I made a fake online profile to see his loyalty to me and he failed the test. I hate myself... Please help?

[Anonymous]

I met this guy online about a year ago. We've become really romantically and emotionally close. He's a really important part of my life. I would say that we're dating without the label. Or at least that's what I call it. I thought he thought the same.

I went on the site that we met the other day and noticed that he was online. Kinda weird, considering if he met me on there and we're a "thing" then he should have no reason for going on anymore. I was like "oh well, he's probably just bored and wants to talk to random people." I don't care about that, I think it's fine that he talks to other people besides me.

But then some other things made made me a little paranoid and so I created a fake account and messaged him on the site. I'm really embarrassed about doing this, but I just wanted to know how he would interact with another girl and if he would say that he was single or taken. Just like how loyal online he is to me.

Yeah jokes on me. I asked him on the account if he was looking for anyone and he said "yes ;)" and then I clarified that he had no girlfriend of any sort and he said no. This fucking broke my heart. I know I asked for it but I was really really hoping that he would say "sorry I'm taken" or something like that. I know that's what I would do when asked.

I'm really really sad about this and I know that he does love me because you can't fake what we have for a year. He wouldn't do anything in real life cheating-wise, but I guess online it's an easier thing to hide from me.

I don't know what to do anymore. I'm really sad that I've resorted to this and I can't trust him anymore.

Updates

+1 y

Okay let me clarify. We live pretty far apart, so I said that it didn't seem right to "date" until we actually met first. He's said on multiple occasions he wants me to be his girlfriend. When I talk to him as me, he tells me that I'm the only one he loves and blah blah blah. He's invested a lot into this relationship (money, time, emotion) so I don't think he would get as seriously involved with someone else like me. Just like casual conversation and flirting with others. Still fucking hurts

[Anonymous]

First of all, you say that you never discussed what you are exactly, which seems pretty strange to me considering you've been "together" for a year.

Second of all, what you did wasn't "right", but then again I don't think you should feel too bad or sad about it. At least now you know the truth, or at least some of it. You say you are sure he wouldn't cheat on you in real life, but what makes you so sure of it? If he's responded to and flirted with your fake profile, it's pretty obvious he does the same with other girls. How can you be so sure he wouldn't meet up with a girl if she was willing? I mean he's already on a site (I assume dating site?) without your knowledge, how can you be so sure that he wouldn't take it a step further?

I understand not being able to trust him. The fact you even felt the need to check up on him shows that you didn't feel good about him/the relationship. One who is happy doesn't just snoop around randomly. Maybe you should ask yourself what made you so paranoid that you checked on him in the first place, and then decided to create a fake account.

Like I said, it's not good that you never talked about being exclusive. It seems that to you it was clear, but it seems that to him it wasn't, or that he will at least use the lack of that discussion to justify his action. You do need to talk to him about this now. Also, I know it's hard, but I'm afraid you're going to have to admit to the fake profile. Yes, he will be mad, but I don't think there's a way around this.

[Opinion Owner]

Just seen your update. If you've never actually met him I think he doesn't consider you his girlfriend, or at least isn't prepared to be "exclusive". I know this is somewhat harsh, but you can't have a relationship with someone you've never met.

[Asker]

I guess you're right. Thank you for your response.

[Queen_naki5]

The best thing that you can do is move on. There's no closure or reconciliation in this matter. It's not like he's going to admit to it anyway. You creeped and he got caught, case closed. As women, we tend to think that if a man is emotional and speaks to us in a certain way that he is 100% faithful to us. You even mentioned that you two were dating without the title. He probably didn't say that he was taken because you two don't have the title yet, not excusing him but what do you expect? Have some dignity girl! Demand a title if you're gonna be involved with a man exclusively. Trust is golden😁

[Lustylucy]

I met a physio on a dating website. We had been swing each other for about 6 months when I suddenly got an urge to try and see if he was still using his account.
He had asked me to come round to his on a Thursday because he was free after 4pm that day. Then I got a text saying he had a whole rugby team to massage... which I thought was BS.
Anyways to cut a long story short. I put a pic up of a girl in stockings (it's his fav thing) it took him less than a minute to ask me round to his place on Thursday.
I found that rather amusing lol!
Needless to say I dumped him

[Anonymous]

I think I remember this question from you a while ago. You asked if you should go forth with your plan. I wonder if that was you. First, you shouldn't feel bad that you resorted to this. It was a good thing you did. You got to the bottom of his morals and integrity relatively quick. Would you rather find out a years later that he was a wishy-washy guy?

