My boyfriend said someone else was beautiful (a celebrity) is it irrational to be a little sad about it?

[Cookies_AndMilk]

My boyfriend and I were talking and I was asking him a bunch of random questions. I asked him about other women being beautiful (his friends, ex's, blah blah) for all of them he said no, then I asked about Jhene Aiko and he said "oh of course!" This hurt my feelings because she's obviously gorgeous and it made me feel like I could not compare. My boyfriend tells me everyday that he loves me and practically everyday he just sits there and admires me. He'll just stare and smile, telling me how cute, adorable, and beautiful I am. When we talked about it he said she's not beautiful in the way I am, he says of course he'll think other women are beautiful, but they do not compare to me. He tells me that my version of beautiful is unique to myself, whereas Jhene Aiko is just like any other random girl. I'm not quite sure how I feel about this. I know she's a celeb, but I've never been big on celebrities. I don't understand the level of attraction a lot of people have, I just look at celebs like regular people so I've never had a celebrity crush, at least nothing lasting more than a week or two. I truly believe my boyfriend is the most handsom man in the world. No other man can compare to what I have, I simply love him too much. I don't know if he is saying he is aware of her and other women's beauty without the admiration, or is saying he thinks they're beautiful without anymore depth, just simply admiration. To me there's a difference, I can acknowledge someone's attractiveness and not admire a single thing about them. I understand she is not me, but if there is admiration for her or anyone else's beauty that really hurts. Should I be sad about this? Whenever I see her face or hear her music I immediately change it, it makes me sad and puts me in comparison mode. I tried to avoid that thinking at all costs. To me it's the same as calling any regular woman beautiful, I just want to be the only one, not the best one of all.

[AleDeEurope]

Yes, it's irrational. First of all, why do you ask? If you're gonna get hurt, don't ask.
You HAVE to know that he's still gonna find other women attractive, just like you find other men attractive. Finding other women attractive doesn't mean he'd leave you for them, it just means she has features he thinks are attractive.
Look at it this way: bananas are your favorite fruit, but you also like apples and pear. Does this mean you'd trade a banana for an apple or a pear? No, cause you like bananas much more, that's why their your favorite.

[Cookies_AndMilk]

But that's where my issue lies. I do not find other men attractive. I understand there are attractive people in the world and I'm able to recognize them, but as for myself there is not attraction upon recognition of beauty and I do not know if it is the same for him. If I see a "handsome" man it's the same response in seeing an "ugly" man. They're both just people and how I feel about one I feel about the other. When I look at my boyfriend I see how handsome he is and I have admiration for him, I'm in awe upon recognition of his beauty. How he sees her ins't the way I see him, but if there is any form of admiration I find it hurtful.

[AleDeEurope]

He sees them the same way you see attractive men: recognize their beauty, but that's it, there's no attraction. It's like "oh, she's pretty... so where are we gonna eat?" There's nothing more to that. He tells you he loves you and you're the only one for him, you have to trust him cause if you don't you're gonna lose him. Imagine how you'd feel if the roles were reversed.

[AleDeEurope]

Thanks for the MHO

[Cookies_AndMilk]

No problem

[nevernevernever]

@cookies_andmilk hopefully this isn't rude or overly personal, but are you perhaps demisexual?

[waviddalck]

Celebrities are just the perfect people we can never have, of course people like them. But we always know we can't have them, he just probably finds her physically attractive. You have something that celebrity will never have, the emotional bond you two have formed.

[Cookies_AndMilk]

But he doesn't have a crush on her, it's not that he wants her, he just said she was beautiful. He says she's the same as any other random girl, so it's the equivalent of calling some woman at a grocery store beautiful. It's not that she's something he can't have.

[waviddalck]

Calling a person beautiful means little in the grand scheme of things, unless its to someone special. I fail to see why you care so much, sure he calls the grocery store girl beautiful, maybe she is really physically attractive. When he says such words to you he also calls what is on the inside beautiful as well.

[Cookies_AndMilk]

I guess it's the way I look at the word beautiful, to me it's reserved for someone really special, like the difference between beauty and sexy. I personally think beautiful is the most intimate and genuine thing you can call a person. My concern is if he's acknowledging the fact that she isn't ugly, or if there's admiration on his part.

[waviddalck]

That would be a question for him.

[Cookies_AndMilk]

You're right. I guess he would be the best candidate to ask since it's about him lol. But thank you for providing your input. :]

[klnmghn]

We have the same issues! I really hate this feeling! I don't get jealous that easily tho but her celebrity crush always make me insecure. I am really faithful to my boyfriend and believe me or not I don't have a celebrity crushes because I know how it will affect my relationship, and it will make my partner insecure and jealous. Some I may find attractive (and all of them are females, I really don't find celebrity men attractive at all). My boyfriend is the only handsome man for me along with my dad. He's very matured, skillful, respectful, and a loving partner. He also compliments me, always saying how beautiful I am from the inside to the outside. He tells me how much he wanted to spend his entire life with me and how much he loves me more than I can ever imagine. And our relationship is really healthy tho but we both are always busy so we barely spend time together. I really don't mind him finding celebrities or someone attractive tho but her celebrity crush makes me really jealous. I know it's immature but often times I cry whenever I see my boyfriend react on her celebrity crush's post. She's really beautiful and sexy, she have hourglass body shape (big boobs and butt), a natural thick brows and long lashes and a jet black hair. While me I am a total opposite of her, I am flat, skinny but have a bigger tummy. Often times I compare myself to her. My boyfriend always have time to react on her post but do not have time to spend with me even just a simple chat (I am not really a materialistic person tho, a smallest things like a simple text and chat from him can make me happy throughout the day). I always feel unimportant whenever he says he's busy but you can see him reacting on his celebrity crush's post. I always seek for his attention but he gives it freely to his celebrity crush. This one time he told me how he can't forget the time when she sees her in personal at the mall. She told me that she's not that tall but she's very beautiful and it really makes me uncomfortable and sad. I know that I am not nothing compared to her and I don't know if I will ever be my boyfriends ideal type.

[Anonymous]

It's irrational but also makes sense. You can't control the feeling of comparison. I think my girlfriend has asked me similar questions and I reply with 'she hot yh' or something similar and then I realise she was probably asking because she's comparing herself.
The likelihood is your boyfriend finds her attractive and toned down his feelings because your his girlfriend. He can't be that dense to not realise the basis of the question.
by the way whoever says it completely irrational is bullshitting. Everyone feels this trust me. People prefer to hide the feeling to look less hurt or strong.

[Cookies_AndMilk]

Thank you for your response! I sort of wish you were here when I originally wrote it lol. All is well between us now, he doesn't even find her attractive anymore haha. Thank you for your kind words though, your feedback was awesome. :)

[nevernevernever]

Listen... don't ask questions you don't want to hear the answer to. Also it's kinda weird/controlling that you're getting upset that he acknowledges that beautiful women are beautiful. It doesn't even sound like he has a "celebrity crush", just that he has eyes.

[Adivabbaby]

Girl I felt the same way about scarlet Johansson two of my ex’s had crushes on her and she is gorgeous there’s nothing I could do about it.. it’s normal to feel sad I did too but
do you have any male crushes? Maybe that can help you understand he didn’t mean any harm by it.

[Adivabbaby]

It’s funny because if they would’ve had crushes on Jhene Aiko I would’ve been happy because she looks more like me LOL