My boyfriend said he is bored. Should I be worried?

[Anonymous]

Last night we were laying in bed and my boyfriend told me he has been bored lately. I asked him what he was bored with and he said "I don't know, work, life. We haven't been doing much lately." It made my heart sink when he said this because we broke up for awhile at one point and he had also said this before everything fell apart but then we decided to work things out. We live together and he is in the military and I go to school full time. I also have a 4 year old son that lives with us. I asked him if he was bored of me and he said no. I asked him what I could do so he doesn't feel that way and he said he doesn't know. I suggested some things we can do together and he said "maybe, well see." I personally feel we have been pretty active, we went to a ball for his work a few weeks ago and went out and had fun. I got a new dirt bike we have been working on together so I can go riding with him. He also doesn't have very many friends, so he never really does much with them, he's usually at home sitting in his chair on the internet, I'm at home a lot too because of school and my son. I just don't want to lose him again, last time this happened he went and started confiding in an old friend of his who is a girl and had an emotional affair, and I don't want things to fall apart again, what can I do?

Updates

+1 y

Oh and also I told him I loved him and he said he loves me and he started cuddling me and we got intimate. Then we fell asleep in each other's arms, so I feel confused, maybe he's just bored with life?

[Brian-Brain]

First of all Don't over analyze everything he says. It will make you go crazy.

Maybe he is not so happy with the choices he has made. That does not mean he is not happy with you.

Although you did mention something like that I'd suggest to try and do something totally new together. A vacation perhaps? A walk in the park? Go to an amusement park? Bowling? Or get more social with some new people in your life. Just anything new and take it from there.

[Asker]

It's possible, he has kids too which live with his ex wife in another state. I know he misses them. He also hasn't been happy at work because they have him on a new project he hates. I just become afraid he is going to withdraw from me again like last time. Last time when we broke up he told me he loved me like a friend, and then he wanted to work things out, now I'm just scared we are going to go down that same path.

[Brian-Brain]

Sounds like a complicated situation that can a person feel down.

It sounds easier said than done but don't be afraid to lose him. That fear will actually make it happen. You should also not try to hold on to something that meant to be. Not saying that it isn't. Just saying it might not be.

It seems he has a lot on his mind. Maybe he needs to work out first what he wants.

[rockaholic]

Yes he's bored with life... you don't have to worry... if he's bored with you there must be some other signs... but it seems he loves you a lot.. or maybe he's just mad at something and said I'm bored... I've done it once so i know what he means

[Sara413]

Don't be too worried just yet - but the two of you should commit to doing something about it. Everyone gets bored with life sometimes, so mix it up a bit! Maybe join a new sports team together, or take a weekend off to go on a mini vacation. Or take a class together... something that you guys find interesting.

[Asker]

I made some suggestions that maybe we go out shooting somewhere, something he really likes to do and I do too, and honestly he was just like "maybe, we'll see"

[Sara413]

Has he ever suffered through depression before? Lethargy/boredom are early signs. (This coming from someone who did suffer through depression for a long time).

[Asker]

I know he has come across a lot of unhappiness in his life. He has been divorced, his ex wife has his kids, when he was young his mom had an abusive boyfriend

[Sara413]

Depression CAN be triggered by life sistuations, but it's a physiological ailment, not simply a state of sadness or stress. I would encourage you to discuss seeing a professional with him if he is showing all or most of the following signs:

- Loss of interest in things that he used to enjoy
- Boredom
- Irritability
- Fatigue
- Lethargy
- Loss of focus / poor concentration
- Loss of or suppressed appetite
- Uncharacteristic anger
- Loss of ambition