He keeps cheating with the SAME woman?

[Anonymous]

I've been married for 3 years, early 30s, no kids. A few months ago I found out my husband was having a 9 month affair and had gotten the woman pregnant.

She had an abortion although my husband wanted her to keep the child. We went to marriage counseling to try to move forward.
Unfortunately I found out he's recently started communicating with her again after a 5 month hiatus. He even helped her get a new apartment. He swears he doesn't love her.

The 1st time he cheated she didn't know he was married but now SHE KNOWS. She had no business contacting him at all. What do I do? Why didn't he just ignore her and not cheat again? And with the SAME woman? I'm so hurt!! Please help me!

Updates

+1 y

Sorry I meant to post this in the relationship category.

[hazoplmeught]

Anonymous im sure you have heard tis a million times from friends and now on GAG so now i think you need to hear it the blunt way. Nothing against you though and sorry in advance but here we go.

This guy is fucking the same girl for 9 MONTHS he has two relationships going on. HE GOT THE OTHER GIRL FUCKING PREGNANT WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU WAITING FOR!!! He obviously gives no FUCKS about you so now its time for you to take action.
HE BOUGHT THIS BITCH AN APARTMENT!!! WHO THE FUCK GIVES A SIDE CHICK AN APARTMENT!!!
Is his dick game that good? Are you dick whipped? Shake off those chains because I dont think you want to get pregnant by this man. you'll end up raising your kids by yourself.
TODAY IS THE FUCKIN DAY FOR YOU TO LEAVE!!!
Im going to end with giving you this video to show you where this path is going

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-BPgjrFiXV8

[hazoplmeught]

i will add if y'all break up and y'all get back together THIS IS DEFINITELY YOUR FUTURE!!
PLEASE STOP THERE ARE RED FLAGS EVERYWHERE
i.telegraph.co.uk/.../...ese-soldiers_1729449i.jpg
baerlaw.com/.../red-flags-244x300.jpg

[hazoplmeught]

by this is your future (i was talking about in the video)

[Asker]

It lasted for 9 months but they didn't start having sex until 7 months into the affair, which is even worse because that means it was emotional then progressed to physical. My husband "waited" for sex from her, he was patient with her and it kills me.
I really believe if she hadn't found out about me & ended things, it would've continued. I'm just so pissed that she broke it off but popped back into his life after a few months.
Why end it & get an abortion only to come around and ruin my marriage again? Why can't she just leave us alone?

[hazoplmeught]

(i hope you watched the video)
1) As i said, he has two relationships going on
2) 1 either he lying to you and he didn't get caught until 7 months into it, or he is trying to make the lie seem believable and sound less bad. If he was in an affair and waited that long he obviously loves her and you need to pack your bags and burn his stuff (dnt really do that but probably throw his stuff out)
Either way its dumb to still be with him

[Asker]

And yes I'm leaving. It's hard but I can't do this. If he doesn't love her then why not ignore her or change his number? Why do this to me? I can't.

[hazoplmeught]

and LEAVE US ALONE?
Us? He is as guilty probably more than she is because he is married to you, she didn't marry you. He should know right from wrong.
How about you leave THEM alone since he cares more about her than you since he has been lying to you for so long

[Asker]

I found out everything from the other woman, she showed me texts about him waiting for her, etc. sometimes they didn't see each other for weeks at a time ( a month or so), but they talked literally everyday. It was sickening when she sent me the call logs.. He called her multiple times a day, while at work, while working out, etc. it's like he always wanted to talk to her.. I'm SO HURT.
I was saying I just wish she wouldn't have came back around and continued to move on with her life. Without my husband

[hazoplmeught]

I see where you are coming from, but after the second time if i found out there was a man (flipping the script) going deep inside my wife somethin gonna happen to her and him. Id probably have to fight him and throw my wife's clothes outside the house/apartment/etc. You better make that man FEEL what your feelin somehow

[MG-TOW]

I have got a saying: If it's ain't broke don't fix it, but if it's broke still don't fix it.

Sorry to hear this. I don't know what's been going on but I do know it is important to be happy in life. If I had cheated I would not contact her again. And I say that most men who are truly sorry and want to fix things wouldn't contact her.

Counselors and people can say whatever they want. Don't give up, spice up your marriage, more counseling, etc. But they are not in your shoes.

Focus on being happy. And you can't be happy with a husband that is not acting like a husband. Don't hurt yourself anymore. Don't do this to yourself. Get out. Not to find somebody else. Just get out of marriage and the rest including happiness will follow.

[TonyaOrtega]

My husband of 12 years cheated to. He went back 3 times I guess. But he also said sorry and he also wanted to work things out, problem is: every time we argued he threw it in my face to be hateful. I wrote on what happened in an article "All men cheat" It's not easy, I was willing to forgive, but he burnt images in my mind & don't know if I can continue. You got to think about if you want to be with your husband, & this child he's gonna have with this other woman. If he kept seeing her, there is something there that keeps him going back. My opinion, divorce him. I don't see this getting better, but I can't decide for you. I'm sorry you have to feel this betrayal...3 years is nothing compared to 12, 20, 30 years of marriage of stressing and being unhappy cuz your husband chooses not to honor you and your vows. PM me if ya like to talk

[Asker]

She had an abortion a few months back and thank you.

