Worried about my boyfriend because he NEVER cries?

[EmiliaRose2355]

I know it sounds silly. But my boyfriends mum and dad died within six months of each other 3 years ago. Shortly after that, his girlfriend at the time left him.

About a year after his parents dying, I met him. And he told me he had never cried about it. In fact, the day after his mum passed away he went straight back to work, which I find incredibly sad.

There have been times in the relationship where he's got close to tears, I can always tell by his face when he is, but it seems like he's been unable to let it out.

I worry about him because he struggles to be happy at times and his brother is borderline suicidal. He has a pretty hard time of it, and I just feel a good cry would help him.

Our relationship can be very difficult at times too. Surely it's abnormal for a person to hold it all in like that?

He's suffered so much heartbreak he's broken up

He's hust trying to hold things together

He could be doing with a good cry

All of the above

[Possible_Mate]

he's one of those people who for better or worse internalize a lot of the negative emotions they feel, and have a very hard time trying to express that to others, because it leaves them vulnerable to being hurt again, they don't want to face the situation and how bad things are, and they don't want to burden anyone with their troubles. a good cry would probably do him good, but it may be a long time coming. you're doing a good if he's opened up to you this much. it's probably quite a relief to him that he can talk to you.

[EmiliaRose2355]

Thank you. I do feel it's for worse that he's kept it all bottled inside. But who knows what the days might bring. You're right though, as long as he knows I'm there that's the main thing.

[kimmm92]

People have different ways of dealing with grief and stress. Don't push him into opening up he'll do it in his own time but make sure he knows you're there for him whether its just a cuddle/chat or a shoulder to cry on

[EmiliaRose2355]

Yeah, thank you. You're right in saying that's all I can do :)

[meatballs21]

Everyone deals with heavy stuff differently. Some people just can't let it out no matter what. Other people will let it out when the time is right. In some cases, the weirdest or most unexpected thing will trigger them to break down and let all that pent up pain out.

[EmiliaRose2355]

Yeah, I guess you're right there :/

[zShikiz]

All of the above. Most importantly, he may just have issues expressing feelings because of all he's been through. One tough cookie, but one day he will probably let it all out.

[EmiliaRose2355]

Yeah I think it's a lot to do with that. He is indeed a very tough cookie, I don't know how he does it to be honest.

[bryon]

Next time you see his emotions well up just pull him close and hug him. This may be the trigger that releases all the hurt he has kept inside

[EmiliaRose2355]

Nice suggestion. I've tried that, but he managed to hold it together although I could see the sadness in his eyes. They were pretty watery.

[bryon]

It's not healthy to hold such things in. It's detrimental to pretty much every part of ones life

[EmiliaRose2355]

It really isn't and I wish he could see that it's ok to cry. Not only has it been detrimental to his life? It's detrimental to our relationship and there's certain things he seems to have blocked himself off emotionally to.

[bryon]

And I don't expect he has went to counseling either

[EmiliaRose2355]

No, he hasn't. And I feel that parts of our relationship is dysfunctional as a result.

[bryon]

Some guys won't allow them selve to grieve because they feel it's weak and shows them to be less of a man. But it pollutes them inside with a poison that affects everyone around them

[EmiliaRose2355]

Yep well that's what's happened to him :/ I feel for him. I really do.

[bryon]

In all honesty until he chooses to share it or let it out all you can do is keep trying to coax it out a little at a time , and reasure him it's not weak to let it out

[EmiliaRose2355]

Thank you for your advice. You're absolutely correct. He'll cry it out when he's ready.

[bryon]

It will make all the difference for you both when he decide he' s carried it long enough

[bryon]

You are most welcome young Lady

[EmiliaRose2355]

It sure will. I admire his strength. How polite, thanks again :)

[bryon]

It's my pleasure.

[EmiliaRose2355]

☺️☺️☺️

[bryon]

\_______/ it will work its self out

[EmiliaRose2355]

I am sure :) :)

[bryon]

He is a luck guy to have you worrying about him like you do. It's uncommon any more

[EmiliaRose2355]

Well, thank you. It definitely isn't as common, I agree with you there.

[bryon]

You are very welcome

[Pat8707]

Well, that's the thing with guys, some of us just don't cry in front of others and are taught to just suppress our feelings. He definitely cried at some point though. Even if he said he didn't, he did.

[EmiliaRose2355]

He cried once. Not in front of me. He cried when his dad passed away. Not with his mum though.

[matheus_mb]

He took the thing of being tough to the extremes. I think that this is his problem, he needs to understand that you can't be fortress all the time.

[EmiliaRose2355]

Exactly. I just worry that he's at the point of being unable to cry. He tends to shut himself down emotionally.

[matheus_mb]

I don't think that it's possible, being unable to cry. Sooner or later he won't resist anymore. It can just take a very long time.

[EmiliaRose2355]

What even if it ends up 5 years down the line? He said that the only time he'd most likely cry was either if I died or when I have our first baby. Which hopefully won't be for a while yet haha

[matheus_mb]

That's what he says, but we can never know. It's normal for many guys not to cry, I normally just cry once or twice in a whole year (I mean it), the fact is that we never know what will break us, it can happen when we least expect.

[EmiliaRose2355]

I cry often enough, but I'm a typical emotional female. I still think he should be crying things out a bit. He needs it. I guess you're right though, you never know when it can happen.

[matheus_mb]

Give him time and try to give him safety. If he understands that it's okay to cry around you, when both of you are alone, that you won't mind and won't think that he's weak, then perhaps it may happen at some point.

[EmiliaRose2355]

I've let him know all this. And as I say there's a few times he's got a little teary. He's just never actually properly cried. Yet.

[matheus_mb]

So let's just hope he will...

[EmiliaRose2355]

I hope so.

[93stepsawayfromhome]

Some people just deal with stuff like death of loved ones differently. When our cat died, my little sister just kept saying that he was dead, she barely cried. For some reason that helped her deal with it.

[EmiliaRose2355]

Yeah but your little sister isn't an adult though... this is also slightly more serious than losing a pet.

[93stepsawayfromhome]

Yes but that's just an example for that some people don't cry much when they lose somebody.

[EmiliaRose2355]

In his case though, it's unhealthy to hold back so much either way.

[93stepsawayfromhome]

True.

[Dindu_Nuffin]

Because he's a man and not a little bitch about it.

[EmiliaRose2355]

Wow. Words fail.

[Anonymous]

He's a man. It's expected of him.

[EmiliaRose2355]

Not really? I expect him to have grieved and I don't think he has.