He says he wants me all for himself. Creepy or cute?

[Anonymous]

This guy I'm seeing says that he wants me all for himself. At first I thought it was kind of cute and charming but then he said he doesn't want his friends to meet me because he wouldn't want them to fall for me.
At that point I started to think that he's being kind of weird. How do you guys feel about it: creepy/weird or cute?

[MimiK98]

It is cute. He sounds possessive and jealous. He knows his friends will fall for u and he wants less competition. It is not creepy but natural for a man to want a woman he has feelings for to himself.

[werset123456]

It's cute, but selfish at the same time. he should let his friends meet you.

my ex boyfriend was kinda the same way. he didn't want his friends to meet me even though they wanted to meet me.

[dragonfly6516]

Sounds like either a potential controlling abuser, or a potential player/cheater who doesn't want you finding out about his double life.

[ak666]

I want to introduce one third option: he doesn't want to shit where he eats. He might not be a player but used to awkward rifts forming with exes when they end up befriending his friends. In that case it might be more commitment phobia instead of a player hiding his double life (though he could also be a player -- depends on dynamics).

[dragonfly6516]

@ak666 a guy with "commitment issues" has cheated on me before. No, it wasn't a line, he really was terrified of commitment after he was burned by several cheating women. This left him believing that they would all cheat, so he should do it first and not get surprised this time.

[ak666]

Sorry to hear that, but it's a single anecdote. Guys are going to be all over the map here when it comes to how they behave when they have a fear of commitment. I'd agree it's generally a red flag when a guy doesn't want to introduce his girl to his friends or family, especially when he expresses it in a way such that he never wants to do it (I'd generally think no good will come out of a response that suggests he "never" wants to do this). Just wanted to point out this third option.

[Asker]

@ak666 You got me thinking. How about this: I'm of a different ethnicity than he is. All his friends are dating/ married within the same ethnic group. Could this be the reason he doesn't want me to meet them?

[ak666]

Oh, that's a much more complex dynamic than usual. It might be one of the cases where his hidden rationale for it might be a bit more noble, like he's afraid that you'll be made to feel very unwelcome -- especially if those peers are prone to judge you two harshly and want him dating more within his ethnic group. That's a very complex dynamic but it might be one of the better possibilities.

[dragonfly6516]

Are you this first of your ethnicity he has dated?

[Asker]

Yes, I am. Him and his friends have always dated within their group.

[Asker]

@ak666 I think you are right. Maybe he thinks his friends aren't ready for this? But then again, they're all educated, have gone to an excellent college so I wonder how much of it is his perception and much is the reality?

[ak666]

Probably best to ask him about it but watch out for other signs mentioned here.

[Anonymous]

A bit creepy/possessive.
Tell him that you think that's very immature/insecure if him

[AynonOMouse]

Maybe he has friends that are "players" and he doesn't want them trying to hit on you because then he will have to end the friendship.

[Telekinetic-Potato]

Sounds like he's ashamed because his friends would be expecting a hotter girl or he is ashamed because his friends are stupid.

[Malcom_Reynolds]

I've heard a lot of girls say that exact phrase about their boyfriends without any real questioning of it so I find it interesting that when a guy says it, it's now creepy.

[Anonymous]

a bit too much. potentially creepy and over jealous/obsessed

[Wazowski]

Tooooo selfish.

[Asker]

It's interesting that you said selfish because he said the same thing about himself

[dragonfly6516]

Men are usually blunt. Most of the time they either boldfaced lie, or they tell the whole truth. So this may have been a red flag.