myReview 1 mo

Coming to the conclusion that "love" doesn't exist

hey! Its been a long time since i posted but i just wanted to post this as a way of getting out my emotions and maybe showing some growth

Disclaimer: i know i might get a lot of hate for this and i'm not rejecting the word because it hurt me... I'm simply showing my perspective

I thought I was in love!

lets just say, one of my closest friends hit me with a pile of emotions. He had a huge impact on my life and no i didn't just meet him a month ago or something. I met him a year and a half ago when I actually decided (at the time) that i was "in love with him." In two months, i'm about to know him for two years (dare i say the amount of time my parents were dating before they decided to get married). He was a friend that talked to me constantly and we trusted each other a lot. We always made each other laugh and i genuinely didn't care if he didn't like me back. I wanted to make sure he was happy as much as i wanted to be happy. I was even comfortable being completely silent with him. So... when i felt this deep hole in my chest feeling like it was being "filled"

Silly me... decided to label it "love"

and when i told him i liked him, only said "like" he rejected me. I was and am completely fine with that, i still care for him. I wish he wanted to be with me, but i can't do anything about it... i don't want to force him to "like me" if he wasn't attracted to me initially

what hit me more was the fact that, i'm not going to meet someone who makes me feel the way he made me feel in a long time.

first i need to make a friend, then he needs to actually want to talk to me, then we need to be compatible, then after that we need to be great independently and close, and lastly, we need to trust each other... and knowing me **that will take at least a year and a half**

it could even take another 16 years... and i 100% trust that i'm not going to ever feel that emotion ever again in my high school carrier, so yeah... i am not going to feel that way in a long time

this is just what liking him felt like... this picture just describes it... i don't know what to tell you
this is just what liking him felt like... this picture just describes it... i don't know what to tell you

but being rejected didn't hurt the most...

no, it was my best friends and closest people around me telling me "you aren't in love"

That's what got me spiraling out of control. See i never labeled anything "love" before that. It was always this intangible thing that others either felt because "oh that girl looked pretty." Here's an other one: they call it love because "well he jumped through many hoops for me so...i must love him." I don't understand it.

So to think that i was "in love" is a huge moment for me and this only happened with one guy... I dated three guys and this only happened with one guy. Even if it wasn't "love" by anyone's book, it was still a heck of a strong emotion that should never be diminished.

While going through heartbreak, i turned to my support system... I told them what i felt and most of them, most of them made me feel like the "delusional girl." You know, that "delusional girl" who loves the guy who is in jail and is going to escape away with him once he gets out. It made me feel as though, the people i truly trusted... even more than that guy. The people i could really depend on to make me feel better... diminished how i felt. I felt isolated and judged.

i was told "hes manipulating you", made me feel like a poor incapable animal

My voice and pain came through in my own head. I was already doubting myself. I felt like i was in love, but i used every excuse in the book to stop myself. I didn't want to feel crazy. So not only was i telling it to myself, but for the first time... my friends and family made me feel crazy, delusional, desperate... ESPECIALLY desperate.

alone
alone

after that...

you know, after that pain... After i told them everything i felt.. I watched them tear it piece by piece. From that, i realized that no one can ever prove that they are in love.

No matter what anyone ever says. there is always... ALWAYS an argument to how you aren't in love.

oh you have been married for thirty years and still enjoy your partner's company

"So you basically got comfortable with him and whose to say your relationship isn’t toxic… let me show you all his flaws and then prove to you how your relationship is toxic and you are just with him because you are too afraid to leave

Oh and let me show you how he's actually not in love with you and just settled for you

Cause honestly… everyone is a little toxic"

And lets to say he isn't toxic... "the only reason why you like him anyways is cause he gives you what you want and makes you feel better about yourself."

see... i started to judge all of my friend's and family member's relationships... thought up of millions of reasons why they aren't actually in love. It wasn't a fun time. But it did prove something:

You can prove to anyone that they are truly not in love.... they will just get angry at you and still feel the same way they feel. Maybe doubt themselves a bit more.... that is the bottom line

so don't get your panties in a bunch yet... please... just read what i have to say after this

judgment
judgment

change of heart

Through my bitter recovery process, I helped lead a few 8th graders into their future years. During that retreat, the 8th graders had to put a quote that they follow. One quote stuck out in particular

don't feel emotions just feel

It didn't make any sense to me at the time. As i kept thinking about it, i formed my own interpretation of the quote.

See all this boony crap about "love" and "best friends" and "besties", it just leads to pain. You just label what you feel an emotion and then it has to live up to that standard. And god be told... the word "best friend" and "love" those are some PRETTY HIGH standards

And what i also realized is.... that if you enjoy hanging out with somebody... whose to stop you. If you enjoy being around somebody, then keep coming to them. Just enjoy the company and don't put a "label" on it. Don't call it "love." Don't call it anything. Just say you enjoyed it and that you want to do it again. That way there's no... difficulty in the situation. You are just doing what you enjoy... and if you enjoy to hang out with this person and genuinely want to make sure that this person is happy... cause it makes you happy. Who is anyone to stop you.

i'm done labeling emotions... im done using the word "love" to try and fill a void in me...

im just going to feel what i feel and go from there.

just feel
just feel
Coming to the conclusion that "love" doesn't exist
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Most Helpful Guy

  • OlderAndWiser

    As you get older, you will learn to not listen to your well intended but horribly misguided friends. Feel what you feel, trust your gut, pursue your dreams, and everyone else can go screw themselves.

    Nothing will ever match the feelings of the first special person in your life. The pain never vanishes completely. But, eventually. . . you miss having a special person in your life, you learn that loneliness lives up to its reputation, and you get tired of Netflix and playing with the cats. You'll start meeting others and one of them will feel different, worthy of your time and attention. If you try to compare it to the other relationship, all you will know is that it is different, but better only because it makes you feel good now and it makes you feel alive again.

    Then you will realize that you are capable of surviving the horrible stuff that life can throw at you, that realization will lead to some increase in your confidence, and you will be like the Wright Brothers launching their plane, beginning a new era. . . and there will be no turning back.

    Good luck!

Most Helpful Girl

  • lydsertori17

    WOW. That story was a handful. I really appreciated that you were able to share that with us. That last part with the quote was really great. I kind of made a similar decision to just do what I feel like doing recently and its been pretty good, so thank you very much!

What Girls & Guys Said

15
  • GuidoThePizzaMaker

    A very refreshing take. I wasn't expecting this to take the path it did, but i am glad it did.
    I especially related to the part about "Delusional" love, and when other people tell you, "You dont know what love is" Truth is, they dont know either.
    At the end of the day, we have feelings, and we need to decide when is the right time to act on them.
    Thanks for sharing <3

    • Tonga

      thanks for being so accepting :)

    • Hang in there, i know how hard it is to suffer the first "love" that is a tough feeling <3

  • Unit1

    Love is merely an illusion. Lovely Girlfriends for me are on the same level as Santa Claus, Easter bunny & tooth fairy - they're unreal. Illusions are all around us to trick us and make us fooled.

    With that being said i Pretty much agree - however with slightly different arguments

    https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=0rWunrNejmA

  • Browneye57

    All that text? For what? TLDR.
    Love is about GIVING. Not what you'll GET. And love is an emotion, something you create in your own mind. Consider accepting responsibility for your own feelings and emotions - stop the 'he made me feel' crap and own it. YOU get to decide.

  • Sweatyotterr

    How could one person feel this much emotion you need 50 cent music in your life

  • Secretgardenblood

    Good take.

  • mikeboy06

    aww sorry

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