WHO Runs THISSS?

[DizzyDesii]

At times, dominance intimidates me. I know most girls don’t mind being submissive, but my first experience with a dominant man turned me away from ever wanting to submit to that path. I felt uncomfortable in a relationship where the guy was demanding, telling me what to do, constantly pressuring me into doing something, forever forcing me to change my mind. I’m not saying all dominant men come across this way, but this is what I saw come about in time.

#UnpopularOpinion I am one of the few seeking something other than a dominant man. As the odd one out, I prefer a relationship where I get more of a say, if not most of it. I’m very vocal, a tad bossy, quite the planner, nurturing, goal-oriented, strong-willed, and decisive. That being said, I prefer a man who likes that in a woman. YET I need someone who can keep me grounded. By providing his input and being assertive, the relationship could be filled with guidance, encouragement, support, inspiration and motivation.

Not being dominant doesn’t make him weak. In fact, a sprinkle of submissive, a dab of passive, and being a little laid-back with a whole lot of self-awareness can go a long way. A guy that can be physically STRONG (not forceful and aggressive), PROTECTIVE (not crazy jealous and overprotective), and emotionally OPEN (not so much sensitive) makes one heck of an ASSERTIVE MAN. And i like that.

This giver wants a giver. Its quite the fun challenge because we both get satisfaction without having to expect it or ask for it. We should both be talkers. We should both be understanding enough to hear eachother out. We should both be comfortable with who we are (not necessarily confident but certainly not arrogant). And with words of affirmation being my love language, I don’t have time to lecture someone on whats okay to say around me and what isn’t. If we’re already on the same page then we won’t feel like we’re walking on egg shells. To me, being in sync means less change, little compromise.

You might think the assertive type rarely exists, but a lot of my potentials and exes (after the first) were this way. I loved it. I mean they are exes for reasons totally unrelated to the matter, but this was one of their perks. They saw the natural born leader in me but loved that I happened to be one of the few logical more than emotional type of women. It helped to see eachothers point of view and they balanced me out, making me more caring about things I normally didn’t give a hoot about.

Their downfall however, came when it was time to have my back. I’m very nurturing and protective of my guy and its a must that he be the same in return. I want to stand together by standing up for one another and uplifting eachother when others try to tear us down. I’m not often seeking equality but I am forever aiming for fairness. Be respectfully honest rather than blunt. And use your calming nature to nurture. Be able to shut me up without actually saying so.

Does NOT dating a dominant man make this a female led relationship? Maybe. But at most, it should remain a low-level to moderate control one. Plus I prefer a non-confrontational relationship. Sure I like to feel in charge of plans and stuff, but I still seek the guys input. The perk of the guy already knowing what he wants is that he can speak his piece, pass some of the responsibility on to me, and let me deliver. Its a little passive but more so assertive and I like that. But I know one thing, a guy should only say things to me like “you choose” (the meal/the topic/the tv show) if he means it. Because once i have the power, i don’t pass it back until we’re in the bedroom.

I noticed throughout my extended family, the single women are the ones who continue to seek a dominant man. They’re too dependent and looking for a provider. Meanwhile, the other women in the fam who are married were already dominant and ended up with laidback guys. This doesn’t mean the man lets the wife walk all over him. He’s more like a croc, sitting back, observing, listening, and ready to attack if need be. (But of course in this case, ready to protect his family or provide feedback when he feels its needed). I like that.

#FeelFreeToList What are your thoughts on couples like this or like the ones below? Did you feel the woman had too much “power” or was she reasonably in control? Do you think these men still came across quite masculine and ready to knock these women off their high horse when needed?

Whitley and Dwayne, Piper and Leo, Tony and Angela, Becky and Jesse, Brooke and Julian, Lucy and Kevin, Monica and Chandler, Barry and Iris, Terrence and Jelena, Will and Lisa, Van and Cheyenne, Jamie and Fancy, and Kono and Adam

[dynamicyandere]

Every couple has a unique dynamic.


So, I don’t ever see a man or woman as having “too much power” because no man and no woman is entitled to having power over their partner.


It’s not that women should have more power over men or men should have more power over women.


It’s a matter of, what sort of balance of power is right for you? What makes YOU feel fulfilled?


