Girls, I love my girlfriend, but are our differences too much?

[Famicomman]

I moved in with my girlfriend October of 2021 and everything was fantastic. In the last few months though she has become hyper critical of me. She hates that I don't like to cook, I would rather go out for lunch with co workers then pack a lunch, and I forget minor things like leaving a plate or utensil in the sink after rinsing rather than putting into dishwasher. She blew up on me over these little things about 6 weeks ago, and then gave me a chore list. The weekend before last I was doing my weekend work and I forgot one thing and she waited until Monday night at 1:30 AM when I was going to bed for work in the morning to take out her pent up, Jagermesiter induced anger on me. Oh, I forgot to mention she drinks 2-3 .750mL bottle of Jager a week while smoking. I don't drink or smoke. After this I've begun to question things and even notice things I previously wrote off. She hates my hobbies. Anything I want to do, no matter how important to me, she won't participate in it if it doesn't interest her hugely. We do things with her friends, but never my friends. I feel like aside from our love of animals we don't have anything in common. She acted like she had interest in my hobbies for a long time, but it went away. We spend most of our times in separate rooms doing separate things. I'm thinking of moving out because I kind of feel like I no longer have a partner and a friend, and more of a roommate that I get to sleep with, and sex isn't even very important to me.

[quaranta]

Your differences are too much depending on what importance you give to compatibility. There are couples, especially in old generations, that even if they lost any passion and have absolutely nothing in common including values and hate each other's tastes and interests, stay together anyway under the common vision of continuing the "traditional family" thing. So there isn't an universal rule, but it looks like you, personally, value compatibility enough to be pissed off by this situation, and that's valid.

By what you say, I think you moved in too fast with her, given you value compatibility a lot. But anyway, as long as you're not married&kids, or didn't buy the house together, living together shouldn't refrain you from ending the relationship because at the current state it's not a proof of commitment, more like the framework where you're rotting the relationship in.

Have this reality check about the love between you two: you say you love her, but actually you don't love the way she is and the way she treats you. Are you just "used" to her? Care for her because of one entire year together anyway kinda forces you to care to some extent? What do you "love", of her, if anything, at the moment? And what about her, does she "love" you? What does she love of you, now? What do you love doing together? Mutual care is probably not enough...

Is it recoverable? Probably yes, if she cooperates. When you talk about this with her you have to make sure about her intentions and her understanding of your discomfort and ultimatum you'd eventually give. Given people don't change their nature in a couple of years, she will have to put active effort in behaving differently with you, and in sorting out problems she is cumulating with you. Start by putting on words how her behaviours make you feel, not how wrong she is, this is a step later she will eventually carry.
People are not that crazy to go randomly mad here and there, it happens because they aren't communicating with honesty and especially trust, so that might be a first step. And you should change this fast because the more you delay, the more things will cumulate and cause other problems by themselves.

You should take in account, always, that when you start a relationship, the partner will always "adapt" to you to a larger extent and will put problems aside, doing some compromises. This isn't the real person you're going to date, you see the limits of the real person when you see what they actually like/think without your input and when you observe them arguing with friends, how they treat their family, how they solve conflicts, how they behave with friends. All situations where they aren't requested to be the best version of themselves and you can see more of the real person... But this suggestion is for the future anyway.

[quaranta]

(Also, likewise, what I said about working on herself is valid for you too, because for sure she has also her own version of this story).

[Changiis07]

Sounds like she is more of a roommate yes. The fact that she drinks and smokes and you don't. I mean you have to look at it from different views, is that someone you would want your kids to be. Would you want your kids to see their mom smoking/drinking. The fact that you guys do separate things is also an issue. Because you want to date your best friend. You also don't have things in common besides your love for animals. Sounds like you guys are better off being friends

[darline19]

this is why old saying, don't live together under the same roof before marriage.

[Missgingles]

Leave her now! She is treating you like a child. Either stay and show who the man is or break up