Yes, for my first take I’m going to tackle what seems to many like an impossible question, what is love? In school, way back when, I learned that there are two kinds of love - romantic love and compassionate love. To narrow it down further and to avoid any confusion I am doing to attempt to define love in general but in its entirety, “complete love."
Pick up any dictionary and it will tell you that the word “love” is both a noun AND a verb, which means it’s both a thing and an action. It is that very basic premise of love that seems to be forgotten and one reason why there is so much misconception about love.
What doesn’t help matters is the word “love” is used loosely as a synonym in many different contexts. So let’s start with what love isn’t.
Love Isn’t
I love (verb) tacos. Does that mean I should eat them all the time? I love porn. But should I love porn (I don't love porn, just giving that as an example.) See really, really liking something because it’s somehow pleasurable, in and of itself, is not love because love is not selfish, self-serving, or self indulgent.
I am a teacher and sometimes I hear coworkers say that they “love” their students (verb). They make sure their students have what they need to succeed and they look out for their academic and social wellbeing, even the students they don’t particularly like. They may give up their own time and money beyond work and much more. It’s obvious that they care for their students but how far does that extend? It’s not likely that they will still care for them nearly the same and therefore love them the same beyond that school year, so then is that really love if it's conditional and has a time frame? Caring, in and of itself, is not love.
I often hear religious leaders say that love is a commitment (noun). I know someone who was in a marriage for 17 years. He did everything that was expected of him, was a good husband, and a good father. Yet, admittedly, he didn’t love his wife and never really did. For his entire marriage he was just going through the motions, just doing what was expected of him. That was obligation, not love. Commitment, in and of itself, is not love.
Some people think that when you truly love (verb) someone one that you want to give everything to the person you love. However, people give of themselves (time, affection, attention, etc.) for many different reasons. Many people give with the expectation of getting something in return. So then these people only give love if someone loves them back? Think about a parent’s love of their child. Do parents who love their child completely (which I would argue that some don’t completely love their own children) expect their child to return their love? No because, as I said, love is not conditional. Giving of yourself, in and of itself, is not love.
Probably the biggest myth of all is the concept of “in love” (noun). You hear it all the time, “I’m in love.” If there is an “in love” then wouldn’t the opposite also be true, “out of love?” So does that mean love is only temporary? How does that make sense? Again, think about a parent and his or her child. If a pair of parents truly have a bond with their child and love their child completely are they “in love?” No, they love their child and will never really be “out of love.” The feeling of “in love,” in and of itself, is not love.
Love Is
So what is love? Love is not any one concept mentioned above; love is all the above and more! Love, complete love, is both a feeling and an action. It is something you feel (noun) AND something you do (verb).
Love is really, really liking something but not out of selfishness or self indulgence. It’s really, really liking something because of the value you place in whomever or whatever is loved.
Love is caring and giving but it is unconditional. Love is a gift that you give freely without expecting anything in return.
Love is commitment, not out of obligation but from the heart. When you love someone completely you WANT to devote your time, attention, affection, etc. to them. No one ever has to remind you to give your time, attention, affection to the person you love completely so there is never an issue of struggling to “stay committed.” Commitment, then, is just a natural outcome of loving someone completely.
Love is unending. Love endures forever. A parent is not “in love” with their child. A parent who loves their child completely will always feel for their child. So then too, the same applies for the love between romantic partners. If the love is complete, it is eternal.
More
Love is neither acceptance, nor tolerance. Often people think that when they love someone they have to either accept, ignore, or “put up with” someone’s destructive (to self or others) behavior. No, because love is understanding and encouragement. When you love someone you understand and encourage them to do better, to be better (not out of self interest of course. See above, LOL)
Love is both respect (noun) and respecting (verb). When you love someone there is an appreciation and admiration for the person. You also treat your loved one the way you would want to be treated.
Love is both passionate and compassionate. To clarify passion, passion is something that burns inside of you, and drives you. When I say passionate I’m not necessarily talking about in the bedroom. For example, I am not only compassionate toward my children but I am also passionate about them. I am their biggest supporter, motivator, and enthusiast.
Love is of the beholder, establishing a bond. No one can really know how another person feels. You can only learn to understand your own emotions. Consequently, love can be singular or one-sided. It does not have to be mutual (though when love is mutual the bond is even stronger, multiplied even more, and renews upon itself). Think about love of yourself; there is no one else involved except you. Think about a parent who completely loves their child, yet their child may not completely love them.
And More
“Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. lt does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. Love never fails.” Gold star for you if you know where that is from.
Love is a complicated emotion and action and it’s not to be trivialized into just one of its many facets because when it comes to love, the sum of it’s parts does not equal it’s whole. Love’s attributes are magnified, multiplied, and balanced into something beautiful, and once you understand how deep love is… well once you’ve experienced it completely, you’ll never be the same again.
What Girls & Guys Said
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There is a lot of inspiration in the publication. The author is probably describing the experience.
Thank you. Yes, it is ALL from experience.
This sounds like it could have been influenced by a recent read😂
Nope... all from experience.😒
Ironic timing
What read do you speak of?🤔
The messages between my roommate and me
Ooooo that recent read😉 Well... 🤣😂
@foodtv how are things going