Do you enjoy more of an equal partnership were everything is equally shared and every decision is made together?


Do you enjoy more of a back-and-forth dance where sometimes one is in charge while the other is in charge at other times, depending on the context?


Do you prefer to have a leader you can lean on and count on to make the right decisions and path the way?


Or do you prefer to lead and have a loyal and supportive partner cheer you on and help you reach your shared goals together?


Do you crave absolute power and control over your love interest?


Do you swoon at the thought of being powerless and submissive towards the one you love?


Everybody has a way of doing things that resonates with them and fulfills them.


Magic happens when 2 people can complement each other's style.


I’d say that understanding this aspect of yourself and your partner is as important as understanding your love language.


As for your couple examples, I’m not familiar with all of them, but I am familiar with Chandler and Monica from FRIENDS.


Monica clearly held more power in that relationship. She called the shots. She made the decisions. She lead and Chandler followed. Was it right? It looked fine to me. Because Chandler didn’t seem to mind at all. With their chemistry, it worked out. Chandler seems to actually genuinely enjoy his significant other to be in charge. Monica, also often tends to want to take charge, in many situations. It’s just part of how she is. And that’s okay. As long as they are BOTH happy, who is to judge them?


So, Monica had more power than Chandler. But, did she have too much power? I’d say no, because Chandler was on board. It was consensual and everybody was happy.


Now, when couples start clashing in terms of power dynamics, that’s when we start venturing into incompatibility issues.


Both guys and girls that want more power than they should have, sometimes resort to manipulation and toxic behavior to get it anyway. And, those that have less power than they should have, can feel suffocated, miserable, and really stressed.


Again, nobody is entitled to power. Power should be consensually given and received. Every person and every couple has a unique balance that is right for them. And, it should feel very fulfilling, when done right, between the right people.

[dynamicyandere]

P. S. What your experience with dating “dominant” men sounds really uncomfortable and overbearing. It’s one thing for a man to be domineering, it’s another thing for a man that truly embodies leadership qualities and inspires you to side with him. Any good dominant knows how to inspire others to follow them and does not need to force their control because they understand how to earn respect.

[DizzyDesii]

Wow great perspective and love the thoughts on Monica and Chandler! I couldnt agree more and thats why they are one of my fave couples along with the others above

[dynamicyandere]

Thanks! 😊

Yeah, I think Monica and Chandler is a good example of where the woman in the relationship holds more power than the man, but everybody is happy and there’s no dysfunction. It works for them because that’s just how their unique chemistry works. 🙂

[Anonymous]

You obviously want the lead role in your relationship, and you want things done your way with the absolute least amount of resistance. That's what makes you happy. I read all your descriptions of what you want and they amount to one thing only - you are in denial of how MUCH control you really want, and you've come up with rationalizations to validate them.

The thing is, you don't have to rationalize them, you just have to admit to yourself that you want to be the boss and you want a man to submit you. Maybe you want him to put up some resistance so you can convince yourself he's still a man, but in the end, it's your way or the highway.

So - when should we meet? LOL

[DizzyDesii]

I never denied it ;-)

[Opinion Owner]

Eh, you're still dancing around it. You're a Female dominant. That doesn't mean the whole BDSM thing necessarily, but you want to lead the relationship completely. That's ok by me!

[DizzyDesii]

Not completely. Just like 51% to his 49%

[Opinion Owner]

LOL... really? Is that what you tell yourself? If so you're in denial. On your very best day, you're probably 60/40, yours to his! And that would be your best day! You're a "my way" girl. Doesn't mean you can't be sweet, and it doesn't make you a mean person, but you want things done your way - clearly.

[DizzyDesii]

Well someones been doing their homework

[Opinion Owner]

Hehe... i'm just observing the obvious xo

[Guy13]

Alright I’ll give you some room to be you and have some day. It’s not difficult…just do what I SAY, woman 😎. Happy New Year 🥳

[DizzyDesii]

Boy bye lmao

[Guy13]

It would take lots from you to dominate this Boy. That being said, “you do keep me dizzy”

[DizzyDesii]

Of course

[Guy13]

I “dated” a nurse when I was 19-21 who was 41. She threw me in equipment room one day. I worked in PT and OT doing some modifications and pt assistant type stuff. I didn’t know that the equipment could be used for those things and that way.

