lower my standards and settle for someone who ultimately "ain't shit" (like my mother has done w/ my father, sadly) or someone who I have nothing in common with, or whatever just because I'm lonely.

[Tephra]

Great take! I really enjoyed it! I can relate to so much of what you said. I personally think that having the title of "taken/boyfriend/girlfriend" is just a way to show people your valuable because someone else thinks you are. My friend is like this and no matter how many times I tell her its bad, she doesn't listen. Another person I met told me how much he liked me and how beautiful I was on the same night I just met him, told him off and he started crying saying his desperate to have a girlfriend and his reliant on another person in his life.
I have friends setting me up on dates and I really wish they would stop... :(

[LouisvilleGirl826]

Thank you! :) I've had my friends joking about setting me up and I've just made it firmly clear to them that I'm not interested. It's just not that deep to me; contrary to what they believe, I know having a boyfriend isn't the end-all be all. Of course I want to date and stuff at some point but on *my* terms, and no one else's. Hopefully your friends will respect you if you tell them the same

[GuyWannaHelp]

I share your stance on relationships and such. I do have some experience, though not much (no more than my first kiss, which was this year).

As a guy, it is a bit different, since you generally don't get approached. I decided to not focus on finding someone, but rather just enjoy life as is while focusing on my study. If I do come across someone interesting, I will surely see where O'Neill go.

[PatriarchalOppressor]

Over the past several decades, marriage rates and birth rates have tanked in all Westernized nations. The only think saving Western nations from population collapse is mass immigration (outsourcing birth). Japan is a great example of what will one day happen in all Westernized nations. Little sex, little marriage, few if any intimate relationships and little birth.

The breeder nations (Africa, the Middle East, India) are now in the beginnings of a future femtocracy and their marriage and birth rates are now rapidly declining as well. Soon, the mass immigration well will run dry and all Western nations will experience rapid population decline. In Westernized nations, it is now more common to be single and/or living alone than ever before.

Men, thankfully, are now taking a more grounded approach towards relationships and saying exactly what you just wrote. What's in it for me? I'm not going to let some low achieving women soak me - which translates to hobbies, video games and porn.

So there you have it. Coupledom will decline more and more as time goes on. The majority will have short, serial relationships and part when the infatuation period ends. The only women in America still getting married in large numbers are the most highly educated - but as feminism becomes more and more toxic - monogamous relationships will decline for them as well. The decline of feminist toxicity starts with the lower classes and then gradually moves its way to the top. The African American social breakdown is the canary in the coal mine for all, eventually.

MGTOW has only been around in earnest since 2011 and has exploded over the past few years. Though not a good comparison in terms of ideology, thanks to the internet, it will reach parity with feminism in around three decades. At that point, the vast majority will look back at committed relationships the way people of the present look back at horseback carriages vs motorcars.

Welcome to the new world order. Enjoy!

[btbc92]

I'm the exact same way. And they want to know why they end up 'single' again. Because they were too busy compromising themselves. They have no boundaries. They have no standards, or values. And if they do, it's pretty screwed up. I am virgin who is celibate, but if I made the choice to date or marry, it's no premarital sex of any kind for me. They don't like it, take it down the block. I'm not risking a toxic relationship on the account of other people. Especially when they refuse to be tested. Best to picky and not compromise then please everybody. Because in reality, you can't. And if you get married, your only getting married to one person. So it still boils down to choices.

[jadexo]

I agree with you so much, I'm in the same boat as you.

It's so annoying getting called picky when you won't "give a guy a chance" (just because they asked you out) or are only interested in a select few guys.

The way I see it, it's better to be alone that to go out with someone just so you can say you're in a relationship. It's not fair on you and it's not fair on them - being the person you settled for is hardly a self esteem boost for anybody. It's not as if your criteria is crazy specific or something. Not dating boys who are 16-20 years old is hardly unrealistic. And besides, you'll enjoy the relationship more if you actually really want the person you're with flaws and all. Plus all your firsts might actually be romantic or enjoyable, and you don't have to tell people that your first kiss was behind the bins at JD sport or something haha

[ThatJarHead]

I can't say I agree with waiting for your soul mate but I do agree with not compromising your standards or morals just to say you have a boyfriend like an immature high school girl. Just be you and that prince charming will come along eventually!

Goodluck my friend!

