I see it happen over and over again, like a train wreck that could have been stopped. A friend of mine will start seeing a guy who seems promising. They'll go on a couple dates which go well, but in no time, she'll start to see a couple of yellow flags go up. The thing is, she really wants things to work out, so she ignores those yellow flags hoping they'll work themselves out.
As the relationship progresses, more of those flags pop up and even a couple of red ones, but she is now so emotionally invested that the red flags are no longer enough of a deterrent. She plants her flag in the relationship, crosses her fingers and makes a go for it hoping it will all work out into something that resembles a good, long-lasting relationship.
Fast forward months or even years later, and that relationship has fizzled out of existence. There's crying and heartache, anger, feelings of rejection and a whole lot of wasted time. She'll beat herself up, and ask questions like, 'What could I have done differently...or why doesn't he love me the way I love him?" It's self inflicted drama and pain that could have been avoided.
The thing is, we all have the ability to avoid these terrible outcomes if we're just smart about dating. You must be attentive, use your brain as well as your heart and don't ignore the warning signs that this might be a relationship headed for disaster.
The problem is, most women don't know what signs to look for even if they feel that something might be wrong. It's not always clear, but if you know what to look for, you can learn to avoid these relationship pit falls. Here are 10 signs that your relationship won't last.
1. He's Too Busy To Call
I always say you make time for the people and things that matter in your life. If he's saying he's to too busy to call you and can go for days without speaking or seeing you, know that you are no where near the top of his list of most important people. If anything, it's usually a sure sign that you're just another ball he's juggling and he just hasn't gotten to you yet. It doesn't matter how busy he is, if you matter, he will do everything he can to get to you.
2. Makes Promises He Doesn't Keep
One of my friends met a guy who supposedly had all this money. He would shower her with nice gifts and dinners and even promised to take her to Paris. I immediately, knew this trip was probably not going to happen, however. She was completely heart broken. A few days before the trip, she had a hard time reaching him.
Surprise!
Before that, he dropped the ball on several small things, like, calling her on her birthday, stood her up on several dates and wait for it--had a girlfriend he was supposedly trying to break it off with…which brings me to number 3.
3. He's On The Verge Of A Perpetual Breakup
Want a guaranteed way to be the girl on the side? Date a guy whose currently in a relationship. That goes for married men too. The story is always the same. For whatever reason, things aren't working out, he's fallen out of love and he doesn't want to be in it anymore. He's just taking his time to break it off because he doesn't want to hurt her or because of some other complicated and convoluted reason. It's all B.S. ladies. Don't fall for it! If he's talking to you while still in a relationship, you are talking to a C-H-E-A-T-E-R! You should expect that he will do the same to you.
4. He Doesn't Introduce You to His Friends & Family
When you've met someone you love…you want to shout it out on the mountain top! Hey Everyone! I'm In Love! The only reason why you wouldn't blast all about your new love on the megaphone is because you don't want this relationship to be made public. Either he's embarrassed, hiding something or doesn't have any friends or family which no matter what the reason, is just plain weird. You can learn a lot about someone through their family and friends which is a huge part of getting closer and moving your relationship to the next level. If he's keeping this part of his life secret from you, it begs to be investigated.
5. He's Totally Controlling
Does he want to know what you're doing at all times and who you're doing it with? Does he tell you who you can speak to and hang out with? Does he try to isolate you from family and friends and tell you that the only people that matter are the two of you? Perhaps he drinks more than you would like, checks your phone, email messages or is super jealous. If he's doing any of things, it's not because he loves that much. It's a sign of control, and controlling men are usually abusive in nature.
6. You Fight and Argue...A Lot
Sometimes its the little things that set you off and you can't help going off the deep end. You guys fight about the smallest , silliest things, even though you'll make up soon after. Everyday is something else and you just want it to stop, but it keeps happening. There is usually an underlying reason for the constant fighting even if you don't immediately see it. Either one or both of you isn't willing or able to see things from each others' perspective which can eventually fester into a blow up big enough to break things off. It's stressful, not good for the soul and you can do bad all by yourself.
7. He's Afraid to Commit
This should be a no-brainer, but women repeatedly get caught in this web. There/s a point in every relationship when things just have to advance in order for real progress to be made. If he's stalling, the immediate question should be why? A commitment-phobe will have all kinds of reasons and justifications as to why he's not ready to move on to the next level, but none of those reasons should allow you to do yourself the disfavor of waiting in vain. Run, as fast as you can. If he in fact really truly wants it work, he will catch up to you.