You better have FULLY developed those nursing skills if you care to keep Studs straight…

[DizzyDesii]

I’m not about to turn a guy gay. You sound like you’re referring to a strap or something. I’m not talking physical dominance. I’m not some femdom

[Guy13]

I’m not talking turning gay. I’m talking about having enough tricks of trade up your sleeve to keep with dumbfounded grin on face.

Knots, Pulleys, and dipping tubs like one would find in workshop…down in your new home 16 foot crawl space with railroad track beams in ceiling….

[DizzyDesii]

Im so confused rn. Lmao wtf are you talking about

[Guy13]

Go back to school, Nursy 😎

[DizzyDesii]

Im not a nurse dude. I said i qualify students for medical school. Biz admin related stuff

[Guy13]

Oh…sorry. dizzy.

[sheenagwapa]

i am not doninant. with my ex before he doesn't talj or communicate so automatically i'm the dominant one. i'm just talkative


a lot of people think that i rule our relationship but the truth is i really wanted for my ex to be in a good light and me the bad guy and i don't really know why. i have that tendency not just to a SO but also to my siblings


so what happened then if there's argument i will look like the bad guy and my family or relatives will take his sife


with my ex i always get to do things my way because he just shut up


what i noticed about myself is that i'm an emotional perso but also highly reasonable. i often hear women say because of their hormones during period they easily get irritated i cannot relate to that. i honestly find that unreasonable


but in fairness also to my ex i was also a brat and immature. but yeah as what i have said i'm highly reasonable give me a good reason i will shut up


with my ex we also don't quarrel that much as time pass by because i felt secured i learn to trust him more and more so the quarrel stop. yes i'm a very jealous perdon. our quarrels usually involves in jealousy on his part and my part.


and i also don't like flirty women. i think i expected them to fo what i will do to this i mean for example i will not ask a one-on-one driving lesson to someone's boyfriend because JMO it's a mayter of tespect to the girlfriend. it's fine if yoy are not the flirty type but yoy are and so i'm the one who will say no and if my SO wanted to do that driving lesson we will have a problem


my ex his jealousy is more on i smiled on a classmate before which i find unreasonable. i'm a friendly person regardless of gender and regardless if you are a stranger or not. me also meeting with my female friends he is also jealous that again i find unreasonable i'm always inside the house he work surrounded with people while i am alone. my friends also are introverted pips. while i always allow him to be with his friends because i just want him to be happy


at times many timrs i think havinh a SO is a pain in the ass. i feel like if there are perks the cons will outweigh it

[DizzyDesii]

Wow you are preachin!!

[ShadezMcgee]

What you described about men being dominant sounds more like controlling and aggressive behavior more than anything. Not dominance. Plus, men who are truly dominant and assertive will like some of the traits you listed yourself as, but if you are bossy or very vocal, that is when it gets testy. Men want their women to trust them and let them lead not open their mouth and challenge them or boss them around about everything or every time they feel they can't trust what is going on. That is the problem. Women who have the need to challenge their men constantly or frequently do it from a place of fear and lack of trust, not from security or tust.

I honestly do not like women that have a need to be dominant in everything with their lives. They come off like dudes and I ain't about being with a woman that can't let me be me. I would legitimately be miserable in a relationship like the one you are describing. I grew up in a Type A household all around, my mom, my sister and my dad. I can tell you right now, that was draining and when my mom and sister acted like the way you described I felt not only emasculated, but angry, hurt, miserable and VERY resentful. And they often wondered why my confidence was poor growing up. It was because I didn't feel supported, loved or trusted in those instances with my goals, dreams or opinions.

That is why I am with my girl now. She is dominant and assertive for her job as a cop, but she knows to not bring that mindset or attitude into my house after work. She knows how I hate that behavior after we talked about it and how I felt about it as a whole. She will question something and challenge something now and then, but she trusts me enough to lead the relationship and is happy that way. I have seen women who led the relationship and the men I know who were married to them were miserable and felt like they couldn't say or do anything that they had reservations against because they knew or feared their wife/girlfriend would flip shit or not listen to them. They sacrificed who they were at their core and some even were broken up with or divorced after.. by the very women that lived the life you are saying.

