Why Keeping Grudges Can be Healthy For You

[Shezadi]

1. You are not hiding your emotions.

2. You are being honest and not fake.

3. You are making sure no one takes you for granted even if it is a blood relationship.

4. It makes people reflect on their actions and their words.

It teaches them a lesson.

5. In some cases, people keep grudges for their self-respect.

It shows you value and respect yourself. It shows you have high standards and you refuse to be treated badly.

6. You have the right to be upset.

It is not compulsory to maintain relationships with people who made you upset without any remorse.

7. We are not great like Gandhi and Jesus who said, "if someone slaps you on one cheek, give them your other cheek."

8. It can help settle the score by rejecting someone's invitation, by ignoring someone, and it makes sure the other person is aware of your feelings.

9. It is wrong for someone to hurt your feelings and then just forget about it.

Chances are this will repeat again and again. This happened with me hundreds of times, where someone hurt me, I forgot about it, and then they hurt me again. Those people are my mother, her two sisters and my maternal grandma. I hate those 4 ladies. They treated me like shit and crossed all their limits. They bullied me.

I will never talk to them, I will never go to their house. They didn't help me when I needed them the most. I fell in love with my mom's cousin, who is also my mom's relative because of my aunty, and I asked my aunties to him my feelings, and they refused to help me. In the end, my 10 year old cousin helped me.

just kidding

If a person treated you badly, he has no right to be surprised if you ignore or if you reject a dinner invitation. That person will call you proud, arrogant and that person will backbite and say you have attitude but don't let him pressurize you, if you don't like him, you don't.

Like one 60 year old man says on this app, we don't deserve anything, it is all about the effort and actions. He also says that some women don't understand actions have consequences. You get what you give.

Even if it is a blood relationship and the other person is older than you, I will say the same thing. Respect has to be two sided.

[RIVERTAY888]

Great take thanks

[azzntittiz]

Truth.

[Goodwifie]

Hi.
Professional bridge builder here 😊

[Logorithim]

It can't be good for your heart and mind

[Sienna-Rose]

I agree, better to get to the root cause if possible and deal with it maturely.

[LauraS345]

Holding grudges and giving ultimatums can my you feel "empowered" in your relationships. It can also drive everyone who does love you away from you. So as a person, you need pick your battles wisely - stand up when you need to - but also understand that people are allowed to be angry, scared, and upset, too. People can't and WON'T 100% agree with your values and worldviews 100% of the time. So learning how to communicate with people you disagree with is far better than protecting yourself by putting up walls.

[courtney06]

I get what you’re saying. It’s your way of protecting yourself so that the person who hurt you doesn’t have a chance to do it again and learns their lesson. What I do is just keep my distance from people who hurt me with no remorse. I stop acknowledging them and I don’t go out of my way to make their lives miserable. I have nothing to do with them. It’s more peaceful that way. The anger fades overtime.

[Reatus]

I think you meant "Why cutting toxic people out of your life can be healthy for you." That's what you were describing..

A grudge is just festering over what they did to you and letting it be all you think about grow hateful towards them constantly, and that is FAR FROM healthy.

[Shezadi]

hahahahahahaha yes true
but I think my title was more catchy and dramatic, because the title about toxic people is self-explanatory
thanks for your comment

[Reatus]

You're welcome. Ya that makes sense.

[xkildy]

Always be true to your self and never lie, even if it will hurt people who you care about , Cause if your doing something you don't need to be doing anyway , Then your just going to end up creating your own problems and trouble's. Later you will regret what you did and learn that we all do this , And we learn from our immaturity

[JMghow]

I've regretted forgiving, never regretted cutting cancer out of my life.

[Anonymous]

It's human psychology to want revenge. You want someone to hurt like you hurt, especially if there was social humiliation involved.

But you got to dig deep and forgive. I've managed to forgive my second to last ex after she did something exceedingly cruel and callus after we split. I sent her an email two years later, admitted my faults but also explained how hurt I was for what she did but ultimately forgave her and wished her luck.

It still burns, but I think back to that email every time I get angry. Forgiveness takes time but it's the best way to get your power back.

But I struggle forgiving other people who have done something that damaged my reputation.

[AlphaGhost]

Its not healthy for your mental health for sure and I usually forgive people for my own good but if someone really triggered me. Then I can be very very ruthless in revenge cuz,
Death is mercy and the person should be treated so harshly, he should beg for it and when he stop begging then kill him :)

[btbc92]

You have GOT to be kidding me...

