Why do people think that saying sorry automatically fixes everything?

[CHARismatic110]

I don't get that. Like people say sorry and expect things to magically be fixed. It doesn't work that way. Half the time the apology isn't even genuine. It's just said to be said. I was talking with someone about apologies and forgiving and I mentioned this because he said that I don't know how to accept when people say sorry. And it's not true. I have no issues accepting apologies, but saying "I'm sorry" is not a solution to a problem. Like if I punched someone in the face and then said "I'm so sorry!" do you think that my "sorry" is gonna make their nose stop hurting? No, it won't.

[TheINTJ]

I was taught by my mom from a very young age to save my apologies if I don't mean to back them up with actions because they're useless otherwise. I've thought that way since.

This is probably why I don't mind people not saying sorry to me and why I actually much prefer it. Spoken apologies in and of themselves are actually pretty useless; there are those who have too much pride to apologize but show through their actions that they know they were wrong and that they're sorry even if they don't say it out loud. I much prefer them over those who just say sorry for the sake of saying it.

[CHARismatic110]

I agree and that is my point. I'd much rather you not say sorry if it's not gonna be genuine. If im gonna say sorry to you then it's going to be genuine or else you won't get one from me.

[TheINTJ]

Yeah, same goes for me.

[DailyAlice]

I need "I'm sorry" followed by an explanation... then I need time to think about whether I accept the apology or not... if the person was actually DOING something to make me feel better, that would of course be in their favor. but "I'm sorry" on it's own does nothing for me.. sometimes I'll forgive someone who says "I'm sorry" but I won't forget that that person can potentially hurt me and I'll keep a head count of all their fuck ups...

[CHARismatic110]

Exactly. I'm not just gonna be like "omg ok, all is forgiven" like nah. It doesn't work that way. At all.

[DailyAlice]

it depends on what they did too... like accidentally breaking something.. there's nothing you can do, accidents happen.. but someone who did something on purpose that hurt me.. that's different and harder for me to forgive.

[CHARismatic110]

I agree

[XNicholeMariex3]

Kinda reminds me of this:
static.fjcdn.com/.../...ou+mean_606971_4758021.jpg

[CHARismatic110]

Lol @Rcjh1987 gave the same example. But yes, like that. Sorry isn't a magic word that automatically fixes everything. And most people just throw sorries at you so that they can be able to say "oh well, I apologized". I don't need nor do I want those.

[Rcjh1987]

Still a good one I love this way to look at it

[XNicholeMariex3]

Thanks :)

[CHARismatic110]

You're welcome.

[Alex_lovesmusic]

They know it doesn't fix everything but some people are genuine in saying it because they really feel bad about what they had done.

Some people however are apethetic and just say sorry because they think that is what you do after you did something wrong but they don't care to say it.

Kids think saying sorry automatically fixes things though wether it was a forced sorry or a from the heart sorry.

[CHARismatic110]

My thing is that most apologies aren't genuine. And I personally would rather you keep it if that's the case.

[Alex_lovesmusic]

I would as well. Most apologies I get are "I'm sorry dude and whatever" I would rather they not even apologize.

[CHARismatic110]

At least someone gets it.

[thatkaruguy]

simply because sorry is the most they can offer they dont really owe you anything more. in my experience if i say something that offends a girl accidently she gets unreasonably upset. for example say they have a bad hairstyle or they favorite clothes dont look as great as i thought and i told them. theyd get pissed id say sorry but no its not enough. it should be.

[CHARismatic110]

Because saying sorry doesn't automatically change the way someone feels. Yes, you did or said something that hurt someone and you apologized. That's fine. But your apology does not erase that hurt.

[kheserthorpe]

Insufficient mr. rogers watching.

My five year old loves 'daniel tiger's neighbourbood' which is a mr. rogers spin off.

They have a fine song about how saying sorry is the first step. The second step is to see if there's something you can do to make it better.

[CHARismatic110]

Lol it's sad because kids seem to give more genuine apologies than adults.

[kheserthorpe]

My son has autism, his communication is quite a bit behind. But he sometimes comes up with hilarious things.

About a year ago, he started doing this thing when he was told off for doing small things wrong, he'd say "I'm a little bit sorry".

And if that went over poorly he'd start saying super earnestly 'I'm sooooooo sorry"

It just killed me because i knew exactly what he meant by 'a little bit sorry', it's something we all think we just never say.

[CHARismatic110]

Awwww. That would melt my heart.

[Random_chick_2384]

Ugh I hate that show... I want Mr. Rogers back!!

[Rcjh1987]

ok bare with me here ok... imagine someone giving you a glass plate and tells you to throw it on the ground ok? you do so they tell you to say sorry to the plate. then they tell you to put it together again? you try to but it doesn't fit perfectly anymore. .. sometimes sorry doesn't help be careful when you use it. to many sorrys become meaningless.