"Yet I need someone who can keep me grounded." In other words, that means you need a guy who is more masculine than you that makes you want to submit and listen to him. Any guy who can't do that will not be heard or give a true shot. That is the way women feel at an instinctual level. A lot of women want someone who can stand up to them and mare them want to submit to them.

This isn't me trying to be an asshole and I am more than willing to be civil with any follow on responses as long as you are willing to listen. I just genuinely dislike women who are dominant or have a need to lead the relationship.

[DizzyDesii]

Yea but i dont look to challenge or debate. I do however stand my ground if he gets carried away. I’ll always have a say about everything. Thats just how i am. But i know how to deliver it without coming across as aggressive myself. Now if he yells then yes i’ll take it to a screaming match. But whats your thoughts on the couples in the pics above? Did you feel the women were reasonable or too bossy

[ShadezMcgee]

That's good then, but if I am being honest Dizzy, at times you come across as one that has a need to be right, regardless if you are wrong. I only say that from past responses and from things you have stated in questions. That can be a problem. One who cannot admit when they are wrong or be humble and apologize when they mess up is a concerning behavioral trait. "I'll always have a say about everything. That's just how I am." That is the attitude and behavior I am talking about with my mother and sister I mentioned in my initial post. There are times when that is genuinely warranted, but if you are doing it as a means from being emotional or to put someone down, then that is shitty.

I can't give input on any of your pictured examples because I don't know them. Women that have a need to be dominant tend to be very stubborn, need to have it their way or are just straight up unpleasant to deal with. There is no room for compromise with a lot of them and anything that threatens or challenges them is met with retaliation of yelling, condescending tones, dismissal, pr constant challenging on why they are wrong.

[DizzyDesii]

I am humble but i already admitted that i dont apologize unless its to someone i truly care about and if i genuinely feel im wrong. I know when im wrong and i say “‘my bad” but not everyone deserves an apology. And im not the type to put people down unless i think somethings gay (that people think is not) and i’ll say “nah thats gay” but im not gonna go on and on about it. Also, that last paragraph about women who are dominant is how i feel about a lot of men who are dominant which is why i dodge them.

[ShadezMcgee]

i dont apologize unless its to someone i truly care about and if i genuinely feel im wrong. I know when im wrong and i say “‘my bad” but not everyone deserves an apology.

Define people that you care about. Does that include a stranger or only people who you know amd respect? What about if you are truly wrong by fact? Not based around how you felt in the situation? This sounds kind of similar to the "sorry not sorry" phrase which is honestly one of the biggest passive aggressive terms coming to common use, but that isn't here or there.

Also define gay. Are you saying "gay" in the context of stupid or ridiculous or the actual definition of happy or homosexuality?

Okay, to touch on the woman bit being dominant in my last response, we can agree based on a gender swap, but if I was to be real this sounds more like the controlling and aggressive behavior I mentioned initially. Not one from genuine assertiveness and dominance.

[DizzyDesii]

Let me put it like this. I wouldn't apologize to a person i can't stand. The most i’d say is my bad. And i’m saying gay in terms of homosexual. Like when guys say stuff like, i wanna be pegged. And i’ll say thats kinda gay but whatever floats your boat. As for assertiveness, I said i like an assertive guy. I never said i myself wasn't controlling. I try not to be but i know i can be

[ShadezMcgee]

Thank you for clarification.

I feel other guys have already said exactly where I am coming from in terms of this, but I wanted to reply back on it. You being controlling at times... think about it this way. Why would you want to even emulate any of what you experienced in your desired relationship with a man if you yourself hated the feeling? Wanting assertiveness in a man is one thing, but if you want an assertive man, he will naturally be dominant as well. Men are wired to lead and be dominant at their core and at an instinctual level. You sound more like you want to be the man in the relationship all the while having the man retain assertiveness, but not to argue or challenge anything you do, as in "my way or the highway". If a man has to suppress his true nature around his woman, he will grow unhappy and resentful of her.

Like you want a man, but you want him to shut up and follow your lead all the time, no ifs ands or buts.