There is no way that I would tell a girl I love them and I want them to be my GF and then I go online looking for more 'options'. The fact that he can so easily put that aside shows a lot about his character. You need to let this one go...

[Asker]

Yeah that was probably me. I was really not going to, but then I think something changed and I decided to go through with it. I guess so... What you said makes a lot of sense. But at the same time I feel like I've wasted so much time on this relationship and it really sucks that it's all turned to shit.

[beesod]

Well done for catching him out. Saves you a lot of trouble and hurt later on. If he was online I'm sure your fake women wasn't the only one.

It's easy to act like that online of course. But if that's how you met and that's the only means you can communicate then I would personally feel betrayed.

The only problem seems to be you never clarified with him what you were. As far as he is concerned he could just be an ass and say that he never saw you as an item.

I know its a horrid thing for me to say, but people aren't always as they seem. Online it's even easier to hide.

[Asker]

That's the thing though. He could never tell me "I never saw us as an item" because he definitely does. He's told his friends about his relationship with me, but I guess that loyalty doesn't extend to strangers or people he just met.

[beesod]

No, but if you told him you aren't an item until you meet then it doesn't discourage him. If you bring it up he will probably just say he didn't realise you wanted to be his gf because you said you didn't want to date until you met.

[Asker]

There should be no discrepancies between the status of our relationship. He should be as committed as I am.

[beesod]

Yup. Just predicting what he would say.

[Anonymous]

Few things. First of all, what were you doing on that site in the first place? When you first saw that he was online. Also, long distance relationships don't really work. I've tried it a few times and every single time the guy ended up cheating on me. And I know many girls who have been in long distance relationships, and they all got cheated on as well. Men just can't go without something "physical" for very long. Also, he's technically not cheating because you guys aren't actually officially dating. And sweetie, men are really good talkers. They know just what to say all the time, and they don't mean 95% of it. You mentioned that he said he loves you, well he obviously doesn't. If he really loved you he wouldn't be looking for other girls to mess around with. It's not gonna work. Learn from my mistakes. Walk away from him now before you become even more involved and find out what REAL heartbreak is.

[Asker]

It's kinda hard to explain. It's an app, not a site (not Tinder). I clicked on the app when I was bored, not looking to talk to people but just kinda how you go through your apps when you have nothing better to do. I saw he was online and it went from there. This whole process happened over weeks, not in the same day. Thank you for your response. I'm starting to think everything over. I don't care what we were officially or not, bottom line is he doesn't get to tell me he loves me and feed me all this crap only to go flirt with other girls online.

[kaj2591]

My best friend used to do this to check her online boyfriend's loyalty. Only 1 out of 3 succeeded this test as she told me but she hasn't had an online boyfriend since 2010.
My suggestion is just take some time for yourself, don't go online for a while, just breathe and carry on doing what you love. Once you have calmed down, go back online and be distant with him. It's up to you if you want to bring up the whole fiasco or just say 'I think we should see other people'. But ALWAYS keep your cool. You never know, he might beg for you to stay.

[DontDropIt]

Don't lie to yourself sweetie. "I know he does love me because you can't fake what we have for a year." Never underestimate people you chat with online. You don't know what they're capable of.

Move on and find someone you can have face to face interactions with.

[spuitkaas]

Well, you did say you guys were dating without a label. That means he doesn't have to call you your gf right? Just break up, move on, get a guy in real life. I don't really believe in internet relationships and super long distances relationships. Sometimes they work out, but most of the time not.

[Asker]

Yeah, I guess you're right. I wasn't expecting him to call me his girlfriend, but acting completely single was wrong.

[inamorata]

He doesn't give a shit about you.
Guys lie they love you and care about you because they already got you halfway hooked in and are closer to having sex with you. Seducing a new girl would be a whole lotta effort and they'd have to start over.

Drop him like a hot pan. Please trust me on this.
He may like you, but he's not in love with you. You're just an option, not his choice.

Are you really ok with that? =/

[KindHeartedBeauty]

Haha. Hot pan, never heard that one before, Good one!!!

[JustinCaseUDontKnow]

Well, them things will happen when you unfortunately meet up with the wrong people online
look i trusted females with online dating they did the same exact thing to me so don't really
feel all that bad yes he is wrong for doing that to you he is dickhead..

[ChallengerBanks]

I think you did a smart thing regardless of what anyone else says. You now know where you stand with this guys which you wouldn't have if you didn't test him out.

Guys will be guys, and if you live far away, he still needs to get his rocks off so take that anyway you want. It's not like your relationship was solidified.

I would advise caution until he really proves that he wants to be exclusive with you.

