Moving in together is a bad idea and statistics show it results in more breakups and more divorces if the couple does eventually marry.
There are many hypotheses why, but most researchers agree it causes couples to marry that otherwise wouldn't because of the intimacy living together creates. Not that intimacy is bad of course, but the intimacy won't last if it isn't with a person who has similar life goals and beliefs.
The purpose of dating is to find out if the other person is the right person to spend your life with. Once you know they're the wrong person you break up, and when you know they're the right person you start bringing your lives together, i. e. getting married, living together, have kids, start a business, whatever it is you plan on doing with your lives together.
Moving in before marriage creates a state of limbo where you're starting to bring your lives as well as personal assets together, but you're not yet sure if that person is the right person. The rush of all the new sex can be amazing, but you may wake up in 1 or 2 years and realize this person isn't who you thought they were. Maybe they're not a bad person, just not right for you.
I have a female coworker who moved in with her boyfriend and now they've been together 4 years. She's unhappy but can't just move out because they have a mortgage together and because he is part of the reason she has full custody of her kids. She told me this because we went on a few dates before finally telling me she was not single.
Of course you can do whatever you want. Not saying it can't work. Maybe she is the right oerson for you. I find older women extremely sexy. I'd date a 35yo over a 25yo any day. However I think you're better of being the leader in the relationship and letting who know its a bad idea in the long run. She may be upset initially, but if she's the right person for you I guarantee she will respect and be even more attracted to you for it.
1. Don't leave clothes all over the place.
2. Whoever cooks does not have to do the cleaning up.
3. Do your share of the housework.
4. Do not spend all your time playing video games.
5. Don't sponge off her. You need to contribute to the household costs.
I do not know what you do and don't do now but those are some big ones.
1. I clean up after myself (OCD about it).
2. I cook, and she does as well.
3. I help her clean up whenever I'm there.
4. I have a PS4 that I haven't even opened yet. I'll probably game when I have some free time.
5. I have a job and never ask her for money.
I was very independent before I met her and saved money. Hopefully, this goes well.
I started early and stayed single for about a few years. I knew something like this would happen so I prepared for it.
I would recommend being with someone that is on the same cleanliness level as you - I am messy and its just a pain in the ass having to be immaculate 24/7 cause my partner is the cleaning queen. I don't understand how DISHES can destroy love and patience so easily! hah
I never realized how much I liked seeing my boyfriend angry until we moved in together. You loose some of that initial passion, so I am guilty of intentionally causing conflict once in a while. Make-up sex time!
Let your partner watch their weird tv shows. Get yourself a separate mode of entertainment or get creative in your own space. You will be grateful you don't have much in common as alone time is vital.
Expect revenge if you prioritized gaming or the internet over your partners 'come to bed' calls.
The quickest way to get your partner to fancy you again is to laugh at something or with someone that isn't them.
Expect your partner to walk in on you showering and talk about random stuff. You will no longer be able to have deep reflective bathroom moments unless you specifically request them.
Masturbation is now a stealth exercise. No need to hurt your partner or make them feel inadequate with your weird porn taste.
You will really love the good times but absolutely hate the bad times as you don't have your own house to escape too.
These are light-hearted but its a big test on respect and patience to move in together. It can make or break the relationship depending on how willing each of you is to adapt.
I would not move in so soon. I got a place with my ex after 6 months and our relationship started going downhill quickly. He was not telling me the things that bothered him until months later and would act like an ass instead opening his mouth.
Of course I know nothing about her but where is the relationship going? Is it going towards marriage or are you just waiting to see what happens?
Breaking up once you live together will be VERY hard. I am speaking from first hand experience with that.
She said it is too soon for marriage. We talked about it and we will wait. I'll just spend the night.
First, and foremost: Don't leave the toilet seat up, because if you do, this might happen:
vignette3.wikia.nocookie.net/.../2000
Okay... its an exaggeration, but you get the point.
Help her with chores as well. It will get the job done faster.
You can cook dinner and breakfast on some days of the week, especially if she isn't feeling well.
You can do your fair share of paying the bills, food, gas etc.
To fulfill all her sexual desires. Lol. Women in their 30's are at their sexual peak. #boytoy.
Thanks for MHO💟
Opinion
39Opinion
It's a big step to move in with someone else for the first time. You'll have to compromise some things you do, and so does she. We all got habits good and bad, which we all do, some we don't really reflect on (for example i have a habit of leaving doors open. Like cabinet doors or bedroom doors etc). You should try to discuss this more with your partner, have she lived with anyone else in the past? You could try talking about different habits you both have, it's a good way to get to know someone as well 😊 But be sure to try to make her home, into your home. You'll both be living there, and if you want your relashionship to evolve and that you'll stick together, she needs to let you in and you need to take some space? It's not good if you feel like you're not sharing the place, but rather you're just a guest, after months of living together
- A loss of the communication necessary toward building a healthy foundation for a lasting marriage, due to taking each other for granted.
