Why 50/50 Relationships Are Illogical and Doomed to Fail

Today I´m going to share my take about a sensitive matter. I can sense that many people will disagree with me and mainly women. Though, it has to be said. I´m basing whatever I say on facts supported by science and logic. I´ll leave disagreeing or agreeing completely to you.

Why 50/50 Relationships Are Illogical and Doomed to Fail

What is a 50/50 relationship?

A 50/50 relationship is the idea that you have to split everything in half. Each person should share the household chores, should work to come to agreements even if it is a compromise, should split the bill and should share the parenting duties.

A relationship and a marriage is an union, not a partnership.

When someone loves someone, they help each other with whatever they can. They don´t think of splitting everything in half and expecting them to take their part. From splitting alone, many fights break out because one earns more than the other and not everyone might be like you. It could get quite confusing without any roles though. In an union, it doesn´t really matter what the other one does and whether it´s less or more because you both have one common purpose. If your partner can´t or doesn´t pay for the bills, they might make it up by taking care of the house or the kids. A partnership belongs in the law firm, not in a healthy relationship.

50/50 is just really tiring.

You have to check constantly whether your partner has done the chores or paying or not. It´s opens the door to frustration, negativity and maybe even a lack of trust which results in a break up. Especially if this is happening occasionally because let´s be honest: no one is really like you. You might want to have done everything today but your partner might think after another two weeks is good enough.

What does biology say about this?

Any human with common sense and some knowledge knows that the female and the male function differently. Comparing a male to a female is like comparing the day with the night and forcing a female to act like a man of vice versa is like forcing the day to become the night. It doesn´t work, no matter how much we want this equality, it will never be a reality because the female and the male are just not equal. Physically seen, you already see a lot of differences. Like no single body part is exactly the same. Well, the mind is like 10x worse.

Male and female brains actually differ right down at the genetic level in quite a drastic way. Studies reveal that typically EVERY CELL in the male brain contains a Y chromosome. Quite alarmingly, female brains usually contain no Y chromosomes at all! This lack of a Y chromosome has many obvious physical effects, but most women still manage to lead normal, cognitively-unimpaired lives despite this clear deficit in the very DNA of their brains.

The 50/50 rule is practically seen unachievable. There I said it guys. The theory may seem good but in reality it will not work out successfully. People end up with dissatisfaction, especially when babies start to pop out. Why is that?

As you have heard, the male is due to dominating testosterone levels biologically seen dominant unlike the female who is due to dominating estrogen more prone to be submissive. You could reject this, but this is pure biology.

Imagine both of you work full-time and paying 50/50. Before you go home, you grab a quick dinner because there is no meal ready and you´re most of the time exhausted after work which is reasonable. The house isn´t really cleaned because again none of you has time. When you clean the house, you´ll leave half of it to him/her or plan to make your partner clean next time. This routine will stay of course. Homemade food is something you could wish for every day, and your house isn´t really clean (yes, it is necessary to clean every day, you can´t skip days or even worse weeks). Since you´re both ´equal´, there is little to no excitement. It´s just a dull routine you have to go through every single day. To you it matters that you both are kind of a ´gender neutral´. Whether you may believe this or not but your subconscious does not agree with you. You could look up the divorce rates of these times and see how unsuccessful 50/50 is because in the end the male seeks something out of the female and vice versa. When one can´t fulfill this it will lead to frustration.

Whoops a baby!

All right, let´s say you somehow managed this stage and you end up pregnant or your woman is expecting a baby. During my study I learnt that it is extremely necessary that a child has a tight bond with his mother. If a child doesn´t feel connected in a healthy way to his mom, he will later on suffer from anxiety, insecurity and he´d be irresponsible.

Why 50/50 Relationships Are Illogical and Doomed to Fail

Say you´re working fulltime and therefore you bring your child to the daycare. Your child would end up lacking that tight bond with you. A child requires a lot of attention, effort and time. It´s necessary.

The father role is also very important because the father is like a role model for his child. Yet the father doesn´t have to be all day with the kid. This is because women are more nurturing by nature (due to estrogen) and babies/children subconsciously know this. Did you know when a mother is breastfeeding her baby, the bond between the baby and his mom tightens because it releases certain chemicals in the brain?

Professor Jianfeng Feng, who demonstrated the effect, said: 'We knew that these pulses arise because, during suckling, oxytocin neurons fire together in dramatic synchronised bursts.

