I love my girlfriend so much, but we have different values?

[Anonymous]

we are so deeply in love with each other, but out values and societies are very different which is causing a lot of uncertainties about the future of our relationship. what should we do?

[shadowlegend]

If you love each truly you will both compromise to prioritize the relationship, not make excuses about different societies or whathaveyou. If your values are fundamentally different and you are both set on them, them it will only keep creating problems which is a valid reason to end a relationship.

[super147]

I love this answer

[shadowlegend]

@super147 I'm not a fan of excuses. If people want a relationship to last it has to be prioritized above other things and the choice to proactively nurture the relationship and compromise needs to be made ao both can be fulfilled in the relationship. So many people find excuses these days and tell themselves "if it was meant to be it would be easy" or "it's not our fault the relationship didn't work it's society making things hard for us". If people want quality and consistency they need to work hard at it.

[super147]

I completely agree with you :)

[Asker]

thank you so much for your opinion and help, I really appreciate it. but we just ended it 😢

[shadowlegend]

If it was based on different fundamental values, then it was ultimately the right choice.

[Asker]

it is based on really fundamental differences, but she is a great woman. I love her so much, and she loves me a lot too. it just hurts too much

[shadowlegend]

In time though, if you have fundamental differences you would have argued more and more and come to resent each other. And how can you make big decisions if you don't have those values in common. It's better to end amicably and with your respect for each other still in tact.

[Asker]

do you think it's possible to turn our relationship to friends afterwards? and how? I really don't wanna lose her out of my life

[shadowlegend]

You shouldn't. It is not healthy or fair for ex lovers to force a friendship out of comfort or fear to move on. You will not move on if that person remains in your life and you will only cause yourselves more suffering because you know the relationship isn't meant to be but your feelings won't be resolved. Let it go, allow yourself to mourn the ending of it, but don't stay friends with an ex love. You can't ask a new love to accept that, it's cruel and disrespectful. You chose to end your relations with that person, so end them for good.

[Asker]

you sound really knowledgeable, may I ask how you know so much and can give such great advice?

[shadowlegend]

Life experience, coupled with an old soul, if you'd believe that. I'm very spiritual and very observant, and consistently exercise my emotional intelligence. I'm glad my opinion is helpful to you, it's not to everyone and so I offer what I can, learning myself from others too.

[Asker]

I do believe that. do you think then I would ever be able to forget her? and for how long will this pain go on?

[shadowlegend]

there's no need to try to forget people, our experiences with those people form who we are, and we learn from them, but that time with her is now seems is supposed to be in the past. You should let yourself experience the emotions to the loss, just try not to let it debilitate you. Then in time we look back and reflect on all experiences, but it's how we think of that person that should change. Ideally you don't want to be thinking of her as your love and whom you want a life with if you're going on to date other people, so allow yourself time and distance to get to that point.

[lovydoey]

Break up if the difference is too much, but maybe stay as friends

[enis_Penvy]

Work them out if your love is that deep. If your differences are stronger than your love then move on from each other now

[SinghSong]

How different? Need more context- which respective values and societies are we talking about here?

[Asker]

Conservative Christian from the middle east and japanese

[ThePetSquirrel]

Don't bicker or disregard the issue. Discuss it and find a way to compromise.

[BoySittingOnTheMoon]

Discuss with your girlfriend?