- A loss of concern about sexual mores, which will set you up for further dissatisfaction in the future.
- Getting defensive any time you read a statistic against cohabiting - even paranoid about the religious implications, even if the publisher never mentions religion.
- She will get similarly defensive - or worse.
- Family will either badger you about her, or ignore you when you need help, thinking you'll be fine because of her.
- Sunk-cost fallacy will prevent you from seeking help if there's a problem in the relationship. Especially if things turn toxic.
- Over time, it will be only ever about sex. Or that one other thing she wants from you. There won't be any real love to begin with, and the infatuation will fade.
- She will probably cheat. Or you will. If you do, you're a monster, according to everyone. If she does, you're a monster and drove her to it, according to everyone.
My advice: don't do it.
Friction if you don't communicate or if one of you is a bit on the ocd/anal retentive side, otherwise as long as you can both maintain communication and are able to live together but also have separate lives (to some degree) you should be fine. The sperate lives remark was reffering to the fact that some times you just spend to much time with a person so in order to let the relationship breath you need to be able to do your own thing and then come back together with new insights experiences etc otherwise its to the point where you have heard everything they have to say, had all the same experiences etc. That can put a strain on things. But its pretty easy to do so long as you are aware of it, just don't spend to much time apart otherwise you become roomates instead of a couple.
I would only move in with her if you are pretty sure this is marriage material.
Having lived with a girl for 2 years in the past, I have some tips.
Establish some personal space/time. Everyone needs SOME of it, it can be a night out with friends, a room or something as little as an hour reading alone at night, but I think too many people move in together and suffocate each other (out of good intentions). Also, keep doing dates/ adventures, it can be too easy to 'chill and netflix'' too much now, set aside time and make plans to still go out! Lastly, moving in together, to me, is the ultimate test of respect. Learning to both respect your partner and have them respect you is the real trial here. you will have to give on some things out of respect to her, but she should also give on some things out of respect to you. Just do your best to keep it equal and going both ways!
You should expect trouble. She is 35 and you are 26 the age difference is very significant. What do you do for a living what does she do for a living? Who pays for what? Cohabitation is rough and even worse when you are so young and she is so much older than you. Is this the girl you want to marry? Why does she want you to move. Does she have another agenda? Are you a love? If you're not in love don't move in. I doubt you're in love. I strongly recommend not moving in with her
We actually talked about this today. I went to visit her at work. She works in a hospital and I work at my college. It is too soon because it is only been 6 months. I will spend the night with her tonight.
The only real thing I can say about this situation, is being closer to her age I can say with some authority that your viewpoints in life will be different. She as at a much different place in her life, than you are. Even more so if she has been divorced.
I'm all for people moving in and learning to be together and be a happy unit. But just don't be surprised if there is a life experience difference. Also, women in their mid to late 30 start playing a lot less games and are really a lot more honest about what they want. So you have that working for you.
Other than that... Just be present. Listen to what she has to share with you. And don't be too macho to share what you are thinking and feeling.
Drama, nagging, and entitlement. Especially from an over-28 woman.
Why would you bother with a woman that old? I understand if you just want easy ass until something better comes along, but this many months something better should have come along by now.
She is a very good woman which is rare now. I can't leave that behind.
After 5 months, you do not know that. Boy do you have a hard lesson ahead of you.
@mghowmasculinist
He'll either learn it from those of us that have been there, or he'll learn it the hard way by getting chewed up himself.
My money is on the latter. Too damn many men have to be destroyed before they learn the lessons that other men try to share with them.
We aren't gonna move in together yet. We agreed it is too soon.
Take what I say with a grain of salt, because I'm not speaking from personal experience. This is secondhand experience from friends that went through the situation.
Short term. Expect to enjoy it a lot. It'll be like reliving the honeymoon phase of your relationship all over again and probably with more sex... Long term. Expect to regret moving in. Because you will see all the little things in her personality that bother you. If things go well she may or may not see this as a step in pushing you towards marriage or sees moving in as a way to lock you down, because she's feeling insecure and that insecurity will shine through. Seldom does moving in together lead to a happy, strong relationship longterm. I've seen multiple friends go through this and it's ended badly every time.
She is 35 and single.
The sound of her ovaries counting down to zero is keeping her awake at night. That is prime baby rabies time.
She is working up to wanting marriage and a baby, soon. . . very soon. She is running out of time rapidly.
To which I'll tell her to slow down lol. I won't think of marriage until we have dated for at least a year.
Yeah that won't work out. She'll keep pestering you.
www.girlsaskguys.com/.../q1984734-why-do-women-constantly-pressure-men-into-marriage-around-30
The odds of a healthy conception, pregnancy, and delivery at her age are already pretty low dude.
