When I was 13 I used to furiously type this into Google and pray that I would find the answer, but instead I would be faced by 785,000,000 different answers.
Many of my friends already had boyfriends (of about two-three weeks, but that was a loooong time as a young teenager! And at that age, you thought your first love would last forever. Bleurgh!) and had their first kisses, both of which I wouldn't have until a few years later (17 and 15 years old, respectively) and I was desperate to know what it must feel like; how I was expected to behave..
I was sexually abused at 16, by a sibling's friend, which would make relationships difficult (as if having anxiety couldn't have made it hard enough, right?). I had my first boyfriend at 17, thought he was 'The One' and all that stuff, despite not actually talking about the stuff you think you would do but whatever. Then that relationship ended and what did I do? I hopped into bed with someone else practically the same day as I ended the previous one (smart move, redpanda_).. This time I was 19. I went through all the stuff, thinking he was definitely 'The One': we had talked about houses, children, mortgages.. But at the end of the day I wasn't enough for him. He dumped me and cheated on me with an older woman. I was distraught and put off men for a while.
But then I met the most recent man in my life, at 21. I don't know what it was but we clicked. I hadn't told him about my anxiety and stress management (or lack of), yet he knew he needed to calm me down and help ease the stress going on in my head; I've spoke to him about houses; jobs; children; mortgages; renting; and the biggest one of all was probably telling him about what happened to me at 16. I hadn't told anyone else, and to this day (until now, albeit anonymously) I still haven't.
**Okay, slight edit before posting.. I told my friend (let's call her Jem - 'cause she is a wee gem!) but that was after him and she told me I had nothing to be ashamed of - hence why you lovely people on G@G are being told.**
Back to my main point. You can go onto Google and try find your answer or you find out for yourself, because ultimately, everyone's perceptions of what would make someone 'The One' is different. To me, 'The One' is someone I can trust with my life - not just metaphorically but physically too - I trust him with my mental health; I trust him with my physical being; I trust him that what I say between us stays between us. We support each other: I'm his cheerleader and he is mine. We respect each other; as he knows I was abused, he is always very cautious in the bedroom that he doesn't hurt me (even though I like good, rough sex) and we have the same sex drive. But we also respect each other in that we know we both are busy and we see each other when we can.
Have I rambled? Probably.
I'm sorry.
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