Is it immature to ignore a girl after she has rejected you? Read the description?

[Anonymous]

I really liked this girl at my school. We became friends and eventually I developed feelings for her. I told her I liked her and I wanted to ask her out. She rejected me with "I am too busy with school and I am not looking for anything serious right now". Like a noob, I believed her because she rejected every guy that asked her out with this excuse. Boy was I wrong when she started dating a guy three weeks after she rejected me.
It was not the rejection that hurt, but the fact that she lied to me when I opened up to her. I know why she did it. She wanted to reject me gently but what she failed to understand was the fact that it hurst so much more when you realize that her excuse was a lie.
She wants to stay friends by inviting me to group outings and such. I polite decline every time. I actually hate her a little bit. I mean, could not you not tell me that you did not like in the beginning? Why lie?
Now I ignore her most of the time. I greet her when at school but do not engage into convos.
I think I am acting childish but it is easier for me to ignore her than be friendly and in the friendzone. What do you think, people?
P. S. I recently learned that the guy she is dating actually has a girlfriend so I do not know how that is working out for them. I would not want to be anyone's secondary. Would you?

Updates

+1 y

Is it naive to think that the girl might come around in the future?

[cth96190]

Your experience is one that almost every young man goes through, especially if you are not a player or some version of the bad boy.
When females are that age, players and bad boys are what makes them tingle in their panties.
It is good policy to not approach a female more than once. Anything more than that opens you to the risk a sexual harassment complaint.
Ask once, then move on and do not return to that barren land.
Her invitations to various things are her attempt to keeping you in her orbit, within the Friend Zone, because she thinks that one day you may have some utility value for her.
She and the player she chose deserve each other. Always be mindful that she chose the cheating scoundrel. Also be aware that the choices that we make during life are determined by our subconscious level of self esteem. Clearly, she believes that she deserves to be cheated on and for her heart to be broken.
Kick back and enjoy the schadenfreude when it all turns to shit in her hands. When that happens do not be there to act as her emotional tampon. That is the role of the beta males in her Friend Zone to give her a shoulder to cry on.
Move on and be thankful that you dodged a bullet.

[Asker]

Great advice. I mean I do not know if the guy indeed has a girlfriend or not. Whenever we talked among guys, he told me that he has a girlfriend and he is going to visit her family during the summer break and then come back to school. I have never seen his girlfriend. It might be that he "has" a girlfriend if you know what I mean. If he made up the story, then it is a damn good story. If it is true, I feel bad for his girlfriend and this girl. I clearly lost all respect for him.

[Words_and_Wisdom]

Stop putting energy into this woman. Stop giving her attention, stop associating with her. It's draining you. Go out and find another woman. There will be many who will lie to you with rejections. Fuck them. Lies are no foundation to begin a relationship, be it a platonic one or romantic one.
Just keep going at it until you do find women who are genuinely awesome.

[Asker]

Thanks man! That is what I am trying to do right now. No success with other girls, so far. This girl destroyed my confidence and at some point I was afraid of approaching women (afraid of getting rejected) but now things are getting better. Went on a couple of dates.

[Words_and_Wisdom]

Keep at it. :)

[BuchitaBuchys]

It is immature and a bit hypocritical don't you think? You say you're bothered that she wasn't direct with you, but you're not direct with her? Just say that you don't want to be her friend. Simple.

I don't think it's wrong of you though. I'd be bothered as well.

And I'm not sure why that rejection hurt you so much, she was merely trying to spare your feelings.

You should let her know that he has a girlfriend. Because if you really like her, wouldn't you want her to be happy? Even if it's not with you?

And it is naïve to wait for her. She probably won't come around and see you romantically ever. Don't get your hopes up

[Asker]

I did not tell her that in person but I guess she understood that I do not want to be her friend from my ignorance of her.
I am not 100% sure if the guy has a girlfriend. He said that he had one and he is going to meet with his gf's family in the summer and then ome back. He told to all guys in our group. If it is a lie, it is a good one. If it is not, then I feel bad for both ladies.
And no, I am not going to tell her about his girlfriend. It is none of my business. I want her to find out for herself or maybe there is no girlfriend after all, just a tale to through me off.

