Hit my boyfriend while drunk and now I feel horrible?

[Anonymous]

Me and boyfriend of 6 years and have our own place for close to 7 months went out to celebrate our friend's birthday. We rarely go out due to our work schedules and I was really happy to spend some time and just have fun. We were drinking at the bar and we were having so much fun. We go outside with our friends and some guy starts being disrespectful to my friend. Tbh, i dont even remember what he said but i do remember me cursing him out. My boyfriend saw that and came and defended us. Once that eas disfused, I remember going up to him and him telling me I didn't handle that situation right. I remember getting really angry and pissed off but don't remember anything after that. Apparently I became VERY disrespectful to him and even hit him like 4 times. I don't remember what i said or me even doing that. That was the second drunk incident where i started a fight with him but the first time I hit him. I feel completely disgusted with myself and ashamed. He told me that night that he was planning to propose to me but now, I really feel like my behavior completely fucked that up. I love this man and have stood by his side but I really can't believe that anger and rage came out. I was fine! I would drink with him and have never done anything like that. I can't even look at him because I'm so ashamed of what I did. I need advise on how or what i can do. We're talking now and seem ok but he said he never wants to go out and hang out with me and will not forgive me for hitting him. I'm very hurt by this and feel like I myself can't move forward unless this is somehow fix.

[Anonymous]

There's nothing you can do to take the night out.

I've had some behaviors I've regretted while drunk.
When I was 24 years old I punched my boyfriend in the face while drunk.
I slipped on the floor, but for some reason I felt as if he pushed me.
I became aggressive and tried to fight him.
He pinned me down and wouldn't let me go.
He was afraid of me.
I threatened suicide and hollered at the top of my lungs for him to let me go.
He wouldn't.
He was embarrassed.
Bystanders tried to jump in to my defense because they thought it was a man holding me against my will.
He explained to them the situation.
I don't remember that night at all.

I remember waking up next to him.
I was happy.
He was hurt and upset.
And told me he doesn't know if he wants to be with me.
I have never seen him so hurt.
I took him out to lunch and it's been 4 years since.
I haven't gotten that way ever again.

I still drink.
But never drink past my limit (I drank 150 proof straight that night).
Besides hurting him, it hurt me to know that I was so ugly that night.

The only thing you can do is make better decisions.
Do not drink to the point where you are heavily intoxicated.
When he sees your change... he will forgive you.
This will all take time.

Good luck *hugs*

[Opinion Owner]

there's nothing you can do to take that night back. I meant (in the first line).

[Asker]

Thank you for that. I feel like you're really the only person who understands. I've never acted like this before and it was the first time I've ever hit him. When he told me how i was acting, I couldn't believe it. Im just extremely hurt that I did that and made him feel the way he does now.

[Opinion Owner]

I know how you feel. I've never hit him before that night either :(.
We know the alcohol isn't us and brings out an ugly monster thats never existed.
The only thing you can do is try to sympathize with him.
Show him in future that you can be a responsible drinker.
Apologies won't mean much at this point.
He needs to see that you are different.

Try to take him out (if you can) or buy him an apology card.

& No problem.
Best wishes!

[Asker]

Thank you so much for that. I really do feel disgusting. I've never gotten like that before. Im not going to drink anymore, it's not worth it. Im just afraid of what might happen to us now all because of my careless behavior from drinking

[Opinion Owner]

That's the wisest decision you can do.

Stay away from drinks for a while.

Let him sort through his feelings. He'll come around.

[dollzgirl24]

The other night I beat up my boyfriend. We had been out drinking. He was being cranky while we were out with my friends I got mad. We got home the fight escalated he told me that he didn't want to go out that night (he never actually told me he did not want to go out). He is not very good at expressing himself. It was one of those fights that turned into a fight about a million other past. I was pleading him to please leave or I was going to do something I was going to regret and that I did not want to hurt him. I even gave him my credit card, pulled up a list of hotels and said pick one and pay for it on my card and I will order an uber. He refused to leave and so I tried to leave and he wouldn't let me. I am not justifying laying my hands on him because it is still no excuse. I started punching, pulling his hair &pushing. I guess I thought by hurting him I would get him to go. I just needed my space and one night to cool down. I tried to leave again he would not let me he said can we please fix this I'm sorry I will rub your neck, let me hold you. So finally I agreed he got in bed with me and that's when I noticed his neck. We both knew I had gave him a bloody nose but I did not notice the marks on his neck from my long nails. I mentioned he looked in the mirror he saw his neck & freaked out and started saying we were done and that I needed to move out and if I wouldn't he would and that he dodged a bullet... etc. know I fucked up bad but I just moved 1500 miles to move in with him and close the distance (long distance for two years). I quit my job and moved to a place with no friends or family to be with him. 3 weeks ago he came home shit faced on a work night I was home in bed he was so drunk he thought I had locked him out of the apartment (which I did not). He was screaming saying horrible, hurtful things, I asked him to leave this time also because he was being so hurtful I was hysterical crying. He refused. How do I fix this and get him back?