[TonyaOrtega]

Oh ouch! Well? It's up to you.

[Married-in-PA]

All men do NOT cheat. I have never cheated on my wife, and she knows that.

[jesshkah]

I know a divorce is way more intricate than just breaking up, so I'm sorry that you're in such a hard place.. However, I do think that it is in your best interest to leave this man before you have kids and start a real family with him. He wanted a CHILD with ANOTHER WOMAN. That is NOT OKAY.

Have you talked to him about it? Are you still going to counseling? If so, you should bring this up. You're correct that she should not have contacted him again, and he also should have ignored her, or told her that he shouldn't be talking to her. Have you let him know that you don't want him to be in contact with her?

[Asker]

We went to a few sessions and stopped going because he didn't like the therapy. And yes, I absolutely made it crystal clear that I DO NOT want him having any contact with her whatsoever. She lives an hour away from us and he was driving to see her and helped her move into her new place. I think he took her out on a date as well. He still refuses to let me see his phone, even after the 1st time he cheated with her. I was only able to see when he texted her: "I know I have a lot to make up to you and I'm glad you had a great time for your bday. It's the least I can do."

[jesshkah]

In that case I really don't think he's worth any more of your time. He should be making all the effort necessary to repair your marriage, like continuing to go to therapy, respecting your wishes to not contact her anymore, and because he was in the wrong in the first place, he should allow you to see his phone as well. Your husband has been cheating on you for almost a third of your marriage, don't let him get away with it any more.

[Minxxie]

This sounds like my grandpa he's been cheating on my grandma for 30 years now and she's gone into denial and he's spent so much money supporting this other woman he's an asshole and the ENTIRE family resents him for it. Leave him take as much of his money as you can and whatever you do never have kids with him. He is not capable of love and he only cares about himself I can tell you that right now he's worthless.

[Marttinez]

It's so sad that you even have to ask what to do. He had a NINE month afair, yet you forgave him and if it wasn't bad enough, you're trying to justify his actions by saying saying she didn't know he was married. You obviously have no self esteem, but even if you don't value yourself. Make him respect... you kniw what forget that and just leave him and find someone who wants to respect u

[Asker]

Yes I know it's bad. The other woman found out he was married at the 9 month mark and ended things with my husband. After 5 months she contacted him again (which is the point we're at now), and they resumed the affair.
I'm devastated. I'm so disgusted with him because he knew how much I hurt & am still hurting over the 1st time. But with the same woman? It cuts deep because I have to accept that he has feelings for her although he won't admit it to me. If he didn't, he would've ignored her when she contacted him or at least changed his number. Thank you for your comment.

[Marttinez]

Private message me, I wanna tell you something

[ObviouslyBored]

Divorce him? Not questioning your intelligence, but divorce him... Simple. Cheaters NEVER quit.. Mine cheated on me twice with the same woman and I divorced him...

You won't listen so I don't know why I'm telling you to divorce him, but seriously. Do it.

[Francessca]

I'm sorry...
I know I wouldn't fully understood but my mom went through something similar but worse. I HIGHLY recommend you to move on. Don't be sacred for leaving that scrum bag.
Since so many things happend, I'm extremely countious of who I am with.
He doesn't deserve you. Please leave him. Have a beautiful marriage and family with someone else before it's to late.
It hurts me as much as it hurts you...

[summiter]

It sounds like he does not understand or remember what his marriage vows were. Get tested for STDs just to cover yourself. Try counseling again or maybe it is time to dump him. How often are you two having sex? Do you think more sex would help?

[Gent207-2]

I am so incredibly sorry, I can only imagine how you feel having survived a cheater myself.

If you want to talk about it feel free to dm me.

This betrayal has so many layers as it speaks volumes to his character and his love for you. It speaks to how valuable all those loving moments truly were and how he valued your efforts to love him and keep things going.

I could write a book I swear lol

[Anemone978]

You all been married 3 years and he basically cheated within 2.. do you really think that is a good partner.. he even got her pregnant while married to you and wanted to keep it. He absolutely does not love you! Look at all the disrespect and now he got her an apartment!! I would go to his parents air out the dirty laundry than file for divorce.. He is a piece of shit. I would take half his shit too for being a cunt!

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[matheus_mb]

It seems he's not going to stop cheating on you, unfortunately. So, if you don't wanna be married with a cheater, it's advisable to divorce him.

[TripleAce]

I wouldn't be able to answer all your questions but obviously he's into her and is not able to devote himself to you 100%

Id suggest taking time apart giving each other space to really see where everything fits

[Asker]

I just wish she never would've contacted him because she initiated contact after they stopped speaking.

[TripleAce]

Yea that is because she feels valued and that is confimed by the fact that a married man is willing to lie to his wife for her, twice so far. She's not afraid of rejection in this case

[GingerGuy]

Maybe he's not being honest with himself (or you) about his feelings or he doesn't realize he loves her. If he doesn't, he must care/like her an awful lot. Maybe give him an ultimatum, leave her or you'll leave.