[BuchitaBuchys]

Ok. Just tell her you're not her friend and you're not interested in her shenanigans

[Asker]

I think she understood that I do not want to be her friend by my ignorance of her. I do not completely ignore her, just to the extent to show her that I do not want to do anything with her.

[BuchitaBuchys]

But then you're being just like her, yet demonizing her actions. I don't get it? Be the better man. You got all of us with our pitchforks ready to burn her at the stake, yet you can't be direct with her either?

[Asker]

Should I be direct with her though? I feel that in consequence the word would spread that I am some kind of mean person who takes rejection personally. I do not want it. I may talk to her if I feel like it.

[BuchitaBuchys]

I'd tell her straight up yes

[Asker]

Ok, I will try to do when I have the chance. Thanks for the advice.

[matheus_mb]

Yeah, it's childish. She gave you this excuse, she probably just wanted to gently reject you (like you said). Think that she could've led you on and she didn't, it could've been worse. She didn't want you romantically, but excuse or not, rejection would've happened the same way.

[Asker]

Thanks for your comment. Leading on could have been worse, that is true. A rejection would have happened either way but don't you think it is disrespectful to lie when doing so instead of telling the truth? After all you can reject someone gently with telling the truth

[matheus_mb]

It's not the best thing to do, but maybe she thought that the truth would hurt or that he would've been rude if he had rejected you in a different way.

[matheus_mb]

that she* would've been rude

[Asker]

You are right but I am still pissed that she lied to me and I can't get over it. I will try to be friendly with her but I do not think that will happen as I usually cut all ties after a girl rejected me. How would proceed in such a situation?

[matheus_mb]

I have been rejected already and I didn't cut ties. I would just continue the friendship normally, even knowing that she lied. My trust wouldn't be the same though, but she wouldn't need to know about it.

[Asker]

I am glad you were able to stay friends. I wouldn't be able to. Can't stand being on the sidelines while someone else is playing. Wrong or right, that is my position on it. Thanks for your comments.

[meatballs21]

This is standard practice - they are 'too busy' because they think that's a way of letting you down easy instead of outright rejecting you. It only lasts until they find a dude they like and then they will spend every waking moment with him.

You deserve more respect than that, and she doesn't deserve another moment of your time.

[Asker]

Thank you! That is how I approach this situation right now. I just hope I am approaching it the right way.

[Flash123]

Na, keep ignoring her. She's an asshole. A person that lies about little things is dangerous to trust with big things. and if she's dating a guy that has a girlfriend, then you know she's not trust worthy at all.

[Asker]

The thing is that she does not know that he has a girlfriend and I feel bad for her. At the same time I do not want to tell her the truth because I would look like an asshole.

[Flash123]

Na fuck that hoe. Lol. Na but seriously, she screwed you over so let her figure it out. And once she does maybe she'll come back to you cuz she'll realize that she fucked up.

[Asker]

I hope everything goes well with her and I do not expect her to come around in the future. Even if she does, I will reject her. As I said, I am not going to be anyone's back up boy. What would you do?

[Flash123]

Yeah, thats what we all say. "I hope everything goes well with her" You still like her. Because if you didn't you wouldn't care. If she came back to you you would reject her. But if she really wanted you, you'd give in. Its human nature. I would just leave her alone right now. and like i said if you truly over her than you just wouldn't care.

[Asker]

True. I am just trying to get over her right now. Let's see what happens in the future. Another noob question. DO you think she would be jealous if she saw me dating other girls?

[Flash123]

Probably not, but it really all depends on what kind of relationship that you had with her. But you shouldn't be thinking about that. If deep down, you want her coming back to you, then don't speak to her at all. Dont be mean or anything, just cut off contact and get over her.

[ADFSDF1996]

I don't think it's childish, you're just angry. I understand how you feel, I had a similar experience in Middle school.

[Asker]

I guess you are right. Just need to get through this. I don't know why I am so attached to this girl after she rejected me. Usually it is not the case.

[ADFSDF1996]

I'm sure you'll get through this. I already forgave the girl I mentioned.

