Why does my boyfriend always throw the past in my face? I don't know what to do

[Anonymous]

I have been with my boyfriend for 6 years..i was 14 when we started dating and he was 19. We have lived together from the very beginning. Our relationship wasn’t the greatest, it has had a lot of ups and downs…and we have always worked through it. for the past while it has seemed like everything was finally looking for the better…until he started throwing the past in my face..what I mean is people I’ve slept with before him, he throws those guys in my face..it hurts like hell considering I hate every guy I slept with before him now..and in the end its always the same story “im sorry, I’ll quit, I won't do it again” and I always forgive him..we are engaged, planning to get married someday..so why the hell are we having these stupid immature fights? I don’t want to go through this anymore..but its hard to leave him over such a small thing and its hard to leave him because I'm so used of him, and I'm scared to leave him because we’ve been together for so long..advice? I love him, he’s my best friend..and our relationship is great besides this problem..we always have so much fun together I guess I don’t want to leave him but I have no idea how else to fix this problem.!

Updates

+1 y

he brings it up because of sex..if I say no one night..he'll freak out and say go f*** so and so..i know you want to..i never get it anyways, you MUST be cheating...FYI - he does get it at least a couple times a week! like almost every night!

Updates

+1 y

and I have told him how I feel..and all he says is you can say sh*t back to me, it doesn't hurt me..and I say I don't want to fight! and cry..blah blah blah..ugh I just have no idea what the hell to do anymore.!

Updates

+1 y

last night was the last time he brought this up..and I did tell him I'm sick of it and would leave him and he didn't seem to care..then he's like how are we going to fix this? like hello! its YOU that needs to fix it... :(

[Anonymous]

look if things are this bad, you need a break. He's not the best guy ever for you if he won't leave the past alone. look ima open up a bit and maybe you won't care maybe you will. I just got out of a relationship say 2 months ago I was with his for almost 2 years and he was my first. I dated many guys before him and did plenty with them too never naked nothing. he was my first in all that category. I cheated on him in the first month and we got past it. he always brought it up never let it go. I tried to understand but if he got back with me knowing what I had done, he shouldve let it go. our relationship ended really bad. too bad ;( my best friend, my everything is now my worst enemy. I stilll love him and it really hurts but I know its donewith. the guy I've been talking to is amazing weve been friends for about 4 months now going out, having sex all that. my family loves him, his loves me. I can't seem to give him my all , my everything and he truly respects me. never has he brought up the past. my past. he's kind of clean. point is he loves me for me. the past to him doesn't count and won't count. he knows most of it but never asked. I never thought id find someone like him especially coming out of such a bad relationship. and now I'm truly in love regreting giving my exboyfriend my everything :(

point is: you probably don't think you'll find anything better because you're so used to him so in love with him but trust me I know you're not happy and you'll find something better. foreal you're better off alone than with bad company.

[Anonymous]

My boyfriend always brings up my past and promiscuity from before we met and says I have no right to be mad. But if I bring up his four year relationship that almost entered into an engagement, I'm out of line.

Men just get like that. I tell mine that he needs to stop doing this or that because it's taking it's toll on the relationship and he'll tell me it's me that's doing everything, etc.

[Asker]

Yes and everything he brings up was from before our relationship..and frankly he makes me feel like SH** when he says anything about it. why do you stay with him if he continues to says those things to you? doesn't it hurt you? don't you get sick of it? I tell my guy to stop and he will, but then it always comes right back to the beginning

[Opinion Owner]

I've always had a lot of guy friends, I've always dated a lot (my bfs cousin whose 13 recently asked me about boys because I "seem like I've had a lot" in a good way/not skanky) and everyone was always jealous/insecure. I had one boyfriend who was always saying I was banging football teams because he had a small d***, etc. I've almost just gotten used to it from guys. It hurts, and it's annoying but I'm no cup of tea and I bring stuff up too. I just walk away when he's pulling sh*t like that.

[Opinion Owner]

You just need to think about things and decide if you want to put up with it and hope that he'll just stop one day -- or if you should just walk away. I would recommend not walking away because you have to realize that nobody is perfect. If the rest of the relationship is good, realize that you might do and say things that get under his skin too. It's part of every relationship from puppy love in HS to marriage.