A mother is basically the caretaker and the father is basically the teacher. You don’t have to be all day with your teacher but when he talks to you he certainly leaves a big impact on you. Without a teacher, you´d be lost in life (single moms do in general really bad).

Professor Sir Denis Pereira Grey (former president of the Royal College of Practitioners), early years expert Dr Carole Ulanowsky, consultant child psychotherapist Robin Balbernie and professor of social work and psychology David Howe talk about how growing problems in society, such as depression, can be due to poor child/care relationships and stress in the first three years.

This is another important reason why 50/50 isn´t working. It´s better to let nature do it´s job. The male is the hunter. He is responsible for the money. The woman is the one who takes care. She is responsible for the house and their kids. Of course a woman can work before I get shot down here with ´you´re so sexist´ by idiots who can´t read, comments. I´m just saying fulltime isn´t practical. Part-time would be a better option. At least you´d have time for both your kids, the house and your career. If you´re single, working fulltime seems to be all right, since you don´t have other responsibilities.

Back to the prehistory, we can´t really say it was a coincidence that males were the hunters. Especially when it didn´t change over the time. It has a biological and psychological base. It´s rooted inside us. Both genders have different qualities and weaknesses. We should embrace our differences, we shouldn´t force ourselves to become the same. Our differences is what makes us unique and attractive.

The baby in the womb.

Working full time during pregnancy may affect the baby in a bad way by the way. Especially if the job is really stressful, I guess nearly everyone is familiar with what stress does to a baby in the womb.

The situation of the results regarding prolonged stress is completely different, as was determined using questionnaires for diagnosing chronic social overload: "If the mother is stressed for a longer period of time, the CRH level in the amniotic fluid increases," says Pearl La Marca-Ghaemmaghami, psychologist and program researcher. This higher concentration of stress hormone in turn accelerates the growth of the fetus. As a result, the effect of the hormone on growth is confirmed, as has been observed in animals such as tadpoles: If their pond is on the verge of drying out, CRH is released in tadpoles, thereby driving their metamorphosis. "The corticotropin-releasing hormone CRH obviously plays a complex and dynamic role in the development of the human fetus, which needs to be better understood," La Marca-Ghaemmaghami summarizes.

My logical opinion.

Why 50/50 Relationships Are Illogical and Doomed to Fail

That´s not all folks, in my personal opinion a relationship is about giving without expecting to receive. I´m doing things out of love. To me the happiness from my partner matters to me. I would feel happy if I could make his life as comfortable as possible. Coming home finding meals ready and a clean house, You may think I´m overreacting but I´m not, I know many people who divorced for matters like food, dirt and dissatisfaction. The 50/50 thing is so far away from what we call out of love because you do it because you must and because of your own selfishness. You make rules to meet your needs. Two adults don´t need rules together, it should come from the heart. In order to make things work, one should give it a 100%. One should help one another if needed.

If you keep nagging at your man or woman to finally mown the lawn, trust me, it´s just a matter of time before he or she is gone. You can´t make things work forcing stuff upon one another because it gets tiring. Nagging could decrease interest or even attraction. It could make the subconscious mind feel disgust for someone. We are humans, we can see, and feel. You can mown the lawn yourself, he or she will see that, and he or she will take notes and return the favor. That´s how you grow love if you entered a relationship that lacks it (because in my opinion a person in love does things automatically for their loved one to make their life easier).

When a relationship is predominantly carried on like a series of business transactions, there can be a tendency to withhold or to feel controlled. When the flow of giving stops, both people suffer. Out of the feelings of hurt and deprivation, complaints, criticism, and demands begin. The climate of the relationship deteriorates, and a downward spiral can spin out of control.

Also, before I get comments like I have no life to be a housewife or that I´m not intelligent enough to pursue a career or something. I´m planning to become a behavioral scientist so you can sit down, I literally study this too. I´ll be pursuing my career without neglecting taking care of the house, my man and raising up my kids full of love. Part time is an option you know. I find it extremely important to have a perfect balance as the perfectionist I am. I´m just pointing out why 50/50 is a bad idea. You can think of ´gender roles´ as outdated or whatever you like but that is actually what´s natural and it is the most successful way of living together with someone of the opposite gender.

Before someone mentions feminism and how it´s not empowering, Feminism could go to hell. I don´t feel my self worth decreasing as a woman just because I like to keep someone I love satisfied, which I do with pleasure and love.