[Raito]

You are not being immature. In fact, it seems that it is for the best that you two don't remain friends. The friendship seems too toxic and awkward now for it to get any good in the near future.

[Asker]

I think so too. I hope everything turns out well for both of us in the future.

[Raito]

You hope that you both have nice futures? Now that is a very mature thought :)

[SlightlyCrazy]

See I don't do bullshit mind games
I'm painfully straight forward
I would have on the spot asked why the lie
But that's just me and my weird dynamic

[Asker]

I thought about doing that but I think it would have shed a bad light on me.

[SlightlyCrazy]

Brother I don't give a shit what anyone thinks of me but the people I love
Those are few in number and Nealry non are related to me

[Bluemax]

"I actually hate her a little bit."

Why do you hate her a little bit?

[Asker]

Because she lied to my face about "I am too busy with school and I don't want a serious relationship" and then proceeded to date an older guy a couple weeks later. She also got food poisoning at a party a couple weeks after she rejected me. I helped her when she was throwing up and made sure she is alright when her friends did not move a finger. The girls barely said thank you and treated me badly after that.

[Bluemax]

Ah. This "too busy" reason she gave you was probably an attempt at letting you down gently. Given the good intentions, I don't think that's grounds for hatred.

"The girls barely said thank you and treated me badly after that."

Did you mean girls or *girl*?

[Asker]

I know that she wanted to let me down gently but it hurt so much more than a straight rejection. I try not to hate her but I can't. #Pride

*Girl

[Bluemax]

I think you might be misplacing your emotions. Hurt shouldn't result in hate.

I really can't understand why an attempt at gentle rejection is somehow more hurtful than being straight up.

[Asker]

I always prefer the harsh truth that hurts more in the short run than sweet lies that soften the impact in the short run but hurts so much more than the harsh truth in the long run.

[saud1998]

I think your doing the right thing. I hate when a girl lies go you. Just tell me the truth so I can get over it faster then think sum else when its sum else is going on. I wouldn't want to be someones backup. Thats rude.

[singlebee]

Mine on man... She sounds like a tool if she is dating a guy with a girlfriend...
You should at least tell her that maybe she didn't know

[singlebee]

*Move on

[Asker]

The thing is that I do not know whether that guy indeed has a girlfriend or not. We spoke a couple of times within a guy group and he mentioned that he has a girlfriend and that he is going to visit her during the summer when her family comes together. If it is a lie, then it is well constructed. It might be true. I am confused because if it were a lie, why would he tell to a lot of people at once? Besides, he is old enough for these games (or one would think)

[Pacificblue62]

Actually I'd feel kind of grateful she wasn't trying to hurt your feelings. That being said just tell her you dont want to stay in contact with her if she asks you again.

[Asker]

I thinks she realized that I don't want to stay in touch. The worst thing about this situation is that I still hope that she might come around the future. I try not to entertain that thought though. I hope I can find someone else in the mean time.

[Pacificblue62]

Yeah I've been down that road before. Its so hard to do if you have feelings for her but you have to kick those feelings somehow and do whatever you can to take your mind off here and invest them towards other people and better things. Easier said than done some times. But yeah break off contact completely maybe. The only other thing I would have suggested immediately after the rejection is to keep being friends with her and act as the whole thing never happened and somehow get rid of feelings you may have, not investing them towards her then maybe start dating some other people and then maybe having her turn around and be interested in you at a later point. But then you also have to assess if she is worth going through all of that trouble.

[Asker]

We tried staying friends after all of this happened but it became very hard for me to stay friends with her and I decided to break contact. I am trying to get over her but it is not working. I've gone out with some other girls in the meantime (much nicer girls in fact) but it still does not help. Right now I am just trying to work on myself. I set three goals. I already achieved one of them and I am working on the second one. If she comes around int he future, I will think hard before making a decision. My pride will probably make reject her. Has this happened to you?