Worse if she's never been pregnant before. (Even if she's had an abortion, she's more likely to be fertile longer... Ironies of the universe)
Double worse if she is tall, thin, and NOT prone to mood swings/depression (these are markers of low estrogen).
@IamLouise Luckily she hasn't asked for a proposal yet.
Yea until she accidentally gets pregnant because the 9+ forms of contraceptives just happened to fail... Opsie daisie...
There is no real benefit for you to move in with her. There is no benefit for a man to get married anymore either.
Expect a lot, a long list of a lot... i'd recommend no because sometimes should drama pop off, you've got nowhere else to go but abide in a tension-riddled environment and thats not good. Also, she could boss you around since technically, it IS her place.
Expect to notice her little annoying habits and quirks. Expect to see her when she's not at her best, including when she just wakes up, when she's sick, and when she's had a bad day at work and decides to eat an entire pint of ice cream. And DON'T expect her to do all the cleaning just because she's a girl (speaking from experience here).
In the end, think hard about whether you're ready for this.
alot' of arguing over who does the dishes and TV remote (i. e. what to watch). She'll probably have the larger closet space and pretty much all the bathroom counter space/drawers. Women are cleaner but can be pretty messy when it comes to clothes. I swear most women have random piles of clean clothes or draped over a chair in the room.
This will either make or break your relationship pretty damn' fast. You have to be able to let little things that annoy you go.
Never (!) move in with her. It'll always be her place and you kinda also live there. If you want to move in together then find a new place, put both your names on the lease etc etc. otherwise it's going to be her place, her rules. And I can't see that being much fun for you... good luck x
DO NOT EVER MOVE IN WITH A WOMAN. Geez, you wanna lose your balls - move in with a chick, in her house, and she can be the boss. Right.
You need to read this: therationalmale.com/2011/10/06/shacking-up/
Here's what I told my 21yo son: live with her, fuck her, play house with her, do whatever you want - but DON'T MARRY HER 'till you're at least 25. He reluctantly agreed. If they can make it 'till then, then fine, go ahead and marry.
The courts are slanted toward the woman - they get half of your shit regardless, and if there are kids they get full benefit of that - your rights are way below secondary. It's just not worth it.
If I was 21 in college I would have a LOT of girlfriends. There's no way I would have ONEITIS!
Wrll, what do you want to expect?
Expect some free unrestrained hardcore banging, and from then on a lot of emotional bull shit, and problems!
Lol.
Life together ain't easy, you just have to be sure you love her enough to take the bs.
Expect your normal relationship, and bs levels to rise between 2x and 200x.
Expect fights, silly little fights about trash, groceries, and anything you can imagine. But that doesn't matter cause what comes after a fight is the "I am sorry I was such a psycho bitch" sex.
Best. Sex. Ever.
I moved a guy into my house that I was dating for 9 mos... keep in mind, he moved into my place. It was hell, we clashed & broke up! Simple things become big things when you're stuck in your liveable ways. When he was trying to sleep, I was up cleaning, working out, (night owl). When he left his clothes in bathroom, I fussed but realized... I do it @ times. It was a lot of; why u done this, who does that... ugggh buuuut Didn't matter... My place, My rules! I would say, move into a place together with both your names on lease, because @ her place, the stage is set for her. Always keep a Plan B place to go if things get too overwhelming! Then again, if it's just a boytoy fulfillment, she probably can't careless what u do as long as you're laying it down right... lol Guess it all comes dwn to "the foundation your relationship was built on" I'm just saying...
You can expect things to be great for a while and then over about 5-6 months things will progressively get worse and worse until you break up. Just kidding, but seriously. It'll be a major test for your relationship. Please, don't have a baby until at least a year after moving in together to make sure there's stability between the two of you.
A lot of drama, period pain, problems and seeing her true colors. On the bright side, you can just move right out once you see how bad it will be.
Beware that she will do her best to keep up appearances for as long as possible but do not be fooled!
That's dope dude I'm currently seeing a 32 year old chick and I'm 23 but you know having the chance to move in with her I'd take the chance
How's that working for you?
It's cool but thus far I see her once every two weeks at most 'cuz I have other options rolling in but I must admit that older gals have that thing of knowing what they want and it's awesome
But you know I don't feel like I'm at a point in my life where I want to commit anyway so I guess this is why it's working swell with her
Another thing that's cool is that I don't feel like I already got her, otherwise I would've probably dumped her out of my life since it's been quite a while that I know her
You know once the challenge is off she has to be off too
Anyway good luck with your plan dude
Thanks same to you 👍
you know the woman...
It's kind of like living with a guy room-mate, except they have boobs, often smell better and are probably more amenable to morning sex...
The key is communication, you guys will have to work stuff out, and if you sit on issues and let them fester, they will.
Do you mean move in together or move in with her?