8. He Has BRO-mances
Men who have a lot of male friends and hang out regularly tend to be so caught up in their Bromance, that there's no room for real romance. They're friends are number one and all of their decisions, everything they do, say and think is ruled by committee. You will always play second fiddle and his relationship with them will always inevitably affect the relationship he has with you. It's a sure sign of immaturity.
9. You Don't Have Anything In Common
He likes to stay in and play video games, you like to bungey jump. He like Burgers and Fries, but you're a vegetarian. You go to church every Sunday, he doesn't believe in God. There have been couples with complete different lifestyles and ideals that make it, but there is always something beyond those basics that is working as the glue, such as a deep appreciation for each others' differences, but that is totally rare.
Usually, one of you is going to want the other to come over to the other side and it won't be pretty. There's a fear of losing your own identity or being forced to be and do something you're not which can cause resentment and unrest. Commonality is a major ingredient for long lasting relationships. You'll have to choose the things that are most important to you and find someone who will share in those sentiments.
10. You're Exhaustively Needy
If you're needy, you probably know it. There is nothing more exhausting than having to deal with someone who requires constant affirmation. If you need to be talked down a ledge every time something doesn't go the way your way, you can scare off just about anyone that crosses your path, including friends. Relationships should be easy. The moment they become work, its no longer fun.
There's no way a relationship will make if for the long haul if you're causing emotional drainage. It's taxing on the heart, exhausting on the body and just plain annoying. Needy people inherently have abandonment issues and simply need constant reassurance. If this is an problem for you, it might be wise to take a break so that you can deal with your issues at the root.
* * * * *
If you keep all of these things in mind, and heed to them from the onset, you'll be able to spot any kind of jerk, cheating, abusive, or bad news dude that pops up on your radar. Be smart and most importantly, be honest with yourself. Happy Dating!
As the relationship progresses, more of those flags pop up and even a couple of red ones, but she is now so emotionally invested that the red flags are no longer enough of a deterrent. She plants her flag in the relationship, crosses her fingers and makes a go for it hoping it will all work out into something that resembles a good, long-lasting relationship.
Fast forward months or even years later, and that relationship has fizzled out of existence. There's crying and heartache, anger, feelings of rejection and a whole lot of wasted time. She'll beat herself up, and ask questions like, 'What could I have done differently...or why doesn't he love me the way I love him?" It's self inflicted drama and pain that could have been avoided.
The thing is, we all have the ability to avoid these terrible outcomes if we're just smart about dating. You must be attentive, use your brain as well as your heart and don't ignore the warning signs that this might be a relationship headed for disaster.
The problem is, most women don't know what signs to look for even if they feel that something might be wrong. It's not always clear, but if you know what to look for, you can learn to avoid these relationship pit falls. Here are 10 signs that your relationship won't last.
1. He's Too Busy To Call
I always say you make time for the people and things that matter in your life. If he's saying he's to too busy to call you and can go for days without speaking or seeing you, know that you are no where near the top of his list of most important people. If anything, it's usually a sure sign that you're just another ball he's juggling and he just hasn't gotten to you yet. It doesn't matter how busy he is, if you matter, he will do everything he can to get to you.
"It doesn't matter how busy he is, if you matter, he will do everything he can to get to you."
2. Makes Promises He Doesn't Keep
One of my friends met a guy who supposedly had all this money. He would shower her with nice gifts and dinners and even promised to take her to Paris. I immediately, knew this trip was probably not going to happen, however. She was completely heart broken. A few days before the trip, she had a hard time reaching him.
Surprise!
Before that, he dropped the ball on several small things, like, calling her on her birthday, stood her up on several dates and wait for it--had a girlfriend he was supposedly trying to break it off with…which brings me to number 3.
3. He's On The Verge Of A Perpetual Breakup
Want a guaranteed way to be the girl on the side? Date a guy whose currently in a relationship. That goes for married men too. The story is always the same. For whatever reason, things aren't working out, he's fallen out of love and he doesn't want to be in it anymore. He's just taking his time to break it off because he doesn't want to hurt her or because of some other complicated and convoluted reason. It's all B.S. ladies. Don't fall for it! If he's talking to you while still in a relationship, you are talking to a C-H-E-A-T-E-R! You should expect that he will do the same to you.
