The ''Friendzone'' is really the ''UglyZone'', Do you agree?

Question

So, I keep seeing people talk about the friendzone, And, It normally involves ''They are so sweet but just not my type!!''

And, This works for both genders (though often guys get friendzoned 90% more because girls have 99% of the power in relationships)

So, Do you think the the Friendzone, Is really just a nice way of saying ''Your nice but not hot enough'' ?

Anonymous · Accepted Answer

It's not necessarily the Ugly Zone. It's more like the "Un-Cool" Zone, which is just as lousy as being judged for your looks.

My impression of the friendzone is that it's what happens when you make a bad impression of yourself to the girl you like. It's when you accidentally give her the impression that you are boring instead of getting her to think of you as a fun, interesting, exciting, and cool guy.

This, I believe, is also why jerks and scumbags do so well with women - because society perceives them as "cool". I feel like being a "bad boy" (drinking and drugs, tattoos, cocky macho "rebel" attitude, criminal record, etc.) seems to be the easy way to do well with women. But if you don't want to be an idiot, there's another way. I feel like if you are genuinely interesting, you can beat the scumbags. But it's harder because they start out with all the advantages. You'll have to do more work.

Anyway. Some mistakes that can get you friendzoned include:

- Coming off like you don't have confidence in yourself, talking down on yourself too much

- Being indecisive and wishy-washy

- Not having a job or not being in school, not being in control or not having a clear direction in life

- Not having any money to go out and do things (you don't have to be rich but you MUST make the impression that you are in control of your life)

- Not knowing what you want, not going for something in life, not having any interests, hobbies, or passions to show a girl what drives you

- Not having enough to talk about (because you aren't doing enough, not reading enough, not pursuing any interests, etc.)

- Complaining too much

- Not speaking up when you disagree her (you have to be brave enough to voice what you believe)

- Being too available (looks like you don't have a life)

- Missing chances to flirt with her or tease her; coming across that you are afraid to be sexual

Anyway. That's all I can think of for now. It's hard for some people to get all of those right, I know I struggle with it. The thing is, unless your posture is really bad or you really don't take good care of yourself, it's probably not your looks that are the problem. It's probably your personality. Something about it is making the girl think you are un-cool or boring. You really have to think a lot to avoid it, and make sure you've got everything covered.

I wish you all the best in avoiding or even defeating the friendzone - I know it's really frustrating.

Anonymous · Accepted Answer

I know many girls who I have friend zoned. They aren't ugly I just don't want to date them for various reasons. How you look isn't the most important factor for choosing who you date for some people. I friend zoned a girl because she was extremely Christian and I was an atheist. Dating her would've caused a huge riff between her and her family as well as potentially destroyed her religious belief. Friendship was the better option. I once friend zoned a girl I actually liked a lot because she had a boyfriend. Once they broke up we both realized that we wouldn't do well together in an actual relationship so we stayed friends. i've friend zoned girls for a wide variety of reasons and although sometimes it was because I didn't find them attractive most of the time it was something completely unrelated and random. I can only assume many girls friendzone guys for the same variety of reasons.

Bozikins · Accepted Answer

*Disclaimer: I'm not talking to OP directly; any use of the word "you" is purely in the general sense*

I don't think it's necessarily a hot/not hot type of thing, but sexual attraction is a part of it. What I consider physically attractive may not be the conventional definition of hot, and what others consider hot may not work for me. Take, for example, three guys that I know. All three have very similar physical characteristics: short stocky white boys with blonde hair and blue eyes. However, I only consider two of them physically attractive and only one of those two I would actually sleep with. Why? Because the other one and I have a relationship with one another more akin to siblings than anything romantic or sexual. You wouldn't sleep with your brother, would you (at least, I certainly hope not)? Similarly, there may someone I consider hotter than all getout, but he may have some unattractive qualities to him: a nasty drug habit, asshole tendencies, disdain for women, etc. Basically, someone's level of attractiveness to me could be physical or personality-based in nature. It's not for another person to dictate or try to convince me of. Just like you may not be attracted to every person who has ever liked you, this person may not happen to be attracted to everyone who has ever liked him/her.

