Is anyone else an involuntary introvert?

[Anonymous]

As we all know, there are people who CHOOSE to not be outgoing, and shy.

However, there are people like me too, who TRY to be an extrovert, and outgoing, but simply can't. There have been countless times I try to hang out with people, talk to them, and people still blow me off. I've joined clubs, sports, and even attended college-Still no luck. I use the internet to meet people, and still no luck.

It's not my fault either. I'm oppressed. People are just cruel. I don't believe we decide our own fate; I believe in destiny. I was destined to be a loner. I was destined to be single for life. I was destined to be ostracized from society.

Is anyone else suffering the same fate as me?

[Levin]

I can relate to what you're saying, however, we have to find a way to take responsibility for our lives. Theoretically, despite our predilections, social interactions should not be *that* taxing, provided we're comfortable with ourselves.

It sounds like you're insecure with your life, your outlook, who you are, what have you. And until you address that, these issues will keep coming back? Maybe you're trying to pander to other people too much, and you're not comfortable being yourself? Maybe you close up around others due to insecurity? All worth investigating. There's no issue with having a distaste for people at times, being sarcastic, what have you, provided that you own it, and don't be passive aggressive.

Personally, I find it helpful to endeavour to be pleased with myself and the effort that I put in with regard to my job, career, exercise regime, personal/intellectual development, etc. If that stuff is fulfilled, one tends to be happier around people. If one just allows oneself to stagnate, fester and become effete when we're with ourselves, as many people do with the advent of computers and sitting down all day, being stuck in our heads, then it makes interacting with the 'real world' and projecting ourselves next to impossible. Successful people simply try. That's all they do. And yes, I share your sentiment, fuck society. But still, as I say, responsibility! Be happy for one's own sake. Not for others!

[Levin]

Following on from my last paragraph, if one allows oneself to become weak and passive, then invariably, one becomes reliant on others to fill in the gaps for our deficiencies.

Not saying this stuff is easy. But it's something to work towards.

[JuicyBrain]

That's not what being an introvert means. You can't chose to be an introvert. You just are. In your case, you are being a social pariah. Have you been able to find what it is that you do that people don't like?

[Asker]

But some people CHOOSE to be social pariah. I'm not.

I'm not doing anything wrong, I'm unfortunately oppressed by society.

[JuicyBrain]

You can't choose to be a social pariah either. You can choose to be a loner but only other people can make you a pariah.

I don't think you are being oppressed. You just don't know how to sell yourself so people aren't interested. Best way to learn is to be with people. Yeah, it sucks.

[Shorty1991]

Well I just turned 25 this year, I've never been in a relationship. Been on a few one off dates, but none of those guys were suitable for me. I'm a bit of both. I'm introvert around people who I don't know or people who I don't trust. But I come out of my shell around those who I'm comfortable around. I don't sleep around. I seem to have a knack for attracting guys who are already paired off. Never stops them from flirting and leading people on. I also attract guys who seem to be incapable of any conversation at all. As someone who used to be shy around crushes I can relate to them. But like most other people I learned this hard way figured it all out for myself and worked in improving my confidence. So I refuse to take shy guys by the hand. If they can't learn to at least try and break the ice with people of their interest. Choices, chances, changes. You must make a choice to take a chance or your life will never change. If you can't act on your own crushes. Then I guess you might have to compromise with who you do attract, because they might not fit into your preference. A guy who had a crush in me three years ago couldn't act on it then when it mattered. Whenever he see's me now, he still stares at me and tries to get close to me. He had ample opportunities for the duration of two years just to talk to me and never did. He has no chance now.

[Asker]

From what I've read, it seems like you are an introvert, SOMEWHAT, by choice.

[Shorty1991]

If I was an Introvert from choice I would be shy, which im not. I would be reserved all the time and I wouldn't be able to initiate conversations with random people. I just have trust issues that's all. So I choose acquaintances and friends very carefully now.

[Goodgirl78]

I suffer from the same thing. I'm a huge introvert and I try to be extrovert for my job because I'm around people all the time and I don't want to feel like I'm closed off and boring so I try to blend in with other people but it's hard because I don't know how to adapt to being around other people. I'm so used to being in my own thoughts in my own mind that it's hard for me to let other people in and accept other people's BS, when I would rather just not deal with it at all and just walk away.

[Asker]

And do people seem to blow you off when you try?

[JuicyBrain]

You can't become an extrovert just like you can't change the color of your eyes. It's just who you are. Why force it. there are introverts and then there are extroverts. You don't NEED to be an extrovert. You CAN develop social skills, but you won't change that you are an introvert. The key is simply to socialize in small doses and take some time to be alone.
Speaking from a man who is an introvert himself but has developed skills and works in the public.