Wanting a man like that will be hard to find. You are essentially looking for a guy who is denying who he truly is at his core. The amount of control you seem to want is 90% you, 10 % him if I am being real from reading this and our talk here again.

[DizzyDesii]

I dont want to be the man and i dont want a feminine man. Im jusr saying that i want to be the “planner”. The one handling most of the responsibilities. Thats what i mean by the boss. I’m not trying to boss the dude around. And i want him to be like half assertive, half passive rather than half aggressive half assertive. I want like 51% to his 49%. Bur definitely no more than 60, 40. And what my first boyfriend did was force and pressure me into stuff. Im not about to waste my time trying to convince someone into things. there's too many fish in the sea. I prefer someone already on the same page and thats what i’ve dated, outside of that first guy. Its what works best for me. However, i dont want to be financially responsible for us both. It would be nice for a guy who can carry his own weight as i carry mine. But i’ve always dated broke dudes who mooched or rich dudes who tried to become controlling. I dont want anyones money but my own. But i need the guy to also hold his own, but allow me to help if he's ever in need. My “bossy” nature is more of a nurture. I don't know how to explain

[Lliam]

I don't want to be in charge of anything. I'm not my wife's boss. She sure as hell ain't my boss. We're partners. We both have our strengths and we rely upon each other.

We make decisions together. It's pretty easy.

I don't like swaggering macho-men and I hate loud-mouthed, confrontational, dominant women. They ain't gonna dominate me.

When it comes to sex, foreplay doesn't have to be dominant or submissive. It can be playful. Each person can have their turn driving their partner wild.

But when it comes to sex, itself, men are dominant. Oh, they can let a woman ride them. They can follow a woman's signals and a woman can participate enthusiastically. For the most part, though, men are in the driver's seat and most women love it.

The woman is the one being penetrated, lifted, gripped, positioned, fucked and savored. She's kind of along for the ride as the man does most of the work.
The visuals of sex look like she is being assaulted. Even her feminine voice can make it sound like she's his prey.

But, aside from that aspect of sex, I don't want to dominate or be dominated.

[DizzyDesii]

No i agree especially with the take turns in foreplay but let him dominate during sex

[xJeremyx]

I prefer a mostly evenly-split partnership. That means there are times when I take the lead, and there will be times she takes over the steering wheel.

I am perfectly capable of making decisions and being assertive, and even though I always try to include the other person's opinions and desires or needs, I sometimes prefer if she stepped up and initiated things as well.

And of course, I always try to hold myself to the same standard that I want from her.

I guess you could say I like spontaneity in a lady. But not too much spontaneity, of course. Like, if I take out the trash in freezing temperatures, its nice if she, for example, randomly makes me a mug of hot chocolate so I can warm back up. Its the small things, honestly.

And also, I like it when a lady processes things logically as well as emotionally, which is the same way I deal with stuff. It means we are automatically on the same level when dealing with stuff.

I am not a fan of the "bossy" type. If she asks for my input or help nicely and shows appreciation for my input/assistance, I would gladly do it. But if she directly tells me (with an expectant tone) to go do something she wants me to do, or demands I get it done for her, it will strain the relationship. I do not like being "ordered" to do things.

I want a lady who I can care/provide for, support and give to, but I also want her to be the type who gives back just as much, in her own way.

But once again, there is no such thing as Ms. Perfect or Ms. Right, so I will have to compromise along the way.

[DizzyDesii]

Yea if they never initiate; that would bother me. And yes no i didn't mean ordering someone around

[xJeremyx]

Yea. In that sense I'm not a traditional male I guess. Im not the type who wants to take the lead most of the time, only sometimes.

Also, open communication of needs and desires as well as pet peeves!!! You don't like something, tell me, and I can either work on it or if we do not see eye-to-eye, we can work out a compromise. Im not gonna find myself with the type of lady that gives the silent treatment and expects me to know what is wrong, when things get unsatisfactory.

I don't know. I'm neither dom nor sub. I'm like in the middle or something.

[DizzyDesii]

You sound assertive which is good

[xJeremyx]

I can be, and will be assertive when I need to, but I also need my future partner to have some level of assertiveness. It gets tiring being the "leader" all the time.