[Overactivetits]

Well you reap what you sow. A good girlfriend wouldn't lie and test a guy like this. so don't expect him to stick with you like thats what you are.

but you're not his girlfriend. you're not committed. you said yourself you never had the label. its pretty ridiculous man. you're trippin girl

[KindHeartedBeauty]

Also I saw a comment about you not meeting him in person yet. Maybe he wants someone closer , so he can have a real relationship. You're just someone to talk to for now until he finds someone near him. Sorry to tell you, but his buck doesn't stop with you. Just pick yourself and move on. Find someone near you, it will be much more enjoyable and if he fucks up you'll be close enough to key his car HAHA. Just kidding about the keying the car :)

[luvme56]

All you need to do is forget it! Every guy wants to have fun all the time... but i can tell you when you sent him the first fake message it took him a few minutes to reply... cz he might have thought about you! But he is just laid back! I know it hurts but you can't do anything about it!

[Anonymous]

A guy can fail any temptation because we're not saints. It's a roll of the dice, with the odds for some guys being higher than for other guys, in fairness.

But if you're smart, you won't roll the dice and give your man even a fake opportunity to fail. That's just rolling the dice with NOTHING to gain. You'll never have peace of mind and if you're both lucky, he'll pass the test THIS time. With nothing to say about whether he'll pass it next time.

[Anonymous]

Unless he's in a 100% committed relationship he's likely going to want options, so he's probably not going to tell anyone that he's interested in other people because that just silly. He could be lying to them, not you. He might choose you over them if the choice presented itself. Guys don't get a wealth of attention and he probably likes the attention, so he could be prepared to string this new person along, prepared to drop her instantly if he had the opportunity to date you.

[Asker]

Yeah I think when it came down to it he would choose me, it just hurts that he would flat out lie about his relationship status to a random girl that showed interest in him. If I were in the same situation, I know I would say something like "it's complicated" or "sorry I'm taken" because he's technically not my boyfriend. He's always said he's committed to me and loves me only and all this other crap that now I'm forced to reevaluate.

[electromagnetic]

You goofed on this one. Sorry to tell you but this is only bad. Especially considering you're the one that labelled whatever relationship you had with him and not him. Did you guys talk it over about what status you guys were in?

[Asker]

Yes we've talked about it many times. We're basically dating but not the label (boyfriend/girlfriend) because we haven't met yet.

[electromagnetic]

"Dating" means different things to different people. Dating for you may have been exclusiveness to just him. While he's version of dating may have been dating people in general.

[Asker]

No, we've talked about this many times and have always been on the same terms towards our commitment of each other.

[ejewelxo]

Have you ever seen the show catfish... he's probably does notlook like what he says he does. If he wanted you to be his gf then you would be his gf. Get offline and go find a real man girl.

[Asker]

Yes I have, we joke about that show a lot. He is who he says he is. We've Skyped and Snapchatted and he's not cat fishing me. But thanks for the tip.

[lightingrod]

Lmfao this some funny shit. He cheated on you with you (your fake profile). Lol but your sad about it lol.

[KindHeartedBeauty]

Lol be nice!

[lightingrod]

This what she get for trying to set her bf up, it back fired on her ass. Thats karma for you.

[MissPoirot]

It is a good thing you did this cuz now you know. You never actually met him so who knows if he even really is who he says he is, and even if he is, if the connection would be there too in person.

[abundantlyrich]

Hmm best revenge is to block him and ignore him without any reason given...

[KillerTaco]

That's exactly what I'd do. Leave him wondering what the hell he did to make her cut contact. It'll drive him crazy.

[Asker]

I kinda like this one. We've always talked about how would be to erase each other from our lives if we wanted to. But at the same time, I kinda want to confront him about it.

[abundantlyrich]

Asker is he really worth the time

[Asker]

It wouldn't be about him, it's more like I need some sort of closure and for him to know that I know what he did.

[mutedaisy]

You should see if he wants to meet up. If he agrees, dump him.

[Asker]

This website isn't like that. You talk to random people all over the world, not nearby.

[mutedaisy]

Well. I'm not sure what to tell you besides confronting him and being honest. Either you two will be together after this or separate.

[CuriousEddie]

So you're upset because he lied to a stranger about his relationship status?

[Asker]

Yeah pretty much. He's saying that he's single and hasn't had a girlfriend in years when I beg to differ.

[CuriousEddie]

I understand...
Perhaps he wanted to flirt with her online, and didn't want to admit he was with someone. Not that that's a good excuse... I get the impression that you wouldn't like that either... many people view online flirtation the same as physically cheating.

