When my boyfriend smokes weed he changes completely.

[Anonymous]

My boyfriend and I have dated for two years and the first 4 months of our relationship he smoked about 6 bowls a day. He never took me out...let alone just spend time with me. Not even watch a movie together...he never would invite me to his house id just have to go there to see him. Luckily his friends love me and would invite me over all the time. He would ditch me for weed all the time...we would make plans to go out and id get all ready then call him and he'd either answer and be like oohh well I'm in orem buying a bag or he wouldn't even answer then call me 3 hours like and say what's up like nothing happened. He would ditch plans with me and my family and go smoke and he would get verbally abusive and really mean when id try to talk to him about it and I always ended up being the one apologizing but after I broke up with him for 4 months we got back together and he had stopped smoking and transformed into this amazing guy honestly the guy of my dreams and my best friend we pretty much live together now but he recently started smoking again...now half as much as before but I'm so scared I'm going to lose my best friend and the love of my life...he has already ditched me again for weed and lied to me and just acted like a straight up dick to me...but I know who he really is and how in love we are when he isn't altered. We have talked about it and its been a week and he hasn't smoked but I'm still so distant and I don't know what to do.

[zxcmea]

It sounds like it wasn't meant to be, dear. Either he has a sincere addiction (in which case the disease is the problem, not the drug) or he's not into you enough to make you a priority.

The reason things were going better when you first got back together is probably exactly that--you'd just gotten back together. Nearly all couples who divorce/separate get along better when they first get back together... it's really very common. It's much more likely that he was "this amazing guy" because of that, and not because he "had stopped smoking."

Many people who use weed don't abuse it and don't let it interfere with their lives. Try imagining it as something else, like playing music or hanging out with friends... If he was constantly ditching you so he could go play music or hang out with friends, wouldn't it seem like he might not be very into you? Wouldn't it seem like he didn't care too much if the relationship ended? I'm saying it this way because constantly ditching plans with someone is a CLASSIC sign of not caring about them very much... It's also a classic sign of addiction, though.

Either way, you cannot change him. Only he can do that. Do yourself a favor - get single, get happy, and learn to value yourself, so that you know better than to stick around when people treat you like that.

[jacquesvol]

Bad news for you (and worse for him)

I've known a few people like that.

That's "normal" behaviour, at least for cannabis addicts.(it's worse with some other drugs) Drugs take a big chunk out of their life, to become more important than the rest, you included. But most will hide that at least for some years and deny it, pretending they "control their drug", "it's just relaxing, not addicting" Crap& B.S. of course. It's the inverse.

They can be very persuasive: actually, they believe their own story. And will try instead to persuade you to smoke too.

Thus the hope of persuading them to get out of it by discussing it are close to zero.

Professional help might get him out of it but most prefer their drug to kicking off (their drug is "fun" and "cool", kicking off isn't)

Drugs are often related to some "friends". They don't want to be scorned by those "friends" for kicking off because of a girl: in their circles that's being "pussy-whipped", "recuperated by the establishment" and other kind things like that. The ultimate dishonour.

[jacquesvol]

Courage!

[sherecoco]

my dear I will advice you to stay away from him, because he said he had stoped the first time but came back and started it again I will tell you to let him go and find yourself a new guy. although it is not that easy