How would you define assertiveness? Maybe my definition is different from yours.

[DizzyDesii]

Did you read my mytake at all? I defined it all above

[xJeremyx]

Oh. Sorry, my bad. I do have the memory of a goldfish and I read it yesterday, forgot everything afterwards 😭

By your definition? No I do not think I am assertive. Far from it, in fact. I think maybe you misinterpreted my tone and style of text. It can be a blessing at times though, when I need to come across as "assertive".

[DizzyDesii]

How do you define it

[xJeremyx]

I define assertiveness as the ability to draw attention to oneself as a leadership figure or decision maker in any setting, while maintaining the respect and considering the opinions/needs of everyone else involved. All while NOT being overbearing, attention-seeking or utilizing forceful behaviour to attain your desired outcome.

This would apply to personal relationships, work partnerships or acquaintanceships, friend and peer groups, and most other social settings.

Sometimes its like an aura, really. something that people may mistake for possessing confidence. Especially when people you are relatively new to decide to follow your lead, because they sense that you are able to assert control, but also make sure everyone has a say.

[DizzyDesii]

Yes this is exactly what I am

[xJeremyx]

Thats good! People who are able to take the reins and pull everyone else together, have my respect.

It's not easy. But its a great skill to have, and its super useful when you got a bunch of people who are all unsure of how to take the reins.

[Anonymous]

You make some questionable assumptions about what a dominant man is or how he behaves, and what types of women prefer dominant men. It has nothing to do with a man being the provider, or a woman being dependent on him. It's just about the relationship dynamic between them.

The fact is most dominant guys are just as you describe yourself. Most don't expect to be the only one who has opinions in the relationship, or to be a dictator. It seems obvious you're a dominant woman, and that's totally fine. But you seem to want a man who will let you be dominant but still have all the other characteristics that come with a masculine (dominant) man. A man like that may not be easy to find and maintain over the the long run.

This is something I notice a lot in modern women. They want a masculine man but expect him not to be dominant. That's like asking a lion to not be dominant over a lamb. That's obviously an extreme comparison, but it demonstrates the principle. It's a recipe for either a failed relationship or an unhappy man.

[DizzyDesii]

Quite possibly. And i like that you said a man like that isn't easy to find or may be hard to maintain over the long run. Yes my good exes were rare and it was hard to maintain over the long run with the longest lasting 2 years. But thats mainly because he wanted to be more dominant after the first year and then i was unhappy lol

[Opinion Owner]

Well I do hope you find that guy you're looking for and make it work. You seem like a good person.
Best of luck you you. Happy new year!

[DizzyDesii]

Thank you and happy new year

[SnowedIn]

Dizzy, I love this. Thanks for writing this. You can't know how much this has an impact.

I answered another question earlier today about about couples and their love. It was asking about fictional couples. But, the three that I listed fit very neatly into what you've described. They are:

• Josiah and Abigail Bartlett in the TV show The West Wing.
• Robert Crawley, Earl of Grantham, and Cora Crawley, Countess of Grantham in Downton Abbey.
• Will McAvoy and MacKenzie McHale in the TV show The Newsroom.

In each couple, both have power and strength and leadership and in certain cases one is clearly in charge but it's a powerful symbiosis because the one in charge isn't in that position by force, it's by mutual agreement, tacit or stated.

[DizzyDesii]

Ooo yes thats perfect!

[DizzyDesii]

And do you know any of the couples above in the pics?

[SnowedIn]

Personally? No. But several, of course, from watching TV and enjoying the on screen chemistry of both the actors and the characters.

[DizzyDesii]

Yea not personally 😂 i was just asking if you felt the women were reasonable or overbearing

[SnowedIn]

Some were reasonable (the woman from Hawaii 5-O) is an example. Others I don't know enough. Monica from friends struck me as a little overbearing, but not because I wanted her to be submissive just she seemed... overbearing. If that makes sense.

[DizzyDesii]

I think monica being a neat freak was bothersome

[SnowedIn]

I confess: my sock drawer is organized and my pens are in order by color.

