I hate my boyfriends kids!

[Anonymous]

Before my bf and i got together i knew he had two kids and i thought i could handle it i though that i could accept it bc i really liked them plus is made it easier bc i basically told myself that they wre a mistake and that he didn't really want them bc he had them when he was so young. So bc i thought this i didn't think that they would be hanging around us so much or or that he would bring them up as much as he does. I can see that he really really does love them mistake or not he does a lot for them and gets really sad to the point of tears when he goes days without seeing them. As my relationship with him grows i have tried harder and harder every day just to keep away from him his kids i dont want to have anything to do with them bc i get so mad thinking about how he was intimate with another women for so long, how he was someone elses before he was mine. And i get that i have had my intimate relations with someone else too but at least there is no constant reminder. At first i didn't mind but now it bothers me to the point where i dont want to hear their names. I wish that it would just be me and him... and a baby that he and i bring forth together. We r getting ready to move in together, but i hate the idea of his kids comming over i want them far from me, but i know thia isn't possible as long as i want want to be with him. I dont know what to do and i feel like if i can't accept his kids i shouldn't be with him, but he is just so amazing i dont want to let him go.. i dont want him to realize my neglect for them bc i dont want to lose his love... i need some guidance.. i won't leave him bc of his kids but what can i do to feel better about them? or something anything would help!

[findingdreamland]

Yeah the situation is pretty much like you described. Difficult. Kids will be part of his life forever, like it or not. Who can blame kids? Lol

Kids are kids after all. They are not guilty
lol You have to accept them. First of all, they are one of the effects that have brought himself today. They are part of him.

And plus your boyfriend is not great as you think. It doesn't matter he had them when he was young. He has responsibilities. He has to take care of them.

I also understand you. Because you have womanly feelings. You don't want to share him. But there is no even negotiation. He is partially belonging to them. You have to accept.

If you really want to work it out, you have to work on yourself on your perception. He had relationship before you. But it is over. You are his new life now. You can open new page with him. First accept his kids , then embrace him, as he is. More than that I honestly think you need to encourage him to be close his kids. Because a healthy dad can build a healthy relationship.

[QueenofSilentFoxes]

Awesome answer

[findingdreamland]

@QueenofSilentFoxes thanks:)

@ asker, thank you. I hope you both work it out.

[xHoneyxBeex]

Wow... this is truly one of the most horrible things i have read on here.

Those are his CHILDREN. Sorry to break it to you but his kids will ALWAYS come first in his life, as they should. Regardless of if they were planned or not, they are his flesh and blood. You should want him to be a good father and want him to love his kids, not wish that he hated them. Are you really that selfish that you would want a father to be out of his kids' lives for you?

Honestly, you are extremely immature and you should not be in a relationship with this man if you cannot accept his children. You seem to hold so much animosity towards these innocent kids who have done nothing to you! What you need to do is grow up, mature a little bit, and then realize that it's a GOOD thing that he is a good father and wants his children to be around him.

Stop being selfish and realize that you are not the only person in his life and his kids are important to him. Because if you cannot accept that then you shouldn't be with him.

[PinkAcid]

you do NEED to leave him, that is pretty heartless of you to want him to never see his kids. its not their faults they were born and so what if he was intimate with another woman for so long? he's not with her now so there's no need to be jealous.

how would you like it if you had a baby with him and his new woman neglected your baby whenever he had it for visitation and wanted him to have nothing to do with it? the kids have a right to see their own father and you shouldn't be trying to keep them apart. the kids aren't there on purpose to rub your nose in anything and they dont even realise how theyre making you feel.. theyre just happy to see their dad and want to make friends with you, they dont want a potential step mother who hates them when theyve done nothing wrong.

[meatballs21]

I don't like kids, and would never get involved with someone who has them. If you don't learn to accept and LOVE his kids (yes, you want to be with this guy long term? You can't merely tolerate the kids, you have to become their mom) then leave now before you get any more attached. Those are your only two options.

[MothMonsterMan]

You knew what you were getting into when you started dating him. I could be a real asshole about this because if a guy was to say the same thing, you know women would tear him apart.

If you don't want to be with a guy with kids, you need to dump him. You're obviously unhappy, and the kids aren't going away.

[Anonymous]

I hope he finds out (and he will), and dumps you.