Relationships are a part of life in nearly every country and society. I most industrialized first world countries, people have the opportunity to engaged in a multitude of relationships. Whether it’s friends, friends with benefits, or an actual monogamous relationship, most of us have been a participant.
Very rarely, though, does one enter into a monogamous relationship with the intent to never be with them long term. I’m not saying it doesn’t happen, but it is extremely rare. This is especially true if you’re a woman.
I know a lot of guys think women are gold diggers and, yes, some are, but most women are actually looking for Mr. Right. If the man they are with do not meet their standards, then they leave them. Tis the natural order.
But what happens when you think you’ve met Mr. Right? Are you sure he’s Mr. Right? Or does he do things that make you wonder about his loyalty, passion, and overall interest in you?
If he does, then you probably don’t have a Mr. Right. Instead, you have a Mr. Right Now.
The man who is faithful to you and meets most of the credentials to be the ideal partner FOR YOU. He is long term material.
Mr. Right Now:
The man who provides you with a learning experience and insights that will (hopefully) help you find Mr. Right. He is a short term stint in your life.
Now, a Mr. Right Now is not necessarily a bad guy. There are plenty of decent men who are a Mr. Right Now for one woman but then Mr. Right for the next. It really depends on your personality, the context of your relationship, and how you two interact.
So which one are you dating now? Let’s find out by answering these questions.
Oh, and guys, these standards can apply to the woman you’re with, too.
1. Does he accuse you of cheating?
If he does (and you are not cheating and give him no reason to think you are) then he is a Mr. Right Now. Mr. Right is not going to make up accusations against you when you clearly are doing nothing wrong.
Now, if you’re cheating or giving him reason to think you are, then clearly you’re the problem. Either way, let him go.
2. Does he pursue you or do you pursue him?
If he doesn’t pursue you, then he’s a Mr. Right Now. I’m not saying all the effort is on him. You need to show some effort, too. However, if you’re the one constantly trying to make dates or see the other person, then this person is not a Mr. Right. Dating should never be one sided, and if he truly wanted to see you, then he’d make an effort to do so.
3. Does he expect you to pay for everything?
This is clearly a Mr. or Mrs. Right Now if they do but it also depends on the dynamic of your relationship. The key word in that question is ‘expect’. No one should EXPECT any part of their partners paycheck unless, of course, you’re a stay at home mom and he’s the only source of income. Partners should never feel entitled to their partner’s money or to be taken on a shopping spree whenever they feel like it. We’re people, not bank accounts. And if he expects handouts, then he’s probably not a Mr. Right because he’s not thinking of the two of you as a ‘team’.
4. Do you find yourself rehearsing what you want to say to him?
Truthfully, you should feel comfortable coming to your partner about almost anything. A Mr. Right is someone you should feel comfortable speaking to. Of course there are things that you should maybe rehearse saying just because of the nature of the conversation. But if you’re doing it ALL OF THE TIME because you are unsure of their reaction or you don’t feel comfortable enough to talk to them openly, then this is not a Mr. Right. This is definitely Mr. Right Now.
5. Do you look forward to hanging out with him or do you feel obligated?
Yes, sometimes, you don’t want to see your partner. Sometimes you want time to yourself just to mentally relax and unwind. But if you find that you feel relieved when plans are cancelled or you don’t care that they’ve gone a couple days without contacting you, then you’re probably with a Mr. Right Now.
6. Have you grown more secure or insecure about yourself?
This one is a tricky one to answer. No one can really make you love yourself. That’s pretty much on you. However, if you find yourself being insecure with this person, it’s a Mr. Right Now. Sometimes that’s his fault and sometimes that’s yours. If you can’t feel secure in the relationship of with him because of past experience, then you have some growing to do, and you need to let him go. However, if he is doing things like staying out without telling you where he’s at or texting other women, then he’s damaging you, and you need to leave.
7. When purchasing a gift for them, are you taking the time to find something nice or are you just buying something to have something to give?
There is such a thing as spontaneous gift giving. There has been several times I’ve bought a gift for a guy I was dating for no particular reason just because I saw it and thought he’d like it. However, when buying a gift for a birthday or holiday, do you take the time to think about what they want or do you just buy something to save face? Do you genuinely care if it’ll blow their mind or are you just shopping because you feel obligated to do so?
If you do, the he’s a Mr. Right Now. He clearly did nothing wrong, but if you don’t particularly care about the gift or his reaction, then he probably isn’t the one for you.
8. Do you guys listen to each other in conversation?
Nothing is more annoying, in my opinion, than feeling like you’re being ignored. If either one of you are ignoring the other in conversation, then you’re with a Mr. Right Now. It doesn’t matter who is doing it to who. Relationships fall apart for three main reasons: Finances, Fidelity, and Communication.
If you two struggle to communicate and listen to one another, then there’s no reason for you to be together.
9. Is there ever any conversation about a future together?
Whether it’s marriage, buying a house, having kids, or whatever floats your boat, there should be some type of conversation about a future together. If there isn’t, then it’s a Mr. Right Now. It’s definitely a Mr. Right Now if one of you wants to talk about the future but the other one never does.
10. Do you keep your business between the two of you or do you gossip about it with your friends/family?
One of the main rules when it comes to a decent relationship is to KEEP YOUR BUSINESS TO YOURSELF. You should not be running to your friends and family every time you feel he did something wrong. Why? Well, the majority of the reason why you’re doing it is because you want to feel right, even if you’re not. The other reason is because it’s just simply no one else’s business, and you’re putting a bad taste in their mouth about the man you claim you want to be with. If you’re comfortable with pitting everyone against him and making yourself look like a victim, then he’s not your Mr. Right.
Really the only reason you should blab about your relationship issues to anyone else is if you are speaking to a counselor or if you’re in danger. There’s a difference between complaining that he forgot to take the dogs out versus him threatening to stab you in the face with a dagger, and if you’re in danger, you’re definitely NOT with Mr. Right.
This is also the case if the reverse is true. If you find that he’s talking about you to other people in a negative way then you just don’t need that in your life.
These are only ten questions that can help you know if you’re with the right person or not. And, of course, this all depends on the couple. But if you’re looking for a long term and long lasting relationship, these are definitely questions your should be asking yourself. Your answers are your own, and you should accept them for what they are.