Why 50/50 Relationships Are Illogical and Doomed to Fail

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Most Helpful Guys

  • I agree with you on most of your points especially about children, stress pregnancy and early years need for thier mother.
    My wife and I both work full time. With first child we were still in college had decided we where getting marrieds after graduation when she got pregnant. We had to get ready in a hurry and she worked/school through pregnancy. That kid is wired very type A extremely smart and an abnormally hit pain tolerance. She will do very well in life but may have problems being too controlling. The second my wife didn’t need to work and only focused on school and spending time with the little one. The second is very relaxed and sweet not as go getter as the first and more of a girls girl. We have discussed the difference in personality and nature connected to pregnancy. My wife had been a student and just graduated and started working. Since starting to work she literally negleted the family and put work over basic family needs. She literally couldn’t see any other way because she was new to the constant stress in work life. She didn’t understand that work never ends. She was staying at work 4 hours after her contracted time every night. We had a ton of support from our parents mainly her mom in particular to help her finish school. When she graduated and went into summer break her mom called me a few months later stating that she is still picking up the kids everyday feeding and bathing them and wondering what thier mom is doing with her time. She had filled all her extra time with commitments. I noticed the kids had formed a stronger bond with grandmother and when I had them all they asked for was thier mom. I started speaking up and it became a huge tension. I started feeling like a nag. Her words “ I feel like I’m spinning plates and if I excel at work I fail at home if I excel with the kids and work I fail you maybe I should quit” I told her to look at her field and see how many mothers are in it. I said if they can do it why can’t you? I pick up as much slack as possible so I come home from work get my kids, I clean constantly because our house is getting filthy she only changes laundry at this point but doesn’t fold, I still am responsible for all outside work. Our sex life resides on me keeping it going. On top of that Iam finding ways to get her to relax and doing romantic things to keep it fresh. Prioritize your life. It goes marriage, kids then responsibility’s. It must be in that order because nothing works if the marriage struggles

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  • I agree completely.

    I think that in the early stages of dating things should be roughly equal. At that point you're just getting to know each other, you don't know whether you're gonna like each other, most likely both of you are working and earning your own money. The funny thing is that it's here that those same women who claim to want equal relationships are likely to hypocritically claim to want to be traditional just to have the man pay for everything, which often can mean the man being taken advantage of and being strung along. That's something I never accepted.

    Once it gets more serious though, that's when I think it's fine to fall into more traditional roles, especially when it comes to the point where you decide to have children. At that point you're together, you're supposed to be a team and trust each other fully. There should be no "my money, your money" - just "our money". In which case the obsession with everything being 50/50 is only going to cause pointless arguments.

    I support traditional gender roles for many reasons. It's better for the children, many studies show that children are better off with one parent at home - not just younger children, but right up until they leave high school. Statistically they get better grades on average than those with working parents. They also have less mental health issues such as anxiety and depression. Some say it doesn't matter who stays home, however when they're young what's best for them is to be breast-fed for at least the first 2 years. If you want more than one child and you want to do this, the woman needs to be the one to stay home.

    Couples in which the man is the breadwinner are the least likely to divorce. Couples that are more equal are slightly more likely. Couples in which the woman earns 60%+ of the household income are 40% more likely to divorce. Couples with stay at home Dads, even if it was the woman's idea, are the most likely to divorce.

    Feminist studies claim that sharing equal amounts of housework leads to more sex, but others show the opposite result - that it leads to less. There were studies done in many European countries, which reported that couples that were more right wing (more likely to be traditional) were more sexually satisfied than couples that were left wing (more likely to be "equal"). In another study left wing men were more likely to share their wives (literal cucks), and right wing men were more likely to be dominant in the bedroom.

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Most Helpful Girl

  • Thank you! You just restored my faith in humanity. Tell it to those cheap, lazy, broke fuckboys who expect women to do the work they're supposed to be doing. That includes those feminazi fools. 50/50 mentalities are horseshit as proven by divorce statistics.
    #traditionalalltheway

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What Guys Said 30

  • I found this mytake to be very eye opening, I often hear girls saying they are annoyed that guys won't split the work but now you are saying the 50/50 thing is dumb so cool :)

    (I know we still have to participate in the help around the house but knowing we don't have to half everything is nice)

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  • Agreed, also you have the issue where 50/50 doesn't actually define what jobs are done. When you do it a traditional way you know EXACTLY what job is yours and what job is your partners, she cooks and cleans, he mows the lawn and pays the bills, their is no confusion, no argument about whether or not they are pulling their weight because the evidence is right their. With 50/50 you have a lot of ambiguity which means both sides are convinced they are doing more then the other because they know what they have done but they can't point to what the other person has done because the roles and tasks are not divided in that way, its a you see it you do it scenario but if you don't see your partner doing the dishes then your not going to be able to keep tracking of who is doing what effectively which will breed resentment. Also as you said it should not be a business transaction, what you do you should do for them, once you do that you endear them to you and vice versa which encourages more cooperation vs. encouraging maximizing "benefits" which generally requires the mindset of screwing over the other person for your personal gain which is never good for a long term relationship.