[Asker]

Why do you think he loves her? Just curious. Maybe I'm indenial about it because honestly it makes me feel so bad think he loves her

[GingerGuy]

I'm guessing you've thought this to because you said that he's told you he doesn't love her? So either you asked him, or if he just said that, that's a bigger red flag because you didn't ask. To cheat with the same person is one thing, but for you to know about it and him still cheat with the same person... he has to have some strong feelings there of some sort in my opinion.

[Asker]

I asked him and he told me no. I just really want him to do right by me and our marriage.

[Asker]

I asked because the first time it was an emotional affair and did not turn physical until 8 months after they met. So my husband waited for this woman for 8 months. So in my mind I felt that maybe he loves her because he went right back to her after she contacted him after a few months of not talking.

[GingerGuy]

It doesn't look like this is going to happen I'm sorry to say. Not only did he cheat on you, but you found out and he still did it again. So he's not likely ever going to stop this. He has to REALLY want to stop and maybe even seek help to stop, counselling or whatever.

[Anonymous]

I hate to say it but it's probably best you look into divorcing. He's not committed, he thinks it's necessary to go behind your back and carry on a different relationship, and all married men shouldn't even consider straying away from their wives in a sexual or emotional manner.

[normalice]

Just curious: would you feel better if he were cheating with a different woman? Because chances are he would, but women don't exactly throw themselves at married men..

[TonyaOrtega]

Good point, women don't go after married men usually

[Married-in-PA]

@TonyaOrtega Usually? I would hope never. What this woman described about would be a nightmare scenario for me

[Asker]

@Married-in-PA trust me, it definitely feels like a nightmare

[TonyaOrtega]

@Married-in-PA... Bad choice in my wording. I just mean, it really doesn't happen.

[Married-in-PA]

@TonyaOrtega No issues. We're good

[Married-in-PA]

Let me put it to you in from an honest guys perspective...

I see 100's of woman that have a great ass. Don't get me wrong, I can see that you are all hot. I am not blind.

BUT, I am married, and I love my wife very very much, and I would NEVER cheat on her, because that would break her wonderful heart in half ~ and I would never want to do that to her, because she is the best friend I've ever had, and she is my confidant and the Mother of my Children.

There is an old saying... "You can go to the Zoo and SEE the Lion, but you can't pet the Lion".

Nuff said.

[Quigly]

As long as there are no kids, divorce is fairly simple. Now that you know he is cheating you are only hurting yourself by being with him. If hurting yourself bothers you, then it's time to leave. You only have yourself to blame for your pain at this point.

[mooky06]

Maybe he wants a child. Your in your early 30's, no kids. He gets this woman pregnant and tells her to keep the baby? Has that topic of conversation been spoken about?

[Asker]

I miscarred and also have a hard time conceiving.

[mooky06]

Ask him. Ask him if a child is what he wants, because by the sound of it, he does. His going to the same girl..

[Anonymous]

First you need to divorce his ass. You don't help a women you had an affair with and no kid together get an apartment unless there's more between them. That's crazy. And fact that he contacted her again is another betral there is no reason you should put up with that.

[Asker]

I think he felt bad for her so he gave her some money to get a larger place. But you're right. I'm just so broken and sad. He didn't reach out to her though, she contacted my husband again after a few months of not talking.
He specifically told her that he didn't want to hold her back from a great guy and to not get attached to him.

[Opinion Owner]

Well if he would have told you she contacted him and asked if ok to help her out instead of doing it behind your back.

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[justlilly]

I would leave him, honestly. He isn't worth your time if he would rather be with someone else. You deserve better.

[Asker]

He wants to have his cake & eat it too. He doesn't love the other woman because he told her not to get attached to him. I feel like if he didn't love me, he would've divorced me. But he's still here and that's confusing me.
When she got pregnant, he did step up to help with the pregnancy but she got an abortion because she found out he's married. When he told me about the pregnancy, he said I had to accept the baby or he was cutting all ties with me. I chose to stay.

Now we're here. They've resumed the affair. He went to meet her tonight for a drink. I followed him but didn't say anything. They kissed in the car then she left.

[justlilly]

Leave him. Find someone who wants only you. You are better off alone than with someone who also wants to be with someone else.

[Asker]

But he doesn't want to be with her. I mean, wouldn't he have left? I'm his wife, she's just a slut.

[justlilly]

He wants to be with both of you, which isn't fair to you.

[Asker]

I just want her to go away and leave my husband alone. She had no reason to contact him after everything. There was no point in that. She just wants my husband and if I leave then I'm giving her what she wants. If she wouldn't have contacted him, it never would've happened again.

[justlilly]

He is to blame too though. Why would you want to be with someone who has cheated on you? I don't get why people stay in relationships like this.

[mypasswordisthis]

Even if he doesn't love her, he should love you enough not to hurt you anymore. He has no reason to talk to her knowing how it makes you feel