So I stumbled across a video done by Glamour where they had a woman fill in the blanks for all the things she wants in a man, and then they'd find her the 'perfect' guy based on that list and set them up on a date. Apparently this was a trending thing a while ago. I never saw it, as Glamour is definitely not my thing.
But then I got to thinking about what it would look like if I filled in those blanks. What sort of man would that be? Obviously I don't have a team of people hunting for my perfect match, but I was curious, so I decided to try it out. I wrote down a bunch of questions, and then I answered them. I ended up with a longer list than I had anticipated, and with the realization that doing this was a really good idea.
I have a distressing tendency to get caught up in the moment with guys. They sweep me off my feet, and then a month or two later I'm in a relationship with a guy I realize I have nothing in common with, or can't see wanting a future with. Even worse, this same bad habit of mine to be easily wooed has landed me in abusive relationships. I was so excited to meet this cool guy who was interested me that I completely ignored massive red flags practically screaming at me to stay away!
After writing this list, I realized that I'd ended up learning a lot about myself. I really took the time to imagine my future, what I want and need out of a relationship, and got to thinking about why I wanted some of the things I wanted. I don't expect to meet a guy who is everything I wrote down. To be honest, I'm not even sure if I'd truly even like him, because I've never met a man like that in person. This is a grocery list of traits that I could end up hating in real life. Who knows?
The point is, I had a lot of fun writing this list, and it really got me to think about what I need in a relationship. Some things aren't super important, such as what would his height be? Some things are the foundations of a strong relationship, such as what are his values? I'm well aware that some of these points on my list are unrealistic and something straight out of a fantasy, but nevertheless, I believe that writing it all down was a good idea. Now I have a better idea of what kind of man I want. I think everyone talks about their ideal future partner in a very abstract way. I want someone sweet, intelligent, funny etc. We don't really think often about what all of that actually means in context, or at least, I dont! I've decided that I'm going to redo this list every now and then, maybe once every 6 months to a year, as what I want in a guy is bound to change as I grow and evolve. If nothing else, these lists will serve as a good way to look back and see what kind of person I was at different points of my life.
Without further ado, as I'm sure you're curious, (I would be!) here is my list! (It should be mentioned that I made this list while half asleep, so sorry if some parts make no sense!)
1. Religious beliefs: Athiest or Agnostic
2. In four words: Chivalrous, funny, patient, loyal
3. Relationship type: Long-term monogamous relationship
4. Sunday nights are for: Dinner, Netflix and cuddles. (Jigsaw puzzles too!)
5. Foreign or domestic: Preferably domestic, but foreign is fine.
6. Ideal age: 18-22, 23 MAX.
7. Perfect date: He takes me out to dinner somewhere I like, we walk for a little bit after and get ice cream.
8. Body type: Preferably muscular but not cut. (Tall?)
9. Expert or generalist: Expert at many things.
10. Beach house or country house: Warm, cozy, country house.
11. Mommy issues: Preferably not. Depends on how well he has/is coping.
12. Dietary restriction: Doesn't eat too much meat. Eats healthily. Isn't one of those guys obsessed with protien.
13. Wants kids?: Yes, but won't be devastated if we don't have them. He won't resent me for whatever I choose and will be considerate of me and my opinions.
14. Does he cook?: He has to be able to make breakfast. Has to try and be willing to improve if he sucks.
15. Drinking habits: Alcohol only with fine dining or occasionally with socializing. Limits himself to 1-2 drinks, 3 MAX. DOES NOT DO SHOTS!! Rarely drinks pop. No more than 1 cup of coffee a day. No protein shakes.
16. Cats or dogs?: Must be okay with both, as well as the more exotic animals I want, such as ferrets and snakes. Must be comfortable being seen occasionally walking the tiny, fully clothed chihuahua I will get once I have my own place.
17. Inked?: Tasteful, good quality ink that can be easily hidden. Nothing bigoted or racist. No clowns, pin-ups or naked women!
18. Sarcastic?: Yes! As long as he isn't a dick about it.
19. Who's prettier?: Him. By a little bit. But he's not the Chrises kind of pretty.
For those who are unaware, these are the Chrises. They aren't my type!
