No. This is an easy one. I could go on and on about why that's unhealthy; why it's misguided and why it's just a horrible idea.
Also, speaking for myself. I am as loyal as loyal gets. There's nothing more important to me in terms of values. I have never been disloyal.
I would end any relationship, no matter what... if a girlfriend were to 'test' our relationship. That, to me, is a 100% sure sign that she's not someone I want to be in a relationship with.
It speaks volumes about the person who decides it's a good idea to 'test' their relationship. None of what it says about the person is good. (as a partner, not like..."as a person")
If you're asking because you're considering doing this, please shoot me a private message and I'll do my best to convince you that it's a horrible idea. :)
u Testing a partner implies distrust and lack of respect. If I discover that a partner has been testing me, we are probably finished. . . regardless of whether I passed the test.
Opinion
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Hell no. It's a selfish thing to do to someone in order to gain some form of self worth and reassurance. Insecure people do this and it's not for them to make sure they don't get hurt. They don't love themselves which makes them have doubts about anyone who wants to be with them. They only see that they are unlovable so it's hard to trust that anyone could love them. It's personal deep seated issues that they are taking out on someone else. People don't realize that the person getting tested is going to take it personal and be hurt by such things. Don't make someone doubt themselves because you doubt yourself. It's toxic.
The results of such a test is only going to be perceived through the same doubt that made you test it in the first place. So no matter what that person does, I guarantee it that you will find some fault in. People who test others are looking for a reason to not trust them in order to justify the feelings they have towards yourself.
NO.
Two reasons:
1. Life will test it on it's own; you don't need to expedite that, you just need to be observant.
2. By "testing" it, you IMMEDIATELY DESTROY THE OTHER PERSON'S TRUST IN YOU. THEY NO LONGER BELIEVE YOU ARE CAPABLE OF BEING LOYAL TO THEM BECAUSE YOU DO NOT TRUST THEM.
BOTTOM LINE: You do this to a man, YOU ARE GONE.
No straight man will tolerate this behavior.
You will actually create the situation that you fear: He will leave you for another very quickly.
RESPONSE TO UPDATE:
You wrote:
"Forgot to write my own answer (sorry) but I think its looking for issues when you feel the need to test your partners loyalty"
YOU NEVER NEED TO "LOOK FOR ISSUES" TO TEST YOUR PARTNER'S LOYALTY BECAUSE YOU NEVER SHOULD TEST YOUR PARTNER'S LOYALTY. PERIOD.
Sure why not. But calling them loyalty checks sounds a lot more controlling then you probably mean to be.
I think we all have arbitrary metrics for what is cheating and what isn't and I think it's perfectly valid to ask your partner these questions at any given time:
Have you been stalking hot insta girls, or do you think my friend is hot, or have you been talking to your ex and if so, how are they doing?
I think the people that get the most defensive about answering these small questions are usually the guilty ones or partners that secretly think they can do better. At the end of the day, we should want to provide reassurance to our partners.
Girls will go an extra mile to make an average guy (down there), feel like a king, even though everyone knows how to use a measuring tape.
I think the fake cheating stunts or searching through someone text history or installing an in house camera, I think that shit is too far.
Only if you have trust issues.
I get why i would seem like a great idea. But what if the person cheats with a specific person and nobody else. To try to bait them using a friend.
When do they cheat, every few months or 3 years into they start. What if you test at the wrong time, when they are not active for some reason and miss out.
Both causing to have bad data anyway. To be sure, maybe test everyday or have them followed. What if the follower falls inlove and is the accoplish 🤔
Relationship is built on trust.
It's not a perfect system.
Shouldn't be with somebody you can't trust, even if it is your own insecurities etc.
Part of me says if you think you need loyalty tests , you have a problem but on the other hand understand the need for reassurance. I would not go down the way of tests etc but I would say I am fully committed to this relationship, are you? - It sounds like a test but it is more a statement - A test implies doubt but a statement implies you are giving something as well (your committment) and you want the same back - It is subtle but the other person may appreciate more than a "TEST".
No. That would insinuate that you don't trust them in the first place. Nobody should put anyone through a "relationship test" it's just wrong, especially if one intends to do it secretly. If someone has to go through that much.. you might as well call it a day and end it. Or try to discuss where those issues stem from. Testing belongs in school, and even then.. I question how they're administered. They definitely don't need to be practiced in a relationship.
