What to Look For in a Partner: 3 Most Basic Traits

[levantine99]

1) To not be violent. either verbally, psychologically or physically.

2) To not be grumpy. A life with a person that's never pleased, and sees a negative thing in everything is really unbareable. It rains he whines, its sunny she says its too hot. Nothing pleases them, they are never happy. such a relationship is a guaranteed trip to misery, it really eats you slowly from the inside like a cancer. There are people who see a blessing in everything, even the commonly perceived as negatives. thats where you want to be.

3) To not disagree on you on very fundamental beliefs. you can't be a devoted christian and him a hardcore atheist. or a christian bashing muslim fanatic and vice versa. house will be chaos. so you should really know what he/she stands for in life before you proceed.

if i had to boil it down to only three, most fundamental components, they'd be those.

If you can't picture this person as a grandparent of your grandchildren then better end it before its too late.

[fabulouspancakes]

Yep, agree. Other factors matter but these are the most fundamental and universal.

[Anonymous]

love, love and love

[naraku]

I look for someone who has pride in herself - Not to be completely arrogant or stuck up but also not to be some wishy-washy wisp. This is a problematic trait I think meaning it can knock on through many aspects of a relationship.

I try to spot how open and honest she is - we all might tell little white lies and OK. But I do not need to associate with liars. Enough said.

Someone who is just fun and inquisitive too. Nothing like someone who is interested in me but can also bring something to the table that I might not know anything about and thus broaden my horizon.

[Jasrice]

I really liked this article and I agree that these are indeed some of the most important traits to look for in a partner.
I'd like to add that it's important that both partners are equally invested in the relationship. Things wouldn't work out too well if one partner is forced to try to carry the relationship on by himself.

[levantine99]

well if one is not into it it can't work. but honestly one always does more. one loves more, is more virtuous, one is more sex hungry, one is more intimate and mushy mushy. its never perfectly equal.

[Jasrice]

True, but the important part is that both partners are invested in making it work, even if they do so in different ways. It's the commitment that will help them reconcile their differences and recover from arguments.

[TooskilledforU]

What is classified as abusive? If constantly degrading the other person and hurting them, then we are both at agreeance, however I have met people in real life that if you so much as disagree with them, they will classify that as the same level of abuse as domestic violence. I also know people who would classify a woman with raging hormones because she is either on her period or pregnant as abusive. More classification is needed. Everything else I agree with you on.

[chrismarie5589]

Lol I actually disagree with number three. I used to like this guy... he ultra liberal and I moderate to conservative. He always told me he loves to argue with me. We had the BEST conversations ever. Id rather be with a smart liberal than a dumb moderate/conservative. Damn I really miss him... our chemistry was BEYOND amazing.

[levantine99]

yet you broke up. the structure can't hold with such fundamental differences. its the hard that matters not him being a smartass.

[levantine99]

heart*

[chrismarie5589]

No... we are long distance for a year... he had to go away for a year (job)

[BradA]

1.) Organization skills/cleanliness (meaning no mess around the house, no laundry laying around.)
2.) Romance. Need to take a break from everyday stuff and go on a date or a vacation.
3.) Know how to dress. Dress normal, No four inch torn shorts for grocery shopping.

[CactusJuice]

Thanks for sharing. I look for 1) honesty 2) great communication skills and 3) a sense of humor.

[bloodmountain1990]

Regarding number 3, as an agnostic, I'd prefer to date an agnostic/atheist but I don't care if they're religious as long as they don't shove their views down my throat or have it get in the way of certain things.

[levantine99]

yeah but when the mommy will want to take the kids to the church the kids will be like "no, why dad can sleep on Sundays till 11:00am" or "why he watches tv and scratches his crotch"? we'll do as daddy does. and then mommy will confront daddy about it.
or about when she'll want them to attend sundayschool and you will be opposing to that idea.
things can't work this way.

[levantine99]

mommy will be like "and thats how God created humans from mudd", dad gonna get like "what nonsense are you teaching our kids, we clearely come from apes from a big expansion of space time aeons ago that accidentally formed a rockball called earth". mommy will be like "dont devalue me again in front of the kids John". etc etc

[bloodmountain1990]

It's not all black and white like that. Not all agnostics or atheists are aggressive like that.

[levantine99]

yeah i took an extreme scenrario.

[bloodmountain1990]

I mean militant atheists do exist and they're just as annoying as aggressive religious people. Not that all are that way, but my point being was it's all situational.

[JimRSmith]

Those aren't wrong, but this is a big oversimplification.

[Peachman]

Just one question eg with how not being violent what if they compete in martial arts but would NEVER hit someone outside it?

[levantine99]

violent in irrational ways. against their partner and others.

[404filenotfound]

I'd figure that sexual chemistry would be the most important thing. Or would that be more like a meta trait that exists outside of the personalities?

[levantine99]

not the most important. my uncle became a cripple at the young age of 32. they are the most beloved couple for 43 years now. there are higher connections than that.

[404filenotfound]

I agree that there are deeper connections, I just figured that sexual chemistry would be more important in general.

[AL3XUV]

@404filenotfound You see what's she's talking about? The last generation. It probably is for our generation. I just starting to wonder what will trending for next generations? Sex robots? Live skin dildos? hmmm...

[redeyemindtricks]

@404filenotfound If you're the type who values sexual chemistry, then, yes, it's important. In fact, it's **indispensable**.

