Today I´m going to share my take about a sensitive matter. I can sense that many people will disagree with me and mainly women. Though, it has to be said. I´m basing whatever I say on facts supported by science and logic. I´ll leave disagreeing or agreeing completely to you.
What is a 50/50 relationship?
A 50/50 relationship is the idea that you have to split everything in half. Each person should share the household chores, should work to come to agreements even if it is a compromise, should split the bill and should share the parenting duties.
A relationship and a marriage is an union, not a partnership.
When someone loves someone, they help each other with whatever they can. They don´t think of splitting everything in half and expecting them to take their part. From splitting alone, many fights break out because one earns more than the other and not everyone might be like you. It could get quite confusing without any roles though. In an union, it doesn´t really matter what the other one does and whether it´s less or more because you both have one common purpose. If your partner can´t or doesn´t pay for the bills, they might make it up by taking care of the house or the kids. A partnership belongs in the law firm, not in a healthy relationship.
50/50 is just really tiring.
You have to check constantly whether your partner has done the chores or paying or not. It´s opens the door to frustration, negativity and maybe even a lack of trust which results in a break up. Especially if this is happening occasionally because let´s be honest: no one is really like you. You might want to have done everything today but your partner might think after another two weeks is good enough.
What does biology say about this?
Any human with common sense and some knowledge knows that the female and the male function differently. Comparing a male to a female is like comparing the day with the night and forcing a female to act like a man of vice versa is like forcing the day to become the night. It doesn´t work, no matter how much we want this equality, it will never be a reality because the female and the male are just not equal. Physically seen, you already see a lot of differences. Like no single body part is exactly the same. Well, the mind is like 10x worse.
Male and female brains actually differ right down at the genetic level in quite a drastic way. Studies reveal that typically EVERY CELL in the male brain contains a Y chromosome. Quite alarmingly, female brains usually contain no Y chromosomes at all! This lack of a Y chromosome has many obvious physical effects, but most women still manage to lead normal, cognitively-unimpaired lives despite this clear deficit in the very DNA of their brains.
The 50/50 rule is practically seen unachievable. There I said it guys. The theory may seem good but in reality it will not work out successfully. People end up with dissatisfaction, especially when babies start to pop out. Why is that?
As you have heard, the male is due to dominating testosterone levels biologically seen dominant unlike the female who is due to dominating estrogen more prone to be submissive. You could reject this, but this is pure biology.
Imagine both of you work full-time and paying 50/50. Before you go home, you grab a quick dinner because there is no meal ready and you´re most of the time exhausted after work which is reasonable. The house isn´t really cleaned because again none of you has time. When you clean the house, you´ll leave half of it to him/her or plan to make your partner clean next time. This routine will stay of course. Homemade food is something you could wish for every day, and your house isn´t really clean (yes, it is necessary to clean every day, you can´t skip days or even worse weeks). Since you´re both ´equal´, there is little to no excitement. It´s just a dull routine you have to go through every single day. To you it matters that you both are kind of a ´gender neutral´. Whether you may believe this or not but your subconscious does not agree with you. You could look up the divorce rates of these times and see how unsuccessful 50/50 is because in the end the male seeks something out of the female and vice versa. When one can´t fulfill this it will lead to frustration.
Whoops a baby!
All right, let´s say you somehow managed this stage and you end up pregnant or your woman is expecting a baby. During my study I learnt that it is extremely necessary that a child has a tight bond with his mother. If a child doesn´t feel connected in a healthy way to his mom, he will later on suffer from anxiety, insecurity and he´d be irresponsible.
Say you´re working fulltime and therefore you bring your child to the daycare. Your child would end up lacking that tight bond with you. A child requires a lot of attention, effort and time. It´s necessary.
The father role is also very important because the father is like a role model for his child. Yet the father doesn´t have to be all day with the kid. This is because women are more nurturing by nature (due to estrogen) and babies/children subconsciously know this. Did you know when a mother is breastfeeding her baby, the bond between the baby and his mom tightens because it releases certain chemicals in the brain?
Professor Jianfeng Feng, who demonstrated the effect, said: 'We knew that these pulses arise because, during suckling, oxytocin neurons fire together in dramatic synchronised bursts.
