Can serial cheaters still love their partners?

[Danielle93]

Luckily I've never been cheated on but this makes me wonder. If someone cheats on their partner (whether in a relationship or marriage) with 2 or more people can they still love their partner in their own way? Even if it's a distorted manner.

I've know two married men who have cheated multiple times but claimed to still love their wives and were devastated when the wife found out and nearly file for divorce.
My female best friend cheated on a previous boyfriend with 3 guys and according to her there was nothing wrong in the relationship. Like the men, she also couldn't explain why she cheated and claimed to still love her boyfriend and that it was just sex with the other guys.

Yes, they can

No, they can't

[Anonymous]

For a long time, I thought that if you truly loved your partner and are a strong person, then you will not cheat. I've been cheated on and it was devastating. In my case, my ex really didn't love me and made it clear to me when I found out he cheated.

Though I had a series of long talks with an older guy friend of mine who regularly cheated on his girlfriend for like 5 months straight. The perspective I achieved is from a guy's POV:

My friend really loved his girlfriend. They lived together, both went to school full time, and she worked part time while he worked in the medical field (so never part time lol). Their lives were so interwoven, it was crazy. They were both on student government with me. My friend wanted to marry her. However, he started cheating on her for 5 months until one day when she decided to go through his phone. They broke up, and he banged the other girl a few more times and then cut off communication.

According to my friend, he was madly in love his girlfriend but needed some more physical needs met. He was a wreck when she kicked him out and he couched surfed for a couple months until school ended. This was a yeah ago, and he's still not over her. He goes to see her once in awhile (a 2.5 hour drive from where my friend and I currently go to school, they have sex, and then she tells him what a piece of shit he is and doesn't deserve to be loved.

Honestly, I don't condone cheating, but I never really liked her anyways. She was always either telling me how pretty I am or telling me I'm immature.

Long story short, my friend loves her, but he cheated because he claimed he was needing more physically. The weird thing is, he described the girl he cheated on his girlfriend with as, "ugly, dumb, and mean. but willing to bang."

[Razzle-Bedazzle]

Yes, I believe some people who are in love are still capable of cheating. If you assume they wouldn't or couldn't , then you'd have to also assume those who aren't in love will cheat. Which is totally unfounded. I'd never cheat regardlesss if I was in love or not

People cheat because they lack willpower. They have no self- control over their desires and emotions. So when they are faced with a weak moment.. they'll cheat. They may love their SO and be full of remorse after the fact, and vow to never cheat again, but if they are ever in a vulnerable position again.. opportunity will control their loyalty. They are weak people , and once a person cheats that will always be their potential

[jemjem2017]

its 50-50 some dump them right away some they give them a chance to change, but sometimes cheating is a choice, you choose to cheat with the person you love. and your female best friend is right she can't explain why? when you bit that sinful apple, its like a weed or a drug inside your body. no matter what you do or you promise to change, for awhile yes but you will still do it because of that sinful apple

[jestingdemon]

I think it's few and far between but my best friend is a married woman who has children I know she loves them a lot but she cheats on a regular basis almost anytime she's vulnerable or insecure. However in her case she became damaged due to some really bad events that happened to her much earlier on.

[Superlolp]

yes, but it will probably hurt the relationship. if the partner is understanding, however unlikely that is, it could work out, though.

[caligirl03]

Love is selfless, and cheating is one of the most selfish acts a person can engage in, placing the two concepts at direct odds with one another. Unless of course the partner is aware of the situation and ok with it; however, that's an entirely different scenario...

[MargaritaPeach]

Some people choose not to practice self-control. It's a matter of choice. They don't exercise self-discipline, and let their desires and/or emotions rule their lives and dictate their actions. But I don't know that this means they can't love. They clearly just have a distorted view of what true love is. Maybe they are just selfish?

[BrittBratt2416]

No, thats contradicting to me. If you claim to love someone then you don't go and betray that person by cheating on them. You can't have your cat and eat it to.. you either love that person or you don't.. actions speak louder than words. And those two men obviously don't love their wives as much they think or say other wise they wouldn't be cheating.

[sailorjupiter]

my boyfriend had a cheater ex girlfriend before this, she was married to other man while he's away at work, but she was still date him when he's come back from his work, until her husband confronted him about his wife. it was a bad experience for him, they broke up and the girl is still cheating her husband with other men. so yeah, a cheater can always being a cheater, even in a marriage.

[samhradh_leannan]

The ability to feel love isn't the same as the ability to be faithful. For a healthy and happy relationship, you need both. But they can exist separately.

That doesn't necessarily mean that your female friend loves her partners, but it's possible that she does.

[BeautifulPromisesx]

Hell no.. If you are willing to hurt the person you "love" just for a moment of pleasure and break their trust not to mention break their heart, then you are definitely NOT in love.

[Luci92]

Yes, they can.
Generally it means they're either
a) not getting enough attention/whatever out of their relationship
or b) are just a cheating piece of shit asshole

[lostgirl_searching]

My dad friend was crazy about his wife. He literally did everything for her.
He cheated on her because he likes sex. When his wife left town for a month, that's when he cheated.

[WhateverMayBeWillBe]

I misread the title as serial killers... so disappointed :(

[Matty03]

Please ask this 😂

[WhateverMayBeWillBe]

@Matty03 hopefully better than you imagined www.girlsaskguys.com/.../q2266035-can-serial-killers-still-love-their-partners

[normalice]

yes, in much the same way farmers can love their livestock - until it's time to visit the slaughterhouse.

[vonasaurus]

love implies trust and respect, two things a serial cheater cannot give his or her partner; therefore, no.

[Turquoise46]

People who do this learn to compartmentalize their feelings for their SO as separate from their extracurricular activities.

[Sapioit]

Yes, but I'd still dump her on the spot. Or, if I'm living with her, when I have everything packed...

[Sara413]

You can't love someone that you don't respect... and you can't cheat on someone who you respect... so no.

[lumos]

I would say no. You don't love a person if you're capable of hurting them like that.

[Ahsain]

If they change their ways then yes, but if they're still doing it then I would say no

[Prof_Don]

Yes they can. Just because said person isn't built for monogamy doesn't mean he/she doesn't love that person.

[lumos]

If a person isn't built for monogamy then perhaps they shouldn't be in a monogamous relationship in the first place?
My argument is that you don't love the person if you're willing/capable of hurting them like that. Quite simple really. And I think it's selfish to claim to love a person after having done something like that, that could potentially even ruin their future relationships (due to getting trust issues).

[Prof_Don]

@lumos I agree, a person not built for monogamy being in a monogamous relationship with someone, is very much a mistake.

But that mistake doesn't erase the emotions that said non-monogamous person has for the other person.

[lumos]

I'm not saying it erases their emotions. I'm saying that the feelings aren't there to begin with. How can you claim to love someone but still be ok with hurting them like that, doing something like that behind their back? You can't.

[SirRexington]

They can but their relationship won't last or else the victim of the slut/man whore will become a serial killer...

[douride2]

I can't believe how many delusional people are out there.

[Danielle93]

I think some people think that some cheaters are able to compartmentalize what they may feel for their SO (if not love then deep infatuation) and pure sex with randoms.

[HarrisonWells]

No they can't if they truly loved them they wouldn't cheat.