I am in love with my wife's best friend.

Question

Me and my wife just got married a month ago.  Well we have been together for almost 3 years.  Me and her friends have become pretty good friends and we talk and hangout all the time.  Her best friend is gorgeous and she is the coolest girl I have met besides my wife.  My wife knows I am attracted to her because she told me "I know you think she is hot" and I wasn't disagreeing.  Well her best friend is always really flirty with me and we joke with each other all the time about having an affair its funny and my wife is in on it but its been a joke the whole time.  I started feeling myself slowly fall in love with her more and more tho and everything she does makes it worse.  We have been talking on the phone together and texting or on Facebook.  It used to be my wife was a kind of a buffer between us and we would only talk or hangout thru her.  Now we are doing stuff together without my wife and its not like its hidden because she knows.  My wife must have a lot of trust for me and her friend because the chances and signs of an affair are all there but there really isn't one.  I just don't know what to do.  I am newly married and I should be into my wife right now but the feeling I get with her friend is like a new relationship.  You know that feeling?  It feels like the day me and my wife first got together.  What am I supposed to do?  I'm starting to think that I am with the wrong woman.

l-hedoniste · Accepted Answer

First things first:

"My wife must have a lot of trust for me and her friend because the chances and signs of an affair are all there but there really isn't one. I just don't know what to do."

This simply isn't true, and you know it. And your wife knows it, and her best friend knows it. Except what your wife is feeling probably isn't trust--believe me, she knows better--more like desperate hope. She hopes that, once dragged across an altar, you won't be crazy enough to destroy your marriage at the very beginning.

Not to cry over spilt milk, but you might have gotten married too soon.(Note to dudes: if you're in love with another girl, don't get married.) What's done is done, however, and fortunately, your choice is simple: lose the girl, or lose the wife.

On some level, you know this already, and you're fishing around for a way that you can end up having it all. Stop it. There isn't. Plus, this fishing expedition can end up costing you everything.

Getting married does not, cannot, require that you never fall in love with another woman, only that you abandon them all for your wife. It's why the vow is solemn, and why if you're going to sacrifice even love for this girl, that you be really damn sure she's the right one.

authentic · Accepted Answer

"What am I supposed to do?"

To be your wife's bestfriend, she would share many similarities with your wife. But that is not an excuse to betray your wife's trust, nor to prove to yourself your lack of personal integrity and self-control.

Trust, once broken, is often for life.

If you are thinking of getting an "extra pair of shoes" to wear, you are about to cause two women some serious trauma. The third party, what kind of emotions do you think she would have when she stares at the ceiling every night, knowing you are sleeping with your wife? Answer : Anger, jeolousy, resentment, ...etc. Can you anticipate what such a woman can do? I can't. But if you want to, you can try figure out what your "angel" would become because you know her a lot better.

Think of the consequences before you create a hell for all three of you, all because of your lust (in your answer -- gorgeous), greed (one more "pair of shoes" for a change) and lack of self-control.

Tamikaze · Accepted Answer

This has little to do with the other woman and everything to do with you.  I think you married when you shouldn't have.  Trust me, everything is safe right now for the other woman.  If you were truly available she might not give you the time of day.  In fact, if you try to pursue anything with her you may well find out she is not a good match for you either (especially considering what kind of character she must have to go for a married man who is her best friend's husband) or that she actually is surprised you expected it to go further.  You should consider going to someone like a counselor or, if you go to church, perhaps your pastor.  All I can say is that you risk losing your wife and ending up with nothing by continuing to flirt with this girl and you need to cut all ties to her and really focus on getting your marriage in order.

blahh224 · Accepted Answer

wow... you should have never gotten married if you have been having these feelings even before you did... you need to really figure out what these feelings are... are you solely sexually attracted to her or do you really think you guys have an emotional bond.. also, are you having these feelings because you are married and were never really ready for this kind of a commitment or is it really true love... honestly I would stay away from this other girl, she's most likely leading you on, I mean her best friend is your wife and not many girls would think its okay to mess around with their BEST FRIENDS HUSBAND! my advice... stop hanging out with her alone and stop the texting and all that, then you need to decide why the hell you married your wife when you obviously aren't too into it...

valentinev · Accepted Answer

i get it. you like her.

but honestly? if its like what it was like with your wife

you oughtta know

its just a phase

let it pass

coz you can't let go on a woman like the type of your wife

you need to just cut off contact and be just social with the best friend if an obligation

A LOT of times we look for something new as its that new romance all over again and it excites us

but you need to know

that maybe this is lucid

maybe its just as temporary as anything because you don't really know this girl

stick to the one you have

atleast try

and then it really depends on yourself at the end of the day

love and care

Anonymous · Answer

thats messed up! stop hanging out with her its considered cheating! may be you're just infatuated with the best friend, its natural to be attracted to members of opposite sex even after marriage, but it doesn't mean you should stop loving your partner, and it certainly doesn't mean you continue to hang out with them in order to achieve certain planned motives. that's where you cross the line.

you know what you're doing is wrong, and you should stop and change that.

you need to figure out what you want and what you really feel about the woman you really love, or if you love either of them at all.

Anonymous · Answer

*shakes head*  Where do I start...?  Well, for one, I don't think you were ever ready for marriage and I don't think you are ready for it now.  Marriage is a big commitment.  When people get married, they are totally and utterly committed to each other and it should take A LOT to break that sort of bond.  But you are starting to stray at the sight of the first attractive and cool female to pay you any attention other than your wife.  You don't sound like you care about your wife all that much and my suggestion is to break it off before you do some serious damage.  You got married young and it seems like you still have a lot of "play" in you.

Lacutis · Answer

"What am I supposed to do?"

Quit being an idiot. That's what you are supposed to do. You are with a woman you love. You have been with her 3 years and you finally married her and now you want to go and f*** it all up over someone who will probably not want to have anything to do with you after you destroy her best friend?

Seriously, if you really love this woman like you say you do then quit trying to screw up your relationship with her and do the right thing. Keep it in your pants.

SuperDude · Answer

I know what you are going through bro.  I have been married for two years.  About 5 months into our marriage my wife’s best friend moved in with us.  At first I wasn’t really attracted to her. However, she is very good looking and has a very nice body.  After almost a year of living with us I can’t stop thinking about having sex with her.  I try to hint around to my wife that her friend needs to go her own way.  But she gets very defensive about her friend.  I defiantly can’t come out and say I think she needs to leave ASAP because I don’t want to mess up our great marriage due to the fact that I want to bang the hell out of her friend.  Before she moved in I told my mom about what was about to go down and she told me that it was not a good idea for another women to move in.  Even if it’s her best friend.  At the time I didn’t think I would feel this way.  I also didn’t think she would be here this long.

Polaris80 · Answer

You're a drama queen.

You like chaos in your life. Once things start to feel stable and normal, you stir up trouble.

How to fix it?

You learn to be bored. Because what feels "boring" to you is actually normal and healthy.

You avoid this other woman. You're never alone with her, you keep your relationship with her as businesslike as possible.

itzzxhypnotik · Answer

thats what you get for getting married so young. no but how bout you STOP hanging out with her best friend so an affair DOESNT happen. this could be completely avoidable if you weren't suck a jackass.

Anonymous · Answer

All I can say is you made a promise to your wife in the name of God
be a man and stand by her but don't waste her time
dont you think she deserves better than this,
it seems to me that your brains are in your pants and not on your shoulders
Do your self a favour put up or shut up but don't muck your wife around
because you are only going to break her heart.
Behind every good man is a good women

I am in love with my wife's best friend.

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