To those who ask, "Why is s/he good enough to be friends with, but not romantically?" I say this: I'm not selecting friends the same way I'm selecting someone to possibly be my partner in life and start a family. Their role may be lifelong in nature, but I don't hold them to the same standard because they don't have the same role in my life. What may work in a friend would not work in a boyfriend/husband.

I don't know why men or women get mad about being "friendzoned." No one owes you the pleasure of their friendship, either, so if you want it to be an all or nothing relationship, make that clear. Be prepared for the consequences if the answer is not a desirable one. Is rejection upsetting? Absolutely. You may feel like you are the best person for that individual, but he/she doesn't think so. Getting mad about it isn't going to change that fact; in fact, you'll just come across as a selfish asshole. You just simply aren't the right fit for each other. Stop blocking that person's potential blessings and yours as well and devote your energies to cultivating relationships with those who want what you want.

emmabee11 · Accepted Answer

There uis no such thing... stop encouraging this stereotypical thing... if you were never the opposite sex's friend in the first place and was thinking of them as more right from the start and mislead them to think you ony thought of them as a friend too then you are just a lier.. . you weren't their real friend and that's not nice or honest at all... guys are the ones that mostly believe this but quite honestly it makes you act really bratty and spoiled... you act like a baby that doesn't get their lollypop... same for some girls too... but mostly guys... my advice is if you are interested in a girl be honest and show your intentions from the start not pretend to be their "friend" then start having a fit because they don't feel the same way... don't be a pussy... i know it's harder for girls though to make their intentions clear first because guys think we are just desperate and they like the chase too much so it rarely ever works, maybe with like the most shy guy in the world but rarely... but just don't lie to yourself or the person to you like, be honest, get to know them a little bit first then ask then ask them if they would like to go out to dinner with you, if they don't feel that way then fine... but at least you didn't spend the last 1 - 3 years pining over them and lying to them...

DiamondRuby · Accepted Answer

Sometimes, but not always. For starters, you're completely wrong in saying "though often guys get friendzoned 90% more because girls have 99% of the power in relationships". Guys getting rejected is more portrayed in media and is discussed more because gender roles make it more "acceptable" to talk about. If a girl rejects a guy it's fine, but if a guy rejects a girl, it's "sexist" or "he's judging her on physical appearances". I don't agree with this, but that's how society thinks, and that's why friendzoned guys are more visible.

Now to answer your question about "UglyZone", sometimes. I can definitely remember two times where I was friends with a guy, was emotionally attracted, but could not find the physical attraction. Not always, though. For me and I think most people, if the emotional attraction is strong enough (in those two cases, it wasn't), physical attraction can come with time. I've definitely had that happen as well. And other times, I can be good friends with a guy, be phsicially attracted to a guy, but if personality/values/morals are too far from what I'm looking for (say, politics), he won't be a potential love interest either. It really all depends case-by-case, but no, uglyzone is not the majority.

kaylaS91 · Accepted Answer

The friendzone is something people created to sugar-coat getting rejected. There's no way this girl/guy could just not want to date me because we're incompatible/they're not looking for someone right now, etc.. No, it's just because they put me in this goddamned friend-zone!

Classic case of shifting the blame. Saying you got friend-zoned is the person who got rejected basically trying to save face.

Anonymous · Answer

You are very young and still learning the ropes. However do yourself a favor and do a youtube search for "Corey Wayne" and watch ALL of his videos. Even buy his book (I have no financial interest in promoting him btw).

The problem is most young men (if not almost all) have absolutely no training when it comes to behaving in the way women REALLY want (not the way they say they want). Women on the other hand are trained at very young age to understand relationships and how to become picky/choosy (often excessively). Unfortunately you are exactly right about them having all the power. However you can change that.

Thanks to liberalism and feminism hetereosexual men have been under assault for the last 30-40 years. You are likely getting brainwashed by liberal teachers and definitely influenced by the liberal media/pop culture on how to "please women" and put them up on a pedal stool. THAT is getting you friend zoned (or ugly zoned) my friend. Also looks do matter... but far far less to women then you think. I say this because I was athletic good looking yet very clueless, overly nice and a new age doormat when I was your age. I was told often I was "cute" and I thought that would get me far... but it only got me a smile occasionally. it did not get me into the pants of the girls I desired. Also dating advice for young men in late 90s/early 2000s was virtually nonexistent. No one ever gave me advice on how to properly approach and date women (to get my needs met). Fortunately there has been some feminist backlash and dating support for men. I tuned in to Doc Love podcasts a few years ago. He gave me advice on how to toughen up. Corey Wayne is basically a younger doc love (he also talks about hook ups and swears more). He's also very entertaining.