[Pacificblue62]

Yes something very similar and I kept being attracted to this one chick and still tried to be friends and just a complete disaster. The friends thing is very hard to pull off if you have any lingering feelings at least from my experience. I kept trying to convince myself stay positive she'll maybe come around but that's decietful thinking. I just can't get myself involved in anything like that again. Too much pain involved for what a whole bunch of regret? If they reject me its like theyre a waste of time, move on, unless they are truly a great friend and you think you can still connect. For a while now I haven't been going after women and trying to focus on other areas of my life but being single in some ways is a blessing and in other ways it can feel like a real curse. Its just frustrating because I really would like to find the girl but that's way easier said than done. The best advice that I'm trying to give myself is just keep trying and trying and trying until it comes together.

[Titanic1912]

The guy has a girlfriend? He'll be sorry when she finds out he's cheating on her.

[Asker]

I mean I do not know if the guy indeed has a girlfriend or not. Whenever we talked among guys, he told me that he has a girlfriend and he is going to visit her family during the summer break and then come back to school. I have never seen his girlfriend. It might be that he "has" a girlfriend if you know what I mean. If he made up the story, then it is a damn good story. If it is true, I feel bad for his girlfriend and this girl. I clearly lost all respect for him.

[Titanic1912]

You shouldn't ignore the girl. That's not very polite. It's immature, rude, and very disrespectful. Especially if it's a member of the opposite sex of you. That's a huge turn off. Just talk with her and speak nicely to her. If she's inviting you to certain things, accept it. Don't hate because you've murdered her. Be friendly and in the friend zone with her. I know she shamelessly lied to you, but, maybe you need to change a few things about yourself. That's probably why she lied to you.

[Asker]

I am not completely ignoring her. I still greet her and do occasional small talk but never indulge myself into long convos, express interest or care about her. I also don't tag along when she invites me to do stuff. I do not want to be in the friendzone. I want to show her that she cannot just fix stuff my putting me on the shelf together with the other betas. I have pride dude. Call it childish but I have self respect. With that being said, I am not being rude to her or anything. Just giving enough signs that I do not want to be friends anymore.

[Marinepilot]

Fuck that bitch ! Pay her no attention as she isn't worth it.

[Asker]

I like how straightforward you are. I am trying to but I feel that is the wrong way to go about it. It may hurt my chances to get with her in the future (naive idea to entertain? )

[Anonymous]

No. She is not required to date you.
AND
She is not entitled to your attention or communication with you.

[Asker]

Yeah, my thoughts exactly.

[bcromartie]

It's immature to worry about immaturity. Ignore who you wish as you wish.

[kittykatbrat]

Not at all.
Its totally smart :)

[Asker]

I think so too. But by ignoring her I left our common group of friends and I feel like a lone wolf.

[kittykatbrat]

Lone wolfs are always the strongest people :)

[Asker]

I will agree with you on this one. Her rejection made me reevaluate my life. I already upgraded my car, lost 15 pounds (4% body fat) and gained some muscle. :) Going to adopt a kitten near the end of the year.

[kittykatbrat]

Awesome x 100000 :) xo

[singlebee]

@asker - go into the group but ignore her completely... That will pain her

[Asker]

@singlebee Everyone tells me to do that. I am going to do what once school starts again. In the meantime I am working on myself and hopefully finding another girl. I feel like a loser though because I recently have no luck with girls.

[Anonymous]

I mean you did what you felt was right. I guess..

[Asker]

That is how I feel but I still think I act immaturely. I just want to be known as a childish guy among girls.

[Opinion Owner]

It's not your business to tell her that he has a boyfriend. If you want no parts of her just mind your own buisness

[Asker]

I was not planning to tell her that he has a boyfriend. Their affair is their business. I have no stake in it. It just hurts seeing her being treated like that.

[Opinion Owner]

Stick to your guns then.
Or love her. I mean pride these days really messes things up!

[Pacificblue62]

you did miss a golden opportunity to tell her off harshly. That will make you get over her quick. Your softness for her is whats making her hard. I look back a few years ago and regret having that soft spot for a girl who didn't deserve that fondness because she was really an awful person on the inside and I shouldn't have been stupid enough to fall or have a weakness for such an awful person in the first place.

[Asker]

@Pacificblue62 This girl is actually awful on the inside too. Once she got food poisoning at a party a couple of weeks after she rejected me. I took care of her while she was throwing up and I made sure she got the necessary care the following day. Her friends could not care less when that was happening. The girls barely squeezed out a thank you the following day and treated me badly for some time after that.

