I've always done well with women, still do. The two women I had ever considered going "the next level" with and proposing cheated.
The first, when I was 21, I was going to propose to until I found out from a mutual friend that she had a second boyfriend who she had been posting pics with on Facebook. I didn't have FB at the time so I was completely unaware. Long distance relationship of 3 years where we spent 2 weeks together every month.
The second, well, the kindest, sweetest and more caring girl anyone could ever know. Everyone would comment on how happy we looked and told us that we were the most well suited couple they knew. I moved 3000 miles to her home country, dealt with all kinds of visa and job BS, lived with her family and dealt with their BS until I got a good job and we could move out.
Here's the happy montage of bike rides, vacations, hundred of cutesy couple instagram selfies, couples classes and hobbies (all out of my wallet by the way, she worked some part time minimum wage "feel good" job, but that didn't matter to me). She would send me articles like "10 things healthy couples do everyday", we would watch TV and laugh at the fictional couples having problems "That's what happens when you don't communicate! That'll never happen with us babe.", she adopted my accent (kinda weird but whatever). Would tell people she met about her wonderful exotic boyfriend, would tell me everyday that she loved me and would talk about her future with me. It was a given that we would eventually get married and sure enough I did my duty of planning this fairytale proposal for her.
Luckily for me all I gave her was a prop ring because she had decided she didn't want a mere 4 grand engagement ring and would rather wait for me to save up for a better one, but she wanted to be proposed soon.. Women logic, go figure. At least I didn't drop 10 grand on a ring, though.
Anyway, here this perfect engaged couple. Oh aren't they so cute and adorable! Aw she's such a sweetheart and he's such a gentleman! (Sorry can't contain my sarcasm sometimes).
I had to go back home for a little over 4 weeks to take care of some family stuff. 4 weeks you say? After 2 years of living together and being engaged? Surely that's a trivial amount of time apart? During the 4 weeks I really had to struggle to get her online to Skype or respond to my messages. Weird.. But hey, maybe she needs her space, I'll be back soon, there's no need to worry about it. Get back and she's so cold and distant. She's mean to me. I try to communicate with her (It's what Healthy CouplesTM do everyday!) and she shuts down.
I can't sleep and I get up out of bed. She's still sound asleep. I take her phone from the nightstand and bring it into the other room. I feel guilty as hell for doing it but I need to check even just to convince myself there's nothing to be worried about. There is something to be worried about. All her messages, whatsapp, fb private messages are deleted. Wiped clean. That's a little weird right? Go to photo gallery. Go to deleted items. A lot of naked photos of her.. THAT SHE CERTAINLY NEVER SENT TO ME. Go to call logs. All deleted except for a 3 hour phone call to some guy while I was still in the air flying back to her. Stay up all night pacing and trying to get my head straight. And what do you know, buzz buzz - New message. That guy - "I want you so fucking badly".
She didn't even get upset when I confronted her. This sweet-as-pie so considerate girl coldly just said to me "I think you should go back home". I was freaking the fuck out and having pretty much a panic attack and she just looks at me puzzled and annoyed, like she was looking at an error message on her computer.
Needless to say my heart was fucking ripped out of my chest that day. I actually wonder sometimes if I actually died in someway because I don't recognize the person I am today in many ways.
This isn't a story about me having a bad experience with one girl and then becoming disillusioned. As I said, I was in a relationship prior and I've dated other girls in which I had problems from the get go, reason why nothing further developed with them, except probably one in which we couldn't really see each other because of distance.
But with this one I was completely blindsided. We spent 2 years living together and never argued or got on each others nerves. We were completely in sync. I honestly believed she was my soulmate. I was around eh...25? I'm 29 now. I had always had the ideology (sort of) but thought that maybe I was wrong. That last instance gave me the complete leap. Couldn't be happier now (though I spent at least 3 years recovering from it).
Other than my personal experience with dating and relationships I will mention some general observations I hold, that also contributed to my decision of beicoming a MGTOW.
For me, taking an honest and objective look at the women I know closely. Pretty much all of them have a deep seated personality trait that really repels me, never as much as now, though. Narcissism, paper thin friendships, backstabbing, abusive tendencies, abandonment issues, etc. I can't pinpoint just one.
I have very lax physical standards. I don't care if a woman is curvy or anything, but most women do not meet up to my standards for personality. I don't even think I'm that picky when it comes to personality. "Don't be crazy, narcissistic or abusive" is mostly all I ask but many women I have met and know are at least one of them. The sad part is even the abusive crazies are drowning in options, which pushes me further into MGTOW. I just figure why bother trying if a plain looking woman with a bad personality is treated like a hot commodity on the dating market?
That doesn't even factor in all the men I've known who were shattered mentally and financially by divorce. But yeah, marriage is not for me. Even if I found a woman who had an amazing personality who I could trust (the odds of that are low) I still wouldn't marry her.
Actually, I still enjoy the company of women but much more on my own terms. I am more vocal and aware of what I want now, on top of it I feel more perceptive. But other than that nothing has really changed minus marriage being far, far in the back of my head.
I just want peace and quiet, and to live a stress-free lifestyle to pursue my own interests and hobbies. I've dated at least three girls since but I don't find the appeal in relationships anymore. The stress of being with someone who requires so much of your time and attention, talks, dates, random uninteresting things, support - for what? So you can take care of an overgrown child?
I've long realized that's what a relationship really is for a man. You're there to protect and provide a child that should've grown up years ago. You have to give them attention and maintain their happiness, with constant reminders of your love and security. And when you really think about it, what do they give you? Sex? That's it? I'd rather have a quick wank and get back to reading, watching, playing whatever I was doing earlier. Women shit test their boyfriends or husband with no end, and it slowly, and unnoticeable drags you down. There's no real peace.. And that's when it's going well.
As I end writing this I hope you get a clear sense of what MGTOW is and why some men choose this path, just as it took so many years for me to be where I am. It all comes down to your personal experience, your observations on marriage / divorce, female nature and behavior, dating game rules, other people's relationships, etc. It's a choice of lifestyle, just like marriage is, and nothing else.
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