My girlfriend says she feels used by me...?

[Anonymous]

My partner & I have been together for almost 8 years & I love her so dearly. The problem is... We only have sex once a month (if I'm lucky) and she has the cheek/audacity to say she feels used every time we have sex.
Please forbid me bringing it up in conversation with her because the punishment/abuse I receive from her is uncanny.
I've mentioned it several times to her that I would like it if we could have intercourse more often & she always gives the same reply...
You are only using me for sex & if you want sex that badly go elsewhere & she will cause an argument everyday with me just so she don't have to obliged to satisfying my needs & she'll keep acting like this until two months have elapsed. Which in heinz sight means it's better if I keep my feelings to myself.
As I stated we've been together for almost 8 years & love her with all my heart & don't understand how she's cone to the conclusion that I'm using her. Could someone enlighten me please because I don't know what to do

Stay with her

Leave her

Updates

+1 y

We are both in our mid twenties, She claims she just doesn't like sex and ain't willing to compromise and her having sex with me once a month makes her feel used because she's only doing it to shut me up.
Is this what my future is destined to be? :(

[Anonymous]

tell her she either gives you the decency of a civil discussion and you get couples therapy. If she throws a fit, say you're uncomfortable with her anger! You don't want sex 24/7 but you have needs and you don't feel ashamed of that and you shouldn't btw! Say her being used sounds more like an excuse. Ask her if the sex is bad and for her to be honest!

She sounds indirect and defensive in general, but she needs to be willing to discuss it before crying that she's being used by an s. o. of 8 years. Does she no longer feel sexy or turned on? Is she stressed by something else, by you? Do you watch porn? Seems a lot of women hate this lol.. maybe you pissed her off and she noticed the cleaned up cache and private browser turned on.

Could be a number of things judging by her harsh reactions for your very normal request. I hope you can figure it out and come to a solution than just leaving her and giving into what sounds like insecurity maybe or a low sex drive. Could be anything and if she doesn't wanna talk about it, that sounds like someone not benefitting from the relationship in some way.. if you don't have good communication with your s. o. then it sounds like it could get worse if she doesn't make it easy for you to talk to her.. especially about sex.
And some content couples hardly have sex in relationships, others have sex a lot at first and then tap out after years. And others get inspired to keep the flame alive. Find out what your middle ground is but its a bad sign if she's not willing to talk it out, so encourage that first before allowing yourself to be defeated by her defensiveness.

[caramel_latte]

I think something is wrong beyond what is on the surface. I am a woman, and I know for a fact if my boyfriend and I were only having sex once a month...there is a serious issue behind it.

[CommieDearest]

I think the two of you maybe just aren't sexually compatible. She would want it more if she were getting pleasure from it.

[Atlas67890-]

I think you're way off base bro I mean she's a woman, she's got a tough life and you know maybe she's under a lot of stress.

Just kidding. lol Thats pretty common actually. They usually wait until marriage to pull this crap though. She could be cheating on you as well. < look into that.

[Jager66]

If she isn't willing to communicate and work things out then she is not worth being with, you deserve to be with someone who will reciprocate your desire for intimacy instead of using it as a tool to hurt and manipulate you.

[Anonymous]

Did she get hurt by someone in her past? Probably her insecurities eating her up, but I agree with Jager66, if she's not willing to work it out, you should probably let her go, even if after 8 years together it's not the answer you were looking for :(

[Anonymous]

Having the same issue with my girlfriend and oral sex.

[laviniallen]

Make her cum through oral... after a few times, she'll want to reciprocate ;)

[Anonymous]

When in a relationship, and having had sex already,... Who the hell only has sex once a month? Omg sucks for you dude! Especially if you've been with that gal for a loooong time. :P