Girlfriend deleted message from another guy, what does this mean?

[Torontonian]

I've been dating my girlfriend for more than 14 months. We go to different schools so we dont see each other often. One of her "friends" that goes to her school has a car. She asked him for a ride to her home and he responded, "I'll give you a ride if you give me head while I drive". He knows that she has a boyfriend as she told me she tells him about me. She tells me that he's only joking, he also calls her cute and hits on her daily. Recently when i went back to see her i asked if i can see her messages with him and she says that she deleted their convo. What does this mean? She said she deleted the convo because she doesn't talk to him anymore and that she would be "embarrassed" if i read her texts with him. Why do you guys think she deleted her texts with him? What should I do in this situation?

[TheRealDonDraper]

Tough spot man, I feel for you here.. Sounds to me like this relationship is in need of some serious maintenance because this recipe right here is the right ingredients for things to to get really sour.. Is it safe/fair to say she is cheating for sure? Not 100%. Remember though, cheating comes in different forms other than sexual relations.

You have every right to be concerned and upset here, and I would be too. And I know that it may seem easier to confront the male in these situations, but most of the time this is not necessary and will not help. It's usually only needed to do that sort of thing when the male is being threatening and/or she has told him clearly that his behavior makes the woman feel uncomfortable and that its not appropriate and still doesn't stop. It's important that you remember to keep the issue between you and her, because that is exactly where this issue is. It's a problem between you and her. This interaction with the male is a symptom of the problem, you need to focus on the cause of the problem here.

-->A good GF will draw out boundaries to other men and not tolerate them crossing them<--

And this is precisely the problem here. She is not doing so. And acting with jealousy towards that will only inflame this situation.

And the whole "I dont want to break up with her in fear of her life crumbling." Never mind that BS. Sorry to be blunt but and although I understand whole heartedly, that is just not healthy behavior on your part and not a healthy reason to stay in a relationship.

My advice here would be to have a very serious talk with your girl. And let her know that you take this as a very serious threat to your relationship with her. No accusations, nothing like that, just let her know where you stand and be firm and not confrontational. Then with time let her true colors show for how much respect she has for you and the relationship. And be prepared to stand your ground and walk away.

Hope this helps man, good luck.

[snowwhite84]

I was in this situation once... It wasn't pretty. I've never physically cheated on my boyfriend, however when he would get jealous and accuse me of cheating I would text my male friends. The simple fact that he was constantly telling me he truly believed I was cheating on him, made me WANT to cheat. I had a few conversations about what we could do if I was single... He asked me to leave my boyfriend *at the time* but I loved my boyfriend and didn't want anyone but him. I deleted one conversation simply because I realized what I did was wrong and I shouldn't have done that- never did it again. He ended up looking through our conversation and noticed pieces missing... He asked the guy to send a copy of our messaged from one date to the next date pretending to be me. I wasn't proud of it, I realize I should have left him when I figured out I was unhappy with him not continue and play games.

[snowwhite84]

*'m not a saint by any means, I'm vicious and have one nasty temper when I get mad. However, he wasn't either, he would call me names, break up with me so he could sleep with other girls, he would demand me to make him food, and our last attempt at staying together ended in me getting slapped for taking his moms side during a fight. We weren't perfect, we lasted just over a year, and ended up being each other's poison... I've moved on, found a guy who treats me right, hasn't ever gave me a reason to doubt his love for me, and always does the little things to prove it. So sometimes, not saying this is your position, but it's best to leave a toxic relationship.

[lovebae55]

It could be because his text doesn't matter to her... I'm a tomboy, all my friends are guys, I find some attractive but not in the sense of that way. You clearly trust her enough to date her and to let her get to know the real you... why let something as small get in your way?

[Torontonian]

because i dont know if its small. The guy she deleted texts is also the guy thats been hitting on her and asking her for head...

[lovebae55]

You trust her in a relationship with you, but not with some texts over some guy? There has to be some reason for you NOT to trust her, rather than some douche hitting on her.

[Torontonian]

She's lied to me in the past and flirted with her ex. Thats whats causing some trust issues. Apparently she's flirty. But i do not know for sure. Is there any way i could find out? I know the guy thats hitting on her and I've been in this situation many times, I usually just go to her school get her to take me to the guy and send the guy a message. That usually works, but i want to find out if she's flirting with him and fighting the guy wouldn't give me that answer so I want to know if there are any other solutions.

[lovebae55]

Here is what i think you should do, sit her down and talk to her about it instead of sneaking around, otherwise it would make you just as bad as you may think she is, ask her about it, make sure you don't accuse her and let her know you are coming to her about it instead of sneaking around. Just say you are a litte concerned about your relationship and chilll duuddeeee, you could be tensing over nothing, but don't have high expectations either, you could be let down. I'm not saying you have to take my advice, entirely up to you...

[Torontonian]

I have talked to her already. I asked why she deleted the convo with him and she said she didn't want me to see her texts with him because she thought its embarrassing and she also said she didn't want me to get mad because of how she respond to his pickup lines and some stuff. I dont get whats so embarrassing. What does that mean?

[lovebae55]

Well from what you have told me? She knows she is doing something bad, she doesn't want to show you because clearly she doesn't want to hurt you. But the fact she knows it's wrong...

[Anonymous]

It may just be that he's into her and she's being nice, but if a guy sends a girl shit like that when he knows that she's taken is disrespectful toward you. She should not let another guy talk to her like that when she is with you. I think she's hiding something

[Cleveland]

I think she likes the attention even if she isn't totally acting on it. You two may want to reevaluate your relationship. You have trust issues and she has secrecy issues and all of that spells disaster.

[Torontonian]

I have reasons to have trust issues. I caught her flirting with her ex... But she tells me how im the most important guy in her life and she would be miserable without me and she cried and cried when i was going to break up with her after i found out that she was flirting with her ex. I think she is flirty, do you think that she's cheating?

[Cleveland]

Not sure if she is physically cheating, but she definitely is inappropriate for being in a relationship. I'm thinking she would do better being single at this point in her life. Can't have your cake and eat it too. Plus, she has already shown she isn't trust worthy. What makes this relationship worth it if you don't even have that?

[Torontonian]

I've tried breaking up... She tells me that im the most important person in her life (her family is messed up). She's been depressed before. She tells me that she doesn't know what she'll do if she ever loses me. Thats the kinda stuff that makes me not wanna break up cause i dont want her to fuck up her life.

[Cleveland]

Her response to the break up is not something you need to deal with. It's pathetic quite frankly that she would stoop so low as to guilt you into staying.

[Hajar_Whitestone]

she is cheating but she doesn't want u to know.

[Torontonian]

How do you know she is cheating?

[Hajar_Whitestone]

@Asker why she would delete a text from another guy if she wasn't cheating...