Is this a red flag that my boyfriend punches the wall?

[Anonymous]

Sometimes during a fight I push my boyfriend's buttons so much he ends up punching the wall. That scares the shit out of me and that's pretty much when I stop arguing back. I've started to avoid conflict the best I can because I don't want an argument with him...

[Paris13]

I have a good friend of mine whom I was also in a heavy relationship with years ago, and he has a terrible temper when I myself Would------Push my boyfriend's buttons so much he ends up punching the wall... and more that was in store.
I never knew that scary side to him when we had first met. It wasn't until we started to live under the same roof that I really got to know this man with The mirror has two faces factor. He would actually scare me to death, even has run after me with a hammer, batted me around, threatened to duck tape me and even went as far to smother me where I started to see the stars above...
You are probably in awe as to why I stayed... I finally broke off the romance rough road... however now that we are not these two birds of a feather, he has mellowed out some, his bark just being worse than his bite...
I see a problem child pattern that could turn into Abuse, sweetie. Once you see the writing on the wall with One incident, believe me, this is just the beginning...
Do some serious soul searching. He may have things about him that you don't even know and if he should ever lay a finger on you, you would have found out Then-----That he crossed the line and time to get out of the way and out of his life.
Good luck. xx

[Anonymous]

My dad does the same thing. Don't get yourself involved with someone with anger issues, they will hurt you, whether it be physically or verbally.

[Kythe]

I did this once, and felt pretty guilty about it immediately after. On the other hand, punching a wall is far better than hitting a person.

It's probably not the best sign; however, guys in general frequently take out stress/anger in physical activity of some sort. The real issue is whether he's hurting himself or others.

Have you tried talking with him and telling him this scares you? It might be that the two of you can figure out better ways to discuss things that don't involve pushing each other's buttons, as you say.

[Kythe]

One more point: though I did punch a wall once during an argument, I've never hit another person in anger.

[Anonymous]

It doesn't sound like a good thing that he punches walls. It shows he has some self control issues. You however are not blameless in this. Why would you try to make him angry then act afraid when you succeed? Stop pushing his buttons if you don't like the way he reacts. What were you hoping he would do after you push his buttons, cry? You both come off sounding very immature.

[Asker]

We are probably immature since we're both 19. Think about yourself in that age :) however I think that's irrelevant we BOTH are very passionate feisty people and neither of us is left speechless when it comes to disagreements. That's just how we are. I never said I was blameless but I have no intention of hitting him and here I am just wondering if he might some day do it.

[Kythe]

I think it really depends on the circumstance. Did he do it one time, feel bad about it and not do it again? Is it repeated behavior or getting worse?

Finding better ways to interact and deal with anger is really part of growing up and learning to live with other people. On the other hand, if he's learned that acting out gets results - you're afraid to argue with him - that might be the wrong lesson for either of you to take away from it.

[Opinion Owner]

I agree. She is teaching him that punching a wall is an effective way to make her stop pushing his buttons. That really is the wrong lesson for him to learn.

[Asker]

I feel a little like you're attacking me. Well sorry that I'm a crappy teacher too.

[Opinion Owner]

I am not attacking you. Kythe just made a good point. Without realizing it you are rewarding his violent behavior. This can cause him to act that way more often.

[Kythe]

Definitely - not my intent to attack you. But realize that if he punched walls, and it got you to stop pushing his buttons, he may be learning that punching walls works. Just my opinion, but what he needs to realize is that scaring you by physically acting out is not a good idea.

[yaddayaddayadda02]

Yup, It's a huge red flag. IT's a small jump from the wall to your face.

[jeremiahstone]

I have to say, I disagree. As someone who went through a phase a few years back where I punched a wall a few times back. Yes, I manage my anger better now, but no, even then I would NEVER hit a woman, it's how I was raised.

We're talking about someone who was so angry he felt the need to punch someone and chose the wall instead of her face, doesn't mean this will escalate into him abusing her. Have none of y'all ever hit, kicked or thrown an inanimate object out of anger?

I think it's a judgement call. And op should be careful about "pushing his buttons".. I had a relationship like that, one day, pushing buttons wasn't apparently getting enough reaction from me and so she started swinging at me, after many many swings I pushed her to the ground and she stopped and said she was proud of me standing up for myself. The relationship ended soon after. This is the one time I ever put my hands on a woman in anger, but what would you have me do? get the shit kicked out of me?

[zombiebabe]

that ain't good at all dude