Relationships

"It's a Paradox, is it not?" A Question of Love Versus Love

Confidence, Alpha-ness, Dominance, Leadership, Personality Strength, Presence, Charisma...

"It's a Paradox, is it not?" A Question of Love Versus Love

If you're gonna slice it one way, you're gonna have to do so every other way. It goes by many names and I'm sure you get the point just from the above list.


What is it?

Quite simply, it's power. You ask any girl what separates the top man from the underdogs in her eyes, chances are a large chunk of what she says will involve things like confidence, self-assurance or taking the lead.

And she's not lying.

Not in the slightest. I hear a lot of guys spew bitter crap all over the internet. I'm sure you are all familiar with these kinds of tantrums?

Fucking women only use confidence as a cop-out so they don't have to admit that they only want to be approached by the really good looking guys! 'But he wasn't confident enough.' BULLSHIT!! They can't admit that they're a bunch of shallow sluts!!!

Yep, these. If you're not..... where have you been, exactly?

Anyway, onto my point. I consider myself to be an upper mid-tier looking guy at best, and I've had very little problem getting female attention when I'm in a very confident, self-assured, "don't give a flying fuck" mood. I think a lot of guys can relate to that.

And therein lies the ironic problem.

This confident and dominant attitude in regards to women is only truly available to a good majority of guys when we are able to make ourselves the center of what goes on, and when we are able to see the woman as a wanted ((but not necessarily needed)) part of our lives. This serves really well if we're talking a one night stand or just meeting someone for the day. But then....

Suddenly, relationships.

"It's a Paradox, is it not?" A Question of Love Versus Love

Unapologetic seriousness, single-minded commitment, fiery passion. If you're a person like me, these are things you crave in a relationship. They make up the ideal. If you're like me, you want nothing more than a relationship that you can pour every ounce of yourself into. You want to be able to give yourself to someone and have them give themselves back to you, to have your life become one with your partner's in such a way that you know each other inside and out. To people like us, a relationship where the other person is **not** both your strength and your weakness at the same time, isn't a relationship.

If you're a girl...

"It's a Paradox, is it not?" A Question of Love Versus Love

... then this isn't a problem at all for you. Unlike with us guys, you didn't have to show a cocky and powerful side to attract us. As a girl, you can show as much affection and vulnerability as you damn well please when you fall for a guy. In fact, for guys like me, it makes you even sexier and makes us want to be with you even more. For us, it's an incredible feeling when a girl lets us into her heart like that.

If you're a guy, on the other hand...

"It's a Paradox, is it not?" A Question of Love Versus Love

... this is a huge problem. You know, I always saw guys proclaiming that falling in love is a mistake and never quite understood why they would say that. Now I do. The simple truth is that, in falling in love with a girl, the resulting care that we have for her lowers our value in her eyes.

What do I mean?

"It's a Paradox, is it not?" A Question of Love Versus Love

Strap yourselves in because it's about to get controversial.

In the eyes of any woman, whether they admit it or not, there are three kinds of guys:

1.) The Low Class- These are the guys she would not want a relationship with whatsoever.

2.) The Mid Class- These are the guys that she'd want to settle down and start a family with because they're the safest option. A woman will often try to sell the idea that this guy is the best thing that ever happened to her and that she would never leave him for anything. Meanwhile, her asshole is laughing up a storm between her cracks.

3.) The Elite Class- These are the guys that women go crazy for because of the primal attraction that is generated. To women, these men are heroes because they seem to have no doubts that they can do and get what they want without trouble. Typically, women get with these men a lot early on, get hurt, then settle for a Mid Class guy convincing herself that she was just a "stupid girl" and that her new man is the greatest while secretly missing the passion she felt with the Elite Class guys.

So what's the problem?

"It's a Paradox, is it not?" A Question of Love Versus Love

I'm a little dumbfounded that you have to ask, but okay.

You've started out in a relationship with this girl. You were confident, sure of yourself. You initiated everything, you led. You did what you knew would be a fun time without a care in the world because if this girl decides she was gonna ditch, it's not like your feelings for her were deep enough to actually hurt. But she stuck around.

Then, it happened. It's been X many weeks of dating this girl. You're with her, having a great as all hell time.. but then it hits you.

You're in love with her.

