He wants to take baby steps after 6 months?

[Radiantroberta]

I've been dating this guy for 6 months. We've been through so much together, such as, a death of his brother and my cousin, an abortion, etc. These things made us so strong but one night he went out drinking and said "I don't see a future with you", "I don't wanna be tied down" and "I wanna be alone" so obviously we broke up. However I still had so many of my things at his place, so I had to pick them up.. Once I arrived at his place he's crying saying how he didn't mean any of those things, and how the past few days have been so shitty for him and he realized how much he needs me.. But he still wanted to be alone. Which really confuses me. So the next day I stayed at his place because of the hope of getting back together.. And we spent the following 3 days together.. It felt normal. Then (here comes a more confusing part) he says he wants to take "baby steps".. Meaning we start dating all over again but from the beginning.. So no kissing, no saying "I love you", and no staying at each others house. He says he doesn't want to be in a relationship, but he wants to try with me... I tried to ask him what this all means because it's extremely confusing for me, but he's also confused and doesn't have good communication skills. I'm just hoping someone could give me an unbiased opinion or advice or anything to help me understand what the hell is going on inside his head... Please?

[DiamondRuby]

He could be depressed as the guys are saying. People do weird and destructive things when they're depressed. That's still no excuse to play woth your feelings, or disregard them, which is at least what he's doing. I'm sorry to say this, but he could have also met someone else or not want to be tied down to just you. He could have commitment issues. Men aren't as open with emotions as women are, I get that, but it sounds to me like you've already been in vulnerable positions. The less he communicates, the more I'm inclined to believe he's hiding something.

[Radiantroberta]

There's no someone else, but he has voiced that he has committed issues.. That's why he said he wanted to do baby steps but he really wants to be with me.. So any advice on what I should do? Right now my mindset is like: I don't wanna regret anything because I've known the guy for 6 years.. I know what he's been through (it's the second brother he's lost) so I'm being very understand about what he needs right now since he's confused.. So that's why I wanna give my all, because who knows what will happen.. But what would you do? I need different opinions

[DiamondRuby]

You're being very understanding, and if he gets through this and you're still together, he better consider himself the luckiest man alive. I maybe get backing off physically, but no I love you's? To me that says that everything you guys had before wasn't real. But if you have history you want to fight for, then by all means, but know your limits. 5 years down the road, you don't want to still be walking in place. I'm a pretty blunt person, so I'd sit him down and put all my thoughts out there, say I'm trying, but what he's doing is hard on me, if he could try to explain so I understand, etc. That gives him an open door to share his feelings if he wants to but is scared. It sounds like you might want to consider couples therapy, or for him, individual therapy. The wait to start could be a while though. And above all, watch yourself. If he starts bringing you down and showing no remorse or trying to fix it, it won't get bettter. Which will be heartbreaking to take,

[DiamondRuby]

But you will need a flexible timeline and limits.

[DiamondRuby]

Thanks for MHO :) hope it works out

[Kayla12345]

I really feel you need to have your gaurd up just for your own sake darling. I think if someone likes you whether it is 4/5/6 months you would know by that time to make it official. For a guy to say 'baby steps' I think he is uncertain or confused. If I like someone and they make me happy I will easily commit I think most people would. I have to admit something the only reason I have ever said 'baby steps' is because I was uncertain on my feelings and felt I needed time which means I was confused. Please keep your gaurd up girl.

[reptocarl]

Fuck his head wtf is going on in yours? He says he's confused and wants to be alone and you stay with him? Wtf is wrong with you? Your response should be "well when you're no longer confused and want me as a girlfriend let me know IF I'm still single" and get on with your life. He's not ever going to want you the way you want him to. Stop being pathetic.

[Suitablecypress]

Sounds like a lot has happened to you both. He may just be depressed. When people are depressed they mite says things they don't mean and hurt people they love. The same with drinking.

[Radiantroberta]

What would you do in my situation?

[Suitablecypress]

How's he doing today

[Radiantroberta]

He hasn't been going to work lately.. He said he's scared to see me because whenever he sees me his feelings for me comes back.. I tried asking him "you don't want them to come back" but he didn't say anything.. I don't know what's going on. Sometimes I wish I had no feelings for him and simply cut him off because he's messing with my heart. But I love him so much, it's hard.

[Suitablecypress]

Well that tells me he still love you. Did you guys have a fight? If you did how long a ago? I had a similar thing happened to me a long time ago. I think I have a solution. Does he lived next to you? Try this see him as much as you can. Do you know what I mean?

[LastNightmare]

my dear friend, I root want you to check his heart and soul and mind as he seems to be under some kind of pressure and heavy tension from another source.

[yotes-of-472]

All of that would be very painful and I don't think I could overcome a woman doing that to me.

[Radiantroberta]

But I could overcome him doing that to me.. What does that make me? I feel like I'm doing my best for the relationship, I don't wanna regret anything, I wanna give it my full..
Am I wrong to think that?

[yotes-of-472]

No. I gave my take on it. Do as you feel need to.