1. Am I Trying?
Everyone loves to point a finger at the other person and blame all relationship problems on the other person. It's his/her fault, they should have done, why don't they...and on and on, but what are you doing? A relationship takes two and if your relationship is in trouble, what efforts are you actually making to make things better? Are you actually shutting up for a second and listening to why it is your partner is upset, or that you're always fighting, or the things she/he says that are breaking your relationship.
Of course it's easy to say...well F-you, I'm not the problem here, but if your partner is literally telling you the reason that they are fighting with you and that your relationship is not working---and you're ignoring those reasons or letting your ego get in the way of you listening and trying to act on improving them, then you're going to be in the same revolving door of fights and not getting a long and feeling bad about everything all the time.
2. Are They Trying?
A relationship is a two way street and there is only so much you can do from your end. If you're the one who has suggested you talk, or sit down with a counselor, or who is always trying to be the bigger or more compromising person, or even worse, just agreeing with your partner all the time just to avoid more fights, are they trying? If a relationship is on the rocks, you've both got to want to save the thing or else it won't work because you can't be "the relationship" for the both of you.
If you've had far too many come to Jesus, as it were, discussions about trying to make this work, and your partner is making zero effort, they may be trying to eventually get you to break up with them or it honestly may be time for you to pull the plug if you feel that you've seriously given it your all and nothing is changing even as you've done all the things your partner said that they needed to make it work.
3. Is This Worth It?
Not every relationship needs a hail Mary, or for the two of you to do Herculean efforts to try to patch it all up. Maybe, just maybe, this whole relationship wasn't meant to be. I mean, ask yourself if it's worth it to even try to save it. If you quite literally don't want to make any efforts to fix your relationship, why is that? That person may not be important to you anymore, or you may not like or love them enough to want to make things work...and honestly, that's okay, because you can't force yourself to have feelings you don't have.
If you dread going home because you know you'll fight or you feel empty or find that you do not miss your partner when they go on work trips or vacations without you enough to even care or want to call to check in, odds are, you may not yet have realized that it's time to call it quits. Don't just drag something on for weeks, or months, or even years because you simply like the title of Plus 1. You deserve to be happy with or without someone else in your life.
What Girls & Guys Said
Opinion
1Opinion
First Question is. What's the Vision?
My relationship of 2 years was failing and I saw it as him needing space and his bipolar disorder mixed together. I was the one trying and he never did. He told me over text, after a trip and many days later without talking or seeing each other that he wanted a break. He did it so cruelly over text (he was drunk.) He said I don't want to do this anymore and I need a break to think. He said I want to end the relationship. He ended with enjoy the break and I love you. He didn't even want to talk or listen to anything I had to say. he apologized 2 days later via text and said this was good for us anyways. I never fought with him and always gave him space. He suggested we move in together earlier this year and we even went to a lender. We only saw each other once a week towards the end. In the beginning, he saw me 3-4 times a week almost everyday. He keeps saying I love you and its only a break. It has been a month of not seeing him but I don't know if I want to see him to get a reason or to have him hear me out ( I deserve that at least after all the time together no?)
It depends. Do you need closure to the point where you can't move on with your life without knowing something about why/how it ended or a chance to say your peace. If so, then it may be worth the trek to seek him out, even if the truth... or rather his truth, is hard to swallow. But on the flip side, if he doesn't give you what you want to hear, are you going to be okay with that? You know that you tried, and that he had his own issues which never resolved it seems, so perhaps not seeing him is doing you more good then harm.
Yes I do. I need to know why because I did try/gave it my all. I think he’s just a commitment phobe that got scared cause things got too real. I did nothing to him I was always there to support him, gave him space to do his own thing, I never asked first about moving in together or babies it was all him asking that from me. I know I’m not the issue. I want him to hear me out because I deserve that not some cruel text like all this was nothing, a piece of trash. I always watched what I said to him so this is my chance to tell him all. I want to tell him this was an almost relationship not a real one. I know he’s gonna blame it all on me because that’s him can’t own up to his own problems. He wants to not say goodbye and he wants me to keep his number. I asked like friends? He didn’t reply to that he just said he wanted space to think and that I went overboard with things? Uhh, he said he wanted to end the relationship and that it needs to end so this is more than space and distance.
It hurt but I’m the type of person that gets over things fast by keeping busy but I need to talk cause I was in this too not just him.
so right points