So loving someone and receiving love from that person can be one of the most intense, euphoric experiences we ever have. And most of us say that, at some point we want that in their lives. Not only this, but we want to want that apparently elusive "One" to share forever with. Yet so many divorces and breakups happen. More often than not, we leave each other rather than be with each other. Why do we tend to do what seems so contrary to our dreams? Hmmm. Well, here's some of my reasoning and a bit of this might be ranting here.
So to begin, I partially agree with the sentiment that "Love is capitalism. It is a multi billion dollar industry." I believe that love is another thing that consumerism has so monstrously poisoned. It isn't just the dating apps, talk shows, entertainment, restaurants etc. exploiting it; beyond that it is the culture or mentality of throwing away a spotted but nonetheless edible and nutritious apple for the shiniest, picture perfect apple of essentially the same nutritional value, if you will. We no longer commit to relationships, we shop for them. And once the inevitable unlovable phase of a partner occurs either early on or years later, our customer satisfaction goes down and we shop for a new release, or "trade up"
We could be assuming that 90% of the time our relationships are supposed to be easy and smooth which would indicate that it's "meant to be". Maybe don't feel that, just like with anything else we build up to in our lives, maybe monotonous, consistent work and patience are things necessary for a well functioning relationship. I question if 40 and 50 year old marriages mostly just bliss. Intuitively I wouldn't say so. I would venture to say any couple with such experience will tell you, it takes a lot of hard work, even if you're lucky. And much of it was done while raising kids, even early on through the couple's younger years. In the previous century, some would conceive a baby out of wedlock and because of the pregnancy, they would get married by the time the baby is born. I am aware of laws being an incentive for marriages back then. But, did they just automatically click on every level for years prior, or did they just make the decision to commit?
I think when we search for "The One" often what we look for is an advertised product, not reality. For example, many younger people find friends online and it isn't necessarily a bad thing at all. But also due to growing isolated lifestyles attributed to the age of the internet, we see more people lacking in social skill development. We tell them to "go outside and make friends" usually. Thus, if we're to be considered socially healthy, we don't just find friends; we make friends. This is the same if not more applicable to a more intense social relationship in romance. So to follow that, we don't just find "The One", we make "The One". And I don't mean taking it upon yourself to change someone either.
So what do we do then? Well, below are my thoughts, and many of these ideas overlap
Always improve your social skill. Spend time, talk to each other. Know what you want but keep judgement to a minimum. Don't always be nice either; instead, always be civil. Because while nice means to withhold disagreement / unpleasantry, civil means the opposite but with possible future common ground. Be honest about what frustrates you, and the things that make your relationship fulfilling. Be honest about your pain, your joy, everything. If need be, see a relationship counselor, consistently.
Have other meaningful and close relationships but be wary of potential emotional infidelity. Empathy is a must. Be careful to examine yourself in situations. Are you really empathetic or do you just act that way for a self serving purpose? This, along with a lack of communication and boundaries, ends relationships.
So also set Boundaries and Expectations and be willing to meet those of your partner. Look deep within yourself to find your true boundaries, and be willing to enforce them clearly with ACTION. That means state to them clearly what's wrong, and then back off of doing those acts of love they're used to. Do this BEFORE you get to your breaking point. Exercise patience if need be for your partner to reach your expectations. Set clear timelines for what you want to see out of the relationship and hold each other accountable. Vacation together and when things are well, treat yourselves on a consistent basis either at home or on an island.
These are tips that I believe can help any relationship not only last longer but hopefully these things help you realize that "The One" is either already in your life, or closer to you than what you've thought.
Anyway, Thank you for reading!
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