He can't choose between me and her. What do I do?

[Anonymous]

He's back with his ex girlfriend. They argue almost everyday and he just doesn't seem happy. But he goes back to her? How do I make him chose between me and her? He knows deep down I'm the one for him, and so do all his mates. He knows I won't be waiting around forever for him to decide. What do I do?

[Musichl]

First of all, this guy sounds like a total pain to be with and you need to take his personality and what's going on now between you and him into account for YOU to decide if he really is right for you. In reality, your the one who's in control, not him; you have an equal, if not more, of a say in this potential relationship and so you can decide if you really wanna stick around and wait for this guy cuz there are plenty of other guys in the market… Now, if after taking everything I said into account, and you decided that you still wanna be with him, then let him know that you are the best damn thing in his life and show him that you're worth it ( also, make sure not to embarrass yourself by putting yourself out there too much).
Hope this helps. Stay strong!

[Asker]

I'm staying with him. I didn't fight for this long to get no where and let him be happy. I want my happiness. My choice is to either walk away or fight harder. I'm fighting harder.

[lumos]

If you truly were the one for him, there would be no hesitation. Don't become someone's second option when you could be their first. Seems to me like he doesn't like you enough, otherwise he would already be with you. No questions asked. If you have to force a guy with an ultimatum, he's not the one for you.

[Asker]

He's not with me yet because he doesn't trust me 100% when it comes to guys. I used to be like him. I used to have hundreds of guys wanting to be with me. I'm trying to show him I've changed and I'm not like that anymore.

[lumos]

Again, he's simply not into you. Not enough, at least. Don't waste your time on someone who's hesitant and unable to trust you.

[Asker]

Then why does he ask to see me so often?

[lumos]

He likes the attention.

[Asker]

But he's bringing a headache to himself by seeing two girls. and I know how much he hates ''headaches''.

[lumos]

Clearly he isn't, considering that he keeps doing it. Again, you're better off moving on to find someone who's so into you that they ACTUALLY want to be with you, without hesitating. You're worth more than this.

[Asker]

I know. I'm going into rehab this week. I'm going to just wait and see if he even comes and visits me and tries to contact me. This should be interesting.

[Rudegirljune]

You back off of him... If he knew you were the one he wouldn't be with her. He doesn't seem happy but he's still there men know when they really want a girl they get her no excuses.. You should cut out the text etc let him choose LET him have her... He's playing mind games with you I been there before.

[ImagineRelease]

They have unfinished business. At this point I'd say they're both trying to get the other to understand, but they're not going to make anything that works. But it seems as if he's made that decision. Free yourself up a little from him and if he doesn't even notice move on.

[Asker]

They seem like their happy. But then when I'm with him, and she keeps messaging him and they argue, then he seems to sick of it and just wants to spend time with me because he knows there's no dramas with me. I think her mum is going to pass away soon.. He tells me to wait and that him and I will be together soon. Would that have anything to do with it?

[forgottenmonkey]

Move on and make him deal with her. If he loves you he will move through that relationship end it for good, heal up and come find you. But you need to move forward for now on your own even if you do not date you need to be moving forward and letting him deal with this.

[Asker]

I called him before and said I'm sending you your stuff then leaving you. He got so mad and angry at me. I told him I love him so much and he said just wait, I've told you all you have to do is wait and you'll be with me... I'm so confused... What am I waiting for?

[forgottenmonkey]

The answer is probably nothing he is just trying to scare you because he is scared. Making that choice is hard and it terrifies him so he is avoiding it. As long as you keep doing what you are doing nothing is going to change and he doesn't have to make a move he gets both women. Tell him you are done, mail that stuff, and stop talking to him for a few months. If he loves you he will find you and if not he isn't worth your time because he doesn't love you. You need to move forward for you are enabling his shitty behavior and you need to stop because its not doing you or him good. Than if he comes back and you even get the slightest wiff of him talking to this ex you dump him and never talk to him again. He needs to learn and the way things are he can not do that.

[Asker]

Oh my god, you are amazing!! He's coming round tonight to pick up his shit. I'm being rude and bitchy towards him. He knows I'm pissed off at him. He asked me for petrol money, I said if you want your shit, you come here and get it, petrol money isn't my issue anymore. Pretty much told him I'm not financially supporting him anymore if he needs help. He can go ask his girlfriend he's so in love with to do that for him. I'm ending tonight. We'll see what happens. Wish me luck.

[forgottenmonkey]

Its a shame you had to go through all this. Its never a fun thing to turn away from someone you care about and less fun when you have to do it in anger. You seem smart though considering you stopped dealing with him and went looking for advice so I'm sure you will be ok. Good luck I hope it works out.