Such sabotage is self defeating and, frankly, insulting. If they cheat you will know it soon enough. Especially men cheating because they aren't as Machiavellian as women are and fail to adequately cover their tracks. "Testing" is known among guys as "shit - tests" that women (try to) put men to. Its not limited to cheating-they "shit test" for other things too. Its one of the things men find unattractive in women. Its juvenile. And some women wonder why they can't find a lasting relationship!
No. Not unless you really think he is cheating. I think I would be pissed-off if my girlfriend tested my loyalty. Hopefully, I would pass the test, but I would still be pissed at her. I'm not a cheater, so why put me in that situation on purpose. I think it could back-fire one you.
No. If you need to “test” your partner’s loyalty, you’re probably too immature for a real relationship and should focus on growing up first.
Remind me to give you mho x
I'm thoroughly against this notion. Loyalty is something to inspire as I see it, not something to demand and test. People will lose my loyalty if they constantly test it, and perhaps they can convince themselves that I wasn't loyal in the first place. I was until they tested me because my loyalty was given on the basis that they wouldn't be that type of person.
Similar thing with the notion that "trust is earned". I do not agree with this. If I thought that way, I would have to spy constantly on my allies to test and make sure they are trustworthy while assuming they aren't, and it is impossible to ever be sure they are trustworthy. I would have to spy and spy and spy on them and I would still not be sure. They might still be guilty of violating my trust and I just haven't caught it yet. The only thing I see to be earned is distrust. Trust is not earned. It is granted by someone willing to take a risk and give the other the benefit of the doubt.
The productive direction as I see it is that you build enough inner strength and fortitude and courage to survive some betrayals here and there. Trusting in someone, including their loyalty, can backfire here and there. It's always a gamble to trust in someone. So you become strong enough to handle the worst-case scenarios. It is not so productive to turn into a paranoid person suspicious of everyone around them. That is the tyrannical path where tyrannical dictators start executing and driving away everyone around them because they can't trust anyone. All their tests for loyalty will never be enough for them because they don't understand the fundamental idea that trusting will always boil down gambling.
Define how do you test? Like games and sneaky tricks?
Like making a dummy social media account then try to flirt with your partner’s reaction to the situation? That’s really silly and insecure.
If you mean by asking situational questions with them and judge their responses? That’s more decent and easier.
Don't be such a trashy person as to put others on the spot when they are your friends, but you are not theirs.
It's why you attract drama, and will end up a single mom with no friends.
Agreed
Do you mean set up tests and tricks to see how your SO or potential SO would react given a difficult situation?
That seems manipulative to me and if the other found out about it it would not aid in developing trust from them. It could bite you back.
I wouldn't recommend it. If you're paying attention you'll figure it out. So still verify things, don't trust blindly but I wouldn't set them up just to see how they'd react either.
No because your judgement after the test could be right or wrong but it will be only based on your perspective.
Suppose a teacher puts a surprise class test today and a student failed that test so does it mean that he is totally incapable to live his future. What the teacher didn't see is that the kid even though wasn't ready for the test took the test.
The only perfect judge in this world is god.
Once you overcome your fears of your future you will never think of any test.
Nope. You shouldn't have to. Trust your instinct. Intuition. It's never wrong. Your first thought or what you see or hear is pretty that. In other words, don't second guess or write a scenario as to why someone is doing or saying something out of the norm. Believe what people show you about themselves. And, don't try to compromise to fit their desire or yours. My dad always said "Don't let your wants hurt you."
Test? 4 what? If they don't meet your standards, you gotta walk away.
No. But tbh i wouldn't give a care if i was. Oh no she's gonna find out i would stay loyal so scary. Then again if she knew me, she would know i would figure out it was a set up right away so wouldn't exactly matter.
Oh yeah. I believe these are key.
I am fine with having someone create a profile and hit on a spouse online. See where things go. What transpires.
Still, don’t expect it to always go your way when you out someone. Their partner may still make excuses for them.
I feel some natural testing occurs regardless of weather you should.
I don't think you should purposly put preassure on a relationship. Even if that doesn't break you up your partner will carry a negativ memory from the experiance. You don't want that, especially should you realize your partner was a good one.
Not at all. If I don’t think my man is loyal then I shouldn’t be with him. I don’t like to waste my time playing those type of games but I’ll have my own simple tests.
m Life does tests relationships, the way they should be tested.
If you take it on your own to push it to its limits, then that's more like sabotage.
No. If you need to test someone while you are in a relationship, then you should not be in a relationship. You wanna test someone, do it before you commit.