[DizzyDesii]

Omg thats too adorbs!! My slight ocd side is happy 😂

[DavidRaul]

True. Both man and woman should have an equal say in a relationship. It would definitely be turn off for the woman when a man forces his opinions on her. I am definitely looking for those qualities that you mentioned. And i don't think you are an odd one out asking something simple in a relationship

[DizzyDesii]

So glad you think its simple :) I think a few others felt it was too much to ask for

[DavidRaul]

Well they are just too immature to even think about it. They will get there when they turn in their 50's. These are just basic needs. Not being dominant doesn't make you less of a man. These attributes just make you a better, understanding partner and definitely love grows deeper in the long run. That's where most couples fail and divorce because they can't follow these simple rules.

[DizzyDesii]

Oooo I love your mindset 👏

[DavidRaul]

Thanks for appreciating my opinion. Never settle for something less

[Smoothing]

First of all, I have n9t fully read your my take properly but the beginning of it touched on setting I know of.

Which is that, most people nowadays don't even know what it means to be a leader who takes charge, and a bully who just behaves like everything evolves around them.

The reason as to why you found that guy you deemed dominant, was not because he was in charge or had leadership qualities, it was because he was a bully and instinctively, you sensed that. You would be surprised how many people would fail at defining what a real man who takes charge is. A lot of people, both women and men, will look at the bullying in Normanton type as a man who takes charge. Obviously mature women know better in that respect, but that maturity doesn't have much to do with age.

[Smoothing]

I can elaborate more when I find time. And I can read your my take the whole way. Let me get what I have to do out of the way.

[DizzyDesii]

Of course he was a bully and i know his sense of dominance was more of controlling

[RavVid]

Well within limits I don't care about what type of food we eat and mostly I don't care about what movie though if you want me to watch it with you it better be something I find amusing otherwise I'll youtube tanks again or the human genome or geopol.

Fundamentally I don't want to put effort into things I consider not worth putting effort into or is a don't care for me. So the girl can have that realm of my don't cares.

if I do consider it is important enough for me to put effort into it then I will make the decision after researching & taking your input (that I might quickly discard).

I do like telling girls what to do because it's fun and a good hobby. :)

[DizzyDesii]

“I do like telling girls what to do because it's fun and a good hobby.”
Tell me where the joke begins and ends

[RavVid]

I was pretty sure I was going to be a disappointment :)

[DizzyDesii]

Its very disappointing but im hoping you're joking

[RavVid]

Hmmh. I'm not sure either to be honest.

I am pretty laid back about stuff that's a don't care.

We know from the Iliad that at least from the 12th century BC, women were in charge of the domestic sphere because one of the characters had to ask his wife's permission to give a gift to another guy. Nothing new here.

But then for pure devilment I might tell a girl to do something I know she wants to and is set on doing. More than one girl has said I have an evil humor/laugh.

I could be one of those croc guys ready to snap his jaws when needed. I tend to think less is more.

[DizzyDesii]

Worried about that evil laugh though lol

[RavVid]

Well I am mostly a kindly man who likes to help folk. When I was working on getting compensation for my housemate I very much wanted to mete out just punishment - and did.

[letuswaltzforthedead]

I've never seen a relationship like that in real life but always on the media. Honestly it's better that you know yourself and what you want, not every couple runs the same ship together.

[DizzyDesii]

All my relationships except one have been like this 😂 So im definitely used to it and im for sure its what i want

[letuswaltzforthedead]

Lol, that's nothing bad. Good thing your had experience, have your standards and all. Some people just get stuck never knowing what they actually like or want

[ZenJen444]

Facts and fifty shades of grey is a perfect example of why I fear the dominance. Fifty shades is dominance gone too far and although it might just be a movie there are men out there like this. From what I heard this is actually about the author of fifty shades of grey and how her and her husband met.

Kevin of shameless is my Bae 😍 I love him. He's perfect mix of fun, sexy, sweet and gentle.

[DizzyDesii]

I never saw Shameless but i know of the show and the gif. I liked “Kevin” on “Reba” as Van lol

[Anonymous]

I can be pretty dominant in my job or with friends, but I don't want to be dominant in my relationship, and especially in the bedroom. I think the masculine ideal is a strong, confident, capable, charismatic man, and a dominant personality is part and parcel of that. I don't understand why a woman would want a man like that and not expect and allow him to be the more dominant one in the relationship. It seems unfair. That's not to say he shouldn't treat me well and respectfully (he does). He shouldn't take advantage of it. I would not tolerate that. But he would not be happy if I tried to exert my dominance in our relationship. I'm pretty sure that would not go over very well. There is no room for two dominant personalities in a relationship.