Learn to work on yourself before blaming girls. Listen to Corey.

Goldie757 · Answer

Not necessarily, people can put others in the friend zone for multiple reasons.
1. They have a partner.
2. They are not looking for a relationship
3. They want different things.
4. They don't like how they have treated guys/girls in the past.
5. They have different morals or beliefs.
6. They think the person is too young/old for them.
7. They didn't realise that the other person is trying to pursue them.
8. They are at different stages in life.
9. They have undesirable traits as immaturity.
10. They don't know what they want.

FutterwackenMcSappin · Answer

To answer the question in your extension box, Yes. That is the gist of it. You are just not their type, meaning you don't send off sexual fireworks when he/she looks your way.
Some women have to mature. Others are just bitches in that they love attention. And if that includes F'ing with your heartstrings, then she's gonna play a Beethoven solo with your ass.
Now guys, guys more or less put women in the Friendzone to protect them. We can easily lead a woman on if it means free sex, but guys are way more compassionate when placing women in the Friendzone. For us it's like, "Hang here, okay? If what I'm into works out, then we're still friends and you're not 2nd banana. If it doesn't, then we're going for ice cream."

Roostah · Answer

Yes friendzone is really the ugly zone. Which is why this is needed to get relationships (male perspective of course)

AvaMarina · Answer

A lot of the time, you're probably right. :/ Not always though. Personality (therefore compatibility) factors into "types" as well, to be fair. Exhibit A: The last guy I friendzoned is physically attractive to me. But his personality is the almost the total opposite of what I like for dating, because what I look for in friends isn't the same as what I look for in boyfriends. I'm sure I'm not the only one like that.

Is he a good friend? Yeah, for sure. Would I date him if looks were the only relevant factor? Totally. But we're definitely incompatible for dating.

Takada · Answer

The "friendzone" has so many definitions these days, that I don't know what the underlying reason is anymore.
1. Some guys who get rejected by a stranger/acquaintance whom they never see again say they've been friendzoned.
2. Some guys who never confessed their feelings to their crush whom they barely know say they've been friendzoned.
3. Some guys who never confessed their love to their best friend say they're friendzoned.
4. Some guys who confessed their love to a girl, but she said she would rather "just be friends" and then treats him like a friend. They also say they've been friendzoned.

The only guys whom I think are TRULY friendzoned are the 4th type.

OpenClose · Answer

Not really.

I've had several friendships that I did not want to risk destroying by dating them, at least until it could go further. Dating is most often much shorter-term than friendships, and I really value friendships, so it really has to work out right.

There are a lot of girls I am attracted to, and friends with, but whom I wouldn't be able to stand dating. Girls ready to rip a guy's throat out for calling her "cute", or respond to nicknames with "I've got a name asshole." They may be cool girls to hang around, but that doesn't mean it would be fun dating them.

A lot of times, people feel they can be more open with their friends than their partners. In those cases, it seems like a step backwards to date them.

There are loads of other reasons. Yes, being unattractive could, and often is, one of them. Several of my friends have tried to go out with me, but I just wasn't interested in them, and didn't want to waste their time.

Lochlan · Answer

It's a strange term. Like, you have friends, but that doesn't apply. How do you even stay around with a girl with whom you hope for it to be anything more but it's been established that both parties won't consensually engage? Other than you guys having to work at a job or on a course project together. If the girl is giving you the time of day, and you feel it, you just have to initiate, make the move. It can be nerve-wracking but sometimes they want you to take the lead and set the pace.

I have not entertained notions from girls who I know are in a relationship or when I'm in one. It can be bullshit if a lady has a boyfriend but accepts to go to the movies with you.

Unless you are inviting or being invited by someone to go to a pizza party with them, friend zone is UNACCEPTABLE!

bananaman57 · Answer

I've had girls who had interest in me who later put me in the friend zone.
Also I've had sexual relations with women whom I PERSONALLY put in the friend zone.