I don't live with her, we either live together or she moves in with me. They start off being very nice, but then add a shit ton of rules based on how you do things. I rather know the rules upfront.
Also, they are more willing to kick you out if it's her place.
Apart from that, it seems kind of fast, but since, she's older she ain't got time to waste. I'd expect babies soon. lol.
First off, only move in with her if it's something you are ready for and want to do. Don't move in if you're not fairly sure you'll be together long term (ie you're on the trajectory for a life long partnership).
You should expect to get to know each other's living habits
You may discover that she is messy of neat and you will argue
I have never cohabitated with a boyfriend because I believe in sex after marriage but that is what people who have cohabitated told me
35 ... make sure you keep your condoms in a safe.
She's baby crazy at that age. Wtf are you doing with a 35 year old? Dude. That's way too serious for someone your age. I would just tell her, no thank you, you're not ready for that yet.
We agreed and said it was too soon.
Plus we have sex everyday lol
She's totally serious dude! might also convince you in getting married.
Well that's not happening yet. We haven't been together for an entire year yet.
doesn't matter for how long you've been together
you should expect being and feeling so lucky to get to have a girlfriend who wants you with her in your life.
Ohhhhh no! She's way too old for you, and you're going to regret it. In about 3-4 years she's going to start looking like a grandma, mean while you'll be missing out on meeting girls around your age.
I have dated a few women my age and it just didn't work. I have been with this woman for 6 months.
Fair enough. Do you feel like you'd be okay with her visible physical aging features that will drastically start to show in 3-4 years? I'm talking wrinkles EVERYWHERE, saggy body, and loosing the youthful appearance?
She isn't old at all I prefer women her age anyways.
@yololoyo I'll see her in the morning and intend on doing that lol.
She may like to hand wash her bras, or, even if she doesn't she may wash them in the machine on the delicate cycle and then hang them on hangars to dry. You may see them on the shower curtain rod.
You don't sound like you really want to move in with her, so you should expect to be miserable.
I think that's not enough time to be moving in together. I think it'd be safer to wait at least a year.
just probably passion and her to get maybe shy randomly but other wise intimate time.
Six months is too short in my opinion to move in with her.
that means she feels comfortable near you. expect? just go with the flow and let her see the real you, without pretended.
she will be pregnant, then you will marry and then who knows
Cooking
Washing
Cleaning house
Working and pay stuff
(...)
apart from the sex, the whole experience would be horrible.
What it's like to wake up with the same person everyday and really know what quirks and annoying things you each do
More sex perhaps and maybe commitment
Sex every day for the first little while :)
Tbh sounds too early to be doing that.
Expect your relationship to change dramatically.
'Put down the toilet seat!'
@Gentlaman Sue me.
@Gentlaman No your dad will.
@Gentlaman No but you do.
@Gentlaman haha this conversation is funny.
@Gentlaman This point fwd I start ignoring because I have no idea wtf you're saying anymore.
@orphan @anonman32 @Gentlaman Well us men could complain about women leaving it down. Still just as valid argument. To me women that complain about that are just complainers, I mean it is hardly the most bad thing a person can do.
@anonman32 I know. To me a woman that complains about things that little is a woman not worth dating. A lot of women do complain about every tiny little thing though because a man could just as easy argue the woman is being lazy that she won't put the toilet seat down. See what I mean that works both ways.
One solution self-closing tiolet... https://youtu. be/oeimo7jcGe8. But it is recommended to close the lid before flushing so bacteria and 'poo particles' don't spread all over the place. https://youtu.be/02WuF5Jf9KU Also so rats don't climb up (not that I noticed rats where I live... touch wood) But yes tiolet seats are stupid things to moan about.
@lovestruckangel well I think toilet seats are stupid things to moan about. If that is your biggest problem in life then you don't have very many problems. Also just curious have you ever seen a rat come up the toilet pipe? I never have personally.
@Applefan1 no but while I was looking for the self closing tiolet video I find a few videos on how rats do make thier way up the tiolet pipes... eeekkkk. Like I said though I don't think us kiwis have to worry about rats. Haha I don't argue over the tiolet seat. I prefer down but ain't gonna stress about it. I grew up with a nagging mother... I vow to never be that women. I'll just search for someone compatible that likes to be clean and tidy too. I lived in a flat with 3 others and I was the only one that like it to be tidy. I knew I was losing a fighting battle. In the end as long as I cleaned up my own mess and my room was tidy, I was semi-happy. I did however have to clean the tiolet/bathroom/kitchen before I used it... germ phobe. But I completely agree with you @Applefan1. I did enjoy this thread though.
Dayum, babies everywhere.
... if she's lucky (fr, they'd better get skippy if they want a natural childbirth)
Expect the unexpected.
To lose all freedom.
Murderous rage and domestic violence...
Hopefully some tail.
Lots of sex.
lots of sex
It's a trap
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