Long Distance Boyfriend Chooses Fourth of July party with family over me. And I'm not invited?

[Destinarea]

My boyfriend and I have been together for 9 months. We did not spend Christmas or Thanksgiving together, but we spent new years and Valentine's together. He moved out of town a month ago and lives an hour away. He is coming up here to visit me on the 3rd, stay the night, and then leave later the next morning/afternoon on the actual Fourth of July. He is leaving because there's going to be a party at a nearby lake, about 50 miles away. I'm not invited because his family doesn't like me/outsiders/anybody.
Don't you think that since he doesn't see me hardly at all anymore, he would want to spend the holiday with me? They're all going to be drinking and junk, and he doesn't like any of that... he just wants to go swimming.. I have talked to him about it and he goes,"They want me with them and you want me down here so I'm in a bind." So I said,"Whatever fine go have fun at the lake.." Of course I don't really mean it because my feelings are hurt. I feel very put at the bottom of the priority list. Do I have a legitimate reason for feeling this way or am I just clingy?

Yes you are being selfish/clingy and need to let him be.

No you are completely in the right for feeling this way and should stand your ground.

Forget him, it's not gonna work

[MrOracle]

Almost all LDRs fail due to problems created by the distance/time apart. You are starting to see why.

I always tell people: if you are going to be LD for more than 90 days, and you aren't married and *both* HYPER-committed to the relationship, then it almost certainly isn't going to work, and you will only waste a lot of time and effort trying to make it work.

Be smart: break up with him, and agree that if you are ever both single and living in the same town again, you'll consider getting back together, but that otherwise, you are single and free to do what you like. Then find a guy who is local and who can actually spend time with you.

Don't tell me "but I *love* him", because it doesn't matter - you can't be with him because of the distance, and that means you'll NEVER be happy in this relationship, and in fact, it will only get worse. The longer you are apart, the more your lives will grow apart and other things will become a higher priority than this relationship. Clearly that's already happening with him, but that's the norm for LDRs.

Don't be in denial. It already isn't working, so end it now and find something better for YOU.

[Anonymous]

if you want to be with him dont be all "fine" about it, also i have to say WTF! what guy in the right mind wouldn't want his girlfriend with him on holidays? id love to have a girl with me 24/7 no matter what the family says, that guy is just weird i think you need a better guy, maybe its an excuse cause he might have another girl

[loveisbeautiful]

If you are under 18, like it say's. I can understand why you think your boyfriend not
being with you on the 4th is a big deal. However, when you get older you'll realize that
two people don't have to spend every waking moment together. Besides, he's coming to
see you on the 3rd and gonna spend all that time with you. So, that should count for
something. Also, it's not like he's giving up time with you to go hang out with his buddies.
He's going to be with his family and girls have to realize that, a man can't give up his
family just because he's dating someone. So, I don't think you should be mad at him.
There's no reason to be. That's my opinion.

[Destinarea]

I know it sounds silly to be worked up over it. That time does count.. It's just whenever he comes to visit, he had to leave early because of family problems. It's a recurring theme. I'm used to that, it just hurts my feelings that he doesn't want me around his family, but I understand why when I hear about all the drama going on. I just am confused with mixed feelings.

[loveisbeautiful]

I'm sorry, that when he does vist, it's cut short. And, I can understand your feelings being hurt.
I really do. However, if he does have family problems going on (depending on what they are). If it's something serious, it's probably just too personal to share with you or if it's something else, maybe he's just embarrassed of his family and doesn't want you near them for that reason. Or, maybe it's not him at all. But, instead his family not wanting you around. And, if you're both under 18, he'd have to listen to his parents. You know what I mean?

[loveisbeautiful]

I read the other answers and I want to say somethings to you about that. 1) My parents were engaged to be married (this was back in 70's) and there parents would NOT allow them to be with each other on holiday. The rule was They had to spend time with family first but if they wanted to see each other after the dinner, they could. The only time they ever spent time together on a holiday with the others family, was once they got married. I know this is the 21st century, but him not spending the holidays with you (especially, Christmas and Thanksgiving.) Isn't a big deal, so don't let these people freak you out. He was with you on New Years and Valentine's and those are more couple based holidays, so those are the ones that matter.

[loveisbeautiful]

2) I don't think people read your post. Because they're putting fear in you, by saying "long distant relationships don't work. Break up with him" But, I just reread it. And, it clearly states that He just moved a way a month ago" Which means, he was still living in your town on the holidays he did and didn't spend with you. It also clearly states he moved an HOUR away. Which means , it's hour drive to see each other (which isn't bad). Let me tell you something, whether you live in the same town or a different. I think you're boyfriend has a lot of things going in his life right now and that's why doesn't get to spend enough time with you. I know that probably hurts, but relationships aren't suppose to be easy. So, don't break up with him because they tell you (long distance dosen't work). It does work and it has worked for people and two people living in the same town and seeing each other all the time doesn't guartee you anything either. Just follow you heart, no matter what. Okay?

[loveisbeautiful]

Also remember you're young and if your both like 16, you can't go against your parents
wishes. If you two are together when you're 18, then things will be different. Just do what feels
right for you both and maybe talked to him about how you're feeling left out and ask him if there's any way to fix that. So that his family and you each get his attention equally. And, if you need someone to listen to you, just message me on here I'm great listener. Good luck.

[Destinarea]

He is 19, and he lives with his older brother who has had some mental issues before.. Very complicated family life. I do not want to quit on him because, yeah, he lives an hour away and that's not too far. When he visited me earlier I spoke to him about how I would really like to be included more often in family plans, so hopefully that will come to fruition. He does have a lot going on, but I don't know exactly how much of it is true to a T. I will give him the benefit of the doubt there. Thank you for your good advice :)

[loveisbeautiful]

You're welcome : )

[Anonymous]

Long distance relationships don't work. Period.
Unless, both of you work to make it work. If he hardly spends any time with you, then perhaps you should talk to him or let him go.
But in relation to his family party, you shouldn't feel like you're a lower priority. Family is the most important thing in life. He rightfully should be choosing his family, because when everything fails he'll always have them.
But like I said, if he's not trying to make the relationship work by not seeing you, then let him go. It'll be what's best for you.

[Destinarea]

Well I don't mean to make it sound like he never comes around, I even saw him yesterday, the third time this month. Which isn't terrible considering his money situation. I'm just stressed without him, and feel like he's going to forget me soon once school rolls around. Plus, never been invited around his family.. But that's a special situation.