A mother is basically the caretaker and the father is basically the teacher. You don’t have to be all day with your teacher but when he talks to you he certainly leaves a big impact on you. Without a teacher, you´d be lost in life (single moms do in general really bad).
Professor Sir Denis Pereira Grey (former president of the Royal College of Practitioners), early years expert Dr Carole Ulanowsky, consultant child psychotherapist Robin Balbernie and professor of social work and psychology David Howe talk about how growing problems in society, such as depression, can be due to poor child/care relationships and stress in the first three years.
This is another important reason why 50/50 isn´t working. It´s better to let nature do it´s job. The male is the hunter. He is responsible for the money. The woman is the one who takes care. She is responsible for the house and their kids. Of course a woman can work before I get shot down here with ´you´re so sexist´ by idiots who can´t read, comments. I´m just saying fulltime isn´t practical. Part-time would be a better option. At least you´d have time for both your kids, the house and your career. If you´re single, working fulltime seems to be all right, since you don´t have other responsibilities.
Back to the prehistory, we can´t really say it was a coincidence that males were the hunters. Especially when it didn´t change over the time. It has a biological and psychological base. It´s rooted inside us. Both genders have different qualities and weaknesses. We should embrace our differences, we shouldn´t force ourselves to become the same. Our differences is what makes us unique and attractive.
The baby in the womb.
Working full time during pregnancy may affect the baby in a bad way by the way. Especially if the job is really stressful, I guess nearly everyone is familiar with what stress does to a baby in the womb.
The situation of the results regarding prolonged stress is completely different, as was determined using questionnaires for diagnosing chronic social overload: "If the mother is stressed for a longer period of time, the CRH level in the amniotic fluid increases," says Pearl La Marca-Ghaemmaghami, psychologist and program researcher. This higher concentration of stress hormone in turn accelerates the growth of the fetus. As a result, the effect of the hormone on growth is confirmed, as has been observed in animals such as tadpoles: If their pond is on the verge of drying out, CRH is released in tadpoles, thereby driving their metamorphosis. "The corticotropin-releasing hormone CRH obviously plays a complex and dynamic role in the development of the human fetus, which needs to be better understood," La Marca-Ghaemmaghami summarizes.
My logical opinion.
That´s not all folks, in my personal opinion a relationship is about giving without expecting to receive. I´m doing things out of love. To me the happiness from my partner matters to me. I would feel happy if I could make his life as comfortable as possible. Coming home finding meals ready and a clean house, You may think I´m overreacting but I´m not, I know many people who divorced for matters like food, dirt and dissatisfaction. The 50/50 thing is so far away from what we call out of love because you do it because you must and because of your own selfishness. You make rules to meet your needs. Two adults don´t need rules together, it should come from the heart. In order to make things work, one should give it a 100%. One should help one another if needed.
If you keep nagging at your man or woman to finally mown the lawn, trust me, it´s just a matter of time before he or she is gone. You can´t make things work forcing stuff upon one another because it gets tiring. Nagging could decrease interest or even attraction. It could make the subconscious mind feel disgust for someone. We are humans, we can see, and feel. You can mown the lawn yourself, he or she will see that, and he or she will take notes and return the favor. That´s how you grow love if you entered a relationship that lacks it (because in my opinion a person in love does things automatically for their loved one to make their life easier).
When a relationship is predominantly carried on like a series of business transactions, there can be a tendency to withhold or to feel controlled. When the flow of giving stops, both people suffer. Out of the feelings of hurt and deprivation, complaints, criticism, and demands begin. The climate of the relationship deteriorates, and a downward spiral can spin out of control.
Also, before I get comments like I have no life to be a housewife or that I´m not intelligent enough to pursue a career or something. I´m planning to become a behavioral scientist so you can sit down, I literally study this too. I´ll be pursuing my career without neglecting taking care of the house, my man and raising up my kids full of love. Part time is an option you know. I find it extremely important to have a perfect balance as the perfectionist I am. I´m just pointing out why 50/50 is a bad idea. You can think of ´gender roles´ as outdated or whatever you like but that is actually what´s natural and it is the most successful way of living together with someone of the opposite gender.
Before someone mentions feminism and how it´s not empowering, Feminism could go to hell. I don´t feel my self worth decreasing as a woman just because I like to keep someone I love satisfied, which I do with pleasure and love.