[CHARismatic110]

My point exactly! Some people are making it seem like I'm just bitchin and being mean, but I'm not. I just would rather you not say it if you can't be genuine about it.

[Rcjh1987]

I seen this scenario and I absolutely loved it

[existing_not_living]

Well, it depends. Did that person punch the other intentionally or was it an accident? Even so, I'm not sure if I'm correctly understanding your question. Of course an "I'm sorry" can't fix everything, but sometimes it's the best that person can do. Especially if it's something that that person is struggling with internally. The other person can't fix that even if they are the one to cause the problem.

[CHARismatic110]

I'm not saying that I don't appreciate apologies, because I do. I just find that most people throw an "I'm sorry" at you and expect things to be fixed. They expect a clean slate. Like you should automatically forgive and forget. And most of the time the apology isn't even genuine.

[bananatossing]

I have taken "I'm sorry" but not at heart, just leave it there. I only truly accept an apology if the person offers a solution or something else along with it.

I guess saying "I'm sorry" only, means they do not really regret what they did. They may understand that you are hurt by something they did, yet they don't sympathize with whatever it's going on.

[CHARismatic110]

Most of the time people don't even mean it when they say it, which is what bothers me. I'd rather you didn't say it if you didn't mean it.

[bananatossing]

Right, because they don't have the emotional maturity yet. It's their loss

[CHARismatic110]

I agree.

[Jbgurl20]

It's just the way it is! I don't know why but it's been like that since I don't know when. Lol. "Sorry" doesn't fix anything that is broken but it can make us feel better to forgive when someone apologize.

[CHARismatic110]

GENUINE "I'm sorry's" can make me feel better. But in ny experience, 95% aren't genuine, so there's that.

[Klaatu51]

because it's the first word that comes to their minds basicaly, when they want to make-up for sth ;-)

[CHARismatic110]

Yeah and then when things aren't back to the way they expected them to be, they start bitchin.

[Mesonfielde]

Sorry, I am not sure what to reply to this question. So I don't think I will post anything of actual value.

Sorry again

Really

[CHARismatic110]

Lol always a smart-ass.

[Mesonfielde]

;p <3

[CHARismatic110]

😝😝😝

[falafelany1]

It's the first step to forgiveness. It doesn't solve the problem but it lets the other person know that they acknowledge that what they did was wrong.

[CHARismatic110]

That's if it's genuine.

[falafelany1]

well we can only hope :/

[CHARismatic110]

Yes, that's all we can do.

[meatballs21]

Did you know you're strongly advised to not say sorry after a car accident? It can be taken as an admission of guilt or liability and used against you during the insurance process.

[CHARismatic110]

Hmm. I didn't know that. It makes sense tho.

[Jersey1]

Worse yet is how politicians say "I take full responsibitiy" and then dont accept of expect any consequences. they say it to close the issue and move on, thats it.

[CHARismatic110]

Basically.

[been_waiting]

Even worse is when people get pissed that you don't magically and instantly get over it after they say sorry

[CHARismatic110]

Right. Like oh now you're mad because I didn't fall all over myself at your half assed apology? Beat it.

[micheal727jovanie]

You know what's f'd up? If they act like nun happened. Thats when the straw breaks the camel's back...

[CHARismatic110]

Yeah, that's annoying too.

[PrettyBama]

sorry doesn't fix everything. but the offended person shouldn't be a bitch about it...

[CHARismatic110]

And the person apologizing shouldn't be fake about it either so there's that.

[PrettyBama]

that goes without saying. if a persons apology isn't sincere then obviously dont accept it lol but if theyre being sincere and the offended person is still treating them like shit and going on and on about the offense then it gets really old lol

[findingdreamland]

It doesn't solve automatically. But it is an important step to solve.

[CHARismatic110]

If it's genuine, then yes.

[findingdreamland]

Of course. It should be done genuinely.

[seasidejess]

Just out of curiosity what do you expect the person to say rather than apologizing even if it is not genuine. Like would you rather them ignore the problem and not apologize

[CHARismatic110]

Honestly? Yes, I would. I put a lot of value in people's words and if you can't be genuine in giving an apology in would rather you just not say anything.

[adamski24]

we are told as kids once you say sorry everything will be ok which is BS.

[CHARismatic110]

I agree. Some people never stop believing that.

[Ihav2fart]

I hate you!

Sorrrryyyyy

[CHARismatic110]

Lmao byyyeee Fart!

[Ihav2fart]

But I said sorrryyy

[CHARismatic110]

Apology not accepted!

[Ihav2fart]

I eefffed up. :(

[CHARismatic110]

You did.

[CHARismatic110]

You're not my Asian Persuasion anymore!

[Ihav2fart]

</3

.

[Ihav2fart]

I never knew I was.

[tenofthepeaks]

it doesn't, it's just the way of pussies/cowards.

[CHARismatic110]

Fair enough.