Majority of the men are ugly but if you think seduction has all to do with looks then you're looking at this in a black and white perspective. If you think you're ugly then go to the gym. Muscles compensate for beauty. Also a rule of thumb is to limit your kindness with women at first approach. Some human beings see kindness as weakness and try to play you for a sucker to stimulate their own ego (sometimes even uses you for free food),

Anonymous · Answer

Well most guys who complain about the friendzone just call themselves good guys but they're usually assholes themselves. Literally all of the ones that I know are.

"though often guys get friendzoned 90% more because girls have 99% of the power in relationships"
Wrong! It happens to girls just as often but they just accept it and move on. Guys just say that they got "friendzoned" because they feel that they're entitled to every girl they like.

Overall, the friendzone is something made up by "nice guys" (aka assholes) so they can guilt girls who don't date them.

falafelany1 · Answer

Alright. I was "friend zoned" by this guy I really liked and we had so much in common that I thought it was impossible for him not to like me. However, he was immature and he wasn't interested in having a girlfriend and he was still getting over another girl he liked. I am not trying to brag but I know I am not ugly. I am kind and smart as well. There is no friendzone= you're ugly formula.

Anonymous · Answer

The if you are in the friendzone is because you have some things in common wit the person but you just dont have the romantic connection or attraction towards that person. That doesn't mean that in the future nothing is gonna happen cause it could change around and you might end up wit that person.

This is very different to a friendship of course. Friendszone is when you try to get into a relationship with her but he/she is just not responding to your hints and tells you that he/she is just looking for friends at the moment.

Lissie257 · Answer

I've friendzoned a guy who is attractive. But the reason he's friendzoned is because we have different morals and he wants to get with me even though he has a girlfriend. Thats not right in my eyes.

AleDeEurope · Answer

I see the friendzone as what it literally is: an "imaginary" place where all your friends are. Therefore anyone that is my friend, is in the friendzone, ergo, no, the friendzone isn't the ugly zone, at least not based on my definition of friendzone.

jessi-chan · Answer

Well... It can be sometimes. I've friendzoned guys because they were just too unattractive (like 2/10), but if he was even moderately attractive (4-6/10) I wouldn't friendzone just for his looks.
In the latter case, it's more likely because I've seen the way that he treated other girls, and I know that he would be terrible boyfriend material. Or it could be that he has some annoying habits that would just get more annoying if I had to spend more time with him.

Anonymous · Answer

Why even bother saying "friendzone"? Women have the power in dating these days, and whiteknights will endlessly and eternally support them so they can feel warm and good about themselves on the inside. Instead of saying "omg friendzone" all the time, just accept that a girl is not interested in you and move on. It's not the end of the world, and those "rejections" will make you stronger as a person. When you do that, you take the power away from angry ideologues on the Internet whose only purpose is to make you feel like a loser.

Women and whiteknight males constantly try to make guys feel like crap on the Internet for some reason - don't let them do it to you. Whenever you get rejected, pick yourself up by the bootstraps and move on. Just remember, we are not meant to be everyone's cup of tea, and not everyone is meant to be ours, either.

Evan_aa · Answer

I chose A. I think that's what it is like " I love all of your personality traits I just wished you looked a little better". For me personally that's why I put guys in the friendzone. They are everything I would want in a boyfriend besides the cute/Smoking hot part.

ccp16 · Answer

Not true. one of my best friends is a girl. She is tall, blonde, blue eyed, foreign, thin and big chested. I never once considered dating her and she actually pursued me. I just knew we would never click that way and I valued her as an individual enough to keep our friendship and I am very happy with that decision.

RinaJMB · Answer

Friendzone= bullshit Do you know how betrayed I fell when a person I rely on, only ever approached with the mask of a friend, even though it was his/her romantic interest on the way? Friendship is based on honesty just like every relationship, if I can't trust you can be my nothing. So I didn't reject you because you are "ugly" I rejected you because you broke my trust.

Octavius · Answer

Nope the friendzone is just the "I got rejected but I don't want to use the word 'rejected' because then it makes me sound like a loser so I'll just replace it with 'friendzone'..."