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  • www.court-records.net/animationgk/rou-laugh(b).gif

    "Though, it has to be said. I´m basing whatever I say on facts supported by science and logic."

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  • I'd never date a woman into this 50/50 horse shit. They are just ticking time bombs for divorce or at best a dysfunctional relationship that goes nowhere.

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  • Wow just WOW, what an amazing article, i agree 100% with each word written in this article...

    That's why i keep saying that i'll never be with a girl who doesn't adore to bs a housewife

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  • What you are saying makes a lot of sense but people need to read full take what you are saying is the relationship should be viewed on every level and then an agreement should be made on the give/take of each partner. In the whole concept it becomes a 50/50 union apportioned out on every level rather than a 50/50 relationship where things most be split equally with no processing of each partners strength and weaknesses - I hope people read full take

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  • The flip side of this argument is that even though not everything is being split 50/50, each person is helping the other in proportionate and equal ways. I might do 80% of the yardwork, and 40% of the housework, but my wife does the cooking and making sure that I always have fresh, clean clothes to wear.

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  • 50/50 all the way, or not a relationship is doomed. The problem comes when it doesn't happen spontaneous, when it seems forced by one part or the other, there is where a relationship go down hill.

    Reciprocity is very important, it don't mean that if you do something your partner has to do the same, is about making the relation emotionally fulfilling for both, in different forms.

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  • Pretty much on point. Also, the calculus for 50/50 has always been horse shit. "Split the chores in half." Only women don't count what happens outside the house as "chores", so they really only mean, "do half of my work". Fixing the roof, mowing the grass, trimming the hedges, pulling the weeds, changing the car oil, shoveling the driveway, and general house repairs are all done by the man typically. But none of those count as "chores" so let's dump more work on the man because equality. Who wants to go around fucking tallying up who did how much, when, and on what day anyways? That alone is adding more work that no one needs. It's stupid.

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  • 50/50 never works. Its a time bomb indeed. Everyone should help by doing what he can and what he is good at. So the outcome is not 100 but better. Also a lot of time is saved so the couple can enjoy free time together.

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  • There is this 80/20 theory (Pareto principle). Applied by both partners it could be an alternative approach. Basically, I am with you.

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  • A relationship should be about love, not getting and receiving things.

    Of course they're doomed to fail if you follow that stupid 50/50 philosophy.

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  • Equal maybe starting out but when it comes to marraige and kids its got to be equal effort. Married couples have to agree as to their roles in the relationship ie my wife is currently staying at home until the kids are old enough to go to school leaving me responsible right now for bringing back the bacon. She generally handles most of the cleaning, laundry and cooking though I help out where I can while I handle most of the home maintaince, yard work, car maintenance and lifting of anything heavy. A serious married couple are a team not just somebody to split the bills and rent/mortgage with.

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  • The way I look at it, bills and expenses should all be paid 50/50. Keep your bank accounts separate but pay the bills together. If an expense benefits both of you then split it 50/50. This way each partner is free to use their leftover money in any way that they want. This avoids fighting over certain purchases because they are using their own money for that purchase. But they still work together for paying the bills like rent/mortgage, food, and child expenses.

    As far as a 50/50 relationship goes when it comes to things like chores, you are absolutely right. Keeping track and attempting to split it all 50/50 never works out, just ask my sisters who shared a room growing up. As long as both partners are making an honest effort to help each other out, then that is good enough.

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  • I have to say that if and when I have a child, my wife could be like 60% with the baby and work 40% and me vice versa. I think that I'm many ways kinda conservative, but I don't believe in so black and white genderroles.

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  • Relationships in general are doomed to fail these days I think. People are trash.

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  • I'd rather just have some sort of agreed upon fair division of duties and equal effort placed in to maintain that romantic fire.