4. He Doesn't Introduce You to His Friends & Family
When you've met someone you love…you want to shout it out on the mountain top! Hey Everyone! I'm In Love! The only reason why you wouldn't blast all about your new love on the megaphone is because you don't want this relationship to be made public. Either he's embarrassed, hiding something or doesn't have any friends or family which no matter what the reason, is just plain weird. You can learn a lot about someone through their family and friends which is a huge part of getting closer and moving your relationship to the next level. If he's keeping this part of his life secret from you, it begs to be investigated.
5. He's Totally Controlling
Does he want to know what you're doing at all times and who you're doing it with? Does he tell you who you can speak to and hang out with? Does he try to isolate you from family and friends and tell you that the only people that matter are the two of you? Perhaps he drinks more than you would like, checks your phone, email messages or is super jealous. If he's doing any of things, it's not because he loves that much. It's a sign of control, and controlling men are usually abusive in nature.
"He may come off secretive or not talk much about himself or his past - it's one of the ways he can maintain control."It may start off pleasant. He'll make you feel extra special, say the sweetest things and make you feel like you're his world…but that's exactly what he wants. For you to be in his world and no where else. Other things to look out for are that he comes off secretive or doesn't talk much about himself or his past. It's one of the ways he can maintain control. Don't let this slide or suffer the consequences sooner than later. The earlier you get out of a situation like this, the easier.
6. You Fight and Argue...A Lot
Sometimes its the little things that set you off and you can't help going off the deep end. You guys fight about the smallest , silliest things, even though you'll make up soon after. Everyday is something else and you just want it to stop, but it keeps happening. There is usually an underlying reason for the constant fighting even if you don't immediately see it. Either one or both of you isn't willing or able to see things from each others' perspective which can eventually fester into a blow up big enough to break things off. It's stressful, not good for the soul and you can do bad all by yourself.
7. He's Afraid to Commit
This should be a no-brainer, but women repeatedly get caught in this web. There/s a point in every relationship when things just have to advance in order for real progress to be made. If he's stalling, the immediate question should be why? A commitment-phobe will have all kinds of reasons and justifications as to why he's not ready to move on to the next level, but none of those reasons should allow you to do yourself the disfavor of waiting in vain. Run, as fast as you can. If he in fact really truly wants it work, he will catch up to you.
8. He Has BRO-mances
Men who have a lot of male friends and hang out regularly tend to be so caught up in their Bromance, that there's no room for real romance. They're friends are number one and all of their decisions, everything they do, say and think is ruled by committee. You will always play second fiddle and his relationship with them will always inevitably affect the relationship he has with you. It's a sure sign of immaturity.
9. You Don't Have Anything In Common
He likes to stay in and play video games, you like to bungey jump. He like Burgers and Fries, but you're a vegetarian. You go to church every Sunday, he doesn't believe in God. There have been couples with complete different lifestyles and ideals that make it, but there is always something beyond those basics that is working as the glue, such as a deep appreciation for each others' differences, but that is totally rare.
Usually, one of you is going to want the other to come over to the other side and it won't be pretty. There's a fear of losing your own identity or being forced to be and do something you're not which can cause resentment and unrest. Commonality is a major ingredient for long lasting relationships. You'll have to choose the things that are most important to you and find someone who will share in those sentiments.
10. You're Exhaustively Needy
If you're needy, you probably know it. There is nothing more exhausting than having to deal with someone who requires constant affirmation. If you need to be talked down a ledge every time something doesn't go the way your way, you can scare off just about anyone that crosses your path, including friends. Relationships should be easy. The moment they become work, its no longer fun.
There's no way a relationship will make if for the long haul if you're causing emotional drainage. It's taxing on the heart, exhausting on the body and just plain annoying. Needy people inherently have abandonment issues and simply need constant reassurance. If this is an problem for you, it might be wise to take a break so that you can deal with your issues at the root.
If you keep all of these things in mind, and heed to them from the onset, you'll be able to spot any kind of jerk, cheating, abusive, or bad news dude that pops up on your radar. Be smart and most importantly, be honest with yourself. Happy Dating!
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