This is one of those issues where people on opposing sides will NEVER see eye to eye. Those who don't significantly value sexual chemistry will NEVER understand its depth, intensity, and importance in personal fulfillment for those who do.
... so, when considering advice from someone who **doesn't** value sexual chemistry — either explicitly (like here) or by implication (willingness to wait until marriage, strong preference for "low partner count", etc) — you should disregard what they have to say about it, even if the remainder of their advice is useful.

I'm on yr side of this issue. While the "higher connections" mentioned by OP certainly exist, I personally could NEVER reach any of those connections without making connection no. 1 — the sexual one — first.
For me, that connection is the gateway to all the others... and all true love starts with lust.

[levantine99]

@redeyemindtricks respectful opinion but let me tell you that everyone judges aspects of life, from the level of consciousness he is currently at. new ageists use the colours dark red, orange, yellow, mauve, green etc to indicate what level a human is. while i dont agree with many of their stuff, if we were to use this scale, i'd tell you this. just because you best case scenario reached orange level of consciousness (not claiming i'm much further, best case scenario yellow), it doesn't mean you hold the absolute truth. there are people experiencing things on this earth, things of spiritual nature, we can't even hope to comprehend. not all love begins from lust. that is wrong on so many levels. i didn't even find that attractive my husband initially. it was his character, his intelligence and his persistent smile that did the thing for me. as average humans we all love in bits and pieces but we haven't even fathomed the abysmal depths of love.

[redeyemindtricks]

"not all love begins from lust... I wasn't all that attracted to my husband to begin with... etc"

^^ This isn't a counterargument, y'know. You're just providing more evidence for what I wrote:
"Those who don't significantly value sexual chemistry will never understand its depth, intensity, and importance in personal fulfillment for those who do."

For me — and for those like me — love can't exist without first being born as lust, and lust isn't something that can grow from nothing — either it's there or it isn't, and if it isn't then the boy may as well be my brother.
You, obviously, are not like me. This does not mean that you're "right" and I'm "wrong".

2 other things:

• Look up the word "abysmal", which definitely does not mean what you think it does mahah.

• You ought to retire the "Oh yeah, well, someone could become crippled" non-argument. Life is a game of probabilities. I could cite similar black-swan events to argue against ANY priority, were I so inclined. (Why worry

[redeyemindtricks]

about earning power or savings, when yr country's currency could be wiped out by 1923 Argentine-style hyperinflation? Oh and don't worry about whether yr partner will be a responsible parent -- since you might be infertile, and all that. etc etc.)
When you swear a marital commitment, you're pledging to be there if some 1-in-100,000 event like that DOES happen — but obviously it's stupid to let such a remote possibility actually impact the values with which you choose a partner.

[levantine99]

@redeyemindtricks you say people like "me" when talking about yourself. you don't know the real you. people have self awareness only in part. your current consciousness "self's" needs might indeed begin everything with lust. this doesn't mean you dont have the potential in you to go beyond that. there are no individual truths. the truth is One, Christ. only through Him you get a real sense of right and wrong. He is the Sun that brings light in Plato's cave. Although you currently believe you are something, you dont have the godly gifted discretion to tell how much of it is actually spiritual baggage and deviation of some once more pure power in your soul. people are dynamical, like trees, dont rush to judge your fruition before the tree runs its whole course... .

[redeyemindtricks]

"you don't know the real you."

Okay, look, try to put a fucking lid on yr ego at SOME point, would ya.

[litty]

I hate to say it, but how do you find those traits unless you put them through a stressful situation? That is when people show their true colors

[Abooz]

Good pieces of advice. Specially point 3. I've seen so many houses either destroyed or lie in complete chaos, specially if they have children.

[Lumberman53]

These all sound obvious but a lot of people overlook these it's amazing

[emerald77]

I agree. But I think disagreeing is fine as long as you don't fight over it.

[levantine99]

its inevitable it will rise up. what about the kids? with whose' values will they be educated? whose example will they follow? Dad will want them to go to church with him. they be going like "we'll stay at home like mom does! if she does it we will do it too!" and house will be mess. these are very fundamental things, but very few people can see that far... .

[DonkeyRick69]

Goodtake

[likitb4istickit]

You left out beautiful face, killer bod, and hairy pussy. Those are my 3 requirements.

[Anonymous]

I look for the same things except a do like a girl who's violent enough to kick me in the balls from time to time.

[levantine99]

riiiiight. everyone is unique.

[Anonymous]

Personally, I guess not pessimistic all the the time, but not all happy-go-lucky all the time either. That's tiring.

[slutsdontgetoral]

How about low penis count, high credit score, and a great family. (Apple doesn't fall from the tree)

[Anonymous]

Two basic traits: don't be an asshole and be attractive.

[levantine99]

2 digit iq and maturity of a 13 year old girl confirmed. but not completely wrong.

[Opinion Owner]

Your grammar sucks, your list is not complete, no human has a 2 digit iq, and everyone prefers a partner who they think is attractive and not an asshole. You are too incompetent to not realize that. I wouldn't be talking if I were you

[levantine99]

there totally is such a thing as two digit IQ. Most people are at the 90-120 range. below 90 they dont accept you in the army. below 80 its down syndrome kids. but its only normal you are clueless.
also i claimed it'd be a 3 basics list not an exhaustive one. as for grammar its better than yours, despite the fact you are a native speaker.
as for asshole and attractive is what a 9 year old would say. thats where you are mentally so no suprises here... .