ErykaLee · Answer

Yes, it's pretty.. Ugly.. Specially when the girl lets you hang around for "benefits" instead of giving you the chance to be with someone else..

I have a very VERY close friend to me that i'd do anything for him to make him happy.. But its hard to keep him happy when this girl he likes keeps friebd zoning him.. He's know her for 3 years, but started liking her 6-8 months ago.. The girls knew he liked her so she took advantage of him by 'using her cute girl voice' and saying " i wish i had this. I wish i had that". And knowing him he bought it for her... An xbox one, games, stuff for her kids... And she turns around and has sex with several guys and then tells him... And who is the one cleaning up after her mess everynight.. I am.. So no.. Frienf zoneing is awful... Why hold him down when they can be happy..

2Hothothot · Answer

All I have to say is that I've "friend-zoned" some really amazing guys for a lot of reasons most of them having more to do with me than them. Like I wasn't ready for a romantic relationship. So just know that there are many reasons to have been put in the friend zone and it's definitely possible get out of the friend zone. Sometimes a girl just needs a little convincing.

NervousToTheMax · Answer

Many women fail to see how platonic relationships work with men, but know how attraction works with men. Many guys fail to know how attraction works, but understand how platonic relationships work. What I'm saying is that guys and girls aren't clear with what they want firsthand, so they become "friendzoned".

CousinGrizzly · Answer

No way man. If any guy ends up in the friend zone its probably because he puts himself in that position. Its nothing wrong with that either. Be yourself and be kind man it goes a long way. Trust me if she likes you you'll know it. The term friendzone is just the result of some guy not getting what he wanted from a girl he liked. lol your not ugly because your just a friend. who knows one of her female friends might just have the hots for you

Chareece3 · Answer

I currently have a guy friend who is trying to get out of the friendzone. He is very attractive, hard working, family oriented, etc. Everything that I want in a guy, but we just don't have a relationship type of connection. He feels that if we spend more time together I'll change my mind about him, but I've known him for 10 years. I think friendship is as good as it'll get lol

linds34 · Answer

Unfortunately, @kaylas91 is right. Most women, if they really wanted to date someone, would be willing to jeopardize the friendship. I think the friend zone could be real if neither of you were ever both single so it just wasn't a consideration. But it's mostly a way to let a guy down easy.

MJas16 · Answer

Nope I sometimes friendzone guys because I know nothing will ever happen between us. For example, he's a fuckboy.

Anonymous · Answer

No, the guy isn't necessarily ugly if I friendzone him. Either his personality clashes too much with mine, we have different morals and ambitions in life, a close friend likes him so I back off, or maybe he reminds me too much of my brother.

Usually it just means I don't see him as a potential partner. He can a very handsome guy, but if I'm not feeling it, then we will just be friends.

Betwyn · Answer

No.

Sure, in some cases it is this, but not always.

Sometimes, he's ridiculously hot but a jerk or moron.

Sometimes people are in the friendzone because its just wrong time.

and besides, people do escape the friendzone.

Anonymous · Answer

You can find someone extremely hot/gorgeous and still not have any sexual desires toward them. My best friend is a man and he is fucking bangin'. But he isn't someone I look at sexually. The idea of a sexual relationship with him grosses me out. But he is gorgeous.

TheSikuu · Answer

Looks are one thing, attraction is another.
I've gottenvgirls the that didn't find me very attractive (physically) to like me, but I've also been rejected by girls that thought I was hot.

Looks really only matter at first, after getting to know the person, it's personality that matters.

Also, I've rejected many beautiful women for not being what I look for, personality-wise.

Anonymous · Answer

I voted something else, because while I think it's less easy to friendzone someone who's hot, I think sometimes you just don't see someone that way. I've had to friendzone one of my really good guy friends recently, we get along great, and I know he'd be a fantastic boyfriend... But I'm not attracted to him. At all. It's a real shame, but that's just how it goes. I wouldn't say he was that goodlooking though, so maybe that is why...