~Jarhead

[LouisvilleGirl826]

Thank you :)

[ThatJarHead]

Not a problem my Kentucky friend :)

[Spiorad_Aisce]

I do understand your point and would not advise for "Settling" - It is like a credit card, you buy now and worry about cost later - You have someone, you are comfy, if it is important to you, you are getting sex. you like someone a lot but just don't love them. I was with someone who "Loved" me but wasn't "In Love" with me and it hurts like hell, I ended up almost hating her at the end.
Look at what could happen the settler wants out because they are not happy, meets someone they truly want to be with etc - Settling only leads to heartache.

[Unit1]

Very good!
Are you a virgin? If so then you and me both are on the very same page!
I too did not rush into relationships. In fact, I found no girl a girlfriend material. But I do not make a big deal about it for the exact same reasons like you listed.
It's all alright! And remember to forget the peer pressures.
You're doing very well!
Good things take their time!

[LouisvilleGirl826]

I am a virgin. I'm not interested in "hook ups" and sleeping around, I'd rather wait until I meet a guy who I care about, and who I know actually cares about me and who I know I can trust before I have sex

[Unit1]

Awesome!
I too prefer to wait for the girl, that deserves this one-time experience. I also refuse to pay for sex because that's just constantly draining resources for something, that is absolutely normal to have, which can be achieved without spending money.
You are just like me :) =)

[fuqthegovt]

Me and my first (19 and 22yo at the time) settled just because we were both horny virgins and curious. After the deed was done a few dozen times over the course of a few months it went south fast. Other than the sex, both being now-former virgins, and both being mammals we had absolutely nothing in common. It was more curiosity and the fact that we were both willing more than attraction. I wasn't at all even interested until after I learned she wanted to fuck me and probably the only chance to get a virgin so I took it.

[RedVulcan]

Interesting take! I'm somewhere on the fence with this, mostly because of my age. I believe I need practice to improve my dating and social skills, so rn I'm willing to not settle and try new things BUT neither will I get a girlfriend just to say I have a girlfriend, and I'm also going to dump anyone real fast if things go south irreparably.

[Anonymous]

Honestly I'd guess something like 75% of women in real life meet my superficial aesthetics standards obviously being higher on that is a plus.
Not sure what % suit my personality and approach things well. That takes longer to find out though its probably lower than 75% mabey 40% ?
My sex drive probably something like 40% again.
are straight or bi and STD free and I'm not to big for them maybe 45%.
So maybe something like 5% of the women in my age range I meet would be a good long term partner for me
But then in the shorter term there's there schedule, location etc as a relationship should work logistically.
Also some things like how well you fit and sex drive and how you get along you may not really know till later on so dating isn't easy.

[phil2]

I just really wanted to settle down with a guy who was decent. I am happy with the choice I made, considering no one is perfect. The only thing I need to change is myself to make myself happy.

[SnatchFinderGeneral]

This is MGTOW in a nutshell. When males do it, it's called being bitter.

[Anonymous]

Hey, I'm with you 100%. Nobodies saying you have to lower your standard. If you're pretty enough to get the guys you really want, then by all means, go for it ;)

[N192K001]

Same here.

We should wait for someone... while continually improving ourselves & fulfilling life's other goals, milestones, and objectives.

[Anonymous]

If you never compromise, no relationship will ever work. A relationship needs two people who can compromise or it won't work. Or won't work happily at least.

[Kuraj]

Having standards is cool and all.
Just keep in mind that there is a very thin line in between having standards and thinking you deserve more than you are actually worth.

[dudeman]

im a virgo. also ill probably be single forever. pretty much every women today does not meet my standards.

[John_Doesnt]

Yes, I will not compromise my standards of finding a woman of exactly 5' 1" tall, natural red hair and a freckle in the shape of a Playstation P.
It's not being picky!

[Hunterb]

im the same way with settling down not with the one nighters tho

[Anonymous]

I believe its actually called, "Having unrealistic standards". Lol.

[SweetGirl_1986]

OMG kid just shut up you're 20 not 40 stop complaining!!!

[LouisvilleGirl826]

... who's complaining?

[LouisvilleGirl826]

And how am I complaining? How am I being desperate? I mean, did you even read the MyTake? I literally want you to explain to me how not settling for just anything and choosing to focus on my education right now instead of dating is being desperate. Please.