[DizzyDesii]

I dont see how its unfair. If it was the other way around its still unfair for whoever isn't happy. But if both are happy then its fair

[Opinion Owner]

yeah but that's the thing, anyone who is naturally dominant and is forced to suppress their natural personality and behavior is not going to be happy for long. I think it's unfair when someone of either sex is forced into that scenario. I think it's just more common today for it to happen to a man than a woman, but it definitely happens to both.

[Agape93]

Don't feel bad. I'm as aggressive and stubborn as I am because I've been burned bad too. I don't settle for less either. Good on you.

[DizzyDesii]

Thank you. I dont think anyone should settle but some will. I rather remain single than settle

[Agape93]

I agree. I have standards and rules for myself and others. Only one person in my life could get me to break it, and he would never push me to do so. Respect. Its the most important thing.

Love without respect is toxic.
Trust without respect is pointless.
Dedication without respect is just obsession.

For example, my cupcake on here, I adore and respect her. She knows how far I'm willing to go, which I will not discuss openly on here.

Respect is free and easy. People need to learn it.

[DizzyDesii]

Look at you preaching 🙌

[Agape93]

I try

[Msputiton]

I definitely run things. I'm far from submissive

[DizzyDesii]

😂😂😂

[Angelo75]

Well I had my share of dominant woman. Back in the past I wouldn't mind. But after in how much trouble a dominant woman can get a couple, if she doesn't know what she's doing, I changed my mind.

Nowadays I'll just either walk out the door or send her out the door.

[DizzyDesii]

Lmao she didn't know what she was doing?

[Angelo75]

I found out later that she was traumatised and was just over-compensating.
She used to take impulsive decisions...

Well the list is pretty long.

Anyways... I'm a different man today than I was back there.

[JosyJosy]

I don't mind like being bossed around, but I don't mind following if he's a good leader. In my relationship there isn't really a leader we're more a duo discussing and suggesting things we both feel like we want or should do.
Or the one who leads is the one who is better at the activity we plan on doing.

[DizzyDesii]

Thats a good way to put it

[JosyJosy]

I never believed in "I'm a man so you must listen to me" or even "I'm the parent and you must do as I say". As rude as the second one sounds, some adults don't act like adults and more like a crazy lunatic looking to do harm to you and or themselves. Fuck Those People.
You want to be the leader? Earn it. Let your actions speak. Leadership shouldn't be expected right from the start, it is earned and given.

[DizzyDesii]

Omg that part about the adults (elders) constantly saying that to an adult “child”

[exitseven]

I just try to be myself. I don't put any labels on myself. I treat my wife and other women with fairness and respect. I would never hit a woman and I am not into spankings or bondage. I think there are better things that a man and a woman can do. I don't take crap from anyone though.

[DizzyDesii]

Yea, see this is cool

[exitseven]

😊😊😊😊

[MysticDevice]

I couldn't be in a relationship where its either me in charge or she's in charge. Both of us have to be able to do everything if needed.

I can't handle the "I'm helpless without my big strong man to help me". Exaggeration but you get my point.

[DizzyDesii]

Yea the dependent damsel in distress is disappointing

[Shark_61695]

I don't know what precisely I'm looking for but I'd rather make someone happy than make it all about me.
I have things I don't like and as long as these are considered I'd probably accept new experiences.
An example, if you want to go and spend a holiday sitting on a beach, I'd only accept it if there was sufficient shade for me to hide. Also would want stuff to do as can't just spend the whole time doing nothing.

[DizzyDesii]

So you like compromise

[Shark_61695]

I haven't found anything I enjoy and it is much easier to say things I don't like.
As for compromise... in a way I guess... I felt very controlled when I was younger and learnt the importance of saying no. I'm not going to roll over for everything but accepting of suggestions.

[DizzyDesii]

Which is kinda what im saying. Input from both ends id important

[DizzyDesii]

*is*