[Opinion Owner]

Do you think this girl is nice at all? Why do you love this girl?

[Pacificblue62]

I'd run as fast as I could. I know sometimes us guys have a thing for these b****es because we find them a challenge. If you can still do it and don't have to face her again I say have some fun and send her a real nasty message that will make her blood boil and then block her on like social media phone etc lol. That's honestly a great way I think to get over her I think and burn all bridges and get her out of your life. It's like a must to get over these types. I've been in the same position these women are toxic and will keep using you and not appreciate you. And any time you see them in the future you'll keep wanting to be with them. And its key to kick that because it's likely not going anywhere good. Do whatever you can to find the sweet ones.

[Asker]

@Pacificblue62 I am going to face her for a while now so I do not want to be rude to her but at the same time I want to ignore her and let her understand whom she has lost.

[Opinion Owner]

Asker. But what if she runs to you and says she's made a mistake?

[Asker]

I love this girl because is smart and very beautiful. She has a very outgoing personality. Almost every guy asked her out in our group. Her ego got so boosted. She naturally chose the eldest and the most intelligent guy in the group.
I think she is nice or at least was nice until she did some things that really hurt me. After that I started to doubt her.

[Opinion Owner]

People do dumb things sometimes.. but I think she really liked you

[Asker]

I wish but I do not think so. She might miss because I gave her genuine attention and was there for her when she was going through hard times. Even now, I hear from her friends that she is asking about me and that she misses me to some degree. She misses my attention though and not me as a person though. I try not to be naive and wait for her but if it is meant to be, it will happen. Doubt that it will though.

[Opinion Owner]

Damn, where are the men like you?

[Asker]

We are everywhere, we are just not noticed enough. People call us "nice guys" and as you may know, nice guys finish last. People tell me I am too nice and old school when it comes to girls. I ma always trying to be a gentleman to ladies but it appears that a bad boy image gets the upper hand. Maybe one day someone will see value in me and then I will forget about this nightmare. Overall I consider this a lesson and it became a stepping stone for improvement.

[Opinion Owner]

Wow. I applaud you. But I'm a bit envious too lol :/

[Pacificblue62]

Asker. You sound exactly like me or who I used to be. I've been battling with should I stay that way or change a bit. I've had to change a bit in the last few years right now I dont know how much of a nice guy I am. Used to try and be polite to everyone but yeah it goes unnoticed and underappreciated. there's only so long you can be that polite for before you realize it can be a cruel world out there and sometimes you have to look out for your own needs and be catering to everyone else. I really hope you get the girl. Unfortunately she just sounds like bad news. My best advice is if you want to pursue this particular girl dont always be extremely polite, caring, readily available friendly to her or shell most likely view you as only a friend. Hang out with her, jokingly tease/ insult her, talk about other areas of your life in an interesting manner etc. make it seems like somehow she isn't priority number one in your life. You can't give off a desperate needy vibe to these types of chicks.

[Pacificblue62]

* not saying you are. But theyll sometimes interpret it that way if you're kind to them or always talking to them and they dont seem to enjoy you talking to them. Its a harsh realitly.

[Asker]

@Pacificblue62 that is one solid advice! That is exactly what I have been doing. I came across as very needy and insecure. I am going to change that. Going to become a little bit more selfish (not too much though) and see what happens. Any advice on how to do that?

[Asker]

If she runs back to me and says that she made a mistake? I never thought about it because most of the time it does not happen. If it has ever happened, I want to hear that story. But if she does, I would think carefully about engaging into anything with her. She would need to put significant effort into proving that her actions are genuine. As I mentioned before, I do not want to be anyone's back up. Am I taking this the wrong way?

[Pacificblue62]

In regards to being a bit more selfish. Talk about your self a little bit more and your needs and sound confident. And then obviously focus on her needs less. Dont seem as interested in her but still try and be friendly.

[Pacificblue62]

And to your second reply you're thinking exactly how I think. Thats the correct approach.

[Anonymous]

Nope and u shouldn't be secondary

[Anonymous]

No its not. I would do the same