Suddenly, every little detail about your relationship matters to you. You feel yourself becoming more emotionally receptive to what she says. You find yourself becoming squishier in the face of what she wants to do. You see anything that can remotely be taken as a threat to this new passion as bigger and more terrifying than it ever was before. No longer do you want to simply run a your own pace thinking that if she can't keep up then "oh well," you want to run with her even if it took you to hell and back. No longer is she just something to make your life better, she is your life.

But, in feeling like that towards her, you have done nothing but downgrade yourself from and Elite Class to a Mid Class. You showed her your weakness, that you're willing to bend, that you're just as human as her. Well, she hates it. As much as she makes out that she loves how much you care for her, deep down, she resents you for not being who you were back when you gave less of a damn.

Finally, The Paradox:

"It's a Paradox, is it not?" A Question of Love Versus Love

Going back, if you're a guy like me and you want a serious relationship full of romance, desire, and the knowledge that you would do anything for each other, 9 times out of 10, you're fresh out of luck.

You can't think that you can open up to a girl, let her into your heart and soul and expect it to go well. You'd be idiotic to try.

Why, you may ask? Well, it's something that's said all the time here...

Whoever cares less, has the most power.

That's the gospel truth. When you're the kind of person who wants to be in a deeply loving relationship in a world where the means by which that love is attained requires you yourself to devalue the one you want that with, what do you do?

Well, you have two options.

Option One: The Ring Wraith

((Yes. I understand that this is in fact an anime image. Moving on.))

"It's a Paradox, is it not?" A Question of Love Versus Love
Your first option is to continue to see her as what amounts to a DLC to your life and enjoy. Choosing this option will allow you to continue to be the "sweep her off her feet whilst ripping her clothes off" guy you were in the beginning ((just don't try too hard to visualize that)). Her sexual and romantic attraction will continue to be absolutely explosive, as you are still a symbol of masculine power to her, thus permitting you to have the relationship go your way because she cares about keeping you more than you about keeping her.

But that's exactly the downside. You don't care as much. You're not letting this girl into your walls, and so you're not letting yourself feel the full extent of the love that you could be. On the outside, you may seem to her like you're full of life, energy and excitement. In reality, you're just a husk. You become a cold and empty shell that longs to finally give yourself over to this creature that has become yours, but you know you can't. Because if you do, you will be hers, but she will no longer be yours. So you spend the relationship constantly limiting how much you give, slowly feeling yourself crumble.

Option Two: The Prime Program and The Source

"It's a Paradox, is it not?" A Question of Love Versus Love

Your second option would be to give into your desire to fall, and let her in. In doing so, you let yourself feel like you would do anything for this girl. You would mow through whoever and whatever, you would break any laws and go anywhere if it meant making sure she was okay. She becomes not only a separate part of your life, but an extension of your existence. She becomes like an organ that you can't live without. She fills you with strength and yet also, she is your Kryptonite.

Once again, that's exactly the problem with this approach. She is now your weakness. Once she becomes your weakness, you automatically lose what I call "The 'Oomf!' Effect." It's that effect you have on a girl where everything you do ignites her fire. You hold her hand, her heart starts thundering. You hold her in your arms, she feels gooey. You kiss her, everything and everyone else around you two goes *snap* gone. Now that you showed her that you're just a mortal man ((for a horrible lack of better terms)), hand holding is routine, holding her is just warmth, and kissing becomes nothing more than a reminder that "eh.. you're better than most people." So you spend the relationship constantly trying to figure out how to dig yourself out of the hole, slowly feeling yourself crumble.

In conclusion

"It's a Paradox, is it not?" A Question of Love Versus Love

This is something I've been thinking about for a very long time. Recent experience with relationships taught me that, as a guy who wants both to be deeply devoted to a girl and for a girl to truly belong to me in turn, I simply cannot have my cake and eat it too.

((Side note: Who the fuck came up with that phrase? Cake is meant to be eaten.))

This isn't to say that I think it's impossible for a guy to do this ((after all, if I did, I wouldn't be on G@G)) but I do think that the majority of guys have trouble with this balance.

As for you G@Ger blues who don't want a relationship and are fine just having one night stands, what can I say? I envy you. You can give the absolute lowest level shit about a girl and be perfectly happy. Good for you.

But, and this is for all of you, think about it like this. Which afterlife is more preferable....

Hell..

or non-existence?

"It's a Paradox, is it not?" A Question of Love Versus Love
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