[Asker]

That's my guess. I don't think he would go anywhere close to getting as invested with someone else as he did to me, but you're right. It's no excuse. I would never do that to him, and I thought he would do the same for me.

[BelleGirl21]

I hate you a little for that too. You ruined a good thing. Now all that's left is to move on. :(

[blondfrog]

I am sorry to say this he obviously doesn't love you then.

[Michael_Rc46]

The fact that you did that proves you didn't trust him. It wasn't going to work out.

[cuzzy]

Im a little shocked why would u think of doing that. Think u both got what u deserved. .

[pooper89]

Have you met him in person? I really think that it was not an ideal situation from the start.

[Asker]

No he lives too far. We were planning on meeting as soon as we could.

[Anonymous]

You were on the site too/ you set him up/ he fails/ whyd you set him up if you didn't think of what to do next... Move on.. Neither of you have the others trust anymore..

[Ihav2fart]

The best thing to do is for you two to move on... You both failed.

[inamorata]

Why did she fail? =/

[Ihav2fart]

@inamorata if she has to go to the level that she did she failed just as much as her boyfriend.

[Asker]

Yeah, I'm with you here. I know we've both failed. I guess I've just wasted a year of my life. It would never have worked out anyways.

[KillerTaco]

Hmm... Did she really fail? She went with Her gut feeling and she found out the truth. She will no longer be wasting her time with this guy who has been fooling her this whole time. How else would she have found out? They have no mutual real life friends. So its not like she'd have gotten a tip from someone else.

I'm not sure how to take her approach on her testing her (now ex) boyfriend's loyalty but she at the least now know the truth.

I had suspicions that one of my exes had been talking to other girls. I didn't have the solid proof so I did the same thing as this girl to find out the truth. Not long after that I broke up with him. Its always best to follow your intuition.

[Ihav2fart]

@KillerTaco the issue is trust. and obviously there's communication problems. It was doomed to begin with and they both failed.

[KillerTaco]

I think people fail to understand the concept of trust. Trust only exist if TWO people are in the same boat. If one person betrayed the other person's trust then who failed who? Did she really fail his trust? I mean he wasn't supposed to be on those dating sites but he was despite him knowing he was leading a relationship with someone.

Communication means absolutely nothing when a person is deceiving you. You can confront them a million times and they will still deny the truth. You can catch some people red handed and they'd still argue they're innocent.

He broke the trust and she sensed that and did what she had to in order to protect her self. Anyone would have done the same thing. If not then you're just denying what you know is the truth.

[Ihav2fart]

@KillerTaco and I wonder how that situation even happened?

[KillerTaco]

Your guess is as good as mine. I usually cut guys off when they start bullshitting around. I talk to a guy once about it and if the issue is still coming up then clearly we're not on the same page. Time to drop him.

[Asker]

@KillerTaco I think I kinda did fail in a way because it's really sad that I would have to resort to this. But thanks for what you said about the mutual friends and stuff. You're right, the only thing I have is what he tells me. And I've always trusted that. But then when things started to not make sense, I felt a little paranoid. I made up so many excuses for him and it really sucks that I was right this whole time. And I 100% agree with you when you said that someone can be caught and still argue they're innocent. All you have in a LDR is trust, and I don't even have that any more. I gave him so many chances and all I wanted was for one time to be like "sorry I'm taken" or "it's complicated" or "I don't have a gf, but..." something that doesn't erase me from the picture. And whats even worse is that he was texting me at the same time and telling me that he loved me and that he wished I was with him and ugh. I'm so done.

[albundyfan]

He was wrong for obvious reasons, but you showed that you dont trust or respect him.

[whydoit]

Well if he failed the test its going to be hard for you to trust him again if and when you get together
Trust me? it will play on your mind...

[Anonymous]

He's not worth your time. I think you should just move on.

[whissperrrr]

Strange situation. You can't trust him but test him.. to have a confirmation

[Betwyn]

I read this exact question like, 6 months ago.

[Asker]

Interesting. I wonder what the outcome was.

[marixorose]

If you look for answers you're gonna find them.

[Anonymous]

Have you met irl? Or are you Internet only?

[Asker]

Internet only, he lives too far.

[Opinion Owner]

You might find you are one of many. Make another profile and try again. Then after he fails again stop all contact with him and go and fine a guy that is real. They can be much more fun

[jacquesvol]

You both faked thus. Live with the consequences.

[Anonymous]

Confront him and get him to apologise.

[Asker]

I don't think I can... I'm too embarrassed that I made a fake profile in the first place. I never thought that it would come to this

[2014raser]

Dump him!!

[WhaChaChaKing]

Just leave him.

[you_asked]

Nope, dump him