[bente2]

Yeah, only in a different way. I'm very opinionated and will drop people I see as hazardous for my well being immediately. Therefore people tend to not like me, either because I dropped them or they're friends with the people I've dropped. And then you're no longer invited to parties, don't know how to get into clubs because you're not friends with older people anymore and ruin crushes that could've been an amazing relationship.

[Anonymous]

They say we get what we expect from life.

I don't know if that's true. But you should check out videos, self help etc... on communication.

If people don't respond to you, there's a communication problem.
It could come from anywhere.
Ranaging from what you talk about, to how you express it, to what you feel when you speak etc...

Educate yourself on communication as much as you can. And try to see where the problem is, then try to fix it. Don't hesitate to ask for help and reach out either, like you did here.

[Anonymous]

I suppose I'm the opposite of you. I have never had any issues being social, spending time with others or making a good impression. Invited to every birthday party as a kid and, well, (almost) every party nowadays.

That said I loathe spending too much time with people. It is like a sickness sets in and I just desperately need to get away. I consider extended social interactions a burden the equivalent of mental labor. I can do it because I can be a professional. My own social needs are however filled with 30minutes or so a week.

[JensonStatement]

Yes, i'm a bit of both. Sometimes i don't care about anybody and sometimes i want to/try to be social with people of my age but i also got blown off. I i try to hang with them they act like i'm not their but when i want them to leave me alone they come after me. But the last lines like: " I'm oppressed. People are just cruel. I don't believe we decide our own fate; I believe in destiny. I was destined to be a loner. I was destined to be single for life. I was destined to be ostracized from society." These are not mine words and i will not speak them out. Just don't give a fuck anymore. Then they will chase you but just don't give a fuck anymore.

[Anonymous]

I'm very introverted, don't worry about shit like that to much. Now that American media had taken over, people think that if they don't talk loud, have heaps of Friends, and don't make an entire room engaged when they talk, they are less important or strange then someone that is. Look many introverted people have this problem, and you can still have a loving relationship, close friends, and have a good life. Sometimes small talk is just stupid anyway, it's overrated as fuck. society is changing man, and in my opinion some ways good, and some fucked up, Last thing i can say is be you.

[rjroy3]

" There have been countless times I try to hang out with people, talk to them, and people still blow me off."

I know some people are more introverted naturally, but from the sounds of it that might not be you and you're just stuck in self-loathing. Introverts like being more loner. The fact you have the want to branch out tells me we're just self conscious and just getting in your own way.

[charlie_boy]

I used to be a true introvert due to past experiences. However it's as I got older and had new experiences, that I'm beginning to enjoy the company of others more, yet I can still comfortably be alone and independent. I know people can change, just as I know I have over the years.

In terms of relationships, I still struggle but I look back to how I was in the past where my first date lasted 15 minutes before she bailed out on me. I've moved on a lot since then, met some other nicer girls, but I remain single in the knowledge of holding out for the partner I know will be right for me.

[fantasticbaby]

I think it is really all about a matter of perspective. Personally for me I used to be rather quiet due to the constant feeling that I am getting judged but I started taking things step by step! One thing that really helped me was to always find people in the group who are the "loners" (aka people who are also feeling left out, the fringes from the social circle) and talk to them, about anything really. Talk about your friends, your favourite sports, maybe something in common. These are the friends who will be grateful for u for getting them out of the awkwardness and from there you can slowly build your confidence to talk to more people at a time. Also, don't treat socializing so seriously, just talk a lot of cock and have as much fun as possible. All the best (:

[TheInvisibleMan]

Partially. I have friends, I am accepted in that sense but I never had as much as a kiss in my life, and as you said, no matter what I tried no girl ever wanted to be with me. So in that aspect, yes. And its hard for me to accept the fact I will never know what a kiss feels like

[Anonymous]

I haven't had friends in years Girls won't even give me a second look No matter how many times I try to make the first move. The only contact I get with other people is when I go to the store and talk to the cashier or someone that works on the deli. I often wonder if I will ever be able to accept I will probably be alone for the rest of my life.

[fueledbythc]

I'm the exact opposite. I'm also introverted but I don't hide it. It happens that people are drawn to it and I get people talking to me anyways. I think it's because people know you're not being genuine.

[Asker]

I am genuine. I'm not an introvert by choice.

[fsu19]

If I were to ask a question, it'd be this word for word. Sounds exactly like me.

[Asker]

I'm so glad someone else can relate to me.

[bcromartie]

This is the stupidest use of the word "involuntary" I have ever fucking...

[Asker]

It's the proper use actually.

[bcromartie]

. sigh.

[SuicidalTeen]

I am, although I try as hard as possible to stop at it, but I just end up being creepy

[Anonymous]

Ya but unfortunately being shy and introverted are 2 different things

[Words_and_Wisdom]

For the most part yeah.

[sweetshyguy]

I'm an involuntary sissy

[Blueeyes2016]

Welcome to my world

[Asker]

I'm so glad someone else can relate to me.

[ASEXY]

Nope, not me.