[Asker]

I couldn't do it..

[forgottenmonkey]

Im sorry I think you are starting to see the light though so now its just finding the strength to follow it. Its never easy I still think about my last ex and we had a terribly confusing relationship that hurt both of us a lot. It takes time no one is expected to be able to let go and take all the steps over night. You just have to remember that right now whether he loves you are not he is using you and basically cheating on you. That is what its called when you love someone and sleep with someone else after all. Just keep remembering that to slowly drive yourself towards those needed changes.

[Asker]

He's more cheating on his girlfriend with me and doesn't know what he wants.

[Angel_123]

I'm also on the same situation but it's his girlfriend they argue everyday and are on and off and he said due to time investment and family he's with her. But he says he wants to be single so am gunna say either u be single and focus on uself or I'm never talking talking o u and hopefully he'll realize but either way I'm not gunna try to talk to him at all

[TheOnlyWhom]

To add on to what these others have said, you sure you'd want to wait around for him? Positive you and him won't also end up arguing all the time like he and she do? If its meant to be don't wait around. Keep in touch but don't go out of your way to try and get him.

[Asker]

That's the plan from now on. I spoke to him today and told him I need to focus on myself and getting my life together. He knows and he's going to be there for me through all of it. But let's just see if he makes the effort I made.

[thisGUYknows]

U move on. Don't be someone else's second place prize. If he loved u he wouldn't have went back to his ex in the first place. If u wait around he'll think you'll always wait around for him. I experienced the same thing. Trust me, show him you're not going to wait.

[Asker]

Although I do wait for him. I don't give that vibe off towards him. He knows my ex and I are speaking again and I make it clear each time I speak to him that it's a possibility my ex and I are going to get back together. He knows he doesn't have long before he loses me.

[unicornsandglitter]

Lol unfortunately you can't be waiting for him and saying you are the best for him because obviously he left you to be with his ex. What you do is tell him how you feel and that he needs to make a choice, if that choice isn't you then you need to move on

[Asker]

I've made him choose once before and he chose me. Then the ex found out he chose me, and she came running back. She's so threatened by me because she knows I can give him what she can't.

[unicornsandglitter]

You sound so immature lol

[kangy]

if he chose her then he shld be with her and not think about u anymore. since he already made his choice, then u shld remove urself from the complicated equation. winterlyrics.files.wordpress.com/.../option.png

[Asker]

It's not that simple when you're in love with him. He asks to see me so often... Why does he still see me if he's ''chosen'' her?

[kangy]

exactly why wld he still want to see u when he chose her? have u even asked him?
it is very painful but the moment he chose her , he already made it clear to u indirectly didn't he?
maybe i am proud person, i dont see why i need to be the option despite deeply in love with the person.

[Asker]

We've spoken about it. We had a massive talk for hours about it, I asked him why is he with her and he said he didn't know. He tells me everyday how proud of me he is, how much he cares and how much I mean to him. He tells me it's not that simple that he can't leave her. Just like I can't leave him. The girlfriend doesn't know him and I still see each other, but I know about those two. I'm best friends with all his mates and they tell me ''trust me, listen to him, listen to us and you'll win''. I'm going with that and listening to him and fighting for him and I know I'll get him soon.

[kangy]

why would u want to be a third party? how can a person not know his decision? i dont buy his excuse including those of ur mates. but it is ur choice.

[RoseVanLuna]

Move on. If he is still holding on to his ex, then there's still something there and he has some issues he needs to resolve. Also, you deserve someone who sees you and wants to stay with you, not to wait on someone who is indecisive and unsure of what he wants.

[NaturePls]

If I were you,
I would tell him to choose between you and her
If he says you then say something similar to this: Ok, Please dont go back to your ex! Just dont make it sound stalkish/over protective like that. If he does go back to her Drop him.

If he chooses her again. Drop him, Push him out of your life, He obviously doesn't have feelings for you if he keeps on saying your the only one for him then keeps on crawling back to his Ex.

[Asker]

I've done this whole it's either me or her to him multiple times before. And he's chosen me. But then she finds out. And comes running back, she's so threatened by me it isn't funny. She doesn't stop messaging me and stalking all my social media sites trying to find information. I don't know how to get rid of her for good.

[AwesomeZach]

Move on, if he can't see what's perfect in front of him, he never will.

[Asker]

Except he does. He does realise. But he can't leave his ex, I just don't understand!

[Debara]

Guy will never choose to leave girls. It is better you leave him. And he is bad guy you should know. If he loves you he won't never hurt you.

[GalaxyHotChoc]

You move on. Why the hell would you even think about being with this guy? If he truly loved you he wouldn't even be with this other girl.