20. He shouldn't be: A smoker or a drinker. Can't be rude, unkind, abusive or toxic to anyone.
21. Confidence from 1-10?: 6-8 Not cocky. Can be shy at times.
22. Chivalry is...?: 1,000,000% expected and required. Opens doors, gives me his coat when I'm cold.. the whole 9 yards.
23. Man? Woman? Either?: Man 100%
24. Likes your job?: He must support my job. Must be willing to stay with me through med school and my residency.
25. Has he ever cheated?: No.
26. His turn ons: Me? I guess? Doesn't like anything involving anal.
27. Takes charge or takes orders?: Both! Takes orders from me but is able to take charge when I need or want him to.
28. Furry or smooth?: Smooth!
Facial hair - Maybe. If he's really hot and it suits his face.
Armpit hair - As long as its trimmed with a beard trimmer or something.
Arm hair - As long as it's not too bad. If it's so long it clumps together when wet, no. Too much.
Everything else - WAXED!!!
29. Times for work?: Must be free weekends, the occasional week night and holidays!
30. No shorter than: 5'6"? 5'7"? I want him to be tall enough that when I hug him I can bury my face in his chest. (This point is negotiable.)
31. Selfies?: He never takes them, unless I drag him into one.
32. Hairstyle: Long and wavy. His hair should at least be long enough that I can make a fist out of it at the back of his head. I need something to tug on. Soft and well maintained. Must be soft.
33. Multilingual?: Sure! But he must have good English.
34. Views: Open minded egalitarian who is NOT a bigot.
35. Income: Preferably $40k-$60k (or more) a year, or actively working towards that point.
36. Night owl or early bird?: As long as he's awake at 4-6 am, either is fine.
37. What's his style?: Clean cut, well fitted clothes. Wears henley's, dark (straight or slim cut is preferable) jeans, faux leather jackets, not many accessories, no graphic tees, (unless for sleeping or lounging) no polos, must own a few nice button downs, converse, boots. Colors he wears are white, black, grey, navy, burgandy and forest green.
Underwear - TRUNKS!!!!!!!! (This is under no circumstances negotiable. They're the least common type of underwear for men to wear, yet they're the sexiest by a landslide. I will not stand for this. He will wear trunks, even if I have to hold him down and put them on him my damn self!)
38. Hobbies: Nothing dangerous or incredibly boring. No making ships in bottles. NO hunting.
39. First weekend away?: A road trip to somewhere cozy with trees and nature. Lots of cuddles.
40. Degree?: Preferably, unless not required for his career.
41. Clean or messy?: Neat and organized. Must be willing to do dishes, make bed and sweep. (I'll scrub a toilet, vacuum, sort things, clean windows, whatever, no problem. I hate doing dishes. I hate sweeping. As for making beds, I'm 5'0" and my arms are too short. It takes me like half an hour to make a damn bed properly. He must do this for me if we live together. He will not resent me for my shortcomings when it comes to chores. No pun intended.)
42. Politics?: Liberal, egalitarian, has a basic understanding of what's currently going on in the world.
43. He should...?: Be a romantic, know how to problem solve, have a nice ass, be alright with me grabbing his ass, be willing to wait (potentially for a significant amount of time) for penetrative sex, not be interested in anal.
44. Sport?: He should be in decent shape (does not have to be a model, just healthy.) No golf, no American football, no rugby.
45. Art?: He will take me to the museum and to the ballet. He will not complain, nor will he act bored, even if he is.
46. Job?: Something he enjoys. Preferably flexible with time and location.
47. Family matters?: His family is laid back and not judgmental. They are drama free! I refuse to have a crazy mother-in-law who hates me.
48. No-no #1: Not being self sufficient. I will not be his maid, nor his mother. I'm aware not all men are like this, but a lot of guys my age are. I won't put up with it. He must be able to pay his expenses, feed himself healthy foods, clean up after himself and schedule regular doctor and dentist appointments. None of that 'I'm too manly to go to the doctor' bullshit.
49. No-no #2: Bad hygiene. Must shower daily (or more if required. After a workout for instance.) No toxic masculinity keeping him from exfoliating and moisturizing. He must use shampoo and conditioner. No 3 in 1 bullshit! He must brush his teeth twice a day and floss daily. Must wash his face at least once a day. No five dollar hair cuts. Gets manicures and pedicures regularly. Or never takes his socks off. Ever.
50. No-no #3: Cannot, under any circumstances, be a partier.
So there you have it! This is my perfect, fantasy man! Maybe. If I think of anything else, I'll add it. If you happen to know anyone who fits this description, send him my way!