A person who holds a grudge is toxic and can make you sick! This is coming from a person who has a tendency to hold grudges. You can do all of this without holding a grudge. Because if you hold grudges you can't forgive! There is no love in your heart and it's counterproductive. Nobody owes you a favor.

[an0nymouz]

Thank you for telling this. Only narcissistic people would agree with this take.

[Shezadi]

@an0nymouz what if someone suffers injustice and the other person has no remorse?
A person has the right to be upset.

[btbc92]

Doesn't matter. You just as evil as they are. Leave the Injustice to God when it comes to that one otherwise you just going to go to hell along with the others if they don't repent either. Remember, a killer can easily go to heaven just by repenting and turning to God. His sins is done away with as with his past. But a victim who hold onto grudges is going to go to hell, because they had lacked forgiveness. How can God forgive you if you can't forgive them?

[btbc92]

That's how serious God takes love, sin, Injustice, and forgiveness. He is not kidding around. You people don't want God, then you complain about what's Injustice around here. You never wanted this wickedness to spread, but you people don't want them around. Now it's so out of control he has no choice but to get rid of it and everybody that don't want to repent with it.

[Shezadi]

forgiveness is not compulsory, it is a choice
God allows people to hang a killer and god allows revenge too in major cases
God will not forgive a bully until his victim will forgive him
God only forgives sin that are done against him not those sins which are done against his creation

[btbc92]

He says that our ways are not his ways, and his ways are not our ways. The rule is simple. Forgive others, or he will not forgive you. He doesn't change his tune.

[Shezadi]

I want to end this discussion.
Forgiveness is a choice.
Some people don't deserve forgiveness but punishment
if someone murders your loved one, will you forgive that person?
If someone takes your property or steal your phone
you live in a bubble

[blubblubblub]

letting it go doesn't equate to dismissing your feelings. you just accept that they messed up and that everyone does at one point and you move on. i dont think grudges are very healthy at all, you're just letting all these negative feelings eat you away.

[Cheryl_Sim]

@Like one 60 year old man says on this app, we don't deserve anything, it is all about the effort and actions. He also says that some women/men don't understand actions have consequences. You get what you give.

Yeah, so true. Thanks for sharing. You are so eloquent and definitely don't talk like a twenty-year-old 😊

[cntrytbm]

No No No. Just No! Yes, be open and communicate, but holding a grudge is refusal to forgive which hurts you more than the other person. Teach them a lesson? Ha! Just don't put yourself in that position again, and they can't do it to you again. THAT will teach them a lesson, but let it go! Forgive!

[JMghow]

Disagree. While her take was off (for me), I find grudges keep bad rubbish out of my life and remind me not to repeat mistake. I've more often regretted the time I forgave, never regretted burning a bridge to bad people.

[wootamandawoot41]

well ya see sit right there and listen i got in the game for a proper knock and a few quid. i just wanted people to leave me alone. the irony of it is now people are all over me. the heaviness of it can get to you if you aren't in the humor of it all

[JMghow]

I hold onto my hatred because it reminds me not to make the same mistakes again, it gets rid of rubbish before they can make another mess, and it drives me.

[MasterKey18]

I don't see it like this although this vey well done.
I also feel that if you hold a grudge, you have to take it to your grave someday, having hurt someone.

[genericname85]

keeping grudges is bullshit. if you're angry, be angry and let them feel it. but you should give people as well as yourself the chance to redeem themselfes in an appropriate amount of time and if they don't bother making up for shit, then ditch them.

[Yeahhbro]

true, specially if the other person, is still blaming you for it or thinks its your fault what happened and don´t reconsider, you don´t need useless people like that in your life.

[Shahid757]

Nice information. I never hude my emotions if i have any grudges against anyone I tell them on their face and it reflects in my actions. And i think its healthy for me.

[LegateLanius]

I dismiss people without the need to hold a grudge. Fuck em. They're not worth the space in my head.

[candycanehearts]

loll I havnt talked to my brother in like 2 years and we live in the same house

[courtney06]

Seriously?

[candycanehearts]

@courtney06 haha yeah its probably not rlly a good thing tho

[courtney06]

Is this something you want to fix or you are just letting it be? I wonder what happened that pushed you two away from each other.

[candycanehearts]

I don't know like he kept yelling at me im a bitch and stuff ( to be fair i can be pretty annoying tho) and he slapped me and i stopped talking to him

[courtney06]

That's abusive :(

[candycanehearts]

oh welll🤷‍♀️