No, thinking that you to test their loyalty is saying that you don't trust them so the relationship is likely not good.
Reminds me of the movie Through A Scanner Darkly. People who test others seem almost schizo or multiple personality. Can be confusing and create negative outcomes that otherwise would not happen. Not saying not too test but there's some nuance.
Only if you're okay with losing them. Righteous people don't take kindly to that kind of bullshit.
On update...
I always say, "Trust but verify. Always." You don't 'test' them, you check up on them. You read between the lines. Are they always reliable, love and adore you, dote on you, are enthusiastic? Cuz a cheater doesn't bother with all that - their focus is on the side piece. It's always a little more exciting.
And you need to do the work to keep them. So, I've asked you before, but you refused to reply, do you even know how to keep a man?
Didn't refuse to reply I'm just shit at doing so.
And yep
Sounds like a good idea! What could POSSIBLY go wrong?
I fair bit
I missed the sarcasm
😑😑😑😑
Why would someone want to continue in a relationship where their partner sets test for them? Its board line narcissistic. I mean to say, they're your lover, not a lab rat for you to conduct experiments on.
No you either do it or you don't it's that simple if there's any games did it's just a game and so the next time is it something might be real to the other person is just going to be a game
If you have to test the other person to see if they're faithful the relationship is pretty much f*cked already due to zero trust.
Yeah we should taste it to know weather he/she loves you the way you love he/her for us not to waist our time
If he thinks you’re capable of testing him, he’s going to pass every test.
No, that’s very disrespectful and shoees ample insecurity and a lack of trust, which is very off/putting
No. That's annoying and a sign of insecurity and mistrust. If you can't trust your partner, the relationship is guaranteed to fall apart.
I've never heard of a loyalty test, but I don't think I would do that. If I were looking to date a woman, I would certainly want to make sure I could trust her.
That's an invitation for problems. That shows me that lack of trust, which is the real problem (with that person). If you feel the need to "test" someone, then you shouldn't be in the relationship.
I don't know. People tend to get pissed when you test them. But sometimes it may be necessary. So I reckon it depends on the circumstances.
You can test, not sure what the test would look like, but it can save you the heartbreak.
No. Not worth it. If one has to resort to testing it then it means something is not right.
No, if you do not trust your SO then you need to look at yourself in the mirror.
If you feel you have to test their loyalty it sounds like the trust has already gone
You mean should you "shit test" your man? If he is any kind of man he will tell you to GFYS.
Gfys?
We r women. Our existence is the test. 😂 we really don’t have to come up with anything.
I think if you need to do that, reevaluate your relationship. I believe they could cause more problems instead of building trust. My 2 cents worth,
No. Life will test them plenty. If you're testing them, you're an asshole.
No if you are going to test if your man is lpyal or not you didn't trust him in the first place and you don't deserve a man.
Break up with yours now you don't deserve love
No! Do you want someone testing you? Of course not! Then don't do it to others.
The appropriate question to ask is Should You Test Your Brains since you don't seem to have any with this juvenile question
Is That Why You Capitalize Every Letter To Sound Super Duper Cranky?
how did you guess
If I notice my partner doing some type of test on me I'm leaving.
I would never do this. If a woman did this to me I'd hate it. I'd never do this to someone else
That’s the problem with women nowadays, they can’t be real, honest or up front, always testing, always playing games, and then they wonder where all the good guys are…. HINT: WE LEFT, BITCH ! Tired of your tests, games and jumping through your fidelity hoops while you report our every stat to your girlfriends behind our backs. I have a RealDoll that doesn’t play games, and I can fuck it any time I want.
I won't but if she was hurt before and she tested me that's fine I understand why she did this but not more than once.
If you feel the need to test - you're in the wrong relationship 🤠
No I don't think so. You'd be saying that you don't trust your mate
You test me and I will fail, ON PURPOSE and walk away.
I currently hire male gigolos to test my wife. 1 in 5 is a win, to me :(
you don't need to hire-she freelances.
Well she would know I'm loyal so what's the point in the test lol
hell yeah , hire the most expensive hooker to flirt with boyfriend
Yeah if you feel the need to test him, you should leave the relationship.
That's mostly unhealthy. If anything, you should never bring it up and just observe their actions.
Sure, test them, and you can cause them to fail just from the testing.
Do that and you are out in a second...
yikes
Yeah you can do that once a relationship is formed and he is aware no female friends
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