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  • Wow... this was just a straight up amazing take! Every word written is just so true! :D

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  • It simply would not work in my marriage.. She makes less than 10% of what i make annually.. How can i expect her to contribute 50/50.

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  • equal is the only way tbh unless otherwise stated, why shouldn't a couple share equal throughout the relationship/marriage...

    and yes it is a union but it is also a partnership
    and every situation can be doomed to fail a relationship or marriage can easily fall apart if one decides to instead of being their partner's equal to be their superior... this can if you are not into that kind of thing become quite difficult to deal with and may create instabilities within the relationship and the mental state of each other

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What Girls Said 7

  • I've seen really dumb statistics that say women spend 240 minutes each day doing unpaid housework

    That’s 4 hours every day. And it sounds really stupid. Unless you are bleaching your walls and making three course home cooked meals three times a day from scratch... even then you would have a hard time getting to 4 hours.

    Some of the feminist arguments i hear are stupid to the point of not making any sense at all and then the feminists are shouting at you and it just looks really dumb

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    • Exactly. I have been the house-husband before. Cooked all the meals, did all the cleaning, washed clothes and watched the kids all day long. At the most it was only 2 hours of real work.

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    • I love how some of these women pat themselves on the back and basically self proclaimed superiority immortal powers simply because how hard it is for them to be so -call stay at home moms. Any job you can do while wearing pajamas or jogging pants all day with the tv on at the same time can't be that hard.

    • @truthbeknown

      You've been watching too much Bill Burr, lol.

  • We've never considered 50/50 it's both just putting half the effort into the relationship; it's so much better when I put 100% in and he puts in his 100% effort into it too! 100% + 100% = 100% in our book!!

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  • I think your misunderstanding what a true partnership looks like. No relationship can be 50/50 100% of the time. Sometimes we have to make sacrifices and one person may need to carry a heavier load from time to time but 50/50 to me means I know that, that is going to get made up for eventually. My boyfriend did less of the chores for a while because he was taking extra shifts to get a promotion so we could afford a bigger apartment. But at another time he paid for more of the house because I need to go down to part time to finish school so I could get a better job and make more money. We aren't constantly doing everything 50/50 but we are both working 50/50 to reach our goals though we might be contributing in different ways.

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    • Thank you for being my common sense in a sea of confirmation bias... sigh

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    • I agree with you %100 that’s how a true relationship works. Balanced not 50/50. I think 50/50 is good when your dating and just living together because you are both independence adults. At any point regardless of commitment you can walk without legal uncoupling. When dating you must remain in control or be aware of all aspects of your life. Do you share one single bank account and share all assets in both names? Plus in 50/50 dating you get to see how the partner handles money, chores and other responsibility’s. But in marriage the dynamic shifts to balance. If one partner is better to handle finances essentially the other spouse wil never need to handle finances for the rest of thier life. That was my point of difference of dating. It’s a big deal to start filling out paperwork’s changing your name and changing all of you bank accounts among other hassels

    • @GrassyDadShoes88 See I don't really see balanced as any different from 50/50. I could never be a stay-at-home mom for the entirety of my life, but for women who do enjoy that type of life her taking care of the house and the children is just as important as his bringing home the pay-check. Both are contributing equally ie. 50/50 they're just doing it in different ways. Once I was in school both my parents worked but my mom took a later shift so she could get us off to school. My Dad was a miner and thus worked 6:00 - 2:00 so he could be there for us when we got home. 50/50. Not all marriages could work like that but in the end I do think successful marriages are a partnership. Distributing the work across both parties. It might no be 50/50 in a literal sense but in the end it evens out. One partner working and bringing home the money and the other taking care of the house is still 50/50 in my mind.

  • It can't be 50/50 about everything. There is no real complementary about it.

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  • what in the world is this quote
    "Male and female brains actually differ right down at the genetic level in quite a drastic way. Studies reveal that typically EVERY CELL in the male brain contains a Y chromosome. Quite alarmingly, female brains usually contain no Y chromosomes at all! This lack of a Y chromosome has many obvious physical effects, but most women still manage to lead normal, cognitively-unimpaired lives despite this clear deficit in the very DNA of their brains"

    Women are often at an advantage for having two X chromosomes, if one is messed up-we have a back up and can often cope for the defective one. Men are just sol. Yea, this quote is weird.

    To the question, I agree-people who focus on the 50/50 aspect are setting themselves up for more stress and possibly failure.

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  • Awesome

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  • Good take

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