[Poppykate]

You handled the situation really badly. Firstly you shouldn't have been cursing out some guy on a public street. You and your friend should have behaved like ladies and ignored the guy and walked back inside. Hitting anyone is serious. It is domestic violence and you could have been charged by the police for assault against your boyfriend. After you have given it a few days, maybe you need to determine if this man is willing to have a future with you.

[Vesuvius87]

It would be over if a boyfriend did that to me so that's actually a good reason for him to break up. He doesn't want to propose because he's more than likely shocked this hitting would be coming from someone who loves him.

Your relationship will probably be over. Don't blame him if it is over. You need to stay away from drinking.

[Anonymous]

Of course, if a man hit you, the advise you would receive from everyone would be to break up immediately (compare that to all the "apologize a lot" statements you are getting).

But since I actually treat women like adults and hold them accountable for their behavior, just as I would a man, I will say that for the exact same reason (ie, that domestic abuse is never to be tolerated), your boyfriend should break up with you immediately.

So if he follows that advice and breaks up with you *as he should*, the best thing you can do is 1) move on and 2) get counseling to address your behavior and emotional issues.

[ROBERTHOOKE]

I think an apology and a little time should pretty much cure your relationship. You can look him in the eye and tell him it wasn't you. He may feel a little skeptical going out with you again yet if you promise him to not get drunk to such an extent, I think he'll feel better. Just don't keep talking about this, but keep trying to show him your affection. Make him something when he gets home, but don't give him something like flowers.
Anyway, best of luck! and be sure not to cramp his space by persisted apologizing. I think he'll get over it in some time.

[cookienick]

Next time don't get drunk... Just learn a lesson... I'm just saying..
Euh for the situation... You will have to do something crazy to get his mood back to normal... Like a surprise party or something mind blowing... something that he always wanted to experience... He maybe still in love with you but hurt because of what you did... Shit happens.. don't worry, things will be alright but you got to do some...
Good luck :) cheers!

[Frost_Byt3]

You need to apologize many times, as well as showing him in some way how much you care about him. Do something that would mean a lot to him. If i was in your shoes, i would sacrifice drinking as a way to prove how much i cared, and promise that it'd never happen again. It'd be a gesture that would really mean a lot.

[singlebee]

That is a very bad thing... why would you drink so much that you actually wouldn't know what is happening?

You need to do something big if you want him to forgive you like you can say sorry by getting on your knees and proposing him...

And ya don't ever drink again...

[JuicyBrain]

Apologize profusely and for the love of god, stop drinking ! It's fucking up your life ! You are an angry drunk. Alcohol doesn't suit you, drink water instead. If you can discipline yourself, maybe you can win him back

[CandleLightx3]

Honestly, your lucky if he stays with you. I hope for you he isn't like me and just leaves you... However, I do not think you can fix this. He will always remember this so it really depends on him, I do not think there is anything you can do

[complicated_soul]

Dont just apologize verbally, show it action too.

But I dont know if that will work.
I would be hurt and upset and a bit scared if my boyfriend did that to me.

[Littlett25]

Maybe you should control yourself when you drink. You sound like an angry drunk.

[singlebee]

She actually sounds like a bad mouthed women who if drink all the time and is abusive...

[Unit1]

Some guys let their problems be paid by sex. Just saying.

[WhaChaChaKing]

I don't know what you should do but he should dump you.

[zombiebabe]

you'll have to apologize a lot

[I_am_repulsive]

Apologize and do something nice for him

[subzero007]

Apologize a lot

[Anonymous]

Apologize a lot.