I consider myself to be fussy in the dating arena. It's probably for the worst. Why? Because i'm the kind of person who spends their time analysing people for far too long. Even with friendships, I take my time.
But all this time spent watching the world around me has made me realise that I don't really mind whether I have a partner or not. In my twenty-one years, I've been single the entire time. Sure, I crushed on people and had moments where I would be thinking something along the lines of this:
"I'm going to DIE ALONEEEEEE!"
"I'm so LONELY!!"
"I'm going be a crazy cat lady some day. I'm going live in some shabby hovel in the country with twenty-nine cats. No-one's going to stop me!"
And then wham, I met someone who I found really interesting. And they had a bunch of really likeable traits.
1. Hygiene
This goes for everyone, even with people who I want to befriend. If you can't have at least one shower a day, I'm going to find it really hard to sustain conversation with you. Brush those pearly whites. Use some mouthwash. Wash your hair at least twice a week. Keep your house somewhat clean. Use clean clothes. Trim your nails nice and short. If you're feeling really fancy, use some deodorant. And then there's those people who fall into the deodorant/perfume bucket. Use it sparingly, I don't need to walk around with someone who smells like a freshly cleaned toilet.
I don't care if you're dirty and stink during work hours or after exercise. Work is work and sometimes you do tend to get a little grimy. I've been there, I've done that. But if I'm hanging out with you after work...please make some sort of effort. A shower will do!
2. Look after yourself
I'm not saying that I want someone who exercises and has massive muscles.
Eat healthy. Be reasonably active where you can be. At the very least, be able to keep up with me to some degree.
I prefer people who can drink without going overboard. A person you can still say no to a cigarette and keep themselves off narcotics.
And someone who can still binge eat occasionally but won't make a habit over it.
3. Be Yourself...and be honest
I can't stand unpredictable people, or people who change themselves to suit others. At some point going against yourself is going to cause problems. People find things out sooner or later.
If you've got a really dark sense of humour, don't pretend you don't find something funny. If you hate mint green as a colour, tell me. If you hate eating raw onions...tell me!
Honesty is one of the biggest dealbreakers in my opinion. I have immense respect for someone who can tell me something which might affect my relationship with them. No matter how hard it is to say, being told from the person instead of finding it somewhere along the grapevine is far better. I'll be shocked, I might think differently of you...but I'll definitely consider the risk you took.
4. Chemistry & communication
Because obviously there needs to be some kind of zap there. It's not always an instant thing - sometimes it does require some growing.
I find that even with friendships, there is chemistry involved. Some people I just get on with a lot better. I find it easier to talk about deeper things. That's why I consider communication to also be a dealbreaker. I've got to be able to tell someone everything. Not half of the story. Not even 98 per cent of it. I should be able to tell you EVERYTHING. There's got to be an ability in you to empathise and remain calm throughout. I can't tell you everything if you snap and yell at me. I don't want to fear interactions with you.
And yes, it is kind of weird to ask permission to do things but weirdness set aside, I appreciate it immensely. You want a hug? Sorry I don't initiate but yes I kind of want to hug you anyway. Thanks for not giving me the fright of my life. You want to do next level kind of things? Thanks for talking to me about this. It's awkward but I guess it's good to talk about this. And thanks for respecting me when I say no to something.
All in all, good communication is goddamn key.
5. Have some kind of courage
You're a romantic? Sorry, I have no idea really of what I'm doing. And i've overdosed on shyness! It takes me a while to come around. Like, a couple of hours. I'm terrible at initiating. And more often than not, I have the impulse to roll down the stairs backwards and dash behind a tree to hide. I don't really like romantic interactions when I have no experience and just need time to process. Thanks for putting up with me. And thanks for being courageous. I don't want two of us running in opposing directions.
6. Have something in common
I've got to be able to have some things in common. And i' not talking breathing, eating and sleeping. If you like morning strolls and I do too, awesome! If I like walking around the house naked when nobody else is at home and you do to, that's brilliant. If we have the same hobbies, that's even better. We've got to be able to mutually relate on some sort of level. It's good to have some differences, but fundamentally, there's got to be some similarities as well.
And in conclusion...
that's pretty much what I have to say. I realised some time ago that I didn't really have a clear cut view of what physical traits I find attractive. I find that attractiveness increases when I get to know someone. Physical attractiveness, for the most part, is also forgettable. What someone was like to talk to is quite the opposite.
Maybe it's just me. I guess everyone is different.
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I agree with all of those things. Very reasonable expectations.
these are all very reasonable and good expectations to have of a partner