[Asker]

Okay I get that..but didn't you ever get tired of the smart remarks? Like for me, I'm just fed up with his immature ways..I just want us to not deal with that anymore..and in my eyes I don't think anyone should deal with that..sure you can say stuff too or walk away..but either way your not dealing with the probem & yes it seems small but it is a problem, for he guy and girl mostly the guy, its obvious he feels bad about something and it should be dealt with although I'm not going to sit there..

[Opinion Owner]

I'll be honest with you. I know that my boyfriend is never going to change. And I know that no matter how much I calmly walk away or how much I scream my head off, it will not do anything. Unless you want this guy to be the father of your children, I would say tell him that it's wearing you down, you're not sure if you can take it much longer. Mark a date on your calendar (a liberal date) and if things haven't improved by then, they probably never will.

[Asker]

I've marked a date on the calender in my head so many times and I know he's not going to change. I've told him over and over how I feel how I want things to be..it will change, but not for long..then we're right back here!...i seriously do not know what to do..do I leave because I'm tired of him saying sh** to me over and over and I know it will not stop or do I stay knowing it will continue.

[Opinion Owner]

Here's an analogy: You have had the same haircut for years. You style it the same every day because no matter what you do, it always returns to that look. You have two options. You can keep it the way it is, and deal with the constant attempts ending in failure -- OR you can walk into a salon one day when you feel confident (no appointment needed so you can't back out) and you can sit down in that chair and you can cut it and have a new style that allows options and new looks.

[gossipgirljyxo5]

well I don't recomend leaving him since you guys could definatley be soulmates. but next time when he brings it up you should yell at him and tell him that if he doesn't stop you would leave him adn that it really hurts your feelings when he brings up the past and tell him you never do it to him so it shouldnt matter.

[Alistair]

U think they are soulmates cause of all that she said? come on you can't judge that and I wouldn't put that in her head of in relationships anything could happen so you call them "soulmates" but he could break her heart tomorrow

[gossipgirljyxo5]

I said the "COULD" be and yeah he could break her heart but that doesn't mean that they Don't belong together no real relationship is 100% pure happiness!

[Alistair]

ya I don't like him, he sounds insensitive and an asshole, I get annoyed when my girlfriend says no but I don't go tell her to f*ck some other guy cuase of it, I think you guys should break up and see what else is out there cause you met him when you were so young, do you not wonder what else is out there? you probably don't even know how a lot of adults date other then the ones you have been on with him cause your past relationships you were a preteen

[jacquesvol]

I was 14 when we started dating "

"what I mean is people I've slept with before him, he throws those guys in my face."

That can't be a great number thus.

He just uses any argument he can find to get the upper hand in a discussion. Either he feels inferior in a discussion or he is just mean.

[wanacot]

The real question is WHY is he bringing up the past? I mean, something must trigger it like nagging or a fight of some sort? Is the past the card he always plays when he gets in trouble?

[Asker]

He brings it up because of sex..if I say no one night..he'll freak out and say go f*** so and so..i know you want to..i never get it anyways, you MUST be cheating...FYI - he does get it at least a couple times a week! like almost every night!

[wanacot]

It sounds like you're in a real destructive pattern. Are you happy to spend the rest of your life like this? I don't think he sees your threats of ending the relationship as real, at least he's not acting like they are.

[Asker]

I don't want to spend the rest of my life like this..and I know its not going to change because it never does..but I think I'm one of those girls to "thinks it will" no matter what...i just don't know how to leave him...i've never had to leave someone..and is it really fair to leave someone over something like this?

[wanacot]

"I don't want to spend the rest of my life like this..and I know its not going to change because it never does.."

Is it fair for you to put up with this for the rest of your life? I think you answered your own question of whether it's fair or not to leave him over this.

It's understandable that you're scared, try and get some friends to help you and plan where you will live once the relationship is over.

[Asker]

No its not fair, and I am tired of dealing with this, its been awhile now, and if he was going to change, I'm pretty sure he would of by now. I would not be the one moving out since we live with a family member of mine. thank you for all your advice.

[Asker]

I do have to say its pretty sad that if our long relationship ends..its all because he can't stop saying things like this. this is going to be hard to break up with him because I've never broken up with anyone before, in the past I had my friends do it, but this relationship is much deeper, and he deserves to hear it from me..