Who is responsible for initiating contact after rejection (between close friends)? The rejected or the rejector?

[Lizzie1234]

Asked my close guy friend out and after being nicely rejected, we went 3 weeks of no contact. I've usually initiated contact in the past between us, he's not great at making plans. Then I initiated after that 3 weeks, he messaged me once later and I've sent him some funny links like we used to do. He said he can't wait to see me when I get back from traveling and I'm back now.

Now I don't actually know who should ask who to catch up? I haven't seen him in 3 months since the incident (I was also traveling overseas) ... I'm back in town and know that we need to see each other at some point. We've been friends for 9 years and my family keeps bringing up when I'm gonna see him so it's awkward for me. But I don't always want to be the one initiating things... but then I think he might not do it at all to not give me the wrong idea...

help?

[Shangri-La]

It shows your strength of character to be able to initiate contact and reach out to him after being rejected. Rejection hurts, and it's not easy to continue to speak to someone after they've rejected you. It shows you value his friendship more than your " pride". You seem such a nice person.

Considering you stated.. " He said he can't wait to see me when I get back from traveling and I'm back now. " ... you're back, so I would initiate contact if I was in this situation.

He showed eagerness by letting you know he wants you to contact him when you get back. So you should show willingness by contacting him now you are back

I sincerely hope the friendship continues considering you've been friends for 9 years. It's rare friendships last that long 💖

[Blueeyes2016]

Been there

[Lizzie1234]

Thank you, your comment is really nice. Especially because I feel guilty sometimes for making this a thing in our friendship. I reached out to him and he said he'd let me know if he's free to meet later in the week (so basically the day of when I suggested to hang out which, as he always does, shows zero respect for my time). He always gives me like 20 minutes notice when he's free to hang out and I'm worried that I'm just never going to see him now that I'm not willing to drop everything or keep my day free for him like I usually do. I guess that's not a friendship worth keeping anyway. I just thought he'd put in a bit more effort considering the precarious situation we have right now... but I guess he's not eager to make tending to our friendship a priority right now :(

[nala_rawr]

whichever one wants to be the stronger person. there is not rule... just whoever wants to take the first step...

[Lizzie1234]

I was the one who broke the silence after it happened and I just contacted him then... it kinda sucks. He calls me a lifelong close friend but I think part of the reason I wanted something more, strangely, is that I've never been satisfied as his friend because I put in more effort and care. So I look for something more to make me feel valued :(

[genericname85]

he knows it´s hurtful to be friends with someone you have a crush on. he wants to spare you the pain.

[Lizzie1234]

We're kind of lifelong friends though. Even in his rejection message, he said I'm someone he's going to stay in touch with for his entire life and that if he was busy with studies and not as available, it would not be related to this but just because he was busy. But now he's not busy and still hasn't contacted me much... maybe he was lying or maybe our friendship relied on my extra effort for so long and now that I'm not going to put in unequal effort, it will crumble.

[genericname85]

yeah something similar happened to me.
i was the one who had the crush... and in hindsight, i wish she would have ignore me starting the day i confessed xD

[Dim_121]

Just message him a nice hello. If he responds then he does. If not then that is up to him.

[Anonymous]

The rejector needs to be the one making contact first.

[MrCasanova]

You need to reverse the rejection, back on the rejector, get something that they want to be accepted in, have them ask you and turn them down.

[lordsaleemxxx]

the friendship is most likely ruined.. uve crossed a line most never come back from.. its easier to just say fuck it and move forward..

[Vostock]

When I get rejected, I never talk to the person again.

[Lizzie1234]

I wish it was that easy. Almost a decade of friendship makes that impossible unfortunately... would definitely be less painful for me!

[BeautifulPromisesx]

The rejector cuz you're the meanie

[Anonymous]

He should. He rejected you

[bruce3]

thre is no rule for thst

[Adigelunar]

rejector

[MissSakura]

both sides