Nakee · Answer

Girls don't have 99% the power in relationships. You just have not learned how to take you're 49% per 100. Also just friends is not always a visual ugly but maybe another ugly. There is also the moral and ethic factor, and how much of a chance a person wants to take pending any current relationships. Friend zone could just be a queue where as you want to find out how long you might need to wait.

rjroy3 · Answer

Some girls friend zone a guy because they already have a boyfriend, but like the attention

Minxxie · Answer

It's usually the "asshole zone" actually I've rejected football players that many girls thought were hot because they were stuck up pricks but I pretended to be friendly to them so they didn't get too mad and hurt me.

Anonymous · Answer

When guys friendzone girls, I think you're right--90%+ of the time it's about the guy not finding the girl physically attractive. When girls friendzone guys though, while looks is part of the story, it's more precise to say she isn't sexually attracted to the guy. For girls a big part of that attraction is the guy's vibe, personality, social status, etc.

Jxpxtxr · Answer

WHEN WILL PEOPLE FINALLY GET THAT UNATTRACTIVE DOES NOT EQUAL UGLY?

Xi3s3r · Answer

Friendzone is not benefit. it can ignores you will get waste time without return her to relationship you, before she has relationship other guy success end.

ginnyweasley · Answer

actually its where i put my friends that i have zero sexual attraction to. thats kinda why its called the friendzone

GoatAnus · Answer

If I ever friend zoned somebody it's because we don't connect. I wouldn't friend zone just because I don't find you physically attractive, If you have a good personality then A++. It may be vary from person to person.

peachblossomluck · Answer

Friendzone can be any number of things, good looks nonwithstanding. There is this guy my friend went out with. Everyone thinks he's hot except for me because he looks too much like my male relatives lol. Plus he is a neighbor.

KidanisCortes · Answer

Most of the times friendzone means the guy is ugly but if he's attractive he might get friendzoned for being a dick or if the girl has a man

NonCreativeUsername · Answer

I've "friendzoned" girls that are gorgeous, and sometimes that's the exact reason why, they think they are too good for anyone else.

randomhobo · Answer

No. Friendzone is literally, i dont want to fuck/date you. Aka the 99% zone.

Bluemax · Answer

It is often the ugly zone, but not always the ugly zone by any means. "girls have 99% of the power in relationships" Disagree.

Yeahno12 · Answer

I think you're pretty much right. I friend zone guys if I'm attracted to his personality, but not his looks. If I'm not attracted to his personality OR his looks, he's not even a friend, let alone a potential romantic interest.

ihsanhalit2222 · Answer

I got friend zoned as well cause girls tel me i am to nice to them. I really dont understand girls she said yes to me 2 times and on the 3rd time i asked her out she said no to me.

animeFreak · Answer

I think that under most circumstances it is, but sometimes it is something else, such as differences in relationship goals or maturity, or you know he only wants sex from you, etc.

psychomonkey · Answer

It's not only for ugly people somehow I ended up in the friend zone.

abundantlyrich · Answer

Tend to be used by people who can't get what they want.  😆

Anonymous · Answer

I have attractive female friends that I do not want anything more to do with than just remain friends. And no I am not lying, knowing them, their personality, character, they are have to hang around with as friends, but not wife material.

momis84 · Answer

Especially if one of the two is pretending to be a friend but wants more. It only make things worse so moooove ont !

genericname85 · Answer

I think that's mostly the case for girls in a guys friendzone but not so much for guy in a girls friendzone. Girls are more likely to reject for other than pure looks.

letsbefriends25 · Answer

I would never friendzone an attractive guy unless I knew him before puberty. Something about having a romantic relationship with someone you remember as a kid is just too ecwhh

FreyaDiermayr · Answer

No, no. I've "friendzoned" attractive guys because i just want to be their FRIEND.

DarkHumorRUs · Answer

Relationship = friendship plus attraction So yeah, OP is right.

MrNameless · Answer

No, you can be attractive and be seen as a friend. It all depends on the chemistry you have with someone and if your personalities match up.

blue_sun · Answer

The friendzone is not imaginary, but it is a kinda lame excuse. The friend zone is a result of a lack of clear communication as to the goals of a relationship.

Anonymous · Answer

No because you can move out of the friend zone.  Girls are less obsessed about looks then guys. They do think looks are important but it seems personality is more important. With guys, its primarily about looks.

findingdreamland · Answer

From men s point of view yes. From women s point of view no.

The ''Friendzone'' is really the ''UglyZone'', Do you agree?

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