How do I convince him to make it "facebook official"?

[Anonymous]

i mentioned wanting to be Facebook official tonight but he says we have way more important things to worry about. it's stupid but being Facebook official is important to me. i'm not sure why, it just is. but he doesn't want to because he says he doesn't want to deal with people's reactions to it right now. we are officially together so i don't understand why we can be officially in a relationship but making it Facebook official is such a big deal? i like making things public, i also think i have less power because i have a big mouth so people know i have a boyfriend because i advertise it but he doesn't so it stresses me out that people don't know he's taken. i just want it to be out there. why is he so against it? how do i convince him?

Updates

+1 y

He said that asking him to put it out there is asking him to change but I feel like him not putting it out there is disrespecting my insecurity. Most of his friends are girls so I feel like I can't trust him if he won't tell them. Is that so wrong?:(

[OntheMove]

Anyone (guy or girl) not wanting to be public with their significant other clearly indicates that there's something about the relationship that makes them somewhat ashamed on some level about it. The severity of this varies but the truth holds: he feels unsure about how others would think about the two of you. He said so himself, he doesn't want to DEAL with others' reactions to it. Why does he have to DEAL with anything unless the reactions would be negative?

He might like you a lot but might fear judgement from the friends that he hasn't quite told yet. On the other hand, it could be a worst-case scenario where he's got someone on the side that he doesn't want to alert with flashing lights and fireworks over Facebook that he's cheating. I can't tell you which it is but you'd do best to be cautious with this guy.

[TonyRyan]

That's an immature reaction on your part. Maybe he's like me doesn't want his relationship analyzed and judges on something as dumb as Facebook. I never change my status. If I care for you to know, I tell you in person. It has nothing to do with other girls and then knowing like I'm wearing a sign.

Facebook is a fake, life is real. If you're real and exclusive, f the internet. Don't sweat the small stuff like this that means nothing. You're being overly paranoid.

Ps. Fb is gonna start charging for membership in November I heard so why even bother worrying about it?

Now if he denies being with you to people, THEN you need to worry.

[Asker]

he never tells anyone. it's just making me upset because it feels like i'm taking it way more seriously than he is. i'm getting annoyed.

[TonyRyan]

Ask yourself why you feel the need to broadcast it. I've never made it a POINT to say "I'm with so and so". If it's brought up then yeah. Don't get me wrong, it's not like I hide it by any means either. So IF he does, then yeah, question it. I'm just sayin, don't worry about a fb status. It's the real things that count.

[dreamingincake]

It sounds like to me that you want this to be public because "Oh hey everyone! I have a boyfriend now! and he's mine! No one else's, look at me I have a boyfriend!!" instead of "I am in a relationship now, and I'm so glad I have this person in my life". See the difference? Its coming across like you have something to flaunt to show other people, like boasting to make yourself feel better. It comes across as insecure.

[Asker]

ok fantastic. i wasn't asking for a psychoanalysis of *me* but thanks for the input. i am completely incapable of figuring out whether or not i am insecure so i really really value your opinion. my question more has to do with why *he* wouldn't be ok with posting it but i guess you tried.

[dreamingincake]

He's probably not comfortable posting it because he knows how you see it. Something for show (I'm assuming, so correct me if I'm wrong), when he doesn't wanna put on a show. He probably doesn't wanna deal with questions and comments and whatever concerns people might have. It gets repetitive and intrusive. And once people start forming opinions of you and making comments about you, it could put him in a position to get defensive about you.

[0neside]

Ew, that's annoying. I can't stand when guys "don't want to deal with people's reactions." That's pretty much code for, "I don't want people (girls) to know I'm dating someone, ergo I haven't told anyone about you." A guy you're dating should want to let people know you two are dating. Red flags are goin' up.

[zorro8888]

It seems like you care more about the status of having a boyfriend/relationship rather than caring about the relationship itself "facebook official is not important, I just see it has you being superficial"
Sorry If I am too honest!
Hope it helps :)

[Asker]

but isn't this a red flag? why doesn't he want people to know? it's not like we just got together yesterday.

[zorro8888]

It's not a red flag at all, just like some people dont like pda, it's no different in this situation
Some just don't like being mainstream about their personal lives. I think the real question/problem are your insecurities, has he done anything that makes you think he might be talking to other girls if not let it be!

[Asker]

he talks to other girls all the time and none of them know he's with me and it pisses me off! i've had guys try to hook up with me so i tell them i can't i have a boyfriend. but obviously most girls aren't as forceful. but there's this girl who hangs around him all the time and she has no idea because he's so quiet about it and it's just getting annoying!

[zorro8888]

Now is he just talking to those girls or actually flirting, I'm asking because people like to exaggerate sometimes. Do the girls know you? If not, hang out with him when he talks to them and notice how he introduces you to them, if he says hey_____ this is my girlfriend ___ then you're good. However if he just says hey this is ____ without the title then it would be different and I could see a reason to be mad

[Asker]

there would be no title. he hasn't told anyone at all about me. no friends, no family, no one.

[zorro8888]

I didn't say to assume, I said to actually put yourself in those situations
If he is talking to the a girl just walk up to him say hey then see how he introduces you

[Asker]

but isn't the fact that he hasn't even told one person bad enough?

[zorro8888]

Not really, If I got a girlfriend right now I'm not going to put in almost every conversation, but if you bother to ask then I'd answer, do you mind messaging me this is long, only if you're comfortable with it though not trying to pressure you

[Asker]

wait what? you want me to message you or was that part of your answer? sorry it was kind of unclear

[zorro8888]

I said to message me if you're cool with it

[evenlift]

I think you both need to change your mentalities a little.

He is worrying too much about what other people think.

You are viewing a romantic relationship as a power struggle.

[Asker]

I know :( I just feel like I have no reason to trust him if he isn't making it public. It makes me worried there's a reason. Like a lot of his friends are girls so it makes me feel like he doesn't want them to know and it gives me anxiety. I told him that I'm too insecure for keeping it so private but he got angry that I'm trying to make him change who he is and I'm just so frustrated because he isn't trying to make me feel more comfortable because it would be "compromising his principles" to put it out there like that. I told him it's hurting me and he told me I care more about having an "accessory boyfriend" than I care about him because I'm not respecting his personality. He told me that asking him to tell people is like him asking me to stop telling people anything because he "just can't help it." he's upset bc he thinks I'm trying to change him but I'm upset bc he isn't respecting my insecurities. Am I really that wrong?

[AJElectric]

I wonder if a girl like you would make me get a Facebook to post me as being in a relationship with you.

[Asker]

um no i would just put that i'm in a relationship. i'm just not putting that because it'll look stupid if i have it up and he doesn't. and he doesn't like telling people we are together and i've told a few people. it stresses me out because i'm clearly like 500 times more invested than he is.

[chadsten]

Just as it's important to you, it's not something he wants to do. Instead of questioning it, at the very least talk about it.

Because yeah, it is stupid anyways.

[SomeoneImportant]

I'm so glad I don't have a Facebook lol. I avoid so much unnecessary and pointless drama.

[AJElectric]

Yeah you said it dude.

[zorro8888]

Yessir