1. You're dating the wo/man child
It works: at first if you are the type of person who likes to have total control in a relationship. You love the power or they are letting you take charge of everything. You love having the money to take care of someone you like/love and be so in control of them or the situation that you make all the decisions. You love being the one that even others outside of your relationship depend on for everything. When a partner is the weaker link, and they present themselves as needy and dependent on you, and they can't seem to really do for themselves, you are always right there to swoop in and play the white knight, or try to fix everything including them, and you love that for a time being until...
It doesn't work: because at some point, you realize that you are an adult taking care of an adult child. You begin to realize that you don't want to play mom or dad to someone who probably will never understand what it means to take responsibility for themselves, or have a job, or have goals that they aim for, or take care of you in a reciprocal way that you might need now or down the line. You also realize, you're independent enough as an actual adult to realize that this is exactly why you don't need someone lying around that can't do all of the things you can do all by yourself anyway. So ditch them and move on to either celebrating your single hood or joining forces with someone who can hold their own.
2. You set up house immediately
It works: at first because you're totally infatuated with this person and it's so early on in your relationship that at this early stage, they are perfect. You never fight, you both love all the same things, you're both in such a honeymoon phase that you feel like no one can touch your love. It's intense. You may hang out every other waking moment and feel so totally dedicated to one another that you can't see beyond your own two feet. You or they promise each other the world and initially you may get it until...
It doesn't work: because you didn't spend any real amount of time actually getting to know this person. You don't know about their habits, their friends and family dynamics or they don't know about your own, or how stable they are financially, if you share similar beliefs, what they are like behind closed doors, you don't know anything about their past, and what they envisioned for your future. You fell for the fantasy and it can end just as quickly as it began. Instead of jump in bed both figuratively and literally with someone you want a relationship with, give them and you some actual time to get to know each other beyond just what kind of coffee they like. So many people rush into something and then wonder after the fact, why it failed so hard.
3. You're dating Mr. or Mrs. Red Flags
It works: at first because for whatever reason, you really really want it to. Maybe your last relationship was a total fail and you NEED this one to work out for your ego's sake, or you don't want to fail at another relationship in front of friends/family who are pressuring you to settle down, or you just want to stay in the fantasy of a relationship that doesn't actually exist because you feel that's easier in your mind than going back to being sad and single. Either way, you have major blinders on. You don't notice the tell tale signs of cheating, or abuse, or a partner not being there for you in anyway, or someone that is just using you. No matter how many people warn you and how much evidence you see with your own eyes, you refuse to see it until...
It doesn't work: when something finally happens which you can no longer ignore. You walk in on him/her with another man/woman, your friends see the abuse and want to help you get out of that relationship, you realize that the other person is just not healthy for you in anyway or you will never get the love and attention you deserve out of the relationship. Denial is extremely powerful and usually it takes something earth shattering to shake you loose from these types of people because you are the one that is allowing them for the most part to continue hurting you while they get away with it unchecked.
4. You're dating the Me First, Second, and Always
It works: at first because they are so incredibly ambitious. They have big dreams and goals and they sweep you up into the plot they have set for their lives...emphasis on their lives. It's never about the we, but about them. You don't really notice because you think you're being totally supportive of your partner, giving them all they need because you hope down the line, they will return the favor. You want to see where their story goes and to become a part of it yourself, but you blind yourself to the part where you are totally missing from the plot. It all goes well until...
It doesn't work: because it only ever worked because you were willing to stand back and give your partner the world 100% of the time, but failed to see their complete and total lack of support of you and your dreams in any way, shape, or form. Unlike an equal partnership where you respect each others dreams and goals and ambitions and lift each other up, they only care about themselves first, second, and always. Whenever you bring up something you want to do, something you want to strive for, or invite them to share in your accomplishments, they put it down, they don't show up, they tout their success always above your own. Nothing you do is ever on their level and they don't do anything including making time in their lives for you to accomplish anything unless it has something to do with their goals and dreams. End this because you will spend your whole entire life chasing after them and trying to get them to notice you or your dreams in any way.
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