HELP: Does the NO contact rule help a guy who could not commit come back?

[Doria]

My boyfriend and I have broken up twice. Each time he decided he could not commit and decided it would not work. This last time has been hard and I have decided to just cut all contact including all contact with his friends and family - basically disappear off the map! Only thing is, I do really love him and I'm scared that by cutting myself off he will forget me and when he IS ready to commit one day and should I be single, he will not even consider me. Does the NO contact rule really help him come back?

[thetheme]

No contact shouldn't be used as a goal to get someone back, it's a way to move on with your life. Even if he does come back he will probably be the same as before and it will be an endless cycle, and you shouldn't do that to yourself. Don't expect anything from him and just move forward with your life. What happens when you meet a good guy and you are still stuck on him? You will push away a chance to be with someone that will be good to you and that will commit. Waiting for someone by putting your life on hold is never good and it doesn't work out. You can't force someone to commit to you. What kind of commitment did you want? Just a relationship? Marriage? Did you try to talk about it all the time? When anyone does that it seems like it's forced on the other person. When you are with a person that you want to be with just be happy with them and enjoy yourselfs.

[Doria]

No, I didn't talk about it all the time. I only asked when we could see each other again (he lives in another city) and he just became frustrated, so I explained that a relationship is give and take but he said he was unwilling to be in a relationship. I really didn't try and force anything and I agree it should be natural. I just wonder if I should have kept some link so maybe in the future if he does change it may be a possibility. Although as you say I may have moved on by then but just in case

[thetheme]

I understand what you mean. Long distance is difficult, especially for commitment for some people. As far as give and take, it depends on what's given and what's taken. A woman like you that wants to commit to someone deserves better. I hope you find what you are looking for.

[2010atitagain]

Supposedly, yes.

Because anything other than that will come off as clingy and if he's not *ready to commit*, the last thing you'll want to do is keep popping around like an annoying insect or something. Just stay busy, work on yourself, go out with friends, etc.

I don't know why some guys have to go through that but I think they (even girls) have to see what life would be like w/o that person in their lives.

You run the risk of him feeling he doesn't want you in his life.

I know that may be hard to take but in the process, you may find that you don't want/need him in your own life!

Good Luck.

[milkcandy]

Not all the time imho. You have to prepare yourself in case he does not come back. In the meantime, go out and have fun and try not to think of him. Work overtime, whatever it takes to keep you busy. Just try not to talk to him for a month and then if you want, call him for a short casual and friendly conversation.

[brown_eyes]

I don't think you should wait for him to come back. It's better off this way. Trust me, because I have commitment problems as well. That is a major issue and he may never grow out of it, and it will only cause you pain in the future.